Chapter 16
Addison
Things have been kind of weird since returning from Vegas. I thought the weekend went amazingly. We had so much fun. I’ve never felt so good in my life. Having my Alphas with me, touching me, holding me, was like I was in the best dream ever.
Now that I’m back to reality, things feel off. Carson and Reid haven’t been texting as much as they used to. I know they work, and they’re travelling a lot with a string of away games, but it feels like maybe they don’t know how to act around me anymore.
I’m kicking myself for mentioning to them how I feel about them. I shouldn’t have. Now that I’m thinking of it, bringing fantasy into reality is just not practical.
I’ve been wanting to tell Death that, unfortunately, we can’t explore our feelings out of respect for my Alphas, but I just can’t bring myself to do it.
That’s why I’ve been avoiding all three of them. I was going to tell Grim and Waffle how I feel about them, but I’ve decided not to.
I don’t want to make life more complicated. It’s not fair to my Alphas, or to me. I plan on putting my full focus on my guys and building a pack with them. Maybe if I just distance myself from my friends, the feelings will go away, and sometime in the future we can game together again.
For now, I’m focused on streaming. I’ve been streaming pretty much during all my free time because when I’m left with my thoughts, I end up making myself an anxious mess.
Maybe my mother was right, I need to grow up and stop playing silly games. This is the real world, and I need to be an adult. I need to think logically, and building a life with my Alphas is the right thing to do.
You know what doesn’t help, though? Damien. He’s been... I wanna say, nicer?
Any time we run into one another, he smiles, asks me about my day, or jokes around with me.
I feel awkward because I don’t know how to act like that with him anymore. It’s been years since we had that kind of relationship.
What changed for him to switch up the way he is with me?
“Morning, Cupcake,” Damien says, pulling the fridge open to grab a bottle of water.
“Cupcake?” I raise a brow, casting him a glance over my shoulder as I cut my apple into pieces for my fruit salad.
“Well, you smell like cupcakes.” He shrugs, opening the cap and taking a drink. “It fits.”
My cheeks heat, and I turn my attention away from him.
His chuckle makes my toes curl and my core tingle as he steps closer to me.
I already have enough confusion in my life, I don’t need Damien adding more. But I can’t deny he affects me. His close proximity has always made my blood pump and my head spin.
As he steps up behind me now, reaching over me, arm brushing mine, I still can’t smell him.
Does he always wear scent blockers? Or does he have a safe space in his bedroom? I’ve never been in his room to check. I can’t lie and say that I’m not interested in what he smells like, though.
“What’s your scent?” I blurt, closing my eyes and cursing myself as soon as the words are out of my mouth.
“My... scent?” he asks with amusement, and I want to die with embarrassment.
Forcing myself to turn around, I shrug. “Yeah. You’re always wearing something that blocks your scent. I don’t know, call me curious.”
“Do you want to know if I stink or something?” He leans against the island, crossing his arms, a smug look on his face. God, he’s loving how uncomfortable I am. I got myself into this mess.
“Mhhmm.” He thinks about it. “I’ve been told I have a bit of a tropical, creamy coconut scent with a hint of musk.”
“Nice.” I nod, because what else do I say?
“Yeah.” He chuckles. “So what are you up to today?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “Might work. Maybe read.”
“Work? You have a job?”
“Uh, yeah.” I chew on my lower lip, a little nervous to tell him.
“Since when? You’re always home, or traveling with your Alphas.” He grumbles the last part.
“I’m not always out traveling with my Alphas.” I roll my eyes. “It was just the one trip. And I have a job online.”
“Doing what?”
“I don’t wanna say.” I look down at my feet.
I feel him step forward. “Why not?” His voice goes lower.
“I don’t want you to make fun of me.” I lift my eyes and suck in a gasp, finding him so damn close to me.
“I wouldn’t make fun of you, Addie. I’m not an asshole.”
“You could have fooled me,” I mutter, looking away.
“Hey.” His voice is soft as he reaches out and gently grasps my chin. “You can tell me anything.”
My heart starts to pound in my chest, and a breath catches in my throat. Why does he make me feel like this? I shouldn’t feel like this. He’s my stepbrother. I thought this silly little crush died years ago. So why does it feel like my body is on fire right now?
“I have a streaming account. I play Twisted Valley.”
The corner of his lips twists up.
“See?” I sigh, taking a step away. “I knew you would make fun of me.”
“Hey.” His hand wraps around my arm, tugging me to him. “I’m not making fun of you.”
Bumping into his chest, I look up at him, lips parted. His eyes, I swear they grow a darker shade of blue.
“You don’t think it’s stupid?” I ask, my voice a whisper.
With his eyes still on my lips, he says, “I don’t think anything you do is stupid, Addie.” His eyes lift to mine. “Not everyone sees you the way your mother does. Don’t listen to her. She’s a miserable bitch.”
My brows fly up. “I thought you liked her?”
He snorts out a laugh. “Fuck no. I hate the woman, always have. I’ve only been nice to her because of my dad.
But seeing how she’s been treating you?” His face shifts to anger.
“Fucking pisses me off. You don’t deserve it.
She doesn’t care about anyone else but herself or what people can do for her.
Don’t let her get to you, Addie. She might threaten to take everything from you, but I won’t let that happen.
Do you understand me? You do what makes you happy, live your life how you want to.
Fuck her. She doesn’t own you, no one does.
And if she tries to retaliate, my father might not do anything, but I sure as fuck won’t stand for it. ”
My eyes sting, and my lower lip wobbles. The way he’s talking, it screams sincerity and passion, as if he actually cares about me.
It has my mind in a mess. Again.
I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face into his chest.
“Thank you,” I tell him, trying not to cry.
His arms envelop me, holding me in a warm, comfortable embrace. I wish more than anything I could smell him.
“You never have to thank me, Addie,” he murmurs against the top of my head.
You know that crush I was hoping would go away? Ha! Like that's going to happen. It’s come back tenfold now.
I’m so fucked.
Would it be completely insane for me to hope there could be something between us?
Yes, yes, it would be because my Alphas hate him. He hates my Alphas. I’ve heard him complaining about them to his dad too many times. It could never work.
Yes, Damien is a real-life possibility. But he’s also not. Because he’s my stepbrother and this is just a crush. An attraction.
The last thing I need is to make myself crazy with more guys I can’t have.
What the hell is wrong with me?
How did I go from being happy with my life, oblivious to the real world, fine with crushing on my friends but knowing nothing would come from it, to this?
I can’t have my cake and eat it too. Life doesn’t work like that, no matter how much I wish it could.
That's why I pull myself out of his grasp and take a step away, even though I want nothing more than to stay in his arms.
Think about Carson and Reid, Addie. This is wrong.
“Wanna watch a movie? Go for a swim? Maybe get out of the house and go grab something to eat?”
Why now? Why is he trying to be friends now? Where was this when I moved back?
“I don’t think that's a good idea.” I grab the plate of fruit. “Sorry.”
“Wait, Addie,” he calls after me, and my chest hurts as I head up to my room.
Carson and Reid. Carson and Reid. They are my Alphas. They matter. No one else.
Placing the plate of food on my desk, I grab my phone and pull up the group chat with the guys.
Me: Hey! What are you two up to today?
Carson: Work. As always. It sucks. But it also doesn’t.
Reid: I love my job, but when it’s mid-season, I forget what free time is haha.
Me: I’m sorry. I wish I were there.
Carson: Us too! xox Miss you.
Me: Miss you more. Only a few more days and you’ll be here.
Ried: Can’t wait.
Me: Can you video call tonight?
Carson: Not tonight, babe. Working late.
Me: Oh, okay.
Reid: Gotta go. Coach is gonna have our asses if we’re late.
Me: Bye
It’s been three days since I came back from Vegas. We haven’t video chatted since.
Maybe I’m thinking too much into it, but I can’t help but think I’ve upset them.
“Should have kept your stupid mouth shut, Addie.” I groan, throwing my phone onto the desk.
Next time we can video chat, I’m going to tell them to forget about what I said. That they're enough for me, and I want to focus on us and our new relationship.
It’s moments like this that I’m reminded just how young and naive I really am. Sometimes I wish I could just shut my brain off and not think the things I think, or feel the things I feel. But I can start by not acting on them, thinking before I say or do things.
Grabbing my phone again, I text Cae. I really want to tell her about everything that’s been going on, but until I know myself, I don’t know what to say.
She knows about my job and about my evil witch of a mom, but I’ve been steering us towards topics about her; how her new life is going, her new job, how she’s adjusting.
Maybe if I can worry about someone else, it will give me a break from the mess going on inside my own head.
I can’t run from my problems forever, but this will do for now.