Chapter 11 Raff
RAFF
I stared at the photographs on the collage he’d made and repeated the name Rupert in my head. My wolf liked the name. I did too, but this person who carried some of my DNA was a stranger.
Thorne talked me through a handful of them, showing Rupert as a newborn with drool on his chin.
There was another of him as a toddler crying over a broken toy.
I awed over my nephew dressed in a cute school uniform and missing his front teeth.
The most recent one Thorne pointed out was Rupert as he was now at seven years old.
I could see Bodie and me in him as he lay on the couch reading a book.
No wonder Thorne was taken aback the day we met.
This was my nephew and Bodie’s son. His son.
He was eighteen when he died and yet he fathered a son he never met, who was born after he passed away.
Though from what Thorne had related, Bodie would never have met Rupert because he wanted nothing to do with the omega father, Thorne’s brother, or the baby.
Bodie was my world and his passing had cracked and shattered it. Two things could be true, and while I couldn’t excuse his actions, my love for him hadn’t dimmed. Love didn’t fracture like that.
Thorne didn’t interrupt my thoughts or pat my hand. And he didn’t exhibit any discomfort at my silence. I almost repeated what I’d said to Axel and Thorne had said to me, “an angel passed,” but decided against it because I was wrestling with so many emotions.
We’d hardly touched our dinner and pushed our plates away. I stared at the candles Dan’s staff had placed on the table as if they held the meaning of life. But there was no one to help me work through what I was feeling, and I had to be grown up and do it myself.
“Rupert is a strong name.”
Is he a shifter? my wolf wanted to know. It was the first time he’d spoken since Thorne brought out the folder.
It’s too early to tell. You know that.
“He looks like Bodie.” What was left unsaid was that he also looked like me.
“He does. Though I never met your brother, I have a lot of photos belonging to my own brother, Harvey.”
I pushed the chair back, and Thorne gasped.
He probably thought I was going to make a run for it as Bodie had when he received the news.
I pressed a hand against my mouth, suppressing a scream because I was sitting across from my fated mate after learning that my dead brother had fathered a child and told Thorne's brother to get rid of it.
The universe which had paired me with Thorne was an ass. Why did fate choose me to fuck around with? Hadn’t I suffered enough after the death of my twin?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. My wolf was fed up with my woe-is-me attitude. A lot of people’s lives were changed because of Bodie’s shitty decision. It’s not just you.
“I didn't know.” It wasn’t an excuse, but it was the truth. “Bodie never said a word to me or our parents.”
“It’s obvious your brother wasn't ready to be a father.”
Instead of the bitterness I expected, Thorne said it matter-of-factly. And that made it worse. Thorne and his family had stepped up, and like my parents and me, they were also grieving.
But I was also hit with the realization that if we started a relationship, he’d think I was doing it out of guilt. Shit, this was more fucked up than I thought. The temptation to crawl under the table and curl up was overwhelming, but I gripped the chair, tethering myself to it.
“He was eighteen.” I wasn't sure who I was defending. The brother I'd adored or the version of him I was meeting for the first time tonight. “He was a fool, and I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not asking you to apologize for him.”
At our first meeting, Thorne was angry, and if I had to guess, he had expected an apology from me, however unreasonable that was.
Thorne’s shoulders sagged. Perhaps, like me, he was letting go of the wariness and anger he’d been carrying since that day in the cafeteria. He wasn’t hugging me or saying we were going to be besties—not that I wanted that—but the fury that held him in its grip had subsided.
My wolf ached for us to mark one another, and I almost laughed because we were so far from that. But we were closer than we had been, so we got a gold star.
I analyzed how I’d reacted to Bodie’s aroma on Thorne.
That scent had presented itself as a threat, but it was the opposite.
It was love for my flesh and blood, the one Bodie had created and abandoned.
There was a seven-year-old who lived with Thorne and who viewed him as his father.
He left traces of Bodie’s scent on my mate’s clothes and skin.
I’d been reacting to a ghost, loathing that Thorne reminded me of my late brother, and not understanding why. Perhaps it was time to put that rage in a box, lock it, and throw it away or bury it.
“I want to meet Rupert. Not tonight but eventually.”
Thorne's expression became more guarded, and he leaned away. “Why?”
It seemed an odd question because I thought it was obvious. “Because he's my nephew. Bodie should have been there and wasn't, and I can't fix that. But I’m here, and maybe I can be, you know, the fun uncle. Or perhaps the cool one who plays hockey.”
Thorne turned his water glass on the tablecloth.
“I’ll introduce you as my friend. I don’t want him to get attached to you and then you disappear too.”
This was the moment to tell him what was in my heart, but yesterday we were sworn or perhaps unspoken enemies. I couldn’t announce he was my one and only.
“I get that. My brother and I looked similar, and we both adored hockey, but we were nothing alike.”
The servers cleared the plates, and I ordered a coffee because I needed a buzz. Tonight had been heavy. Thorne wanted one too. Neither of us had dashed out, but the hardest part of the conversation was over, so perhaps we could talk about more enjoyable topics for the remainder of the dinner.
Thorne took a sip of his coffee. “Rupert isn’t the shy retiring type in case you were wondering.”
“He sounds like my brother. Having a Bodie in my life sounds as though it was good preparation for Rupert barging into it.”
“Last week he decided to make his own breakfast, and I woke up to batter on the floor, the countertops, in the living room, and on him. We cooked the pancakes together, and they were the best I’d ever eaten.” He chortled at the memory.
It didn’t take a genius to see that Thorne loved Rupert. He wasn’t his uncle but his dad. And I chuckled along with him. It was a first, and we stared at one another. I wanted to bring his hand to my lips but sharing laughter would have to do for now.
“Bodie made our dad a birthday cake when we were nine. He used salt instead of sugar and made everyone eat a slice. I spat it out, but our parents choked it down and said it was delicious.”
“That’s a nice memory.” He took a sip of coffee. “What was he really like? Not the version that left my pregnant brother.”
“He was confident, and people sensed that. Everything was an adventure.” Those were the good bits.
“But he was also selfish sometimes and impulsive. He didn't always consider how his decisions affected other people. But he would have loved Rupert.” I believed that even after learning how he treated Thorne’s brother.
“He wouldn’t have been a great dad, but he would have loved him. ”
“From what my brother said, you're very different from your twin.”
“True.”
The main part of the restaurant was almost empty. We'd been here for hours, but I hadn’t paid attention to the time slipping by.
Thorne nibbled his bottom lip and played with his napkin. “This may sound strange but tonight was nice. I wasn't expecting that.”
My wolf cheered, and I told him to cut it out.
“For me too.”
We were a long way from mating or maybe dating, but it was a start.
I walked Thorne to his car in the parking lot, wishing we could end the night in one another’s arms.
“I’ll think about what you said about meeting Rupert.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
After he left, I waited until his taillights disappeared. My wolf wasn’t ecstatic because Thorne had left, but he wasn’t frantically pacing or whining. What we had tonight wasn't a date. Except for the private room and the candles and the coffee and how he’d smiled. Nope, that wasn’t a date.