Chapter 21
Arizona
I lied when I told Levi I was in a rush to get to work. But it was the truth that I couldn’t be late.
Today was important. Not that anyone outside of a select few knew why.
The church basement looked the same as it had been the first time I came here—scared out of my mind to bare my soul to a bunch of strangers—but a lot of the faces had changed.
Some lost their lives to our shared battle; others simply gave up the fight.
And every meeting brought with it those who were shaky and pale, at the very start of their sobriety journey.
Celebrating longevity, like I would today, gave hope to those new to our group—hope that they could battle their demons and win, hope that they could regain control of their lives with the right support system.
While I was pouring a cup of coffee from the breakfast spread in the back of the room, a hand snaked around my waist.
“I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, Arizona.” My sponsor, Maggie, gave me a side hug.
I hauled in a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”
She shook her head with a smile. “You did all the hard work. All I did was offer you a shoulder to lean on or a sounding board when you needed one.”
Tears burned behind my eyes, and my voice came out thick. “You did so much more than that, and you know it.”
Without Maggie’s constant support, I had no doubt I would have ended up dead from an overdose.
Those early years were rough, so rough that I relapsed a few times, but she never gave up on me, never once judged me for falling off the wagon.
She always showed up when I called her crying and took care of me when I had to go through the agony of withdrawal all over again.
Maggie tucked a curl behind my ear. “The only one who can maintain their sobriety for as long as you have is you, my friend. But I’m beyond honored that you have allowed me to be a part of your journey.”
“If everyone could take their seats, we’re about ready to begin,” the group’s current chairperson announced.
Within minutes, the folding chairs facing a makeshift podium were all occupied, and we were being led through The Serenity Prayer, most of us reciting the words from memory, the newer members following along from a posted placard.
Then came the sharing portion of the meeting, where those who wanted to speak about their journey were invited to the podium. There were a few regulars who chose to share whenever they were in attendance, as well as a few brave souls who got up to tell their stories for the very first time.
Next, it was time to award sobriety chips.
We cheered loudly for those completing their first twenty-four hours, knowing how difficult that first step was, and providing as much encouragement as possible to help bolster them through the rough days ahead.
There were a handful of thirty- and ninety-day chips, as well as a two-year chip, before Maggie made her way to the podium, smiling from ear to ear.
“It’s not every day a sponsor gets to award a ten-year chip.”
Several heads turned, looking around those gathered, trying to pinpoint who among them had managed to stay sober for an entire decade.
“As you all know, addiction sticks with you for life; every day, you battle against cravings that will never fully go away. The path to recovery is rocky. Sometimes you stumble, but other times you fucking conquer. And I have had the absolute pleasure of not only watching this individual fight tooth and nail to achieve this milestone, but also of witnessing her regain her life, mend relationships with loved ones, and come out on the other side of a bad situation stronger than ever.” Maggie extended a hand toward me, beaming.
“Arizona, if you could please join me up here.”
I stood, making my way to the front, and pulled my sponsor in for a hug as the applause from those gathered surrounded us. Holding my lifeline tightly, I prayed she could feel through our embrace how truly grateful I was.
By the time we broke apart, we both had tears streaming down our faces. Maggie cupped my cheeks, thumbing away the moisture and whispering, “Congratulations, Arizona. You’ve earned it.”
Blinking furiously, I accepted the chip she offered, tracing over the raised 10 in the middle as I moved behind the podium.
My eyes fell shut, and I pulled in a centering breath before reopening them.
“Hi, my name is Arizona, and I’m an addict.”
“Hi, Arizona,” everyone replied in unison.
I dabbed at the corner of my eye, the emotions of this moment overwhelming. “I haven’t spoken at a meeting in forever. I’ve mostly sat and listened to others as they shared their stories, offering support when I could. But today, I reached a milestone I once thought was impossible.
“I never expected that a sports injury would send my life into a tailspin. Opioid addiction turned me into someone I hardly recognized. I hurt the people I loved and did some truly terrible things to get my hands on drugs. I didn’t want to get clean for a long time, not even when I got pregnant at sixteen, or when I was stripped of my parental rights shortly after my son’s birth.
I had to hit rock bottom to make a change, and even though it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I am so glad I did.
“I’ve been sober for ten years today.” I held up my chip in victory. “Here’s to the next ten.”
There was a raucous round of applause, and Maggie hauled me in for another hug. This time, I didn’t try to be strong; I sobbed like a baby in her arms, letting those tears wash away the pain of the past to allow me to focus on my future.
Because of addiction, I’d lost years with my mom before she got sick, missed out on Austin’s infancy and toddlerhood. But in recovery, I was getting a second chance as part of a new family. One that came together by pure chance, but somehow, we fit together like pieces of the same puzzle.
If only we didn’t have an expiration date.
One of the perks of living in Southern California was having a pool day in late March.
Austin and Maisie were in the water, hitting a volleyball back and forth, and I was soaking in the sun, catching up on my sorely neglected Tbr.
Working full time and raising one, now two, teenagers didn’t leave much time for reading, but damn if I didn’t miss diving into stories where every couple got their perfect happy ending.
A shadow fell over my paperback, making the printed words nearly impossible to read through my sunglasses. Setting the book down on my lap, I peeked over my shoulder and nearly swallowed my tongue.
Levi stood over me, wearing nothing but a pair of boardshorts and a backward-facing ballcap, a cocky smirk on his ridiculously handsome face.
He bent down to speak in my ear. “Are you reading a dirty book, baby?”
I shook my head and uttered the world’s least convincing “N-no.”
A husky chuckle spilled into the air as his fingertips ghosted along the skin of my shoulder, causing goosebumps to rise in their wake. “There you go again with the bad acting. When the truth is, I can actually smell how wet you are beneath that skimpy bikini.”
My teeth descended on my lower lip as I tried desperately to suppress a moan. He’d absolutely caught me reading a spicy scene, not that I would ever admit it.
“Does my wife need me to help take the edge off?”
“We can’t,” I protested, even though I desperately craved the high of the release he offered. “The kids.”
His eyes darted toward Austin and Maisie. “Follow my lead.” Straightening, he called out to them, “We’re gonna make some sandwiches and lemonade. You guys good out here by yourselves?”
Not skipping a beat, Austin called back, “I want turkey!”
“Ham and cheese for me, please,” Maisie chimed in sweetly, flashing her dad a smile.
Levi helped me up from the lounger, and you’d have thought we were the teenagers, sneaking around behind our parents’ backs, with how we giggled on our mad dash through the door.
The minute we crossed the threshold, we were on each other.
“Fuck.” He groaned into my neck. “You’re so warm.”
When he wedged a thigh between my legs, I clutched at his shoulders as I ground down on that firm muscle, sparks of electricity shooting outward from my core.
Two large palms landed on my ass, squeezing my cheeks before lifting, and then we were moving.
“We have to be quick, but I have an idea,” Levi panted, pushing into the laundry room and setting me down on top of the dryer.
“What—”
He cut off my question with a scorching kiss, his tongue battling with mine for dominance. His erection rocked between my spread open thighs, sending me careening toward the edge with only a few expertly placed thrusts. God, I could come from only this and have zero complaints.
But that wasn’t enough for my husband. No, he reached around me, and before I knew what was happening, the dryer came to life, the vibrations beneath my ass rolling upward to stimulate my clit.
I tore my lips away from his on a surprised cry, but his palm quickly came up to silence me.
“Quiet,” he grunted.
My hips began bucking wildly, and I moaned against his hand.
“You’re right there, aren’t you, baby?”
I let out a muffled sob.
“Hold on. I’ve got you.” He pulled on the strings holding my bikini bottom together, and cool air rushed over where I fucking burned for him.
Without warning, he plunged two fingers deep inside me, and my eyes rolled into the back of my head, because of course, he knew exactly how to curl them to send me soaring.
“That’s it,” Levi coaxed, fucking me brutally with his hand as I came hard, my screams barely contained behind his other palm. “Gush all fucking over me.”
I couldn’t make sense of what he was saying, but when I came back to earth, my eyes widened when I saw that the front of his swim trunks was wet.
Licking my dry lips, I swallowed. “It’s okay. That happens to lots of guys.”
His brow furrowed. “What happens?”
Circling my hand before his crotch, I stated the obvious. “You came in your pants.”
Levi’s head fell back, and booming laughter filled the small space.
Guess that reaction to premature ejaculation was better than a guy being embarrassed over getting too excited and losing control.
“No, babe.” Humor danced in his eyes as he shook his head. “That’s all you.”
I reared back in horror. “Shut up! No, it’s not!”
He gripped my chin, directing my gaze toward my spread open thighs, which were wet all the way to my knees. There was even a puddle on the floor. “You squirted all over me.” Hauling me in for a quick, rough kiss, he murmured against my lips, “Hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my whole life.”
“Really?”
Levi tugged on my lower lip with his teeth, making me hiss. “I love pushing your body to the limit. I wonder what else I can make it do.”
Despite having my needs met mere moments ago, arousal roared to life in my bloodstream, demanding yet another release.
“Get inside me. Right fucking now.” Jesus, I sounded possessed. A verified sex demon.
Levi undid the tie at the waistband of his board shorts, pushing them down enough for his cock to spring free, and then he was inside me.
“Yesssss,” I hissed, relishing the fullness our connection created.
He set a strong, steady pace that had the dryer thumping against the wall, as he gritted out, “Did my horny little slut need her husband’s cock?” A groan was pulled from his chest. “God, look at how well you take me.”
Beyond words, my whimper floated toward the ceiling. The warm-up orgasm had left me overstimulated, and the climax barreling down the tracks faster than a freight train threatened to destroy me.
But Levi wasn’t about to let me off the hook. Collaring my throat, he forced me to look at where our bodies were joined. “My wife’s cunt is so fucking greedy, sucking me back inside every time I try to pull out.”
I gasped out loud. The sight was borderline obscene—his glistening cock splitting my puffy lower lips as it plunged in and out—but at the same time hypnotic. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
His pace increased in tempo, and I locked my ankles around his waist.
“Fuck,” he cursed. “I can’t hold on much longer. Tell me you’re almost there.”
I lifted my hips, meeting him thrust for thrust, seeking more friction.
As if he could hear my silent request, Levi dropped a hand between us, rubbing tight circles over my clit, and within seconds I detonated, my cries so unfiltered and raw there was no doubt that the kids, the neighbors, the whole damn city heard them.
But with bliss carving a path through my bloodstream, I couldn’t find it within me to care.
All that mattered in this moment was Levi playing my body like a finely tuned instrument, making it sing.
“Gonna come,” he grunted, the warning barely having left his lips before he pushed in deep one last time, and I felt his dick swell, pulsing as he emptied inside me.
Levi’s forehead fell to my chest, his ragged breaths fanning my cleavage, which had become exposed at some point during our frantic coupling. His big palms smoothed over my hips in a tender caress.
“Too rough?” he asked.
“Never,” I breathed against the top of his head.
He glanced up at me with a lopsided grin. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I can’t believe you’re mine.”
Around the lump lodged in my throat, I corrected, “Temporarily yours.”
Levi’s smile slipped as if he just remembered the terms of our arrangement. “Right.” He pushed upright, letting his softening dick slide from my body and pulling up his shorts. “Guess I’d better get to work on those sandwiches.”
Ugh, why did I have to open my stupid fucking mouth?
At the end of the day, I was the same old Arizona, ruining everything I touched.