14. Astrid
Heather and I have been planning a day at a local farm for weeks now. Fall is my favorite time of year, and it also happens to be my birthday. I haven’t told anyone. I usually don’t, and I don’t like to make a big deal out of my birthday. Other people being involved can just lead to disappointment, and the last thing anyone wants to feel on their birthday is disappointment.
When I walk upstairs and find Sean standing in the kitchen, I’m surprised.
“Hi,” I say. “I thought you had plans?” I feel like I asked him about this.
“I do,” he says, smiling.
“Okay…” I walk around him to head straight for the espresso machine, but he holds out an arm to stop me. I look up at him and he looks too happy to be normal.
Someone told him. I’ll kill Heather if it was her. I narrow my eyes and wait for him to move. I could always push past him. He’s big, but I think I could make it.
“Go sit down,” he says, nodding to the island.
“Why..?” I cross my arms against my chest. “Sean, what’s behind your back?”
“Go. Sit. Down.”
I sigh, loudly, eliciting a chuckle from his lips that makes me smile. I guess I can like my birthday as long as it doesn’t become a big deal.
“Close your eyes,” he says.
“Sean…” What is going on?
“Come on, I know you’re better at taking direction than that. Close your eyes.”
I don’t like surprises, but I can’t help the little spark of joy he incites. I cover my entire face with my hands to hide my grin. I don’t want him thinking I like surprises or I’m certain he’ll find a way to surprise me more.
I hear some shuffling. Then feel him next to me.
Oh, no, it is worse than a surprise. He bought me a present.
“Okay, open.”
He holds out a bouquet of flowers wrapped in paper and tied off with a beautiful white ribbon.
“Sean.” Now this present I like. I’m stunned, so stunned that for a moment, I forget to take them. I bring the flowers to my nose. They’re perfect. Pale peach roses and dark red and purple flowers with seasonal greens making the color stand out. I don’t love my birthday, but I do love fall, and this is the most perfect bouquet anyone could ever buy me.
“But where are we going to put them all?” I laugh, realizing that the bouquet nearly fills my arms.
“I didn’t think of that part.” He scratches his neck. “It’ll be worse when Heather’s arrive.”
“Heather got me flowers too?”
“She, uh, she did.” Something about the way he says that makes me look up.
“Is something wrong?”
“I didn’t want to disappoint you, but Heather called. She has a fever. She can’t go with you today.”
“Oh.” I feel the excitement deflate. This is exactly the feeling I’m trying to avoid in not making a big deal out of my birthday. The disappointment.
“But I can,” he adds quickly. He shoves his hands in his jean pockets and rocks back on his heels.
“You’re serious?” I look up at him, genuinely curious.
“Unless you don’t want me to go,” he says, smirking, a bit of playfulness in his tone.
“No, of course I do.” I smile. Sean wants to go with me. I’m reassured by his smile and lighthearted teases.
“Oh, I almost forgot. Close your eyes again.”
This time, I’m less nervous. I hear him get up from beside me. He’s done a pretty good job so far. So I do as I’m told until I hear the familiar sound of a glass being set against the marble countertop.
“Coffee,” I practically scream, taking a sip immediately. “Wow, this is really good.” He nearly made it right, but I don’t say that part out loud. It’s the thought that counts. And he seems to have put a lot of thought into this morning.
He huffs a laugh. “Okay, drink that, then we can go. Do you need breakfast?”
“I’m having it.” I take a long sip of my drink, feeling happier than I have in weeks.
That happiness doubles as Sean drives us to the farmer’s market. I know I originally planned today with Heather, but I’m actually excited it’s him I get to spend today with instead.
Not that I’ll be telling Heather that version of the story.
The farmer’s market is beautiful. The main big red barn stretches across the open acres, surrounded by corn fields and haystacks that look like something out of a movie. A long white picket fence separates the pumpkin patch from the rest of the activates, but we’re definitely going to have to make time for both.
“What do you want to do first, birthday girl?” Sean asks.
“I want to eat all the food,” I tell him, unable to keep my cheeky grin in check. We walk down one of the corn-lined pathways towards the ticket stand. I can smell the funnel cakes from here, my stomach grumbling.
“Naturally.” He reaches over to grab my hand and my heart flutters. “What else?”
“Well, we have to get a pumpkin. And do the hayride. Oh, and drink apple cider.” There is so much to do I usually come here twice.
“You’re easy to make happy, huh?” He gives my hand a little squeeze.
I beam up at him as we wait in line. Sean buys our tickets, despite my effort to slip the lady my card first. This seems to be a running theme for him.
“Where do you want to start exactly?” Sean asks as he scans the grounds.
There is a lot to choose from. Even from the food alone, we have multiple options. I’ll admit, it is a bit overwhelming if you haven’t been here before. But this is my favorite fall farm.
“Pastries first,” I say decisively. This is the very reason I didn’t have breakfast.
We walk hand in hand to the end of the line of food trucks parked at the edge of the grounds. I love fall food. I love festival food. I love food in general. I bounce on my toes as I look at the things people have bought before us. Everything looks so good.
One woman carries a box of what looks like frosted donuts and another hands her kid the most delicious looking candy apple.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so excited,” Sean laughs, tightening his grip on my hand.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited,” I admit. “Oh my god, look at that.” I point to the display case of pastries that we can now see from our spot in line. “Ugh, everything looks so good how am I going to decide?”
Sean laughs. “How about we start with something and come back for more throughout the day?”
I turn to face him, putting my free hand on his chest. I tap him twice. “I knew you were more than just a pretty face.”
He unlaces our fingers in favor of holding both my wrists, pulling me against his chest. He even smells good. Like wood and spice. “I see I’ve fooled you, excellent.” He dips his head down to kiss me and I stretch onto my tip toes to meet him there.
It’s more gentle of a kiss than I’m used to from him, I think as I pull away, still managing to feel my face flush from the way that he looks at me. The kind of kiss he might give me if we were more than— I shake my head of the thought immediately. There is no reason to stress myself out with unnecessary expectations.
I just want to enjoy today, for whatever it is.
Sean kisses me one more time before letting my wrists go and tucking me into his side. He’s warm, so I snuggle closer as the cool wind blows across us.
“I want a donut and a cookie.” We’re next in line and I still haven’t decided which one to choose.
“Why don’t I get one and you get the other, and we can share.”
“Perfect.”
He buys us a macadamia cookie and a pumpkin donut and apple cider.
“Oh my God,” I say, taking the first bite of the donut. “This is so good, here,” I hold the donut out for him to take.
Instead of taking it, he bends down slightly and opens his mouth, as if he expects me to feed him.
I can’t help the giggle that bursts through my chest at the childish gesture, or my smile. Sean is never carefree. He’s always guarded. Always serious or focused, worried, or mad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him… relaxed.
My heart swells until my lungs ache. I lift the donut to his lips and let him take a bite. His mouth closes around my fingers, his tongue and teeth scraping down my skin as he pulls away.
“You’re right. Delicious.” There is mischief in the way his eyes seem to sparkle.
I shiver beneath his touch, and he chuckles, kissing my head.
We walk around aimlessly, sharing our food and probably making anyone who sees us annoyed. It is an exceptionally beautiful fall day, chilly with the sun still shining, making every red and orange leaf even better.
Sean looks very handsome in his black sweater and black trench coat, looking more like a model than a professional athlete. The people around us seem to agree, a lot of them tripping over rocks or dips in the ground because they were staring at Sean too long and not paying attention to where they’re going.
We pick the corn maze first, getting stuck behind a big family. Not that I mind. It’s just another excuse to walk hand in hand with a beautiful man on a beautiful fall day.
The wind rustles through the tall stalks of corn, the green edges of the husks jutting out to conceal some of the twists and turns of the maze. Sean slows our pace as the family ahead of us stops at a map sign at a crossroads, and instead of walking around them, he takes me by the hand and pulls me along the corner of a dead-end.
“What are you doing?” I laugh, following behind him. This is definitely not the right direction. We’re clearly very trapped as the path ends into small square opening and large corn stalks block our way.
“I just wanted to see something,” he says with a mischievous grin. He yanks my hand so that I stumble into his hard chest, and he wraps his arms around me, keeping me close to him as he dips down to press his lips against mine. The unexpected kiss sends tingles down my core.
We do that every few minutes, getting stopped behind someone and Sean pulling me into a covert corner as he presses his body into mine, not bothering to break apart until we hear the sounds of people approaching. By the time we make it out of the maze, our lips are swollen, and my hair looks as if I’ve been up to no good.
I’m glad Heather got sick, not that I’d tell her that.
Heather and I try to do something fall related every year for my birthday. I don’t necessarily love the idea of gifts or a party, but I love fall. Everything about it. The colors, the smell, the food, and costumes. Everything feels perfect and right.
The fact that Sean came, that he wanted to spend the day with me… A breath shudders in my chest from the surge of emotion. I have to exhale to keep happy tears from welling up.
“Oh, let’s go see what’s over there,” Sean says, seeing something with his superhuman vantage point and dragging me with him.
To my surprise, Sean manages to look happier as the day goes on. I mean, I know he’s doing this for me, which is a wonderful thing in and of itself. He’s a very caring man. But I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him have fun. I swing are joined arms better us, feeling lighter today.
“I thought you didn’t like your birthday?” He quirks a brow as we stand in line for a round of apple cider.
I shrug my shoulders, unable to fight back the smile I feel spread across my face. “I don’t. But I like being here…with you.” I think that I’d like anything with him.
He pulls me against his chest and wraps his arms around me. He kisses my forehead, not caring that there are people around us.
“So you are admitting that I won you over,” he teases, his fingers stroking my arm.
I chuckle, my body tingling from his gentle touch as I lean my head against him. Well, maybe a little bit. I suppose if every birthday was like this, I could learn to like them a little more, I confess, my heart fluttering as I steal a glance at him.
He raises an eyebrow, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. Oh, really? I’ll have to keep that in mind for next year.”
I meet his gaze, the fading sunlight reflecting in his warm brown eyes. Next year. Does that mean what I think it does? Is he really planning on staying in my life?
This would be hard to top.” I gesture between us, taking a risk. “A beautiful day at the farm, I’m not sure how you’ll beat that.
Sean smiles, a soft and genuine expression that makes my heart skip a beat. Well, then, I guess it is a good thing I have another year to plan, he says, his thumb tracing small circles on the back of my hand. “I can’t let you down.”
My stomach flips and my face heats. I don’t know why, after the heated moments we’ve shared, this casual mention of the future is what makes me nervous.
“Do you uh, do you want to go on the hayride?” I rock back and forth on my toes, not sure what else to say and too afraid that I’ll blurt out my true thoughts.
“I would love to.” He laces our fingers together and leads the way.
My birthday really does feel special. There is no line, another stroke of luck on this already seemingly perfect day. Sean helps me up the steps, taking a seat along the back row so that we can fully take in the scenery, unobstructed.
And secluded.
The only other people choose front row seats, giving us a breadth of privacy.
It’s perfect. The tractor moves slowly across the grounds, leisurely taking the path around cornfields and pumpkin patches.
A bump justles me into his side, and I gladly stay there. He puts his arm around me and tucks me into his side. It’s nice, creating a cocoon of warmth that I never want to leave. All I can see, or feel, is Sean. The gentle hum of conversations from the family in the front becoming a soothing part of the background as I settle in against him, overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude.
The hayride seems to end too fast, letting us off beside the pumpkin patch where people search row by row for the biggest, most orange pumpkin. Sean takes me by the hand, leading me past several people, weaving in and out of rows with determination, making me laugh.
“What? Did you spot one you like?” I jog a little bit to keep up with his long strides.
“Benefit of being tall.” He stops at the end of a middle row, bending at the knees and scooping up a large, bright, blemish free pumpkin.
My mouth pops open. “It’s like a pumpkin spice model.”
Sean holds it out for me to take and I hug it against me. “It’s perfect,” I say, looking up at him in awe. “This is the best pumpkin I’ve ever seen.”
Sean laughs, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “Aren’t you glad you have me?” He leads us towards the exit.
The chill in the air is the only reason I don’t protest when it is time to leave. Truly, I could spend all day here. But the sun is starting to slip behind the tree line, and I shiver.
“Here, let me hold that.” Sean takes the pumpkin in one arm, holding it against his side, and holding my hand with the other. The cool autumn breeze carries the scent of woodsmoke from the bonfires as we move in comfortable silence. The sky turns from pink to orange, the setting sun casting a warm glow over everything it touches.
Sean squeezes my hand gently. The space between us warm and silent, the only sound the crunch of leaves and gravel beneath our feet.
Everything is perfect.
Happy tears start to swell again as I turn to Sean. My throat bobs as I look up at him, and he sets our pumpkin in the backseat of the car. This is what I’ve always wanted. The realization is a bit overwhelming. “I had a really good time?—
He pushes my back into the car and claims my mouth. He pins my body still with his own, pressing into me as he deepens the kiss. The warmth from his body envelops me.
“You deserve to feel special, especially on your birthday.” He strokes my cheek one last time before helping me in the car.