Chapter 11
Mercedes didn’t really know what to think.
When she had traveled to Hampton Cove, she certainly hadn’t expected to be mugged by some hapless loser the moment she arrived and had parked her rental in a local parking garage.
And she most certainly hadn’t expected to ride in some oversized tank with a cantankerous but also exceedingly charismatic old lady who could have been one of the original cast of The Golden Girls, or to get involved in a collision caused by a superhero who looked like a bumblebee.
“Why is he calling himself the Germinator when he’s dressed like a bumblebee?” she asked. “Shouldn’t he call himself Bumblebee-Man or something? Like Spider-Man?”
“No idea,” Vesta admitted. “Maybe he figures he needs to exterminate the people responsible for exterminating bumblebees? Take revenge on behalf of all bumblebees out there? Who knows what goes on in his mind. These people are certifiable, if you ask me.”
Vesta had taken up position in front of the two men tied to a lamppost, and judging from the way they greeted her, they seemed familiar with her. Which shouldn’t have surprised Mercedes one bit, since Vesta seemed to know every single person in town.
“You have to get us out of here, Vesta,” said the smallest of the two. He had a face like a ferret and was wriggling desperately against the restraints that kept him from taking off. “That freak show tricked us!”
“Yeah, he tricked us, Mrs. Muffin,” said the larger of the two crooks. This one looked as if he had swallowed a smaller version of himself whole. “Said he had something to sell us, only when we met up, he pulled a gun on us and tied us to this lamppost!”
“We did nothing wrong,” the smaller one insisted. “You have to believe us, Mrs. Muffin!”
“Oh, I believe you all right,” said Vesta. “I’ll believe you the day hell freezes over. Now tell me what you really did. And why this guy decided to go all vigilante on you guys.”
The two men, whose names, if Mercedes remembered correctly, were Jerry and Johnny, shared a look, then the smallest one deflated somewhat.
“We had arranged to sell him some bitcoin. Only he said he wanted to meet us in person before he committed to buying from us. So we agreed. Which I see now was a big mistake.”
“When he showed up looking like a bumblebee, I figured that’s the way these bitcoiners look,” the big one lamented. “Nutjobs, you know. But then he pulled that gun on us.”
“He said it didn’t contain bullets, but something called germicide?” said Jerry. “Said that if we didn’t do as he said, he’d spray us with the stuff, and we’d die a terrible death.”
“It sure looked like a gun,” said Johnny. “And I’ve seen a lot of guns in my time.”
“And so he tied you up,” said Vesta in conclusion. “Because you tried to scam him.”
“No, we didn’t!” said Jerry. “All we did was try to sell him some bitcoin.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that, is there, Mrs. Muffin?” asked Johnny. “Everybody is selling bitcoin these days. Even the President of the United States. It’s the big thing.”
“Yeah, yeah,” said Vesta. “Save it for the judge.” She looked up at the roof where the Germinator had first appeared, but it was clear that he was gone now.
“Did he give you a name?” she asked. “This bumblebee?”
Johnny shook his head. “All he said was that he was the Germinator, and he was rooting out all of the germs. But we’re no germs, Mrs. Muffin.”
“No, we sure ain’t,” said Jerry. “I mean, do we look like germs to you?”
“Not really,” Vesta admitted. “Though it is true that you guys are doing your best to infest this place. Haven’t you gotten tired of living a life of crime by now?”
“Oh, absolutely,” said Jerry. “And that’s why we decided to walk the straight and narrow from now on.”
“Yeah, the life of crime is behind us, Mrs. Muffin,” Johnny assured them. “We are strictly law-abiding citizens now.”
“Who sell bitcoin,” Jerry added.
“There’s a lot of money in bitcoin,” Johnny pointed out. “Which is why we decided to get a slice of that.”
“Nothing wrong with that, is there?” asked Jerry. “Just being honest, hard-working businessmen.”
“Of course you are,” said Vesta, who didn’t seem to believe their story all that much.
At that moment, a police car arrived, and a heavyset officer stepped out. He hoisted up his belt and waddled over to where they were having their nice little talk with the two crooks—if that is what they were. Though if Vesta said they were, she was probably right.
“And what do we have here?” asked the officer as he joined them.
“Well, if it ain’t Johnny and Jerry,” he said, a smirk starting to form on his round, apple-cheeked face.
“What have we done to deserve our place in the lockup today, huh? Robbed a little old lady of her life savings? Sold drugs to kids? Held up a bank? All of the above?”
“It was the bumblebee who tied us to this lamppost, officer,” said Jerry.
The officer’s face dropped. “A bumblebee? Are you sure?”
“Absolutely,” Jerry assured him. “Dressed like a bumblebee, he was. And he called himself the Germinator.”
The police officer gulped, causing his Adam’s apple to jump up and down like a tennis ball in the preparatory stages of a US Open match.
“The… the Germinator was here?”
“He was,” Vesta assured the cop. “Said he was ridding Hampton Cove of all of its germs.” She gestured to the two crooks with a generous gesture.
“And this is the result. He tied some of those germs to a lamppost. Strange way to carry out a citizen’s arrest, if you ask me.
But then this guy doesn’t seem to be compos mentis.
I mean, why else would he walk around in that suit? ”
“Because he is a superhero?” the officer suggested, causing Vesta to give him a look of surprise.
“You actually believe this guy is a bona fide superhero?” she asked.
“Oh, I do,” said the cop. “He caught two bank robbers this morning, and now these two—what did they do, by the way?”
“Sold bitcoin,” said Vesta. “And the Germinator didn’t like it, so he tied them up and left them here.”
“Bitcoin, huh?” said the officer. “I think I’ve heard of bitcoin. Isn’t that highly flammable and extremely dangerous?”
“Bitcoin is not an explosive, Marvel,” said Vesta. “It’s… it’s…” She turned to Johnny and Jerry. “What is bitcoin? I mean, you hear so much about it, but I don’t really know what it is all about.”
“It’s money,” said Johnny. “Only not really.”
“It’s money that is on the internet,” said Jerry. “And you can buy it and sell it, and when the price goes up, you become very rich.”
“Only we don’t have any of it,” said Johnny.
Vesta frowned. “But I thought you said you were selling the stuff?”
Jerry groaned. “Johnny, you idiot,” he grunted. “You just had to go and give the game away, didn’t you?”
“So let me get this straight,” said Vesta. “You guys are selling something you don’t even have. Is that right?”
“In other words,” said Mercedes, “a scam.”
“It’s not a scam!” said Jerry heatedly. “You don’t need to actually own bitcoin to sell bitcoin.”
“You really need to explain that to me,” said Vesta. “I’m just a simple old lady, not very smart. I need things like that explained to me.”
“Well,” said Jerry. “Bitcoin is?—”
Unfortunately, they would never hear what he had to say on the subject, for at that moment, more cop cars arrived, eager to find out what was going on. Out of one of those cars, a lanky plainclothes cop stepped, and when he detected Vesta, made a beeline for her.
“Chase,” said Vesta. “This is Mercedes Saggers. Mother of a man who was murdered. Mercedes, this is the detective who was supposed to look into the death of your son, and for some reason felt that he had other, more important things to do.”
“It’s actually you I was looking for, Mrs. Saggers,” said the detective. “Chief Lip told me that you and Vesta had taken off together. Or rather, Dolores told me.” He took a deep breath. “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”
“Bad news?” she asked. “What bad news?”
“I’m afraid your son was found dead. And his death has all the hallmarks of… murder.”