Chapter 4 Man Whore
MAN WHORE
Cici
Holy moly. I slump back in my chair as soon as the door closes and lay my head back with my eyes closed, trying to calm my pounding heart.
How did I manage to make it through that whole conversation and not jump over the desk right into his lap?
That man drives me crazy and is undoubtedly the one I can’t afford to give in to.
Because he’s right, dammit, and he darn well knows it.
We are explosive together—there’s no denying it—but the problem isn’t our chemistry in the bedroom; it’s our chemistry out of it.
The orchid he brought me is a perfect example.
He’s kind, thoughtful, too damn perfect, and everything I’ve avoided in every relationship I’ve had.
The last thing I want is to be attached to someone, to be controlled, to have him try to change me or make me commit.
I like my freedom. And dammit, I like running my own life.
If I were to give in to Eli, I’d drown in him and lose myself in the process.
And I will not end up staying here for a man.
If anyone could understand why I moved away, it would be him.
We’ve talked a lot in the past about the pressure I felt from my parents.
He understood my position since he himself took over his family’s business. The difference was that he wanted to.
Even if I were strong enough to leave after starting something up again, that wouldn’t be fair to Eli.
He would only end up hurt. But damn, it’s getting tiresome to keep up this resistance.
So why did I say yes to joining him for a meal?
It was a moment of weakness. Let’s just hope I don’t have another, because I’ve never in my life wanted someone so badly.
For now? I think it’s time for some liquid therapy… right after I call Poppy and spill my guts for some friend therapy.
Poppy picks up on the first ring. “Hey, girl. How’s big-city life treating you?”
“Good, bad, and everything in between.”
“Oh boy. How about you start with the good?”
“It’s fun to be back in the city. The tall buildings, the lights, the people—I’ve missed it, just not enough to move back.”
“And what about Eli? Did you give up and get down yet?” she asks, making me laugh.
“I’m always shocked at your crassness with how conservative you are.”
“Just because I’m not banging all the eligible men in Bozeman doesn’t mean I don’t know how to talk the talk. I happen to like my romance novels just fine. While you’re screwing, I’m reading.”
“Oh, Poppy, we need to find you a man.”
“And give up my vibrator? Nah. I’ll pass.”
“Who said you have to give up your toys?”
“Every man with small-penis syndrome, which covers about eighty percent.”
“And how would you even know that?”
“I read enough of what women are fantasizing about, which means they’re not getting it, so there must not be many well-endowed men in the world.”
All I can do is laugh for a minute before responding, “I hate to break it to you, but your theory is flawed. They might not be fantasizing at all since there are plenty of big dicks to be had. Which leads us back to you needing a man. Apparently, a well-endowed one.”
“With that revelation, I’ll be sure to update my dating profile. Now quit stalling and tell me what’s going on.”
“Honestly, nothing. I’m getting exactly what I wanted, but what I want is denying myself what I fricking want.”
“Cici!”
“I made it clear to Eli we’re not hooking up… and even though it’s for the best, I can’t help but mourn the thought of him.”
“No doubt. That man is fine, and I bet he has a big dick.”
“Oh my God, Poppy!”
“He does, doesn’t he? Tell me—how long?”
“I’m not answering that,” I say while laughing.
“Oh shit, so he’s small.”
“No. Definitely not,” I protest.
She’s the one laughing now.
I see what she did. “You are terrible.”
“But it worked. And I’ve had you laughing most of the conversation,” she says, the smile evident.
“Thank you. You’re the best. What’s insane is that right after telling him we’re only going to be friends, I agreed to go test food with him at this restaurant they’re invested in.
I’m such an idiot. I just said no to sleeping with him, and now I’m dangling the cookie right in front of me.
The problem is, I like being around him too much to resist.”
But if I open the door too wide, it’s a slippery slope from there.
My heart keeps growing each time we’re together, while my head tries to wrap it in bungees to stop it.
And if Eli starts falling again, we’ll both be worse off than before by the time I leave.
If only my head weren’t at war with my heart when it comes to that man.
“I’m gonna take a stab in the dark and say you like more than just Eli’s dick.”
I can’t help laughing again. “Is that your word of the day or something?”
“How’d you guess?”
“You’re insane. Anyway, I’ve decided I’m putting more distance between us and avoiding him better than I have been if I want any chance of making it through the rest of the time here.”
“Could you be overthinking the whole thing? It’s not like sleeping with him will change the fact that you live fifteen hundred miles away.”
“Not helpful, Poppy.”
“Depends on how you look at it, I suppose. I could support you in your decision to remain celibate, or I can encourage you to indulge in some big dick instead.”
“I’m hanging up now, you brat. Thanks for listening and making me laugh. I miss you.”
“I miss you more. Bye, Cici.”
“Bye.”
Hanging up the phone, I check for Lily’s response about dinner tonight and am relieved to see she’s in.
Work will keep me busy the rest of the day, and then I’ll need something to keep my mind off all this, and wedding talk is the perfect distraction.
Thank goodness for Poppy. That was exactly what I needed to unload before seeing Lily and spewing it all to her.
It makes no sense to tell her about Eli and me at this point when (a) what happened between us was so long ago and (b) we won’t go down that road again.
Rebecca must hear the silence in my office and know I’m off the phone because a light knock sounds before she pops in. “Okay, I have to ask. Who was that guy? Is he your boyfriend?” She’s practically swooning.
Oh boy, Eli must’ve used the Dubree charm when he came to surprise me, and I can’t help but smile at the thought.
“That’s Eli Dubree, and we’re not dating. He’s Jackson’s friend and Lily’s fiancé’s brother. He just came to check up on me.”
“All right. Is he single, and can you make an introduction?” Rebecca’s practically panting as she asks.
I’m not smiling anymore. “He’s not really someone you can set up. He’s more of a hookup kind of guy.”
“I’m way okay with that. He is one fine specimen of a man. I’m sure one time would be worth it.”
“Maybe… if you don’t mind STDs. He’s a man whore, so you might end up with more than you bargained for. Trust me—not worth it. You’re too good for him, Rebecca.” I’m impressed at how convincing I sound and hope it does the job.
“Shoot. Never mind, then. Darn it. You don’t see single men like that every day, that’s for sure.
Sorry, I’ll let you get back to work.” She starts for the door but stops abruptly and turns back.
“Before I forget to ask, did you want me to come for Cindy’s first day back and walk her through everything she’s missed?
Six months is a long time to be gone. I’d be happy to come in outside of the agency. ”
Ugh. She really is sweet. Now I feel guilty for scaring her away from Eli. Just because I can’t have him doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve someone like Rebecca. I’ll reconsider fixing her up, but not until I’m gone.
“That’s nice of you to offer, but I’ll go through things with her and make sure we’re on the same page.
It would be helpful if you’d type up a list of transactions you’ve been working on and their status, along with a list of any nuances she should be aware of for the newly acquired properties.
Also, could you request a report from HR of all new hires since she’s been away and make notes about anyone you deal with regularly?
That way, Jackson will be as up to speed as Cindy when he returns next month. ”
“Good idea. I’ll have everything ready by the time I leave on my last day next week.
And hey, it’s been great working with you.
Way to go stepping in when Jackson left.
You made the transition seamless. I’ll leave a card for Jackson to say goodbye and wish him luck.
Also, if you end up with this position open again, I’d be happy to move into a more permanent role. ”
“I’ll pass it on, be sure to put that in your card to Jackson too. Thanks for rolling with the punches, Rebecca. You did great. Best of luck with your next job.”
“Thanks, Cici.”
She quietly shuts the door, leaving me to chastise myself for being such a bitch about the Eli thing.
Thankfully, I only have a few more days of guilt before I’ll never see her again.
I’m ready to have Cindy back. She’s been here for years, and not only is she a rock star at her job, but also understands the family drama.
I visited her when I first came back to meet her new baby.
She’s adorable, the kind of baby to make you want to have one of your own, which Lord knows, I don’t.
Cindy is a natural mom. Hell, she’s been mothering Jackson and me for the past several years, so it’s no wonder.
I’m sure Jackson will be happy to have her back as well.
Rebecca could be a hurtful reminder about the Mia situation.
When he showed up one day to find Rebecca sitting where Mia was supposed to be, it didn’t make the best first impression—not that Rebecca’s to blame, but whatever.
All will be right in the world in a few weeks.