Chapter Twenty-Two #3
“What about that time she called you complaining that his other high school girlfriend came over for Christmas and brought bacon wrapped cocktail weenies?”
Mom defends her friend again. “She was on a vegetarian diet.”
“You know I like Jennifer, but she experimented with new diets every week. Can you really blame Dane’s ex for bringing something delicious over trying to be nice? She didn’t have to bring anything.”
This time, Mom doesn’t say anything.
So, I give her a soft smile. “If Dane and I did click, I’m sure Jen would have found something she didn’t like about me too.”
“What could she have possibly complained about? You’re perfect.”
The snort that comes out of me is pig-like.
“I love that you think so, but that isn’t true.
I’m far from perfect. I didn’t have a skincare routine until I was, like, twenty-six.
I only load the dishwasher after the sink is full.
I never do laundry, fold it, and put it away on the same day, so they just sit in the basket for at least a day or two.
” And I will never love her son the way I have always loved Jesse.
Yeah, I don’t mention that part even if it’s the biggest reason she wouldn’t like me.
Mom’s eyes go to sink, which has two plates, two forks, and a bowl in it. Then she winces, like she’s realizing how flawed I really am.
“Your clothes are going to be wrinkled,” she chides. “I taught you better than that.”
I can’t help but laugh. “You did, but I really hate laundry. It’s my least favorite chore, next to vacuuming.”
She makes a face. “Why?”
“Vacuums are loud,” is all I say.
This time, it’s her who rolls her eyes. “You may be right,” she concedes. “Jen does like complaining about things. It’s just a shame. We thought you two would be cute together. And you’re both older.”
Meaning, we’re running out of time.
“Thanks for the reminder,” I mumble.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
I know she didn’t, but it doesn’t make me think it any less. My biological clock is like a ticking time bomb ready to explode. I’ll be thirty-five in no time. The fact ‘geriatric pregnancy’ has already entered the chat once isn’t lost on me.
“Well, I hope Dane and his ex-girlfriend can get their happy ending this time,” I tell her, meaning every word. “He’s a great guy.”
“Just not your guy,” she notes.
I shake my head.
He isn’t and she doesn’t need to know who is.
Before we can continue this less than stellar conversation, Jesse comes home from whatever workout he was doing. He’s coated in sweat, making his long-sleeve shirt stick to his body and his dark hair look even darker than normal.
He walks into the kitchen and smiles at the two of us, leaning down to peck Mom’s cheek before walking over and doing the same to me.
It isn’t out of the ordinary for him to kiss us hello.
He’s done it plenty of times. But I swear his lips feel a little warmer, press a little harder, and last on my skin a little longer.
What was probably only seconds feels like a lifetime when he pulls back and looks at my mother, but not before winking at me like he knows that kiss went straight to my heart. And…other places.
“Hi, Nora. How are you doing?” he asks her, setting his earbuds onto the counter.
Mom sighs heavily. “I’m better now that I’m not in that damn car. I don’t know how your father handles people driving like maniacs all the time. I swear, Jesse, I was flipped off by a man in a white collar. A priest.”
That even has me gaping. “There is no way.”
“It’s true,” she insists, pointing toward her neckline. “He was wearing all black and had the collar. I saw it with my own eyes.”
A priest flipped her off? Unlikely, but comical to picture. “Interesting,” is all I say. People that drive in cities are a different kind of beast, so it’s plausible.
“That doesn’t seem very Godly,” Jesse remarks, and I wonder if he doubts that happened as much as I do. He’ll never voice it, though.
I clap my hands. “It’s a good thing I’ll drive us everywhere while you’re here. And if a priest or a minister or whoever flips us off, you can do it right back.”
She scoffs as if I’m the one being ridiculous even when she says, “Maybe I could scope out potential men for you to date. Maybe a nice minister is who you need.”
I blink, ignoring the way Jesse stands a little taller beside me as he drinks the cold water he took from the fridge. “Aren’t ministers celibate?”
“Maybe he’s Protestant.”
Are we really having this conversation?
I wonder that to myself again when she adds, “And it isn’t like you’re having sex. That would require you to actually talk to men.”
Oh. My. God. “Mom!” I squeak.
She laughs at my reaction. “Oh, please. Since when are you bashful about talking about these things? Sex is natural. I have it. Frank has it. You two have had it.”
My defensive reply comes out of me before I can even stop myself. “What? No. No, we haven’t!”
Mom stares at me, blinking. “Honey, I love you but we both know you’re not a virgin. You’re in your mid-thirties. Plus, Debra next door to us told me she saw a boy climbing out of your window early one morning when she walking her dog. I highly doubt you two were in there just talking.”
My jaw drops. Did she…? Did she know about Corey this whole time? Then something else strikes me. She wasn’t referring to Jesse and I having sex together. I’m an idiot.
“I knew Debbie was judging me whenever I’d say hi to her,” I grumble in disbelief. Once, she told me that I could attend church with her family if I needed to confess anything. I didn’t go and couldn’t figure out what I’d need to confess much less who to confess it to.
Apparently, she thought I needed God in my life for all of my premarital sins. Whatever.
“Anyway,” Mom goes on with a wave of her hand, like it doesn’t matter that she knew I’d had sex as a teenager. “I’m not even sure a minister has the kind of patience to deal with you.”
Once again, I’m gaping at her. “Um. Rude.”
She winks at me. “A man like that has to be a saint but even they have limits, sweetie. You’re too good at holding yourself back.”
Jesse clears his throat after finishing his water. “I should go jump in the shower. If you let me know when you two will be back, I can have dinner ready. Or we can go out.”
Mom perks up. “A homemade dinner sounds lovely. Frank and I have been ordering takeout a lot lately.”
Jesse nods. “I’ll think of something to make then. Have fun you two. Call if you need me.” He directs the last line to me, looking briefly down at my lips like he wants to kiss me.
I force out a, “Will do,” before watching him disappear up the stairs to the shower where he’d gotten me off again. The second time with the shower head.
When I peel my eyes away from the stairs, Mom is looking at me funny. “Why are you so red? Are you feeling okay?”
I take a long sip of my coffee and smile at her, drowning out the inappropriate thoughts with the reminders of the millions of things I need to do.
“Oh, I’m great. Just thinking of all the ways I can get a good little Church boy to bring up God in the bedroom.”
“Belle!” she scolds, although I see the humor dancing in her eyes. “You are awful.”
I grin at her. “You started it, talking about sex. Finish your drink and then we’ll head out.”
She shakes her head but chuckles to herself. I can count the number of times I’ve been to church on one hand, and two of those times involved bringing clothes to the donation drop-off bin they had outside the building.
We’re gone by the time Jesse is finished with his shower, which is probably for the best. Or I’d be caught staring with little excuse next time.