28. Aurora
Chapter twenty-eight
Aurora
“ U gh, this tastes so bad,” I groan, dumping the last of my margarita down the sink. The ice is melted, leaving behind a watered-down mess that’s about as appealing as my current life situation. Slowly melting away into something that’s just unacceptable.
The house feels weirdly empty without Jax and Aiden’s constant bickering in the background. I’d never admit it to them, but I kind of miss it. Anything would be better than the awkward silence that’s been hanging over us lately.
Tonight’s supposed to be a girls’ night with Katarina, a rare chance to catch up without the guys around. But even as I try to focus on Ryan Gosling’s abs on the TV screen, my mind keeps drifting back to Aiden.
I force myself to focus. I’m supposed to be catching up, not dwelling on the mess I’ve made of things.
“If you drank it fast enough, all the ice wouldn’t have melted into it,” Katarina replies. She hops up off the couch and follows me over to the kitchen. She isn’t wrong.
I grab a fresh drink and head back to the couch, plastering on a smile for Katarina. Time to pretend everything’s normal, even though my world feels like it’s been turned upside down.
“What’s going on, friend?” Katarina asks, catching my attention.
“You’ve been out of sorts all night.” My heart beats faster at the thought of talking to her about the mess that’s been going on in my life. I’m holding this movie night gab session to focus on anything but.
Then again, she is my closest friend. I probably could use her opinion on things, especially after Aiden’s confession.
I didn’t know that he was going to admit to Jax so readily about having feelings for me. Hell, I didn’t even know he had feelings at all. Okay, that’s harsh. Of course, I know Aiden has feelings. He isn’t a robot, but it’s just that they show themselves so rarely, especially any that have nothing to do with anger or annoyance.
I’ve seen him charm the skirts off women, but I’ve never seen him really like someone. I hadn’t even known what to look for.
“Nothing. Work has just been super busy,” I say finally, not wanting to stir things back up. Katarina looks at me for a moment, and I almost feel like I’m being undressed. “What?”
“You’re lying,” she replies. Her eyes narrow as she leans back and looks me up and down.
“Something happened, and I’m pretty sure it had to do with a certain sexy someone whose name starts with an A.”
I try to wave her off even though she’s annoyingly right on the money. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kat. Why would anything in my life have to do with Aiden?”
Her eyebrows shoot skyward. “I didn’t mention a specific person. I could have been talking about Adam from accounting or Andrew, your boss. You mentioned Aiden.”
Not wanting to show my hand too early, I try to turn the conversation around.
“I don’t know why you assume my life has anything to do with him. He’s my brother’s friend, nothing more, nothing less.”
“Oh please,” she whines, waving my words away. “You’ve been up Aiden’s ass since the moment Jax brought him home. Half of the stories from your childhood include him, never mind the fact that the man literally was the one who gave you your first hands-on anatomy lesson, cashing in your V-card.”
I want to protest, but the words stick in my throat. Have I really been that obvious? I thought I was being subtle, keeping my feelings buried under layers of sarcasm and indifference. But if Katarina could see through me so easily, who else has?
“O…oh my god, Kat!” I spit out, not wanting to take the unnecessary trip down memory lane. We just hashed all that out with Jax before he and Aiden left for the away game, and I’m not trying to go back over the sordid details again. It’s bad enough I had to do it the first time.
“Nothing happened.”
“Spill it,” she shoots back. “You’re a terrible liar, and you know it. Clearly, whatever happened is still living rent-free in your brain—so we might as well talk about it so I can give you advice, and you can be sure not to follow it.”
That has me laughing out loud. “You’re going to give me advice, huh?”
“Don’t I always?” She asks, plopping her hands on her hips.
True. Katarina is usually my go-to when it comes to advice for situations that I don’t want to talk to just anyone about.
“So, tell Auntie Kat all about it.”
I chuckle and shake my head. “Ugh, fine. But it really isn’t a big deal.” I take a deep breath as Katarina waits eagerly. “So, you know how Turner showed up here a few days ago?”
Katarina nods. “I still can’t believe his ass showed up. I mean, what did he think would happen; you would say yes and go galloping into his noodle arms? Absolutely not.”
She huffs and fakes like she’s flexing, making me laugh again. “I so wish I could have been there to see you drop his ass. I’m so proud you had it in you.”
I shake my head but can’t help but smile.
“I didn’t drop him—I mean, he didn’t fall or anything. Truthfully, it probably hurt my hand more than it hurt his face. I’d never actually thrown a real punch before.”
“But still, the bastard deserved it. I bet the boys were impressed.”
I shake my head, trying to dislodge thoughts of Turner. That’s ancient history. But as I look at Katarina’s knowing smirk, I realize I’m about to make some very recent history public knowledge. My heart races like I’m watching the final seconds of a tied game.
My cheeks heat as I remember the way Aiden’s mouth parted as he looked at me. I’m not sure if it was the punch that had him impressed or the way someone, namingly me, went to bat for him. In his words, ‘for the first time ever.’
“They were,” I confirm, nodding with a grin. “Jax even joked that I should join them on the ice when a fight breaks out.”
Katarina laughs. “I would pay big money to see you don a hockey uniform and get out on the ice.”
“That’s because you’ are a sadist,” I giggle. Me on the ice would not be a thing of beauty. I don’t have the kind of coordination that’s needed to keep me from busting my butt.
“Anyway. So, Turner left, and Jax sort of…got Aiden to admit that he liked me.”
I’m expecting Katarina to say something in her normal smartass tone like ‘No fucking way’ or even ‘That’s so weird,’ but she says nothing.
The quiet isn’t what I’m expecting. She just sits there looking at me like she’s expecting me to say more, but I don’t have anything else. That’s it, as unbelievable as it is.
“Really, Kat? Say something.”
“I’m just trying to figure out what the surprising thing is supposed to be,” she replies. “Anyone who was ever around you guys can see that Aiden likes you.”
“What?” I ask, my voice going slightly shrill. “No, they can’t. I mean, I thought he barely tolerated me until he kissed me.”
I slap my hand over my mouth, but it’s too late. When Katarina’s eyes widen, I know there’s no way I’m going to get away without talking about this.
“Hold up,” she says, leaning toward me. “You and Aiden kissed? How many times?” I shrug, trying to pretend I feel nonchalant about the whole thing even though I’m freaking out on the inside. It’s not like I never thought we would talk about this, but the feelings surrounding it are still so fresh. I haven’t even had time to talk to Jax or Aiden about it again before they left for their away game.
“A few,” I admit. “I don’t know why this is such a surprise. You already knew he was the one I lost my virginity to.”
“Yes, but I thought that was a one-off, not a pattern of behavior. Oh my God. This is so exciting!” I frown, not understanding what’s so exciting about it.
“Why? It’s not like we’re together or anything.”
“Yeah, but you could be,” Katarina persists. “I mean, he likes you, you like him. If you’re already kissing, then your relationship is halfway there.” It’s like a record scratches to a stop in my brain.
What the hell is she talking about? I didn’t say anything about liking Aiden.
“I mean, sure, he’s a good guy when he’s not being all growly and annoying. And when he opens up, the vulnerable side of him is attractive, but that doesn’t mean I like him as more than anything other than a good friend.”
“Please tell me you told him you liked him back.”
I frown. “Of course, I didn’t,” I reply.
Katarina pauses, her expression making me tense. She’s never thrown this look at me before, and I’m not totally sure what it means.
“Aurora, I love you like the sister I never had, so forgive me when I say you are as blind as you are pretty.”
“I feel like that’s a total insult,” I say with a forced chuckle. She doesn’t laugh with me, and my smile slowly falls off my face.
“Seriously, Kat. What Aiden and I… it was just some fun to help pass the time in a safe way. He’s a friend… but that’s it.”
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Oh? So, if I said that I wanted to ask him out on a date, would that be okay?”
My heart starts beating faster. Why would Katarina want to ask Aiden out on a date? They barely know each other. Is there something that I’m missing? She definitely is his type if his past short-lived relationships are anything to go by. And she’s sure he’s single right now. Would Aiden say yes?
“Why would you want to ask him out?”
Katarina shrugs. “Because he’s cute and seems like a lot of fun. Why? Is that an issue?”
I want to say no. But I want to tell her he’s off limits. I want… him.
“Oh…”
“Bingo,” Katarina says with a knowing smile. I can’t return it. I’ve just stumbled onto something wonderfully horrible.
“Oh no,” I whisper. “I do have feelings for Aiden. Oh god, what does this say about my taste in men?”
Katarina rolls her eyes. “That you have a good eye for sex appeal. Aiden is pretty yummy.” With every fiber in me, I try to ignore that yummy part.
As Katarina rambles on about Aiden, my mind drifts. A nagging thought tugs at the edges of my consciousness, and suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks. When was my last period?
My heart starts doing the cha-cha in double time, and I swear all the blood in my body rushes to my feet. Oh, sweet baby Jesus, no. This cannot be happening. Not now, not ever, and certainly not with Mr. ‘I-have-feelings-but-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-them’ Mister Hockey God himself.
“Sure, but what about personality? I mean, Turner was—“
“A one-off,” Katarina cuts in. “You were lulled into a sunk cost fallacy built on first love bullshit from your underdeveloped brain. You’re now older and wiser with much better taste in men.”
I take a swig of my drink, nearly choking as I try to act normal. But inside, I’m in full-blown panic mode, starring in my own personal horror movie.
If I am... pregnant… god, I can barely even think of the word— it’s definitely Aiden’s.
Shit. Jax can never know about our hookups—he’d probably lose it. The embarrassment of sleeping with my brother’s best friend is bad enough, but this? This would be a disaster.
What am I going to do? I can’t tell Katarina - she’d flip if she knew I’d been sleeping with Aiden and keeping it from her. And Aiden... god, he already said he doesn’t want to be with me. How the hell would Mr. ‘I don’t do relationships’ act? He’d probably friggin run for the hills.
My hand unconsciously hovers over my stomach. Is there really a little life growing in there? The thought is terrifying.
No, I can’t think like this. I need to confirm first before I let my mind run wild.
I make a mental note to stop by the pharmacy tomorrow. How did my life get so complicated? And more importantly, what am I going to do if that little stick shows two lines?
The weight of all this secrecy settles on my shoulders, heavy and suffocating. And for a split second, I consider telling her everything. The hookups, the feelings, the... possible baby. But the words stick in my throat.
“Nothing’s going on, really. We’re just... friends that kissed a couple of times, that’s it.”
“Okay, fine. ‘Friends’ it is,” Katarina says, making air quotes. “But just so you know, when you finally admit there’s more going on, I’ll be here ready to celebrate. Who knows, maybe I’ll even get to plan a wedding... or a baby shower for the next generation of hockey stars.”
She winks, clearly joking, unaware of how close to home her words hit.
“Seriously though,” Katarina says, her tone softening. “You know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here for you, babe, no judgment.”
I want to believe her so desperately, and yet I know something she doesn’t.
“Honestly, he already said he didn’t want to be with me.” That isn’t exactly the way he put it, but it’s pretty damn close. “And I don’t know if I can trust my shit taste in men, regardless of how much of a good person Aiden may be under all that sarcasm and bullshit.”
“Yeah, but you have another person to vouch for him. Jax. I doubt Jax would just sit back and watch you stumble in this. Not after last time.”
Katarina has a point there, as evidenced by Jax holding some strange version of an intervention. “What does he say about it?” Katarina’s voice cuts through my internal meltdown. “Earth to Aurora! You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
I paste on a smile that probably looks more like a grimace and shrug.
Totally not having an existential crisis or anything .
“We didn’t really talk about it that much.”
“Well, I think you should put more into it. you know how guys are—they’ll say anything to get out of the hot seat.” Katarina insists. “Aiden clearly cares about you. Maybe he’s just afraid of hurting you or getting hurt in return. Talk to him. Don’t let this fester and lose your chance. If there’s one thing I know, life is too short because…” As Kat launches into another story, I nod along, my mind spinning.
She’s right— I know she is. But talking to Aiden sounds a lot like walking the plank, and I’m not so sure what will happen if I fall on the path before me.
As Katarina continues chatting, oblivious to my inner turmoil, I can’t help but ask myself, how the hell I’m going to navigate this mess?