Chapter 20 Change of Heart #2
Unable to hold back any longer, I turn around to take in the scene.
Rebecca sits in a chair next to the bed, blocking Eli’s face.
His listless body under the covers is all that’s in view.
She’s angled away, so she won’t set eyes on me unless she turns her head or I walk around for my first glimpse of Eli, which I’m still gathering the courage to do.
Before I take the first step, Lily cuts in.
“Sebastian, Jackson is waiting for you in the hallway. He’s hoping you’ll go grab coffee and fill him in on everything.
Would you mind?” she asks innocently, then addresses Rebecca.
“And Rebecca, since Cici is here to watch Eli for a bit, would you mind going with me for something to drink or eat? We could all use a short break, don’t you think? ”
Sebastian knows precisely what she’s doing, so he agrees immediately, while Rebecca responds with a shrug. Stopping at the bed on his way to the door, he puts a hand on Rebecca’s shoulder. “Go with Lily. She’s right. We all need a break.”
She nods and mumbles an acceptance. Then Sebastian stares down at Eli for a moment.
My eyes water at his anguish, apparent in his slumped shoulders and fisted hand, as he looks at his brother, powerless as the rest of us to fix the situation.
My heart breaks for him as he walks out the door.
He’s a different man than the Sebastian I’m used to.
“You ready, Rebecca?” Lily asks quietly.
It’s nice of her to do this, considering she doesn’t even like the woman.
The opportunity for a few minutes alone with Eli means the world to me.
It’s a bad idea to show my feelings in front of Rebecca, and I won’t be able to conceal them when I finally glimpse his face.
“Yeah.” Rebecca starts to stand.
This is it. The moment she’ll find out what I’ve been hiding from everyone. My heart is racing as she turns around.
I expected her to appear tired with bloodshot eyes rimmed with puffiness from crying or at least some sign of the pain she must be feeling, but there’s nothing.
No indication that she’s been going through hell for the past twenty-four hours.
Was she even here all night, or did she go home to sleep?
My anger boils at the thought of her leaving his bedside, which wars with the fact that I don’t want her here at all.
“Hey, Rebecca.” I was unsure what to say, and that’s the only thing to come out.
She gives me a tight-lipped smile. “Hi, Cici. Thank you for coming all this way. It means a lot to us.”
“I’m here for Eli.” This simple declaration could have a double meaning since I’m still conflicted about whether I’m here to win him back or merely include him in our child’s life.
My mind isn’t made up on the matter, but if Rebecca proves to be the woman that Lily senses she is, it’ll tip the scales.
She twists her engagement ring, bringing my attention to it, and I cringe inside. However, I can’t help but notice that it’s nothing like the one he picked out for me.
Gah! Do not turn this into a contest, Cici.
“All right, let’s go to the café so Cici can say hi to Eli,” Lily says from the doorway.
“Let me grab my purse.” Rebecca walks toward the table beside the sofa and gasps as she passes me. “You’re pregnant?”
“I am.”
“Wow. I had no idea you were with anyone. That’s so great! When are you due?” she asks, sounding much happier than when she first greeted me.
At least she didn’t ask who I’m with and just assumed it was someone else. Like Lily and I talked about, I decide not to correct her. “Mid-September,” I answer as she reaches for her purse.
“Well, congratulations. Let’s talk more later. Take care of him for me,” she says as Lily starts walking out, forcing Rebecca to follow.
This time, it’s me who responds with a tight-lipped smile rather than giving in to what I really want to say, which is, “Only fair since you’ve been taking care of him for me,” but this isn’t the place to be catty.
The minute the door closes and the room is empty, I heave a sigh of relief before my eyes shift to the bed.
There he is. No breathing tube, no cuts or blood, just Eli.
He has an oxygen mask and an IV, but other than that, he appears to be sleeping.
The room is silent except for that damn beeping.
Although it’s annoying, I’m thankful for it since it means his heart is still beating.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly move forward until my hips hit the bed.
I stand frozen, unsure what to do, and then crumple over his body and hold him as I let myself go.
It’s astonishing how good it feels to touch him even in his unconscious state.
He’s still warm, he’s still Eli, and I’ve missed him like crazy for so many months.
Oh my God, what have I done? Why did I make such terrible choices and not resolve them sooner?
After letting myself weep for a few minutes, I scoot the chair closer so I’m literally next to his face when I sit down. His hand feels so good in mine, other than being limp and lifeless. Would he hold mine back if he woke up, or would he ask for Rebecca’s?
“God, I’ve made a mess of things,” I say out loud.
It’s weird hearing my voice in the empty room, and it’s strange to be talking to someone who’s asleep, but what a perfect time to say everything I want to without worrying about the reaction.
Knowing I only have so long before someone comes back, I dive in.
“Eli, I’m so sorry for hurting you. For lying to you…
and to myself. I wish I could have told you the truth—that I love you so much, it hurts.
” The tears are pouring down my cheeks at this point, but I don’t stop, already feeling relief, knowing I need to make it through the rest while I can.
“It scares me how in love with you I am. It’s been hell ever since I left, and I’ve regretted leaving you since the day I walked away.
But guess what? You inspired me to get a counselor.
I’ve been seeing her every week like you do.
You’re right. It’s really helpful. Turns out I have this thing called gamophobia.
Yeah, it’s a stupid name. But it means I’m legitimately afraid of marriage and commitment.
So something was holding me back, but it was never you.
I wasn’t saying no to you at all—only the commitment part. ”
“Are you ready for the good news?” I ask even though he can’t answer. They do say you should talk to a comatose patient as you would if they were awake.
“We’ve been working on it in counseling, and I’ve come a long way.
In fact, I’ve made so much progress that I’m finally ready to admit that there’s nothing I want more than to be with you for the rest of my life.
The bad news is that it took me too long to figure that out, and now it’s too late.
” I can’t help but start crying again at the truth of the matter.
“Dammit, Eli. I fucked up. I’m just too late.
” My head hangs, shaking. “The worst part is, I didn’t only screw up my life but my baby’s too.
” I lift my head and look at him. “Our baby, Eli. We’re having a baby.
You’re going to be a dad.” I kiss his hand and let the tears keep streaming.
“I’m so sorry for not telling you sooner.
By the time I found out, you were already dating Rebecca, and I was trying to wrap my head around it, and then I was worried it would get in the way of you moving on, and I didn’t want to interfere.
And then, when I decided to tell you, you were getting engaged, and I just…
ugh. It was stupid. I was stupid. I should have just spit it out somehow, and then maybe you wouldn’t be here.
That’s why you have to wake up, Eli. I need you.
We both do.” I start sobbing again and rest my head on his hand, letting the tears flow for who knows how long.
Suddenly, the door flies open, making me startle and jerk up to an enraged Rebecca with Lily tight on her heels.
“It’s Eli’s, isn’t it? You’re fucking pregnant with Eli’s baby, aren’t you?” When I stare at her, too shocked for words, she screams, “Answer me!”
“Yes!”
Sebastian and Jackson come rushing into the room, probably hearing her yell from down the hall.
“You bitch. You came back here to what… take him back?”
“No. I was already scheduled to fly home this week to break the news, and then this happened.”
“Well, you’re too late. He’s moved on, and not only are we getting married, but I’m pregnant too.” She puts her hand on her hip and juts it out pretentiously.
The shock is evident as the room goes silent, and I recoil as my stomach heaves at her declaration. I can’t believe I was right.
Lily breaks the silence with the exact question ringing through my mind. “Is that how you got him to marry you? You got pregnant?”
Rebecca scoffs, “Ha. Got him to marry me? Yeah, right. He begged me to—”
“Enough,” Sebastian barks.
But what was she going to say—that he begged her to marry him? So is he really in love with her and not being coerced? Dammit, I don’t know what to believe.
Sebastian continues, “Now is not the time to be arguing while my brother is lying there fighting for his life.” Lily goes to him, and he automatically pulls her into his side as if she were his security blanket.
“Rebecca, I didn’t plan to do this under current conditions, but since you’ve brought it up yourself, I’ll have the doctor here today for an appointment.
Eli told me about your conversation yesterday and the plan to have you seen.
Conveniently, we’re at the hospital, so we’ll follow through with his wishes…
since he can’t.” The last part sounded oddly accusatory.
Does he blame Rebecca for telling Eli about being pregnant right before his race?
Oh shit. Maybe I’m not the only one to bear responsibility.