Chapter 25
Bradford
I stare down at the files on my desk, struggling to keep ahold of my mind.
Honestly, I should be picking through the files Chief Wilkerson finally sent over on Cade’s past, but instead, my brain is desperate to run back to fucking Dr. Williams—and the fact that my daughter is getting to see her right now. Without me.
Dammit. I need to fix this rumination problem. It’s for the best.
The mugshot photo of Cade Kellan clears in my vision, but I push the files and photo off to the corner of my desk.
Then I drag over my notes on Turner. Should I be focused on Cade?
Yes, but anything else other than Dr. Williams will do right now.
And I haven’t been consistent with our sessions, but overall, Turner’s still improving.
“By some fucking miracle,” I mutter under my breath.
I was a little unsure at first when I took him on, given the fragility of his psyche and the way his triggers seemed to be all over the place. But given how shitty the last couple of months have been, Turner has proven to be a good guy—and I think he stands a shot of actually making it.
He’s been through a lot of fucked up shit, but while we were at the bar, he remained calm when I didn’t. That was impressive. I note it, and then run my fingers through my dark hair, jotting down my prediction.
By the end of the year, if he keeps up with his pro-social coping skills, he should be able to sustain his recovery on his own.
“Maybe he will get his girl back,” I reason, and then frown, letting my brain chase that. He’ll still need an outlet, some sort of adrenaline rush and then consistent grounding. Just like all the rest.
Except…is that the truth? Or is that just what I tell myself as I mold these guys into what I want them to be?
Guilt flickers in my chest. I’m no fucking psychologist.
But then again, the world is so fucked up and most don’t know how to appreciate people that try to make it a better place—which is what I’m doing. I think. Regardless, there’s a gap the law doesn’t fill, and people still hurt the weak or na?ve.
That’s where I step in. I use monsters to hunt monsters.
That’s all there is to it. No philosophical bullshit or taxpayer dollars required.
“But then there’s Cade,” I say his name aloud, and it’s fucking sour on my tongue. I lean back in the desk chair, and then eye the files again. Fuck.
My phone blares in the silence, just as I reach for them again. I fish it out of my pocket, expecting it to be Molly, calling to tell me more about my tough guy act.
But as my eyes lock on the screen, that’s not who it is.
“Finally,” I breathe out, immediately answering it and putting it to my ear. “What the hell, Knight? Where the fuck have you been?”
“Bradford, how are you? Saw you called. Been a little busy.”
I sigh a little louder than I should, just to fucking make the point. “A lot going on right now, but I’ll manage. I don’t seem to have any other choice.”
“Hmm.” Ben chuckles, but his tone is dead. “There is lot is going on. That's what I called to talk about.”
“Expand.”
“Well,” he continues, “So we had our weekly commander’s brief earlier.
Our brand-new idiot S2 Alpha decided to add a slide about the issue of Kellan.
I was really irritated about that. It doesn't need more attention on our side over here. We have plenty of other shit to worry about.” Knight goes off, his tone poisonous with contempt.
“Nonetheless, the battalion Commander had us set up a SIPR VOIP call after the brief. I wouldn’t even know about it except they couldn't figure out how to set up the damn call. Anyway, they had a fucking chat with NCIS.”
I straighten in the chair. “And?”
Knight doesn’t miss a beat. “The investigator mentioned a team following a promising lead in Colorado. The conversation was pretty short. They refused to comment on most details, and it seemed more like they didn’t know the answer to the questions rather than withholding information.”
My jaw ticks, my mind pulling up the dark gray SUV in the parking lot of the police station. “So you don’t know how close they are?”
“No, but they clearly got their noses deep in your side of town. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start tapping fucking telephone lines.”
“Thanks for the heads up.” I reach for the coffee cup, still halfway full on my desk, and take a sip of the lukewarm liquid. It’s its own flavor of disgusting, but I need something to deal with this information overload.
“Yeah, I don’t know how much of a heads up this really is.” Irritation oozes from his words. “There’s… something else.”
I set my coffee back down, my stomach knotting up. “And what’s that?”
“Look,” Ben exhales, “Cade is an outstanding war fighter. We need more men willing to output his intensity and training. He handles the job a lot of kids would say no to or at least hesitate on, and I could always count on him. He was like a brother, but…”
“But you’re getting paranoid about your loose end.”
“I’m not going to discuss the details,” Ben snaps, and then sighs again, as if correcting himself. “Anyway, he’s been involved in too much, and I know about the Ridgecrest fire. The more that kind of shit happens, the riskier this is going to get. I’ve been considering the reality of all this.”
I wait patiently for him to admit to the conclusion that should’ve happened in the first place.
“I owed Cade,” Ben suddenly sounds almost nervous. “But there’s way too much at stake, if he is still acting hot. Cade needs to go. He’s crossed too many lines, he’s not taking your orders, and therefore, he’s no longer fighting the good fight.”
Ah, there’s his fucked up, twisted code of ethics rising to the surface.
And Knight doesn’t stop. “Cade’s a vigilante committing atrocities under your watch, and there is no telling what he’ll destroy next.
I hate to do this to you after everything, but you have my permission to do what needs to be done.
No more games, no more rehabilitation, and I should’ve never put this on you in the first place. ”
I drum my fingers on my thigh, mulling it over. “You want him put down. Yeah?”
Ben is silent for a few beats. “He’s a lost cause. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but he fucking blew it. I’ve heard rumors he’s pissed off someone in the underworld.”
I chuckle. “Like Satan?”
“No, like the goddamn cartel.”
I roll my eyes at the rumor. “Yeah, okay. You need to get that paranoia in check. The only gang activity around here is some low-level bullshit. Cade’s not mixed up in anything like that.”
“Still,” Ben urges, something abnormal for him. “He knows too much. He will take you down with him, if they get him. He’s not mentally strong enough to take that kind of heat. He’ll want to skip the lethal injection.”
I mull that over, my mind flashing back to Cade pointing between his eyes. “I don’t know about that. He masks like a manic coward, but I don’t know that he is one.”
“He’s not redeemable. Whatever attachment you’ve got to him, let it go. Put him down.”
“Hmm.” My fingers still. I fucking hate taking orders from someone beneath me. Even if it’s the right call. Even if it should’ve been done a long time ago. Even if it’ll back NCIS off my doorstep.
“Bradford,” Knight’s voice sharpens again. “They took his workstation laptop, which uncovered a lot of shit. They know he killed his dad. They know about his sister’s boyfriend. Now, we have the Ridgecrest fire. You don’t have a handle on him. You can’t save every single fuck-up sent your way.”
“He’d be the first failure for me,” I admit, which actually carries some weight.
“And me, too.” He pauses. “But he’s like a good horse with a broken leg. Sometimes a bullet is the best recovery there is.”
Fuck, it’s really going to come to this.
“I’ll update you.” I hang up on Knight before he can keep driving his point home. Let the asshole sit with consequences of his protégé.
My mind conjures up the final scene for Cade, walking him out to the furthest field, a hole already dug. Turner could do it, but I wouldn’t let him.
I’ll have to do it.
And that makes my stomach sick, no matter how much of a pain he is—no matter how much relief might be mixed in with it.
I shut my eyes and lean my head against my hand, impulses pounding at the door of my body, desperate for some kind of release.
Besides, it’s all almost over with Cade.
So, maybe I should let myself have it.