12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
Andre
“ A ndre, are you okay?” Zahir’s voice came from a distance. Knowing he spoke, and actually being pulled in by the words were two completely separate things. I struggled to make sense of them.
“What?” I rubbed my face.
“You were dreaming.” A gentle hand caressed my cheek. “Well, more like a nightmare. And I knew I wasn’t supposed to wake you—”
“No. It was fine. I was fine.” I cracked an eye open.
Last night flooded back. I winced. “I’m in your bed.” Slowly, I opened my eyes.
Another stroke down my cheek. “That’s fine. I assumed you had a good reason.”
“But Daphne—”
He shook his head. “She’s fast asleep in her bed in here.
She’d already moved down—did before I even fell asleep.
I think she sensed my restlessness. Sometimes she comforts me, and sometimes she finds her own space and gives me mine.
” He swallowed. “Look, I’m glad you’re here.
That tells me you know how to seek safety.
Do you need more rest? I need to run Daphne out—”
“I said I’d do that.” The panic from the worry of Zahir being angry was receding. Now I just had to get my footing back.
“My girl can wait a few minutes. How about we shower and meet downstairs? Or do you plan to go for a run? Do some exercise? In that case, a shower after would be better.”
I loved how he understood me. Could think out what I needed to do at any one time. I offered a smile. “A shower and a walk with Daphne should be perfect.”
“Great. I’ll meet you downstairs.” He kissed my forehead. Then, as if catching himself, he rolled out of bed and headed out of the room.
Daphne followed, hard on his heels. She gave me the quickest of glances before taking off.
I headed to the bathroom and did everything I needed to do to start my day.
A day that started with me in a man’s bed.
Something I’d never done before. I’d never stayed in anyone’s bed.
Never invited them to stay in mine. Whether because I was a private person, or because I was just scared shitless, I couldn’t be certain.
Zahir had the coffee and kettle on when I arrived in the kitchen.
Daphne greeted me with enthusiasm.
I cocked my head at my host.
He grinned. “I figured I’d let you feed her. To see how it’s done. Then you can join the ranks of her favorite people.”
I feigned hurt and stuck out my lower lip. “I thought I already was one of her best buddies.”
She eyed me .
Zahir pointed to a large container. “One level scoop—which is in the container. She’s going to devour it because—” He opened the tin of tea bags.
I waited.
“She was likely deprived of food at one point. Or had to fight to get it. She’s very voracious when she gets her food. So no one else can steal it. Don’t get between her and her food.”
“Understood.” I nabbed the bowl with her name on it and then opened the container to scoop the exact amount. Daphne danced as I placed her bowl on the floor. Then proceeded to eat so fast, I worried she might choke.
Zahir handed me a coffee—prepared perfectly. Just the way I liked it. “You remember?”
He grinned. “I’m not that old.” Then his expression sobered for a moment.
“I try to remember everything about people I care for. That’s not always easy.
Some people—not naming names—make it difficult for me to learn their preferences because they’re so contained.
They don’t want to appear to be a burden, so they don’t express what they really want. ”
I put the coffee on the counter and moved into Zahir’s personal space. “So asking for what I want? And if I want you?”
His eyes widened. “As a Daddy or as a lover?”
I bit my lip. Finally, I blurted my answer. The one I held tight in my heart. “Both?”
“You say that as a question—like you’re worried I don’t care enough about you to want more than what we’ve agreed to.”
I held his gaze—trying to parse his words. Trying to figure out exactly what he was and wasn’t saying. “Are you willing to consider more? Or is this moving way too fast? ”
He held my gaze. “How about we get through meeting Demetrius and the rest of the family? After that, if you’re up for it, we can have a conversation about more.” His eyes burned an intense dark-brown. “I don’t want you making decisions—even seemingly easy ones—out of fear.”
I cocked my head.
He grasped my hand. “You’re nervous, Andre. Even I can see that. And as long as you’re worried about what’s about to happen, choosing to move our relationship forward in a romantic way—or however else you’re suggesting—isn’t a good idea.”
“Are you saying I’m wrong? That what I’m feeling isn’t—” I flailed the hand he wasn’t gripping tight.
“That’s not what I’m saying. We might be absolutely right together. It might be perfect. But you’re heading into somewhere challenging. I have your back, okay? No matter what happens, I’ll be here for you. In whatever capacity you need.”
I bit my lower lip. “Daddy?”
“Yes, Solo?”
“Can we play after we take Daphne out for a walk?”
Daphne, who had long consumed her food, sat at attention.
“Coffee, tea, Daphne, breakfast, and then play. Finally, showers, and we head to Demetrius’s. We’ve got plenty of time.”
I considered. “Yeah?”
“Yes. It’s going to work out.”
He said the words with more surety than I felt, but if he said this would work out, then I had to believe him.
Because he had more life experience than me.
Because he’d had a long-term relationship that worked.
Because he knew what heartbreak looked like.
Even if Demetrius rejected me, I’d have my Daddy to comfort me. “Yeah, okay. ”
And so we did just that—drank our drinks, walked Daphne for half an hour, settled down for an egg-and-toast breakfast, and then headed down to the playroom.
I was both excited and nervous. About all of it.
Yesterday’s play had been about exploration. Today was for comfort. I grabbed Stuart the giraffe and set him on the corner of the mat. With Daddy’s help, I put on the ears and paws. Then I got down on all fours and, with my nose, pushed the ball to Daddy.
Daddy grinned, plopped down on the ground, and nudged the ball back toward me.
I woofed and returned it to him.
He tossed it and the thing sailed over my head.
I scurried after it.
And thus we played for what felt like hours, although was probably less. The rhythm of the ball hitting the wall and then me scampering after it soothed me. For at least a bit of time, I was able to escape my racing thoughts.
Until Zahir held the ball and looked at his watch. “It’s time, Solo.”
“Yeah. Okay.” I crawled over to him so he could remove my paws and ears. I found this transition time helpful. Like I was putting Solo away and inhabiting Andre again. Painful, but reality.
“Showers, we’ll run Daphne out again, and then we’ll head out. We should arrive right on time.”
“Can we be early? By, like, five minutes? Just so we won’t be late. We might encounter traffic—”
He smiled. Indulgently, if I had to guess. “Mission City doesn’t tend to have traffic jams, but I have no issues with being early. I’m often early myself.”
“Okay. ”
“Why don’t you bring Stuart upstairs so you can cuddle with him later? Well, only if you want.”
I grinned. “I want. I really want.” I cuddled Stuart to my chest. “Thank you.”
He scratched my scalp. “You’re most welcome, Andre.”
We went upstairs together, and then to our separate bathrooms. I’d worked up a bit of sweat while playing, and so was happy to wash that off.
Zahir had a glow about him that spoke to me.
I liked watching men sweat. What I really liked was watching my Daddy smile so much.
Only in unguarded moments—when he didn’t think I was looking—did I see his sadness.
After stepping out of the shower, I toweled myself dry.
No, sadness is too strong of a word. Wistfulness? Loneliness? He smiles with me. So I just have to make him enjoy life. Give him reasons to laugh.
Puppy antics could certainly do that.
I could make a concerted effort, while I was here, to make him the happiest I could. Returning his kindness was the least I could do.
On that note, I dressed quickly and headed downstairs.
Daphne greeted me with enthusiasm.
I laughed. “Oh, I’m not just a food delivery system. I know you don’t get dinner for several hours.”
She cocked her head—as if trying to figure out how much she might, or might not, be able to manipulate me.
“Nice try. Now, do you want to go out?”
She moved to the back door and sat by her leash.
I clipped her on and took her to the backyard. The area was fenced, but I didn’t want to take a chance on anything bad happening.
Within a moment, she sniffed, peed, and appeared ready to go back inside .
“You’re good.” Zahir stood in the doorway, leaning against the jamb, grinning. The sunlight caught his hair, and it shone black.
My heart leapt. How did I not notice how damn attractive he is?
Well, I might’ve in a more general sense.
Like thinking the crow’s feet made him look distinguished.
But actually making my heart rate accelerate and me think seriously about what he would be like in bed? No, this was the first moment for that.
He cocked his head—much the way Daphne had. “Everything all right?”
“What? Oh, of course. She’s done her business.” I held out the leash.
“You can unclip her. She’s free to roam this backyard. The gate’s always closed, and she actually comes when she’s called.”
“Ah, but will she come when I call?”
“Unclip her and let’s find out.” Zahir’s countenance was open and honest. To him, it appeared, things really were that simple.
“Okay.” I bent to unclip Daphne’s leash.
She scurried over to a clump of bushes.
I moved to stand next to Zahir.
He nodded.
“Daphne? Come.” I tried to inject as much authority into my voice as possible.
She poked her head up, regarded me, waited at least three seconds, then finally headed my way.
“Good girl.” I scratched behind her ears.
Zahir chuckled. “You had your doubts?”
I straightened. “Well, frankly, yes. I have no experience with dogs. Why would she listen to me?”
“Because her previous owner trained her well. She’ll respond to anyone who uses an authoritative voice. ”
“Even if their intentions are ill?”
He eyed me. “I’m not sure what you mean.”
I waved him off. “Just fretting about bad things that might happen to her. To all dogs.”
“That’s really good of you, Andre. I think Gizmo and Gus are really going to like you.”
Demetrius’s dogs. Another reminder where we were headed and how crazy this journey really was.
“Daphne will be okay?” I eyed her as she slurped from her water bowl.
Zahir touched my biceps. “She’ll be fine. We should go.”
“Yeah.” I didn’t check the time on my phone because I trusted him to know what was best. I gave him my best smile. “Okay.”
He held his arms open wide.
I fell into the hug.
“I’m proud of you, Andre. No matter what happens—you remember that, eh?”
“Yeah. Thank you.”
With that, we headed out.