Chapter 17 The Truth
THE TRUTH
Eli
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Did I make that call to make myself feel better or Cici, for fuck’s sake?
Because, based on her reaction, it had the opposite effect as intended.
Or maybe I’m reading her wrong and she doesn’t give a shit what I’m doing anymore.
Would she care that I’m still in love with her?
That she’s the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep each night and the first thought I wake up to?
I wonder what her reaction would be if I told her that to this day, I still close my eyes and imagine it’s her each time I fuck Rebecca.
It’s too bad I’ll never find out since saying those things wouldn’t at all support the validity of my engagement.
And while I’d like nothing more than for Cici to know this is only a sham, not only is it not an option, but I might as well stop now and give up if I’m going to blow it before I’ve even pulled the trigger.
I swear I’ll have no hair by the time this is over considering how often I run my hands through it, and pulling on it out of frustration.
The only thing keeping me sane these days is getting back into the racing circuit.
Sebastian has laid off since he knows I’ve been hanging on by a thread.
Other than the occasional look of disappointment, he hasn’t said anything.
However, he’s not so silent about my impending engagement and is constantly keeping tabs on the progress with Rebecca.
We’ve finally worked out all the kinks with the prenup.
She didn’t ask for more than I offered but wanted to clarify contingencies for things such as work, a monthly spending budget and, God forbid, accidental pregnancy.
After that topic, I decided I’ll be buying new condoms every day and having her pay a visit to my doctor, whom I can trust for birth control.
There’s no way I’d allow myself to be tied to the woman for the rest of my life, and thankfully, he didn’t stipulate children.
The appointment is tomorrow afternoon for the final review of the prenup and to sign the agreement regarding the terms of our private arrangement before the formal marriage takes place in December.
Later in the evening, we’ll make an official statement to the media at the engagement party, removing me from California’s most eligible bachelor list, which I’ve crowned since the day Sebastian got hitched.
The party will function as part of the ruse to make our marriage appear realistic.
We invited our closest friends, a few of her family members, and Dubree Enterprise’s top business associates to an exclusive event with a surprise announcement for everyone in attendance.
That way, it couldn’t be leaked beforehand.
Only two things were left to consider: living arrangements and a damn ring.
Though most couples cohabitate before the wedding these days, we won’t be, and if any of the press or guests ask why, we’ve prepared an answer: we’re keeping things traditional since we have the rest of our lives to live together.
Even though it’s nobody’s fucking business, the media doesn’t see it that way—nor does the public, for that matter.
Sebastian had to remind me about the ring, which I’ll pick up tomorrow.
It’s a simple solitaire. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top, nothing special, and nothing like the one I spent days debating on for Cici.
That particular piece of jewelry is still tucked away in hopes of a miracle that one day we’ll find our way back to each other.
After she hung up on me tonight, that hope has shrunk considerably.
Add in my commitment for the next two and a half years, and I may as well give up any last shreds, with nothing but memories to hold on to.
Those memories tend to consume my thoughts at night, causing me to toss and turn most evenings, occasionally dreaming of Cici and I together, happy and in love.
Sometimes they’re sexy, sometimes not, but the best ones are with our future family when I catch a glimpse of what our life would’ve been like.
The mornings after are bittersweet, however.
Having her in my dreams is better than nothing, but waking up to reality always wrecks me.
Luckily, this night leaves me in peace with no visions to wake up to.
I have enough on my plate without the remnants of a dream to haunt me all day.
I’ll need to be on my A game to pull off our first public outing as an engaged couple.
I’m sure it’ll be fine, especially with Sebastian by my side, schooling me to behave correctly, meaning touching and swooning over Rebecca throughout the night.
I’m already cringing at the act I’ll be putting on and counting the hours until it’s over—before it’s even begun.
“Are you ready for today?” Sebastian asks as the gym door closes, and I head to the bike.
“Does it matter?” I respond dryly, hopping on.
“I’m not your enemy here, Eli. If you think I enjoy seeing you like this, you’re wrong. I don’t like that Dad did this any more than you do.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take it out on you, but since you’re the only one who knows the truth, you’re also the only one who gets my shit.
Thanks for taking it as well as you have.
To answer your question, though—yeah, I’m ready.
As ready as I can be with a hundred-pound weight on my chest.” I drop my head and shake it.
“Well then, getting today out of the way might lessen that weight a little. With all the paperwork completed and the announcement handled, you can relax until the wedding. That should make the next six months easier to stomach.”
“You’d think that, but once it’s official, it would look odd if we were never spotted together.
Our friends and her family will get suspicious, and I don’t need questions being asked or the tabloids running with rumors.
I’m not worried about our friends, but I’m certain her family would disapprove of our arrangement. ”
Sebastian scoffs, “Who wouldn’t approve of a one-million-dollar annual salary along with more fringe benefits than any other job in the world?”
“Not the point and you know it. Besides, whether they’re okay with it or not, I’m fucked if word gets back to any of our trust advisors. I’d rather this not all be for nothing in the end.”
“Then bring her to corporate events and fundraisers, have your picture in the columns now and then. Doesn’t mean you need to be together all the damn time.
Continue your weekly hookups with her and call it good.
But you will be living with the woman, so it might be smart to spend more time with her first.” He puts the weight down he was lifting and turns, giving me his full attention.
“And speaking of spending time with her, if you don’t want Lily in on the secret, which I’m still not comfortable with, then you need to have her over so she can get to know her.
I told her about the engagement last night, so we’ll need to schedule something soon. ”
“Fucking great.” That’s the last thing I want to do. “I’ll need a break after our performance tonight, so tell her we’re both busy and set up brunch at your place in three weeks. Talk about fucking awkward. How did Lily react anyway?”
“Surprised, of course, and fairly pissed about it. I knew she’d be mildly upset since Cici is her best friend, but she reacted harsher than expected. Who knows, she might not take to her, and Rebecca won’t need to be around much.” He shrugs and resumes lifting.
“Then let’s see how tonight goes, and if we can skip the brunch.”
“Fat chance of that—don’t get your hopes up.”
I should just let all hope go at this point….
The signing went smoothly this afternoon.
It lasted long enough to review the documents, sign along the dotted line, and make it official.
We parted ways so we could prepare for the evening and pack overnight bags.
We’re staying at the hotel where the party is being hosted to fit the narrative of a couple in love and excited to celebrate.
What a fucking joke. However, I’ll probably be ready to blow off steam by the end of this anyway.
The car I hired until tomorrow parks alongside the curb in front of Rebecca’s house.
Unlike my brother, who enjoys being chauffeured everywhere, I prefer to drive myself.
Though tonight, I thought it best to play it up for the paparazzi and give them what’s expected.
There’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to share my personal pleasures with Rebecca.
Those are reserved for special people in my life, and she doesn’t qualify.
This happens to be the first time I’ve seen where she lives since we’ve always met on location.
It’s not terrible, but it’s also not great, so I can understand why she pushed so hard for us to move in together before the wedding.
It was one of my sticking points during our talks that I didn’t budge on in order to support the boundaries of this arrangement.
I won’t dangle any carrots for her to grab onto.
Sustaining the precedent I’ve set, I type a quick text telling her to come on out.
Fuck. I’m aware that I’m being a complete asshole, but it’s one of the few things justifying this whole situation to myself.
I can’t give her the best of me—it doesn’t feel right.
She may not be the one to blame and doesn’t deserve this treatment, but if I behave any other way, then I’ll sacrifice my last ounce of self-preservation.
There’s only one person the real me is reserved for, and since my last shred of hope refuses to snap, Rebecca gets what I’m willing to give her.