Chapter Three
TOREN
In order to beat the devil you must first embrace the darkness inside yourself.
Stepping foot back in Somerset is bittersweet.
It was my home, my sanctuary, my haven until it wasn’t.
Stormsend was the wrong side of the tracks, the taboo town we were all warned to steer clear of.
Now, I feel like I fit more into that side of town than I do my own.
I’m not the girl I once was, I’m hardened and jaded now.
I don’t trust easily and always look over my shoulder.
Coming back to Stormsend University wasn’t an easy choice but it was the best one to get me what I wanted.
Anxiety is fucking clawing its way through me, the moment I step out of this car and I’m seen, I know he will find me.
It’s not an if, it’s a fucking when. I’m not deluded enough to trick myself into thinking he is hunting me down because he actually likes me, he’s coming after me because he still wants me dead.
He wants to remove my lips from my face and keep them as a fucking trophy.
“You ready for this?” I look over at Carnage and smile.
For the past two weeks he, Pope, Vatican, Halo and Omen have been with me.
Halo is a world class hacker. Omen is standoffish and reserved but not when he is with Tatum, the two of them seem to have a bond.
Halo and Carnage are identical twins but hate each other.
Vatican and Pope are great, they just tend to do their job and that’s it.
Carnage on the other hand has gone out of his way to make sure I’m comfortable with the plan and asks my opinion on things. Him, Halo and Vatican have come back home with me. Vat and Halo are currently in the house they rented—the house I am now staying in.
“No, but the moment I step outside of this car I will have no choice but to be.” He nods somberly. “Thank you for helping me.”
“I want to say we did it out of the kindness of our own hearts but the truth is, your father is stirring up too much trouble and bringing too much attention. The Devlin Cosa Nostra knew how to fly under the radar, but since your father has become senator he thinks he’s untouchable and has gotten sloppy with his dealings. ”
I’ve learned that my father distributes narcotics and firearms—he sells the weapons that kill children.
If it isn’t the bullets he sells that kills them, it’s the shit they inject into their arms. I haven’t had the honor of meeting Alexander aka The Butcher yet, and honestly, I don’t want to meet him.
So far, I have only met the Filthy Few, the girls and most of The Denver Kings.
“I promise, I’ll do better.” Carn nods somberly.
“Any trouble, just call me.” I mutter my thanks and climb out of the car, it feels like the second I do all eyes are on me.
I pull my ball cap down lower over my eyes and keep my face down as I head for the library.
I need to see Maddison. We may not be friends but I owe her an apology.
She gave me a job when she didn’t have to and I just took off for months without a word.
I ignore the whispers as I make my way around the school.
I feel all their eyes on me and allow them to perceive me as the same weak girl that was dumped here by her father.
Their opinion of me means nothing. I have a mission and I refuse to allow anyone to derail me from that.
I enter the library and instantly a calm washes over me.
I love the smell of the books and the silence this place gives me.
There is so much beauty here and it astounds me that a lot of people don’t see it.
After all of this shit is over, I’m going to pursue my dream of restoring books and saving the history within their pages.
“You look like shit.” I gasp and whirl around in fright.
I place my hand over my chest and try to calm myself as I stare at Maddison.
She looks at me with apprehension and I don’t blame her, she has every right to hate me for what she thinks I did.
I want to tell her the truth but I can’t get the words past my lips.
“Are you gonna say anything?” she snaps in annoyance.
“Sorry,” I blurt.
She scoffs. “That’s all you have to say to me after fucking off for months with no word and leaving me no damn choice but to cover your shifts?
” Tears prick the backs of my eyes as guilt slams into me.
She thought I took her brother from her and still she gave me a chance and offered me a job when I needed it most. She showed me kindness when no one else did and for that small act alone I will do everything in my power to make sure she is protected from the backlash of what is to come.
“I am so sorry for everything, Maddison.” My tone is edged with anguish and shame. I always wondered why she hated me and now that I know, I feel nothing but a profound respect for her.
Her brown eyes show a range of emotions but she finally settles on anger and I brace for her wrath.
“What exactly are you sorry for?” Her tone is filled with venom.
She crosses her arms over her chest and raises a brow.
Maddison is intimidating on a good day but now that I am the sole focus of her ire, I see why she is constantly given a wide berth when she and Telisha walk through the halls.
“Everything you think I did.” Her features slacken. “I shouldn’t have left the way I did but… things happened and I had to get out of town for a while.”
“Seriously?” she hisses.
I cringe at the volume of her voice. Her misconception of me is warranted.
She thinks I’m to blame for the death of her brother and in a sense she wasn’t wrong.
I thought I was as well. Guilt has become my default setting and I hate it.
I'm not to blame for any of this, but here I am still picking up the pieces of my past and falling back into the hole I’ve spent weeks clawing my way out of.
I meet Maddison’s glare with one of my own and allow her to see the simmering rage in my eyes.
“Yes. I’m standing here saying sorry for something I didn’t do and I can tell from the way you are looking at me that you know I wasn’t the reason you lost the person you loved most. I’m done fucking groveling and begging for forgiveness when I don’t fucking need it!
” I fight not to cringe at the tone of my voice.
I know everyone in here would have just heard what I said but I don’t care.
This is a new era and I’m done being a whimpering little bitch who goes with the flow.
I’m taking my life by the fucking horns and showing everyone that has doubted me that I’m not the spare heir, I am Toren Kellar and I’m no one’s fucking doormat.
Shock is evident on her face. I give her a minute to digest what I just said, noting the second she begins to process my words that her face begins to relax and a small smile tugs at the corner of her lips.
“Look who grew some balls on her time away.” Coming from anyone else that would be taken as an insult but from her, it’s one of the highest forms of compliments you will ever get.
“I grew a lot more,” I mutter.
“About time you stopped being a sniveling mess and following Xaden around like a damned fucking dog.” I recoil and shoot her a glare.
“That’s not true,” I admonish.
Maddison rolls her eyes. “Yes, it is. You know it is, so don’t deny it.
” I keep my mouth closed, hating that she’s right.
I had a leash wrapped around my neck and I didn’t even know it until it was too fucking late.
I was a fool and latched onto Xaden like a love sick child because he was the only person who showed me kindness and sucked me into his lies and like a moth to a flame, I allowed him to pull me in.
I was so wrapped up in all things Xaden Devlin, I didn't see the damage he was causing to my life. “He doesn’t come to school much.”
I pretend to act like I don’t know who she is talking about. “Cas?”
She narrows her eyes. “Play dumb all you want, but you and I both know you only came here to talk to me so you would have one person on your side when you eventually run into him.” I flinch with guilt.
“Word of advice, Toren, Stormsend is his, he owns each and every one of us. Our school may be based here right now but make no mistake, he owns this place and if you try to tell him otherwise, he’ll burn the place down just to prove a point. ”
He's waiting exactly where I left him.
Carnage is leaning against the car with his arms folded, ankles crossed, watching the entrance to the library with that look of weaponised patience he seems to carry everywhere.
The second he spots me, he straightens, clocks my face, and says nothing, which I've started to realise is more language from him than most people manage in a paragraph.
I thought he had left after I got out but I guess he stuck around.
“She give you trouble?” he asks, falling into step beside me.
“She gave me exactly the right amount of trouble.”
He makes a sound that might be approval and opens the passenger door. I get in.
We drive for a while without speaking, past the east end of the SU campus, past the stretch of dark road that runs alongside the tree line, past the turn that would take us to the house.
He doesn't take the turn and I don't ask where we're going.
I just watch the dark road unspool ahead of us and let the quiet sit.
That's the thing I've noticed about Carnage in the two weeks since we left Denver, he doesn't fill silence.
He's not made uncomfortable by it. He doesn't ask how you're feeling or offer reassurance before you've said you need it.
He just... waits. Like he understands that some things need space before they become words.
It's the most comfortable I've been around another person in a very long time.