Chapter 20
Addison
I can’t believe what is going on right now. My mind is telling me it isn’t true, that there’s no way it can be true, but my body, heart and soul know that this man, my stepbrother Damien, is my scent match. My Alpha.
And he knew. He knew this whole time, but said nothing. He acted as if we were strangers when, really, we were anything but.
“How?” My body is shaking, my nervous system is shot with all this overwhelming news. “How could you go so long knowing this life changing news and do nothing about it? You acted like I was nothing to you.”
“No.” He reaches for my hand but I pull back, cradling it to my chest. A flash of hurt shines in his eyes, but I’m the one who's devastated. “You’re everything to me, Addie. Everything. It was pure hell to be away from you. I missed you, craved you every day.”
“Then why didn’t you claim me? Were you afraid I’d reject you?” My voice quivers and tears sting the back of my eyes. “I wouldn’t have, Damien. I wouldn’t. I’d have been happy, excited, even thrilled. I had a crush on you. This would have made my whole damn world. Why didn’t you tell me?!”
“I was stupid, okay?” He gets to his feet, running a hand through his hair.
“I was stupid and young. I was worried about my career and my father’s, and our reputation.
Most of all, I knew how much you hated this life, how you wanted out of it.
I didn’t want to drag you back in just as you were getting the chance to be free and be yourself.
I didn’t want to hold you back from living your own life, not sacrificing for me and my career.
I didn’t want to put you in the spotlight you didn’t want, or under a microscope, picked apart and have millions of people’s opinions forced on you.
I wanted to protect everyone and in the process I hurt the person who matters the most. You. ”
“You did. You did hurt me, so fucking much.” Tears spill down my cheeks.
“You knew not only that I was your scent match, but that I was PastelPrincess,” I whisper, the realness of both situations crushing my lungs, making it hard to breathe.
“I spent years in love with people I didn’t think I could have.
Meanwhile, one of them was you all along. ”
“I know baby,” he whispers, “I’m stupid, okay? The biggest idiot in the world. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I know now that I was wrong. So fucking wrong. If I could go back and change things, I’d have run after that car. I’d never have let you leave.”
Is it possible to feel so much hurt, but feel numb about it all too? My mind is so overwhelmed with this, it wants me to shut down, to shut off.
I don’t understand what’s going on inside me.
I’m thrilled that he’s my scent match. I want to throw myself in his arms, to kiss him, hug him, beg him to hold me.
At the same time, I want to scream and cry, to be angry that we lost six years together!
Six years I could have had my Alpha at my side.
Six years of going through my heats alone, when he could have been the one to help me through them.
“Mates trump everything Damien. It doesn’t matter that our parents are married. They’re not scent matches, we are. It’s too powerful a connection to just ignore. How did you do it? How did you go this whole time without me? Because I can tell you, being away from Carson and Reid has been hell.”
“It was hell for me, Addie. Every day. You were always on my mind. I even had friends check in on you to make sure you were alright.”
My brows rise. “So you had people stalk me for you, but couldn’t do it yourself?”
“Addie,” he pleads, “What can I do to make this up to you? To make this better? I’ll do anything, anything at all.”
“You can’t change the past, Damien.” I pull the blanket up to my neck, wanting to bury myself away from the world.
“I’m not letting you go, Addie,” he says with determination.
“You already did.” I close my eyes as the pain in my heart grows.
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’re my Omega, Addie. I had every intention of making that official. When the time was right, I was going to find you.”
“So I was only meant to be your Omega when it was convenient for you?”
“No,” he growls, “It’s not like that. I said I was young and stupid, Addie. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“What if I went off and met a pack, had babies, and built a life? You think you could have just slipped in and become one of the pack members?”
“At the time, yes.” At least he has the decency to look ashamed.
“So, what, you only changed your mind because you found out I had other scent matches and couldn’t stand to see me with them?”
“No,” he shakes his head, “I realized how much of an idiot I was when your mother was trying to set you up with awful Alphas. There was no way I could sit back and watch you be with someone else you hated when you were mine.”
“I went out on so many miserable dates with those assholes. You knew how much I hated them. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“I knew you were going through so much, I didn’t know how to drop a bomb like this.”
“Waiting to tell me before a hockey game, then outing my Alphas for being two of my online best friends was the way to go, though?”
“Trust me, now that I think back on it, I know how–”
“It was stupid. I know, I know. Because everything you do seems to be fucking stupid.” Anger is overriding the hurt. “Like following me all the way to Vegas?” I shake my head. “What is wrong with you?”
“A lot,” he mutters.
I glare at him.
“I love you,” he says, and fuck, it makes my heart too damn happy to hear those words.
“I can’t change the past, all I can do is give you my best for the future and be the best Alpha I can for you.
I want to show you how much you mean to me.
To love you, take care of you, and be there for you.
I want it all, Addie and I have for so damn long.
If you give me the chance, I know I can be the right Alpha for you. ”
“I need time to think,” I tell him.
His shoulders slump, and he nods. “I know.”
“Tell Carson and Reid I don’t want to see them right now, either. Not after what I just found out. I need some time.”
“I’ll tell them.”
He turns to leave, and I feel a rush of panic. My Omega side takes over, not caring about anything else right now.
“Damien!”
He turns around, and I’m off the bed as fast as I can be. I rush to him, grab his shirt, and yank him down. Grabbing the back of his head, I hold him still as I bring my lips to his.
I whimper as his scent invades my nose, making my head spin, and a euphoric sensation fills my body.
I light up like a Christmas tree, and my perfume is coming off me in waves.
Damien’s chest rumbles, and with a growled groan, his lips move against mine as I kiss him like a long-lost lover. In a way, he is.
The kiss is everything. I never want to let him go, but I do, pulling back as tears spill down my cheeks.
Pressing my fingers to my lips, still tingling from his touch, I return to my bed, trying to hold in a sob as I crawl under the covers, pulling them up over my head.
A sad sigh sounds from the doorway. “I’m not going anywhere, Cupcake,” he murmurs. “I’ll be right here when you’re ready.”
The door clicks shut, and the tears flow free. I sob into my pillow, holding FooFoo to my chest, my only lifeline right now.
I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t breathe. Between Damien’s confession, the fact that Carson and Reid knew who my online persona was, and didn’t say anything, it’s all too heavy on my heart.
When I asked them about adding three new people to the pack, they knew two of them were themselves.
I feel stupid and embarrassed thanks to them! Here I was, feeling like the worst Omega for liking people I shouldn’t, trying to convince myself that my Alphas were enough. That I didn’t need anyone else despite what my heart felt, and it was all for nothing.
I’m pissed, I’m hurt, I’m embarrassed. I’m a fucking mess.
The most fucked up part is that despite what they’ve done, I want all three of them in here right now to cuddle me, comfort me, and make me feel better.
I hate that I’m alone in this moment, and I curse myself for not building a proper nest since moving back. I didn’t think I really needed one until now, my bed was good enough. I want to hide, burrow into a nest of safety, and ignore the world until it all goes away.
This is real life, though, and things aren’t just going to go away.
The fact is, Damien, Carson, and Reid are Death, Waffle, and Grim.
My best guy friends, the ones I’ve gamed with for years, are my Alphas.
I don’t have to pick and choose anymore. I don’t have to give up on anyone.
I know once the pain of the betrayal passes, I’ll be happy about this development.
But right now, all I feel is sadness.
Two things I know for sure: I’m done feeling sorry for myself, and those three have a hell of a lot of grovelling to do before I’m going to forgive them.
I’ll eventually have to be able to forgive them because I need them, it’s just that simple. I won’t make excuses for them, but what Carson and Reid did wasn’t a deal breaker. I hate what they did, but I understand their situation.
Damien, however? That one stings. A lot.
There's still so much to talk about, so many questions to ask, and answers I need.
For now, I just want to cry, sleep, and be alone with my thoughts. Then I’ll decide what I’m going to say to them, and how we can move forward.
I want all three of them. I just hope they can learn to get along to make that happen.
Petty rivalry aside, this is real life. Scent matches transcend all.
Even when they have the potential to ruin everything.