24. Astrid
I’ve gone back and forth all day on whether or not I should bring up the picture with the girl. Sean was weird enough before he left. And we’re not in a relationship, and we never said we’d be exclusive. So really, he doesn’t owe me anything. But at the same time, if he’s going to see people behind my back I feel as if it’s a conversation that we should have.
He played well, so he shouldn’t be stressed. And he said we would hang out, which seems to indicate that he’s not planning on avoiding me.
So I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to talk about it.
I settle into the cushions on the couch, grabbing the fuzzy blanket off the back and wrapping myself in it as I turn on the tv.
I’m relaxing when I hear the door close, and Sean walks inside.
“I picked up pizza on the way home,” Sean shouts, greeting me with a grin as he walks into the room.
“Delicious,” I say. Immediately my mind fixates on the conversation that I know I need to have.
I can do this. It’s not a big deal. It’s just a conversation between two adults. It doesn’t make me clingy. It’s just a normal piece of information that I should know since we’re intimate. Or we were. Fuck. Maybe this means he doesn’t want to continue being with me like that.
Hot shame threatens to derail my conviction. If he doesn’t like me like that anymore I will be so embarrassed.
“Are you okay?” he asks, his eyebrows knit together in concern.
“Are you sleeping with other people?” I blurt out the words before I can take them back.
He blinks and I wish I could disappear.
“I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that.” I want to grab one of the pillows and suffocate myself before I make this any worse. He doesn’t owe me anything. Oh god. I’ve made this far more awkward than it needs to be.
I look around. I wish I could hole into a blanket and never have to see him again.
“You saw the picture,” he says after a beat.
“Yeah…” I don’t know what more to say. Yeah I saw the picture, and I’ve decided that I’m no longer good enough for you. There’s nothing I can say now that won’t make me look crazy.
“It was just a fan who wanted an autograph— I think.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t even know. Whoever that fan was, they’re so insignificant that I swear I don’t even remember them.”
I nod my head without responding, taking in his words. This is too good to be true.
But he looks honest. There’s no deception on his face. No nerves. He doesn’t pull away or try to hide.
I swallow.
“Astrid, I swear.” He puts his hand over his heart as he walks over to where I’m seated. “Social media loves to take pictures and twist them into something they’re not. It’s for clicks, it’s not reporting the truth. I’m not seeing someone. Other than you.”
“Oh.” I blush at the vehemence in his voice. “Good.”
“Yeah.” He shifts. “Is that why you were avoiding me?” The question is softer than his other words.
“Yeah…” I admit. I rub my arm absentmindedly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I don’t blame you, and you have nothing to be sorry for. Come here.”
I untangle myself from the blankets and he wraps me in a hug.
“You can always ask me if you want to know something, okay?”
“Okay.” I smile into his chest, fighting down the joy that I feel now that we’re seemingly back to normal. “So you’re not mad?”
“I could never be mad at you, Astrid.”
I smile. Well, this went better than I expected. I release a shaky breath, feeling lighter.
“Want a beer?” he asks when I pull away. He walks to the fridge and opens the door.
“Sure,” I say. A cold beer sounds really nice after the day that I’ve had. I spent the majority of it either terrified or depressed. “Thanks.”
“Cheers.” The bottles clink together.
“Cheers.”
He takes a long swig. I watch his Adam’s apple bob approvingly. I wish I could lick the stubble along his throat.
So much for trying not to be clingy.
I walk back into the living room and take up my spot again, Sean following behind me. His thigh brushes against mine as he sits down and the cushions dip beneath his weight.
I squirm on the couch, pulling my hair off my neck, hoping that if I cool down physically my thoughts will as well.
He licks his lips.
Oh. Well, that doesn’t help either.
I’m pleasantly surprised that he kept his word. After he skipped our run this morning, and all the stuff I saw online, I started to convince myself that maybe the connection I thought I was beginning to feel was something I made up entirely in my head.
“We could watch a movie in the theater?” he suggests.
“Like go to the movies?” I look from him to the beers.
“No, our theater.” He grins.
I laugh at the absurdity of his statement. “Okay.”
It is hard to believe I’ve gone from my one-bedroom apartment to a house in the Glades with its own Tinseltown. The front row consists of four plushy leather chairs, each with their own arm rests and cup holders. The back row is a single leather couch draped in soft blankets. Sean chooses the back row, moving something so that the couch extends outward for his feet. It’s huge, to fit Sean it’d have to be.
“Come, on,” Sean says, patting the space next to him. “You can get under the blanket with me.” He grabs the blanket off the edge of the couch. “This is the best seat in the house.” He smirks. He leans back, resting with his arms above his head.
I snuggle beneath the blanket with him, curling into his side and resting my head on his chest.
“You feel so good,” I say.
“You’ve said that a few times now,” he says, smirking.
I nudge him in the side. I love how his muscles feel against me.
“What do you want to watch?” he asks.
“I’ll watch just about anything.” This isn’t true. The list of things I don’t like is actually longer than the one of what I do, but I don’t imagine we’ll be doing much movie watching anyway.
I feel like I’m a teenager again. It’s kind of nice.
Sean clicks through the movie options “Is there anything you don’t like?” He flips through to a different streaming service.
“Nothing scary.” I wrinkle my nose. That’s my least favorite. I think I can admit that to him. I don’t want to be scared.
“That would be a little cliché anyways, wouldn’t it?” he chuckles, skipping over the horror section. “How about vampires? Suspense. Drama. Nothing scary, of course,” he adds quickly.
“Okay, I like it. The only thing missing now is popcorn.”
“Oh, you’re right. Good idea.” He jumps up. “I’ll be right back.” A minute later I hear an unmistakable pop coming from the kitchen. He’s back a few moments after that. “Extra butter,” he says, proudly. But that’s not it. “And we have chocolate and some kind of fruit snack.” He sets it beside him.
“You really go all out when you make me food.”
He kisses my nose.
The little bit of light along the walls fades as the movie begins, as if we’re in a real movie theater and not a room in his house. The title plays across the screen, and I already know it’ll be the last part of the movie that I remember.
Sean’s lips brush against my neck.
My stomach flips.
I can see the images, but I can’t hear what they’re saying. The only thing I’m aware of is Sean. It’s like I can feel him, all of him, every intake of breath, every beat of his heart.
The actor kisses the actress and it’s like it is Sean kissing me. I squirm. His jaw ticks. I wonder if he feels it too.
“You want more?” he asks. His voice sounds deeper and more husky .
“More.” I repeat back, like in a trance.
“More popcorn. Jeez,” he teases me.
“Oh,” I exhale. “N-no. Not yet.”
He looks at my lips, drawing our faces closer together.
He grabs either side of my face and kisses me. His lips are gentle. He takes his time, slowly kissing me and parting my lips. His tongue slips against mine, dominating and in control. He sets the pace. The gentleness of his hold becoming at odds with the way his mouth devours mine.
I can feel the kiss in my core. My muscles clench when his lips break away from my mouth to press against my throat. One of the hands holding my face digs into my hair, yanking back my head to give him better access as his teeth graze my skin.
His thumb strokes the ridge of my jaw, his hand then slipping down to my throat. He grips me there, his large hand splayed out over me as he holds my head in place. “You tell me to stop, and I will.” His gaze searches mine.
I answer him by crashing my lips into his, parting his mouth, my tongue sweeping across his and my teeth following, placing a small, tugging bite on his lower lip. A groan rumbles in his chest as he comes undone, his fingers slipping into my hair as he tips my head back to kiss me deeper.
His thumb sweeps the length of my jawline, his fingers pausing as his kiss slows and his fingers take my chin.
“I missed you.”
I lick my lips. “I missed you too.” I’ve more than missed him.
I don’t know what to make of this. Does that mean he likes me the way that I like him? I’m too nervous after all that’s happened to ask him, though.
“Astrid,” he strokes my face.
My name on his lips sends shivers down my spine. I want to hear it again.
He pulls me back into a kiss, and I give in, my hands fisting his hair as he clings to me.
We pull apart. There’s a pause, as his eyes search mine. I think both of us wondering if the other wants what could happen next.
“Sean, I—” I start to say, but his lips crash into mine, swallowing the rest of my words with his tongue.
It makes me shiver. “Oh,” I say, as he pulls away. I lick my lips. “That was nice.”
“I want you,” he says, his voice is deep, his eyes hooded with a need I think might match my own. “Now.”
I don’t need to be told twice. I jump up from the couch and take him by the hand, leading him into his own bedroom.
I’m wet already. God, just the sight of him is enough to make me horny.
“Astrid,” he groans. He rubs his hands over my curves. “You’re so?—
I stop his words this time, dragging his face down to mine so that I can kiss him, not caring about taking this slow. My tongue tries to dominate his. Our mouths moving so rough and with so much abandon that our teeth clash and my whimper of pleasure is caught between us.
I have to pull away to think, remembering that I wanted control.
I place my hands against his chest and shove him back onto the bed. I bite my lips as I look at him. He’s so handsome. His dark hair. His wide chest, giving way to his abs and narrow waist.
“Sit back on the bed, against the headboard,” I say, half expecting to fight for dominance, but he obliges.
I crawl on top of him and straddle him.
He grabs the back of my head and brings me in for a rough, needy kiss before I can react. His mouth opens mine. His tongue claiming me.
He only releases his grip on my hair to whisper, “look at you, so perfect.”
“Be good,” I say.
“Yes ma’am.” He smiles.
I lean down to kiss him and wrap my arms around his neck, attempting to keep control again. He meets the grind of my hips with thrusts upward of his own, pushing himself as deep as he can. It makes me blind with lust. I grind against him harder, faster. I want it all. I need it all. I’m consumed by the pleasure as much as I am by the idea that this connection is more than just the physical.
Closer and closer, I build the spiraling pressure in my core.
“Astrid,” he groans against my neck, sending goosebumps over my skin.
My thighs tremble and my body feels like a coil wound too tight about to release with force.
“Oh, Sean.” I can feel my body heating. “Sean, I’m going to come.”
His hands encase my waist, his hands nearly covering the entirety of my body. “That’s right, come for me.”
Every muscle goes limp, my head falling against his shoulder as I ride out my orgasm.
He kisses me as I shudder from the remaining shocks of pleasure that tingle against my skin, then, without hesitation, he flips me onto my back. His lips trail down my neck as he hovers above me. His teeth occasionally grazing my skin as he alternates small bits of pain with pleasure.
My fingernails dig into his back as I wiggle beneath him, ready again.
He chuckles at my excitement, and he lines the tip of his dick against my entrance, sinking inside me to the hilt.
“Sean,” I moan. It feels so good. I feel full and stretched in all the best ways, with his big, strong body encasing me from above.
He pumps harder. His hands find mine and he laces our fingers together. It’s amazing and toe curling, and as he brushes his lips against my neck, incredibly intimate.
My heart aches with an overwhelming realization, my feelings for Sean are growing and growing fast. The thought that I could fall in love with Sean is the thought that tips me over the edge, My second orgasm bursting through my body as his follows after.
We stay like that, clinging to one another, while the aftershocks of the orgasms fade. He kisses my nose and then lets his forehead rest against mine. Our breathing syncs.