Chapter 15
Lola
Iwas obviously out of my damn mind.
That’s what my brain kept telling me as I let Carter lead me from the Archives—which had mysteriously locked at some point and unlocked right as he reached for it—to Arc’s house. I could only hope that poor Maggie stashed herself somewhere far away and didn’t witness any of what had happened there.
His hand held mine firmly, unbothered by the curious glances of the few people passing us on the streets. There was a crazed look on his face, and I guess I didn’t look any better. My cheeks still felt warm, my dress was all rumpled, my hair was a mess, and my underwear were soaked.
Damn, he had pulled some weird trick on me.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if Dimitri had done this—basic—foreplay, as it was pretty tame.
But, Carter? Really? He had found my G-spot without even knowing what it was, and didn’t let it go.
I was kind of impressed. I mean, some men were still puzzled about a fucking clitoris after decades of being sexually active.
And here I thought that taunting him into following his desires would end up with him freaking out and folding like a coward. The thoughts and emotions coursing through him as he fucked my mouth and made me come on the damn floor had been filthy, riling me up even more.
I had no idea what was going to happen once we made it to the house, only a few feet away from us now, but I was excited to find out.
He pushed open the unlocked door and slammed it behind us, pushing me against it to crash his open mouth against mine in a groaning kiss.
“Can I fuck you now, or am I still not worthy enough?”
I moaned as he pressed his hard cock against my stomach. “It’s not about being worthy, and you know it,” I panted, sliding both hands behind his neck. “The only person who has doubts about it here is you.”
He growled, his hand coming around my throat as he inched backward to look at my face, his lips pulled back, revealing his sharp canines.
“I’m not—”
“I don’t want you to regret it afterward,” I cut him off, fighting against the sudden lack of air. “You obviously still have issues about being a Fallen, the last thing I need is for you to start blaming me for tempting you.”
His hold loosened as he inched closer, his forehead connecting with mine. But his eyes were dark, lightning sparking in them like the time we fought in the living room.
“Do you think me incapable of owning up to my actions?”
“You don’t have the best history in doing so,” I countered as his hand tightened again, making me gasp to try and get as much air as I could. “I mean, you never actually apologized for attacking me upon arrival.”
“I did.” His hips shifted forward, seeking friction.
I scratched at his arms to try and get free. “That lame forced apology back in Kai’s office was worth shit.”
This whole thing was highly confusing. Were we fighting or about to have sex against the damn door?
His lips landed on mine and I kissed him back fervently.
Fuck the lack of air. Worst case scenario, I’d black out for a few seconds.
I was not going to beg him to release me. He could choke me for all I cared.
“Apologize,” I moaned in his mouth as he wrapped my legs around his hips.
“Really? You want to do this now?”
Did I? I was inexplicably hornier than I’ve been in a pretty long time.
Maybe we could wait until after to fight this out.
Or perhaps, fighting about it now would give us the perfect opportunity for great make-up sex.
What was the best way to throw him straight into an active sex life than with an angry fuck?
But my core was throbbing with need and my anger was only an echo in the lust swirling in my mind.
“Living room,” I said in between kisses. “Now.”
No way in Hell was I letting this happen on the floor or against a counter again. If I was going to ride this winged man until I couldn’t walk anymore, I would do this in a more comfortable position.
“We have plenty of rooms upstairs,” he rasped as he walked us toward the stairs.
“Nope!” I said, getting a hold of the bannister to stop him before he could climb it. “Too personal. I need a more neutral room.”
He grumbled, rolling his eyes at me. “Seriously?”
“As you may or may not have noticed, I have attachment and trust issues, especially since Arc trapped me into a deal to keep me in his bed at night. Not doing that again.”
He bit my lower lip and squeezed my ass as he, as asked, walked toward the living room. “I’m not going to trap you into anything.”
“Not risking it.”
I moaned as his teeth nibbled at the sensitive skin on the side of my neck. “How are we supposed to develop a relationship if you won’t trust me?”
“We don’t.”
“We are.”
He rocked me harder against his length and my mind went blank for a second. He could open his jeans and fuck me right here. Damn, I knew I made the right choice wearing a dress today.
“Why is it so important to you for me to acknowledge whatever is going on? We’re not fighting and we can have good sex. What’s more to it?”
He sat on the armchair in the corner of the room—the one he always picked in the nights I found him reading in here with Arc—and straightened up to kiss me again before sighing against my lips, one hand cupping my jaw, the other still palming my ass.
His tone was low and soft, barely over a whisper, like he was confessing something he never admitted before.
“It’s important because, even though I’m a Fallen, I’m still a Divine.
Because I didn’t fall for lust but for envy.
Because, for as long as I knew mates were a thing, I’ve been jealous of the ones who found theirs.
Because I’ve always craved this kind of deep bond between two souls, and now that I’ve found it and fucked it up from the very start, I want this to be real.
I want to be a part of the binded group and I want to—”
“You can’t,” I cut him off, shaking my head.
His whole body tensed as his face fell. “Why?”
“Because I have no soul for you to bind to. There can’t be any binded group without the core’s soul.”
He searched my eyes for a few seconds, the only sound in the room our heavy breathing. “But I can feel it. That bond, tugging me to you.” His voice was pleading, borderline desperate, and my heart ached. “It has to mean your soul is somewhere, right?”
I shook my head, straightening on his lap, sitting a bit farther to look at his face properly.
“I don’t feel it. Don’t you think I would have recognized you as my mate from the start if I did? And Arc? Didn’t he tell you that—”
“He did,” he said. “But I thought—you seemed to feel it with Dimitri. You felt it when he came back. Ran to him.” I did. But again, the little pull I felt was nothing compared to the bone-deep ache and tug I felt before I lost my damned soul. “That’s what I’ve been craving forever.”
He grabbed both my hands to place them on his chest, where his heart was thumping against his ribcage. “Dimitri and I had over a millennium together,” I explained. “I could feel him in a room filled with people and with my eyes closed.”
“Is it because you met him when you were still human?”
My throat became dry.
No, it wasn’t.
I could feel Blake the same way, and I’d met him long after I became a demon.
“No. It’s the time. We’re—”
“Then we’ll get there,” Carter said, lifting one of my hands to his face, placing my palm on his short stubble.
“I’m not asking you to make a binding promise or to swear your undying love to me,” he continued, pulling me closer until our foreheads connected, the motion strangely tender and intimate.
“I’m asking you to give me a chance to prove to you that we can be it.
To prove to you that, without the voices, I’m actually not that much of an asshole.
That I might have a lot to learn about all this, but I’m an eager student.
That we might have started on the wrong foot, but my only wish is to fix it and be by your side. To—”
“Stop talking,” I whispered before grazing his lips with mine. He had stopped breathing entirely, heart beating even faster than before. “I’m broken, and I might never be whole again.”
“I don’t care. And if you want me to, I’ll fly down to Hell and look for your soul with you.”
My heart shattered. It was a big deal for an angel to mention Hell, even a Fallen one. And I knew, I could feel it in my bones, that he meant every word of it.
I didn’t answer, choosing instead to kiss him. Slow and deep. Hands roaming his chest, his face, fingers tangling in his hair.
“How adorable,” a voice crooned from a corner of the room, and I jumped, ready to throw whatever I could grab to the intruder’s face.
Carter was in front of me in an instant, wings spread wide behind him, electricity zapping along his arms. I was ready to bet his eyes had the same lightning hue as the time we fought in this very room and he threatened to fry me from the inside out.
Good times.
“Oh no, don’t stop on my account,” he continued, stepping out of the shadows and my stomach dropped. ‘Not-Vlad’ stood there, hands in his pockets, orange-ish eyes gleaming in the faint light of the room, a mischievous grin splitting his face.
“How did you get here?” Carter asked, seconds from throwing lightning bolts to the Vampire.
The question made sense. Vampires couldn’t get inside a house without being invited inside by someone living in it or—
Fuck. He knew.
“Well, ‘Lola’ lives here, doesn’t she?”
“Not really,” I muttered.
But I kind of did. When Arc said I was to live here, he implicitly said it was my home too.
“Did she invite you in, then?” Carter asked, but there was no ounce of doubts in his voice. He knew I didn’t.
The familiar orange eyes met mine as he said, “I don’t need an invitation if a blood relative lives here. When you’re done avoiding me and frolicking with the almighty goose over there, I’d love a moment to catch up, sister dearest.”