Chapter Fifteen #2
Jesse cusses again, throwing his hand up in the air. “You didn’t know.”
“That’s not true,” I say weakly, blushing. “I mean, I knew they flirted. I just thought they did it to get a rise out of you.”
He deadpans. “That was only part of it. I knew you were oblivious to some guys’ advances, but I didn’t realize you were that blind.”
“Hey!” I protest, offended at his accusation. Even if I shouldn’t be. Because I was blind, but still. “Are you angry that guys want me or angry that I didn’t realize it? I’m getting some mixed signals here.”
“For Christ’s sak—” He cuts himself off, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. Then two. Then a third. “I just find it hard to grasp that you don’t see what I do. But that’s beside the point.”
It’s really not, but if he doesn’t want to spend time on how he obviously thinks I’m hot that’s probably for the better. “Then enlighten me on what the point is. Because you’re losing me here.”
When our eyes lock again, the color of his seems darker and the bags under them do to.
Has he not been sleeping? He’s been getting up early to run and make breakfast before leaving for whatever daily obligation he has, so I’d hope he’s been getting at least six hours of sleep.
He goes to bed early most days, save the few he’ll stay up to watch TV with me, but that hasn’t happened in a while.
Why do I feel sweaty all the sudden? I don’t like the way he looks at me like he cannot get over the fact I’ve never known the reaction I get from the opposite sex.
It’s never been a focus of mine. He knows that.
I’ve always wanted to build a life for myself that’s independent, so whenever I do decide to date it’s because I want to not because I need them for something. I thought he respected that.
“You’re jealous,” I say, stating the obvious reason we’re having this conversation.
And he doesn’t deny it. “Jealous probably doesn’t cover what I feel, Belle.”
His voice is gruff and tired with a little bit of defeat in the tone. It makes me feel bad when I know there’s no reason for me to feel that way at all. I haven’t done anything. So why does guilt still linger in the pit of my stomach?
“Is that why you weren’t going to tell me that you accepted a deal with Isaac?”
Jesse’s eyes widen. “You knew?”
That’s a yes if I ever heard one. “He reached out to me on Instagram and said he was excited to work with you and that he was grateful. What I find odd is that you never brought up meeting with him. You hated Isaac.”
His shoulders go rigid. “Hate is strong word. He seemed full of himself back when you dated, like his dreams were the only ones that mattered. If I’m being honest, he still has that air to him.”
“But you’re still working with him?” I doubt.
He nods once. “Their product is good, and I can actually see myself and my fans drinking it.”
That doesn’t explain why he didn’t tell me about it sooner. “It sucks that I had to hear about it from him, considering we haven’t spoken in years. Yet, the man I live with and see almost every single day if not talk to every single day conveniently leaves it out.”
Jesse knows he’s backed into a corner. “Yes,” he finally admits. “Jealously played a role in not telling you. I’m sorry for that. I didn’t want him getting any ideas.”
The pig-like snort comes out of me before I realize it’s happening. “What ideas? He’s getting married this year, Jesse. Do you think I’d entertain him even if he did try crossing that line with me? I’m not a homewrecker.”
“I never said you were.”
“Then give me some credit!” I bellow defensively.
By keeping something that isn’t even a big deal from me makes it into one.
And he clearly doesn’t get that. I slide off the counter and walk over to him.
“If your plan is to chase men off for the rest of my life because you’re jealous that they talk to me or might think I’m pretty, then I suggest finding a new hobby.
Because this is getting old really fast.”
He tries to stop me, but I whip my arm out form his hold.
“Not that it matters,” I inform him, “but I have no interest in Isaac. I wouldn’t be interested even if he weren’t engaged.
And Dane is a great guy who’s so nice to me.
He’s the type of guy that people would want me to be with because he’s considerate and patient and driven the same way I am.
He’s the kind of guy my mother would be happy to see me date after the dickwads like Isaac. ”
Jesse goes still as he watches me, lowering his hand to his side. “Bells…”
“But the problem,” I go on, efficiently ending this conversation with a heavy truth, “is that he’s not you.
They are not you. And I am sick and tired of comparing everybody to a man who I can’t have.
One day, Jesse, we’re both going to have to accept that there are other people out there for us.
And neither of us can get in the way of that. ”
He goes pale, and I’m not sure at which part. But I don’t stick around to ask. There’s a dull thrumming in the back of my head that I pray doesn’t turn into anything. I’m on crunch time for this meeting and still have finishing touches to put together for it.
I start walking up the stairs toward my room when I hear him exhale sharply. But he doesn’t try to stop me again.