Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Olivia
"Vivi, why can't you live at my house?"
The air in the dessert shop smelled like caramel and butter. Juliet clutched a strawberry milkshake, churning the straw at the bottom until it made gurgling sounds, then looked up at me.
My spoon froze mid-air, half a scoop of ice cream suspended there, melting slowly, dripping down.
These past few weeks, my life had been stuck on some kind of loop.
Every Saturday at ten a.m., I showed up at that house.
Sometimes we went to the amusement park, sometimes the Natural History Museum, sometimes just to the lawn in Central Park to lie in the sun.
Juliet loved pulling me along while she ran, loved making me watch her cartwheel on the grass, loved shoving every pretty leaf she found into my palm.
I didn't expect her to ask this.
I thought we'd keep this distance forever—teacher and student, meeting once a week, spending the allotted time together, separating when that time ended. I thought Juliet would get used to this rhythm, would see me as someone she liked but who would eventually leave.
"My house is really big," she went on, gesturing with her little hands. "There's tons of rooms, you could stay next to mine! That way I'd see you when I wake up and before I go to sleep!"
"Juliet..."
"And Daddy would definitely say yes! He likes you!" She got more excited, sliding off her chair and running over to me, tilting her head up. "I can tell! He smiles every time he looks at you, even though he thinks I don't notice, but I notice!"
My spoon clinked softly against the cup.
Ezio. These past few weeks, he had changed.
He'd take my bag when Juliet ran ahead, hand me a bottle of water when we got tired, glance at me when Juliet begged for a second ice cream, waiting for my nod before giving in.
He no longer looked at me with that cold, scrutinizing stare, but with something else I couldn't quite name—cautious, tentative, like he was waiting for me to give him a signal.
"I have my own things to take care of," I heard myself say.
Her smile faded a little. She looked down, fingers twisting the rabbit's ears.
"Oh," she said quietly. "Okay then."
Her disappointment felt like a needle sliding into my chest.
But I couldn't say yes.
I couldn't.
Two months.
Two months left until the contract ended.
Two months, and I'd be gone.
Gone from this city, gone from that house, gone from—from her.
She didn't know.
She thought I'd keep coming, keep staying with her, keep showing up every week to eat desserts, go to the park, do everything she wanted to do.
But I wouldn't.
In three months, I'd vanish.
Just like five years ago.
"Vivi?" Juliet's voice pulled me back. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said, forcing a smile. "Just—just thinking about something."
"What?"
"Grown-up stuff."
She said, " Oh, okay, " and didn't ask again.
She climbed back into her chair, picked up the half-melted strawberry shake, and kept stirring the fruit at the bottom with her straw. Cream stuck to the corner of her mouth. She licked it off, showing the little gap between her front teeth.
I watched her.
My daughter.
She trusted me so much, depended on me so much, looked forward to seeing me again.
But I was leaving.
I'd disappear from her life again, make her wait at the door for someone who'd never show up again, make her—
My eyes stung.
The glass door of the shop cracked open, and the afternoon breeze pushed through, carrying the chill of early fall. I turned my head and saw the black SUV parked across the street.
The window rolled halfway down, revealing a dark shirtsleeve and fingers resting on the frame.
Ezio sat in the driver's seat. He didn't get out, but I knew he was watching. That gaze crossed the entire street and landed on me, like a beast crouched quietly there—not approaching, not leaving.
I looked away and wiped the corner of my eye with the back of my hand.
Across the street, the SUV's window rolled back up.
I didn't turn to look.
By the time I got back to the apartment, it was dark. Leo was having dinner at Ella's and wouldn't be dropped off until later. The apartment was so quiet it felt abandoned.
I kicked off my shoes, tossed my bag on the couch, and went to the kitchen for water. It was cold, sliding down my throat all the way to my stomach, but it didn't put out anything.
The doorbell rang.
I looked through the peephole. Ella. Alone, carrying a bag with two bottles of wine inside.
"What are you doing here? Where's Leo?" I opened the door.
"I need to talk to you." She walked in, set the wine on the coffee table. "Leo's still at my place with my mom. I'll have the driver bring him back after dinner."
"You didn't have to—"
"I know," she cut me off, sitting on the couch and patting the spot beside her. "Sit."
I looked at her, then sat.
She opened a bottle and poured me a glass. I took it and drank. The wine's bitterness spread across my tongue, a little sharp.
"Sophie's wedding is next Saturday," Ella said. "Are you ready?"
"Nothing to get ready for. I'm not the bride."
"You're her sister. And—" Ella paused. "Are you bringing Leo?"
"Of course," I said. "That's why we came back. Leo's been looking forward to it."
"Have you thought about," Ella took a sip, "what happens if you run into Ezio at the wedding?"
My fingers paused on the glass.
"He won't be there," I said. "He doesn't know Sophie."
"But he knows Sophie's fiancé," Ella said. "Business partners. I checked."
My grip tightened.
"Then..." my voice came out hoarse. "Then I'll be careful."
"Careful of what?" Ella turned to look at me. "Careful so he doesn't see Leo? Olivia, can you be careful for the rest of your life?"
I didn't answer.
The living room went quiet. Car sounds drifted in from outside, then faded away.
"When are you going to tell him?" Ella asked.
"Tell him what?"
"That Leo exists."
I was silent for a long time.
"I'm not going to tell him."
"Olivia."
"The contract has two months left," I cut her off. "After that, I'm taking Leo back to France. He won't know."
"You sure about that?"
"I'm sure."
Ella sighed.
"What about Juliet?" she asked. "You're just going to leave her like that?"
My fingers tightened around the glass.
"I..." my voice caught. "I don't have a choice."
"You do have a choice," Ella said. "You could tell Ezio about Leo, you could negotiate with him, you could—"
"And then what?" I cut her off, my voice rising. "Then what does he do? Does he let me stay? Or does he take Leo away from me?"
"He's Leo's father."
"He's also Juliet's father," I said. "And he still took Juliet away from me."
Ella went quiet.
"Olivia," she said, her voice soft. "That was five years ago. He's changed."
"How has he changed?"
"He—" Ella paused. "I've seen him."
I froze.
"When?"
"Last week. He went to Sophie's."
My heart skipped.
"What was he doing at Sophie's?"
"Asking about you," Ella's tone was flat, like she'd already processed this for a while. "He asked about your life in France, asked if you'd been okay these five years."
"Did Sophie tell him?"
"Sophie didn't say anything." Ella looked at me. "But he said something."
I didn't ask what. My throat tightened, afraid my voice would crack if I spoke.
"He said, 'I know I don't have the right to ask, but I still want to know.'"
My eyes burned.
"He also said," Ella continued, "he wouldn't let anyone take you away from him again."
"That's not what he meant," my voice came out rough. "That's just his possessiveness kicking in. He's always been like that."
"Olivia." Ella cut me off.
Her tone was serious, serious enough that I had to look at her.
"You still care about him." She said it like a fact.
My lips moved, but no sound came out.
"You still love him." She said it again.
"I don't—"
"You do." Her voice was quiet but firm. "You didn't come back from France for Sophie's wedding. You didn't stay to teach ballet for the money. You don't go see Juliet every Saturday just because she's your daughter. You tried on three dresses before going to see him. You think I didn't notice?"
My tears fell.
"He hurt me," I choked out. "He locked me out. He took Juliet."
"I know."
"He never stood by me!"
"I know."
"I can't... I can't just forgive him!"
"Olivia," Ella grabbed my hand, squeezed hard. "I know what he did. I know what you went through. But the tears you're crying now—they're not because you hate him."
I didn't speak. Because she was right.
I hated him. I hated his silence back then, hated that he let Bianca move in, hated that he locked me out of the nursery.
But every time he stood watching me from a distance at the amusement park, every time he said "I just wanted you to know" at the restaurant, every time he crouched down to tie Juliet's shoelaces and looked up and his eyes met mine—my heart would skip a beat.
"I don't know what to do," I said, my voice small. "Ella, I really don't know."
She reached out and pulled me into her arms. Her shoulders were bony, pressing against my cheek, but she held me tight.
"You don't have to know right now," she said. "But you need to figure out one thing—are you afraid he'll hurt you again, or are you afraid you'll forgive him?"
The question cut into me like a knife where I wasn't prepared.
I closed my eyes and buried my face in her shoulder.
I didn't know.
I really didn't know.
The next day's sunlight was beautiful.
Leo played in the yard. Ella's backyard wasn't big, but it had a patch of lawn, and Leo treated it like his personal playground. He wore that blue jacket he'd brought from France, running back and forth across the grass, kicking around a ball he'd found somewhere.
I sat on the doorstep with a cup of coffee, watching him.
"Mommy! Watch me!"
When he ran, he looked like a little cannonball, legs churning fast, blond hair flying in the wind. He reached the far end of the lawn, made a sharp turn, almost fell, caught himself, and looked back at me proudly.
"I saw," I said. "Very impressive."
He ran another lap, faster this time, like he was racing the wind. On the third lap, he suddenly stopped, crouched down, and started examining a dandelion.
"Mommy, can I pick this?"
"Yes."
He carefully plucked the dandelion, held it to his mouth, puffed out his cheeks, and blew hard. White fluff scattered, floating in the sunlight like a tiny cloud.
"Wow!" He tilted his head back, watching the seeds drift higher. "Where are they going?"
"Somewhere far away."
"Will they come back?"
"No," I said. "They'll build little houses in new places, have a new home, and have babies."
"I know!" Leo excitedly raised his hand. "Like when Mommy took me to France!"
I smiled at his innocent logic. "Smart boy."
He grinned so wide his eyes squinted, showing me a huge smile, then went looking for another dandelion.
I glanced at my phone. Ten-thirty. Ezio must have gotten my message that I was "sick" by now. Juliet was probably disappointed, but I couldn't go.
Last night's conversation with Ella had been spinning in my head all night. She asked if I was afraid he'd hurt me again or afraid I'd forgive him.
I didn't know the answer.
So I needed time, needed to calm down, needed to figure out what to do next.
Not let him look at me that way and scramble my thoughts.
My phone rang.
Ezio's name lit up the screen.
My breath caught.
I didn't answer. Flipped the phone over, face-down on the step.
The ringing stopped. Started again. Stopped again. Started again.
The third time, I put it on silent.
Leo found a little yellow wildflower on the lawn, picked it, and came running over with it held high.
"Mommy, this is for you!"
He held the flower out to me, petals still wet with dew, the thin stem bending slightly between his fingers.
"Thank you, sweetheart." I took the flower and tucked it behind my ear.
He smiled, satisfied, and ran back to the lawn.
I sat on the step, watching him. Sunlight fell on his blond hair, on his blue jacket, on his cheeks flushed from running. When he ran, he looked like the wind—free, unbound, belonging to this lawn, this morning, this secret no one had discovered.
I don't know why I thought of that question at this moment.
If Ezio saw him...
He won't see him. I told myself. He won't show up here. He doesn't know this address. He doesn't know Leo exists.
The bushes across the lawn rustled.
I looked up.
A black SUV stopped across the street.
My heart stopped.
The door opened.
Ezio stepped out of the driver's seat. Dark shirt, sleeves rolled to his forearms, face expressionless.
My brain went blank.
Then the other door opened. Juliet jumped out from the back seat, wearing a pink dress, hair in two braids, clutching her stuffed rabbit. She stood by the car, looking around, like she was searching for something.
Then she saw Leo.
Leo stood in the middle of the lawn, still holding that dandelion, his blond hair almost glowing in the sunlight. He tilted his head, looking at the girl across the street who was about his age, green eyes full of curiosity.
Juliet tilted her head too, looking at him.
The two children stared at each other across the street.
My phone vibrated wildly on the step. Ezio's name lit up the screen.
I didn't answer.
I couldn't stand up. My legs went weak, my whole body pinned to the step.
Everything was fucked.