Chapter 8 - Alice
ALICE
The guard’s hands are rough on my arms as he pulls me down the hallway. He’s squeezing so tightly it’s like he’s trying to rip the flesh from my body.
I was still buzzing from my first time with Killian, so when the doctor came back to give me a real checkup, I was barely present. My mind was off in the clouds somewhere, dreaming, recounting his every touch.
But then this man showed up, a man I’ve never seen before with a paper for the doctor. He grabbed me up off the cot, cuffed me, and dragged me away.
“Where are you taking me?” I plead for the fifth time. And for the fifth time in a row, he doesn’t answer. He’s big and hulking and moves like a robot, pulling past rows of cells as men bang on the doors, whistling and cat calling.
My stomach lurches. A wave of nausea replaces the thrilling high I was riding thanks to Killian.
Where is he? I’ve never missed my cell phone so badly. If I could just call him right now and get an idea of what was going on, maybe my body would settle down.
Speaking of cell phones, the guard’s rings from his pocket. He grabs it and answers.
“Chad? Yes, I’ve got her. No, not a problem. Cell four-fifty-eight.”
His tone is flat and detached, almost inhuman, and makes my mouth go dry.
“Where is K-Killian?” I stammer. “He told me to stay in the infirmary—”
“Don’t you get it?” the man laughs, his voice filling with spite. “You’re not special to him. You’re a sex toy. Just something to relieve stress with.”
An anger I’ve never felt before burns up through my chest, and without thinking, I bark out, “Shut up!” My voice is so loud that even he turns and glances at me, amused. “You don’t know him, and you don’t know me!”
“I know men. And I can tell you this—when your sentence is up and you’re gone, he’ll just have another young woman sent over to satisfy him.”
“Fuck you!” I scream, tears pooling in my eyes, only to be met with a hard slap across the cheek that whips my head to the side.
“Shut up,” he growls as men laugh from their cells, taunting me as I’m dragged faster down the hall.
I see cell four-fifty-eight, its door open like a whale’s mouth, waiting to gobble me up, and I cringe.
This shouldn’t be happening. I haven’t done anything wrong. Why am I being taken here instead of back to solitary? I struggle as we get closer, but it’s like trying to break through a brick wall.
The next thing I know, I’m being shoved through the door and into the barren room. My knees scrape on the ground, and I roll quickly into the corner, my back against the wall.
“You really thought something would happen with you two?” the guard laughs to himself as he slams the door shut. I see his face grinning viciously at me through the barred window. “Pathetic.”
He vanishes, leaving me alone with the poison now planted in my chest. It burns deep, like hot needles piercing my flesh.
He can’t be right…can he? That horrible guard? About Killian just ordering up another female inmate once my time here is done?
“No, of course not,” I hiss, slamming my hand against my thigh. I hate myself for doubting him, especially after what just happened between us, but I just can’t stop the terrible questions from invading my mind.
He told me to be a good girl and everything would change. And I tried. I tried so hard to convince myself that I wasn’t a bad girl, but if that were true, why does all this keep happening to me?
Maybe I’m not a bad girl…maybe I’m just a fool for believing the prison warden would ever have real feelings for me.
The shouts of the men outside grow louder. They bang on their doors, slam against the walls, and howl obscenities that beat against my ears like fists.
I curl up into a ball, trying to block it all out as panic rises within me.
I am a fool. I let myself hope. Here, in this hell. What was I thinking? My mom hates me, the judge never believed me, and Killian…he’s just out for himself.
This is my life now. A hopeless cement and steel cage. With a whole year to go and no one to protect me, I’ll be lucky to make it out alive.
“Shut up!” I scream, my words burning out of my throat. “Shut up!”
And like that, the men’s voices stop. I raise my head. Did the universe just glitch or something?
But then I hear them. Killian’s footsteps, walking calmly and steadfastly down the hall toward me.
Hope blazes within me, but a wall also rises. Can I still trust this man? Should I? It pains me to even think these things, but what am I supposed to do?
Since I arrived, I’ve been torn in different directions by Killian. And just when I thought I’d found solid ground, my anchor, I was whisked away again and left on my own.
And the things those guards said…
I shouldn’t believe them, but I’m floundering. Drowning. I don’t know what to do.
The lock to my cell twists, a cold metallic sound, followed by the hinges creaking as the door swings open.
It’s him. Killian. Suited and handsome as ever as he looks down at me.
Part of me wants to throw myself into his arms. Another part of me wants to cry. Instead, I do the only thing I can do. Nothing.
I stare up at the man who claimed me, waiting for him to act.
Will this be the nice, caring, gentle Killian? Or the cruel, cold, punishing warden?
“Why aren’t you in the infirmary like I specified?” His voice is flat. Not quite as frightening as the day I met him, but not warm either.
“I…I don’t know…” I shake my head, my eyes falling to the floor. He steps closer, the sound of his boots ringing out against the concrete floor. When he stops before me, I can feel the heat from his body. I can smell him. And my senses go wild.
It’s getting harder and harder not to throw myself into his arms.
“Alice,” he says, his voice low as he kneels down beside me. It’s warmer now. Quiet. “Tell me what happened.”
Finally, I find the courage to look up, and when I do, I see something in his eyes…
Concern? Is that real concern?
It can’t be. I’m just a toy to him. Replaceable. Once my sentence is over, he’ll find himself a new girl.
“Why? Do you even care?” I ask. The sound of him cracking his knuckles causes me to curl tighter. I pull my knees to my chest and avoid his gaze entirely.
“How can you ask me that, Alice? You know I care. What happened?”
I can feel them. His words burrowing into me with such tenderness that I want to accept them.
“A man…” I whimper. “He took me here.”
“What man?”
“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my head. “The things he said, Killian…they were just…so awful.”
With such tenderness, he takes my wrist and runs his thumb across the skin, lighting me up inside. There it is again. That soft touch you’d never expect from a man like him.
“Tell me, Alice,” he whispers. “What did he say?”
A sob chokes in my throat as I replay the guard’s words in my mind. The poison returns, like a hole in my chest, I swallow hard and breathe deeply. “He said I meant nothing to you…that you’d replace me—”
“Nonsense!” His voice snaps, but his tone is defensive, not angry. Threading his fingers through my hair, he pulls my face to his. “Alice, you are irreplaceable. Do you understand?”
My heart trembles.
The change in his voice. Could it be? He barked at me from the door to keep up appearances, but now that we’re close, he can show his true feelings.
“Killian—”
“I know you’re innocent, Alice. You were set up, and it was all a ploy to get to me. To ruin me.”
I’m starting to shake now, allowing myself to hope. “But why would anyone want to ruin you?”
“The old warden wants his job back,” Killian growls. “He’s a scumbag and a liar and a criminal, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get it, including getting your old boss, Jamie Foxgrin, to lie about you.”
“What!?” My hands clench together.
“Look,” he says, pulling out his phone. My stomach twists when he shows me a photo of Jamie with some man I don’t recognize. “That is Brian Gumble, the man who had you sent to Last Rites instead of a women’s prison.”
“Holy…crap…”
Do I believe this?
I mean…it makes sense. In a twisted, conspiratorial kind of way. And what do I know about prison culture, about wardens, or about the political games they play?
Nothing. And why would Killian bother telling me such a story if he could easily just replace me?
Yes. I need to believe him.
I nod slowly. Trust flows like warm prickles through my cheeks and up my temples. I manage a smile as tears begin to trickle from my eyes.
“So what will you do?”
“I’m resigning.” His words strike me in the chest, shocking my system.
“Resigning? Killian, what about your career?”
“To hell with it,” he replies, shaking his head.
He leans closer, pressing his lips to mine and filling me with such warmth.
For the first time in a long time, I feel truly valuable.
“All I care about, Alice, is taking care of you. Protecting you and providing for you. For the rest of my life. And do you know why?”
God, I am barely keeping it together. My vision is blurred from my tears. All I can do is shake my head as I stare up at his gorgeous face.
“Because I love you, Alice.”
His declaration shakes me to my core. Something foundational in me shifts. It’s like the feeling of when he took me for the first time in the infirmary, only multiplied by a million.
I scold myself for doubting him. The emotion evaporates so quickly that I can’t even remember how it felt to question him. It’s now my life’s duty to make Killian happy. All I want to do is please him and bring a smile to that chiseled face.
Slowly, as if speaking a prayer, I manage my reply.
“I…I love you too, Killian.”
He kisses me again, imprisoning my lips with his. I hate these walls, these steel bars that surround me, but I would let this man have total control over me. In fact, I would love that.
Killian’s phone rings, vibrating against my shoulder. I jump, and he chuckles at me, then smiles when he sees who’s calling.
“What?” I ask. “Who is it?”
Still smiling, he answers on speaker. “Marvin, how we looking?”
Marvin? As in my lawyer, Marvin?
“The evidence you sent me worked, Killian.” Yup, it’s him. “Judge Carver looked it over and has overturned Alice’s conviction. She is to be released immediately.”
I nearly bounce out of the room as my legs rocket me into the air. Like a toddler who just won something at the fair, I flail my limbs around, nearly hitting Killian in the face. He smiles proudly, enjoying the show.
“Thanks, Marvin. You’re a lifesaver.”
“Don’t thank me. You did all the heavy lifting. Oh, and tell Alice congratulations.”
“Thank you!” I blurt out as I jump up and down. I’m crying and laughing and squirming out of my skin as Killian hangs up. He slides one hand around my back, and I’m sure he’s going to kiss me, but he doesn’t.
He leads me out into the hall, and then, only then, in front of all the inmates who are watching from their cells, does he press his lips against mine.
The shouting begins again, but I’m laughing inside.
That’s right. I belong to him. Only him.
He takes me by the hand and leads me down the hall and back to his office. Two cops stand by the door with a large man cuffed between them, and a man in a pinstripe suit furiously muttering into his phone.
“Chad, the old warden,” Killian whispers to me. “And his lawyer. I called it in before coming to see you.”
When Chad sees me, his jaw drops. I’ve never set eyes on this man before, but he recognizes me immediately. I almost don’t believe it. All this time—the false accusation, the trial, being thrown in prison—and this is the man responsible.
Killian doesn’t even stop walking. As we pass, I feel a naughty little tingle inside me and casually flip him the bird. The last thing I hear before Killian leads me out the door and into the sunshine is him cursing us both out.
“Don’t worry about him,” Killian assures me. “He’ll be in here soon. And not as a warden. Behind bars.”
I glance behind me and see the sign: Last Rites Penitentiary.
Suddenly, I’m being spun around. Killian dips me like we’re on the dance floor and pins me with his eyes.
“Time to go home,” he tells me.
“Yes.” I nod eagerly. “Let’s get out of here…sir.”
He smiles and kisses me again with such hunger and love that I nearly melt into a puddle.
How things have changed.
I arrived here in shackles, but I’ll be leaving in his arms.