Chapter 8
Duke couldn’t ever recall feeling this physically ill. Not when his uncle had died. Not even when he’d found out that his aunt had a heart attack. But right now, it was all he could do not to pull the truck over, open the door and throw up.
The drive to the supermarket and back had been quiet and tense. In all of his thirty-two years, he’d never had a slip-up like this. For it to be with the woman that things were already fragile with, left him feeling like there was lead in his stomach.
He finally pulled to a stop in front of his home. Bailey opened the door and hopped down from the cab before he had the key out of the ignition. He caught up with her before they reached the porch.
She stood silently while he unlocked the front door. Then she surprised him by walking over to the coffee table, setting the bag down before turning to him.
“Can we sit on the porch for a minute? I need some fresh air,” she stated.
He nodded before grabbing the quilt on the back of the couch then followed her outside. She made her way over to the porch swing and sat before clenching her hands in her lap. He sat next to her and then placed the blanket over them before kicking the swing into motion.
Several minutes ticked by but he remained silent. He was smart enough to know this was the one time he couldn’t push her.
“I can hear your thoughts over here,” she said as she moved closer to him. “I have a lot to say, I’m just trying to figure out where to start.”
“Wherever you think is best,” he replied softly.
“That’s difficult,” Bailey said and met his gaze head-on, seriously. A breeze swept several strands of hair across her face and she reached up to brush them out of the way.
“My mother left me,” she stated as she looked away.
All of his breath was expelled from his chest, but he managed not to make a sound. That was the last thing he’d expected her to say.
“I was young, so I don’t remember her,” Bailey continued.
“My father doesn’t talk about her but I know that her leaving hurt him.
He’s done the best he could, but I think he still thinks he failed me sometimes.
” She paused, then sniffled. “He didn’t though.
He’s the best dad I could have ever asked for. I try to tell him that every day.”
She shook her head as her bottom lip trembled. “I’m scared, Duke. I’ve never thought about having kids. I didn’t expect to ever meet someone that would care about me enough to make it possible.”
Her voice broke and she stopped speaking. As far as he was concerned, she had all the time in the world to talk. He knew this was information he needed to know if their relationship had any chance of surviving.
“When I realized tonight might have resulted in a baby, I completely panicked. Then I wondered if that was what my mother had felt. I’ve spent my entire life hating her. Wondering why she’d left me. But at that moment, I understood.”
Bailey paused again. Several minutes ticked by.
“Then another fear filled me. I don’t know how to be a mother, Duke. I’ve never had anyone in my life to show me what that’s supposed to be like. What if I have a daughter who isn’t like me? Maybe she will want to play with dolls and have tea parties. What do I do?”
His heart constricted over the amount of pain he heard in her voice. This was the last thing he’d ever expected to hear from her. But he now understood so much.
“You show her the love that you never felt from your mother but always wanted. If she wants a doll, you’ll buy it for her. When it’s tea party time, you’ll be there with your oil-covered jumper on making sure that nothing in the world matters more than her.”
More sniffles filled the air as Bailey’s shoulders started to shake. When she moved closer to him, he finally pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly. He lost track of how long she cried but it didn’t matter. There was nowhere else he’d rather be.
She finally pulled back and he offered her the corner of the quilt so that she could discreetly clean her face. Once she was finished, she turned the quilt so that the soiled side was furthest away from them.
“I’ve never thought about it like that,” she finally whispered. “But I’m not sure I’m ready.”
He squeezed her shoulders before pressing a kiss to her temple. “Then we go inside and we use the emergency contraceptive.”
“The box says I have up to seventy-two hours. It’s late and I want to take a little more time to think about it,” she admitted.
“Then we go to bed now and see how you feel when we wake up,” he suggested.
She nodded. “Okay.”
He pushed to his feet and grabbed the blanket before holding his hand out to her. She grasped it and he pulled her to her feet.
“Go get ready for bed while I put this in the wash and lock up for the night,” he instructed.
She nodded before turning to head toward the bedroom. Once she was out of the room, he leaned heavily against the door.
Damn.
He was so angry at himself for losing his head and putting them into this situation. Not because the idea of having kids sent him into a panic. He wasn’t afraid of a committed relationship, marriage, or having a family. Not when he’d had so many great examples of how it looked.
To know that Bailey had never had that made his heart ache for her. No wonder she’d been so wary of him and his intentions.
Pushing away from the door, he made his way to the washroom and loaded the washer. Then he made his way to his bedroom, trying to slow his racing thoughts. The ball was in Bailey’s court.
It was her body.
Her decision.
But a huge part of him wanted everything with Bailey. He’d been captivated by her from the moment he saw her, but now that he’d gotten to know her the feeling was even stronger.
He’d known from the beginning that he’d had his work cut out for him, but now he understood why. When he realized that didn’t make him want to run in the opposite direction it became clear that this wasn’t just lust.
When he entered his bedroom, he was shocked to find Bailey under the covers reclined against the headboard waiting for him.
“Are you waiting up for me?” he asked.
“Yes,” she whispered.
“Okay. I won’t be long,” he promised.
He emptied his bladder and brushed his teeth before exiting the bathroom. As he neared the bed, one corner of his mouth curved upward. Even with red-rimmed puffy eyes, she was still the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.
He crawled underneath the covers and turned off the bedside lamp before reclining onto his back.
She immediately scooted closer to him, resting her weight on him and he reached out to steady her.
Every square inch where her body met his was instantly aware.
He wrapped his arm around her waist. She pressed a kiss to his chest and he called himself all sorts of names for being so weak.
“Bailey,” he said suddenly, “I’m sorry for losing my head and putting us into the situation.”
She reached out and pressed a finger to his lips, quieting him. “We were both lost in the moment. I don’t want that to taint one of the best experiences of my life.”
He grinned even as he tried not to let his ego over-inflate. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I kind of want to do it again, but we’ve already been risky,” she mumbled.
A billion conflicting emotions roared through him. He’d originally planned to spend the entire night making love to her before the reality of his lapse of sanity had kicked in. Now he wasn’t sure it would be the same if they did.
“I have condoms,” he admitted. “I purchased them the day after I told you to pack a bag for the next time you came over. I just got caught up in the moment.”
“So, we can be safe this time?” she asked.
“Yes.”
She was quiet for several minutes before nodding. “Then I want to.”
Duke finally released the groan he’d been holding in, reached for her, and pulled her into his embrace.
He lowered his mouth to hers like a starving man after the only nourishment left in the world and shoved aside the slight shame at his tactics in the wave of lust pulling him under.
No sense in denying himself what he craved.