15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Zahir
“ I ’m sorry, can you repeat that?”
I stared into Andre’s dark-brown eyes. Trying to parse his words. Although, really, they were pretty clear.
“I want to have sex with you. Like, sleep with you—but in the sexual way. Or, like, make love. But that feels too forward to say. Because I know you’re not in love with me.”
I could be, though. So damn easily. I took a deep breath. “Is this because you feel gratitude?”
“Well, sure. But that’s not why.” He scratched his stubbled cheek. “My mom said to wait until I met the right person—and I just know you’re the right person.”
No pressure or anything. “Andre, this is a huge decision.”
“Sure. Or not. I could’ve gotten together with other guys—but it never felt right. With you? It, uh, feels right. ”
Again, I tried to read between the lines. “Would this be as a Daddy/pup?” I’d never done that with Marty, and I wasn’t certain how I felt about crossing that line.
He scrunched his face. “No. I mean, unless that’s the only way—”
“Not at all. I’m fine with vanilla sex.”
He chuckled. “Something I never thought I’d hear a man say.” He moved closer.
Bold .
“Is this something you’d consider? Or am I pushing too hard? I can be, you know, too intense at times.”
“I’m okay with intense.” I caressed his cheek. “I just don’t want you to have regrets.”
“I think I’ll have more regrets if you don’t sleep with me.” He leaned into my touch. “I really want this. I know myself enough to know this.”
“Okay.” I swallowed. “Where?” I supposed that should be something I should decide myself. But that decision felt too monumental.
“I think the primary bedroom might be too emotional for you.” Andre stroked my arm.
“I slept in there last night.” Which had been, admittedly, easier than I’d thought. Of course Andre joining me in the middle of the night and seeking reassurance had eased my own discomfort.
“Sleeping on a bed and having sex are two very different things. Even I understand that.” He offered a small smile. “But only you know what you’re capable of.”
Marty’s words swirled in my head. You’re a brave man, Zahir.
It’s why I love you so much. You slay dragons — including your own.
He’d also accused me of overthinking things quite often.
“I can do this. Hell, I want to do this. Reclaiming that space is important to me. Just like you’re important to me.
” Maybe, with him, I could slay those dragons yet again.
“Okay. Where shall we put Daphne?” Andre eyed my pup.
“Ah. Good point. I think we’ll have to close her in the spare room for now.
She’ll be displeased, but it’ll be better than her deciding to jump onto the bed at an inopportune moment.
Maybe…eventually—” That brought me up short because the words implied there might be future occurrences.
Hell, I still didn’t know how long Andre was sticking around.
Until he met his sisters? Until he tired of his new family?
Until he had enough of me? I didn’t want to think I’d be the reason for him leaving—but I also couldn’t be the only reason he stayed.
Too much pressure on this fragile relationship—if I could even call what we had by that name.
“So you take care of Daphne and I’ll meet you in the bedroom?” Andre ducked his head. “If that’s okay.”
He wasn’t acting coy—of that I was certain.
No, he was shy. At times unbearably so. His outer beauty might’ve, under different circumstances, given him confidence.
Boldness. Instead, he retreated behind his good looks and held himself apart.
Possibly because of the puppy side of his personality as well.
If I’d rejected that nature, then we wouldn’t be heading to bed.
We’d be incompatible. He deserved to be with someone who honored his kinks instead of questioning them.
I pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Sounds perfect.”
He turned into the kiss.
Startled, I opened my mouth to gasp.
He pressed his lips to mine.
The kiss was…awkward. Clearly this was something he hadn’t done before. Still, he made a valiant effort as he thrust his tongue into my mouth .
I grasped his cheeks—enjoying the feel of stubble beneath the pads of my fingers. I tried to slow him. To show him about finesse. To demonstrate we weren’t in any great hurry.
As I hoped, he eased off the insistent thrusts. He gave me a moment to center myself. I ran one hand down his flank and around to his ass, even as I continued to kiss him. When my hand reached his ass, I applied the smallest amount of pressure to coax him forward.
When his erect cock brushed mine, a surge of electricity shot through me.
He is into this. He’s not just doing this because it’s what he thinks I want.
I hadn’t necessarily thought that—but I also wanted to ensure he was as turned on as I was.
Because if he wasn’t into this, we might fall flat on our faces.
Andre pressed himself against me and moaned. Then he pulled his mouth away from mine. “I…this…”
“Yeah.”
His smile lit my heart. “Yeah. That. So we’re good?” He ducked his head again.
“We’re great.” Because here I could offer reassurance.
“Thank you.” He said the words on a sigh, then he headed upstairs.
Taking my heart with him.
I was falling hard, and I was falling fast.
I eyed Daphne. “A green dental treat?”
To my dying day, I’d have sworn she arched an eyebrow as if to say, I know I’m being bribed…I just don’t know why .
I grabbed a treat from the jar. “Daddy has something important to do tonight. You be a good girl and sleep like the dead. I know you’re capable.” Hell, sometimes she went down so hard that she snored. “Upstairs.”
She focused on the treat.
I pointed to the stairs .
She took them at a run.
My footsteps were heavier as I followed.
Since I’d moved her bed back to the spare room, she had gone there. I joined her in the room and pointed to that bed.
She plopped onto her butt.
“Be a good girl.”
Again, I’d have sworn she smirked. I gave her the treat and beat a hasty retreat, shutting the door. I hadn’t grabbed my pajamas, but I could do that when I went to either join her or retrieve her—depending on how the next hour or so went.
The primary bedroom door was open, and I stepped inside.
Andre lay on the bed. He’d pulled off the blanket and top sheet. Oh, and he’d pulled off his clothes while he’d been at it. His head was on a pillow and his hand grasped his cock. Although the pose could’ve been arrogant, it was anything but. He pulled his lower lip through his teeth.
“I like.” You need to assure him. “I’m sure you know I find you attractive. It’s more than that, though. It’s how you’re willing to be vulnerable with me.” Then I had a moment of true lucidity. “Crap.”
His movement still. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I don’t have any condoms. I haven’t used the things in, like, two decades. And hardly even back them. Marty and I just—” Damn . I hadn’t meant to say his name in this space tonight.
“You’re worried you might not remember how to use them?” Andre’s expression held just a touch of mischief.
“Well, when you put it like that…” I arched an eyebrow.
He held my gaze. “I’ve never done anything with anybody. So I can guarantee I’m negative. But I’m asking you to take my word for it.”
“Just like I’m asking you to take mine. Marty and I were faithful for our entire marriage. Of that I had no doubt. Still, my doctor, wanted to run a full panel the last time I saw him. He claimed he was just being precautionary—for when I was ready to return to the dating scene.”
“He’s either a very good doctor or a very nosy one.”
I grinned. “Both. I’ve been with him forever.
I maintained I had no plans to ever sleep with anyone again, and he countered with knowing I was negative would enable me to open myself up.
I didn’t believe him. Not at the time. I thought we were wasting the lab’s time.
Of course, I came back negative for everything—as I’d known I would. ”
“And now you can assure me that we’ll be safe.”
Slowly, I nodded. “I can find the report somewhere.”
“I don’t need it.”
“Just like if you tell me you’ve never been with someone, I choose to believe you.
” Maybe a bit reckless, and Doctor Raymond likely wouldn’t approve, but sometimes one just had to make a judgement call.
Andre was likely the virgin he was claiming to be.
Or, at the very least, he’d never been kissed properly.
Even as I held his gaze, though, I found the truth in his beguiling eyes.
Lying was hard for him—it didn’t come naturally as it did for other people.
I took a breath. “So, you’re okay if we go bareback? ”
He nodded. “Only—” Again with the lower lip through his teeth.
Sometimes I worried he might make a permanent impression. “Only?” I prompted him. Whatever he wanted to say, he needed to be the one to do it.
“Will you…?” He continued to hold his shaft—although the erection was dying a little.
“Are you asking me to top you?”
He nodded.
“Of course I can. I was mainly a top with Marty. Only on occasion did he want to switch things up.” Damn. Again with bringing up my dead husband. Except Andre really appeared to need assurances.
“And you were okay with that?”
“Yes. I’m a switch. I topped more because that was what Marty wanted—but I’m just as happy getting my prostate nailed.”
“Oh. Well, when you put it like that—” He cleared his throat.
I reached for the buttons on my shirt and began to undo them. “If you’re still interested.”
“Yeah. That. Really that.” He resumed stroking his shaft.
I redoubled my effort to get undressed as quickly as possible. At least I know there’s a bottle of lube in the nightstand drawer, and it’s likely not expired. Because the idea of being inside this precious man—to make him mine that way—overwhelmed me.
By the time I was naked, my own cock was fully erect and a drop of precum leaked.
Andre licked his lips.