Push

2. He Kissed a Girl

He Kissed a Girl

Toby

What time is it?

Hell, I’d been slumped against the white tiles for so long I wasn’t even sure what year it was anymore.

Groaning, I rubbed my temple. My head throbbed like I’d been hit with a brick instead of having a few drinks, but if that was the worst of it, I could handle it. Anything was better than when I’d first stumbled into the bathroom, the world spinning like a mess of socks in the washing machine.

A knock rapped on the bathroom door. “Toby?” A laugh edged Ian’s voice. “You alive?”

I grunted. “Barely.”

“Come on out, Sleeping Beauty. The party’s over.”

The best news I’d heard all night.

The old rugby injury to my knee creaked with the effort of dragging my ass off the floor.

Thirty was young, I suppose, but I was too old to hide in my dental assistant’s bathroom.

I was a family man. A damn role model. I wasn’t the guy who prayed he wouldn’t hurl his guts up on the fluffy white bathmat.

Usually, I was the one hauling that dipshit home.

I leaned over the basin, avoiding my reflection in the mirror surrounded by too many lights, and splashed cold water on my face.

Alive…sort of.

I drew in a slow breath, opened the door, and headed back into a world I wasn’t ready to face.

“There he is,” Ian said.

He pushed off the wall beside the bathroom.

The sweater knotted over his shoulders and the flick of his dark hair to the side should’ve made him look uptight, but somehow, the preppy vibe worked for him.

He looked as fresh as a daisy. Obviously, he was more seasoned at handling his liquor than I was.

Ian smirked. “I’m thinking six shots might be your limit.”

“I’m thinking my limit should’ve been zero.”

“Lightweight.” He laughed. “Let’s stick to beers next time.”

“There won’t be a next time.”

And I meant it. I was more than happy to hang up my party hat and go back to being Ian’s designated driver. It wasn’t like I’d ever been much of a drinker anyway.

Gwen had always acted slightly uneasy if I’d tipped back too many.

Her reaction wasn’t unexpected. She’d had a rough childhood growing up on the fringes of Cabramatta with a mother who’d never known when to stop.

I didn’t want to dredge up any pain from her past. A couple of beers watching a game or enjoying a glass of wine with dinner suited me just fine.

The only time I’d ever let loose was at my sister’s wedding.

Years ago. Back in the days when my father was alive and the Sullivans still pretended to be a happy family.

That sordid affair had descended into too much drama to survive sober.

I’d escaped hearing the snide remarks flying between my parents by parking myself at the open bar—and didn’t that get tongues wagging.

Good ol’ reliable Toby wouldn’t get shitfaced at his sister’s wedding, would he?

For the record, I wouldn’t. My sister, Tanya, would’ve ended me if I’d ruined her big day.

But by the time the speeches had rolled around, I’d been more than a little unsteady on my feet.

Sayonara to my filter. Gwen had sunk lower in the chair beside me.

My family’s relentless squabbling had worn away her usually tough outer shell, but she shouldn’t have worried. My speech had been legendary.

Tanya had framed a quote and mounted it with her wedding photos. People still laughed about it. My mother hadn’t laughed, though. She’d barked at me that I was an embarrassment. The story of my life. She’d never gotten my jokes.

Kayleigh’s party was a bit like my sister’s wedding.

Uncomfortable. Too much drama. The whiskey shots had been a bad idea.

Scratch that. Going to the damn party had been a bad idea.

But after hauling ass through a twelve-hour day, I had no gas left in the tank to psych myself up for another night of Gwen ignoring me or to fight off Ian and his “great idea” of me tagging along. I should’ve bailed.

The throbbing in my temple refused to let up. I rubbed it with my palm as I fell in step beside Ian. “What time is it anyway?”

“Just after ten.”

“Ten!” I fumbled in the back pocket of my trousers. My wallet… Keys… “Shit. I need to get home.” I patted down my chest even though I’d tossed my jacket somewhere hours ago. No phone. “Have you seen my—”

“Mate.” Ian’s palm clapped down on my shoulder. “Relax. You asked me to cover for you…remember?”

“No.” I couldn’t remember shit.

“You’re golden.”

I shoved my hand through my hair. Nothing was golden. I’d already missed cuddling Noah before his bedtime. I’d probably missed seeing Gwen, too. Traffic wouldn’t be bumper to bumper this late at night, but by the time I walked through the door, she’d be asleep.

My chest hollowed. Gwen hardly talked to me anymore. Sure, she chatted about Noah, and sometimes a smile ghosted her lips when I kissed her cheek hello, but only sometimes. Now, I’d missed seeing the one shred of proof she still loved me.

Ian and I didn’t pass anyone on our way back to the living room. The swarms of people who’d crowded the apartment had disappeared. Not that it mattered. All I needed was to find my phone and get the hell out of there.

I scanned the kitchen counter, but Ian kept walking toward the front door.

My brows furrowed. “Where are you going?” Wait . Why was his jacket already in his hand? “I don’t believe this! You’re pissing off?”

“My duty here’s done. You’re alive. The party’s over.” A dark brow arched, and an odd smile followed. “For some of us, I suppose.”

What the…? I might hurl after all. If Ian polluted my ears with any details about his dating app conquests, I couldn’t be held responsible for what happened next. Lock up your bathmats .

“Can you at least stick around to help me look for my phone?” I asked, lifting a pile of fashion magazines. “It’s got to be here somewhere…”

“Kay will help you look for it.”

“Or you could.”

“Tobes, come on. I’m just doing what you asked me, okay?” Ian avoided my eyes as he shrugged on his jacket. “I don’t need a front-row seat.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“What we talked about earlier.” He pointed a look at me as if I should have a clue what was going on. “Trust me. Have I ever let you down?”

“Yes. All the time.”

Ian couldn’t be serious. On paper, maybe he was smarter than me.

He hadn’t needed Gwen’s patient tutoring to barely scrape through the entrance exams for dental school like I had, but how many times had I saved his ass over the last twenty years?

Too many. He shot his mouth off and picked fights he couldn’t win, knowing I was there to back him up.

“You’ve let me down literally hundreds of times!” I said.

His odd smile returned. “Not this time.”

Ian was out the door, and I’d barely picked my jaw off the floor when Kayleigh flew into the living room with a trash bag stuffed with cans and bottles bumping along behind her.

She smiled. “Thanks for staying.”

Not for long. “Kay, have you seen my phone?”

“Oh, um…no.” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “I don’t think so.”

Screw this whole night.

I fumbled in the gaps of the couch, lifted fuzzy fur pillows, and peered under the coffee table.

Kayleigh weaved between my search, collecting more empty bottles to toss in the bag, and chirping about the party…

I think. I wasn’t listening. I nodded sometimes and offered the occasional “Oh, yeah?” but I just wanted to find my phone and get the hell out of there.

Eventually, I found it wedged between two books about chakras and manifesting your heart’s desire.

Huh. I guess when I was drunk, I tried to conjure new ways of getting Gwen to notice me.

Push-ups had worked when we were sixteen.

She’d pretended she wasn’t peeking, but I’d seen those adorable pink cheeks.

No one else could make my ice princess blush like I did.

Sighing, I tapped my phone screen and thumped the button a couple of times. Nothing. Out of battery.

“Kay, do you have a charger?”

“Maybe… I have a different phone, but…” She pointed at the kitchen cabinets. “Check the top drawer. All my random junk’s in there.”

I had a drawer like that at home—filled to the brim with junk like the lawn mower manual, different screwdrivers, and a mess of cords, but who knew what they charged anymore? I rummaged around in Kayleigh’s mess. I didn’t realize she’d padded beside me until I felt her hand on my back.

“Find one?” she said.

“You’ve got a deck of cards and a stack of old takeaway menus.” I grinned down at her. “But no charger.”

Her lips curved into a slow smile. She seemed…closer… “You disappeared for a long time. Feeling better?” Her fingertips grazed my forearm. “Want me to make you a coffee?”

And make this night last even longer? No thanks. “I’m good.” I forced a smile.

“You sure?” Kayleigh’s hand slipped down my back and rested just above my belt. “I have your favorite.”

Every muscle in my body went rigid. A pile of loose batteries fell from my fingers with a thunk into the drawer.

This was…wrong.

Kayleigh tipped her head to the side. “You look different tonight…even if you are all messy.” She reached up to brush my hair off my forehead, but I stepped back.

“I’m the same old me,” I said. “I’m just…you know…” A strained laugh escaped. “Toby the Dentist.” My eyes darted to the door, and I edged back another step to create more space.

This was all wrong.

“You’ve never been just Toby. Not to me.” Her fingers skipped up the buttons of my shirt, and she inched closer. “You’re caring…and funny…and….” She giggled against my neck. “So hot.”

My nerves scrambling, I took another step back, but there was nowhere to go this time. I hit the fridge.

“Uh, Kay.” My palm landed on her shoulder, and I jolted her back to a safer distance. “I think you’ve misunderstood.”

Her voice lowered to a silky purr when she said, “I understand.”

“I really don’t think you do—”

“You’re always finding excuses to touch me. You’re always bumping into me.”

“The treatment room is cramped! I’m not always looking where I’m going! It’s— shit . Kay, I’m married .”

“Happily?”

I glared at her. “Yes.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire,” she sang with a giggle. “And when was the last time your wife took care of you?” She inched closer. “Worried about you? Does she even notice how hard you work?”

“Ye-yeah.”

“Is that why she makes you sleep on the couch?”

Blood pounded in my ears. Kayleigh was too close.

And it wasn’t just the way her body melted against mine.

It was her words, too. Had I been stupid enough to complain out loud?

Had I slipped up and let the world hear I did nothing right anymore?

That I slept more nights on the couch than in bed with my wife because she couldn’t stand the sight of me?

“When was the last time she kissed you?” Kayleigh whispered. “Really kissed you so you felt like you were the only person in the world that mattered?”

I tried to swallow, but a noose wrapped around my throat.

When had I last mattered to Gwen?

Not for a long time. Not since before Noah was born.

One day, she’d walked out the door, dressed to the nines, her adorable baby bump barely visible, ready for another day of sending bad guys to jail. That night, she’d walked in holding a cardboard box loaded with the trinkets from her desk, her eyes glassy, and nothing but a three-word explanation.

“He fired me.”

Gwen hadn’t been the same after that. She clocked out of our relationship. I never understood why, and even though I badgered her for answers and promised we’d fight to get her job back, whatever happened that day changed her forever.

The noose tightened around my throat.

I missed Gwen so much. Holding her. Hearing her whisper, “I love you,” when I was deep inside her. She was the only person who saw me as more than the jackass who made everyone laugh. She used to treat me like I was her hero. Not anymore.

Kayleigh’s arm slipped around my back, her fingernails digging into my skin through my shirt. She whispered in my ear, “I’ll make you feel like you matter.”

My pulse hammered. “Will you…?” My voice was thick. It didn’t sound like me.

“In every way.”

It was an invitation for more, and I took it. I ignored every ounce of sense to chase the forgotten feeling of warm and willing lips.

I palmed Kayleigh’s hip. When her breath hitched, a possessive look flashing up at me, I liked it. And when her fingers slid into my hair, her mouth drifting up my neck and along my jaw, I didn’t tell her to stop.

“I’ve dreamed about this,” she whispered.

My nose grazed her cheek, and an old, broken part of me woke up and demanded more.

So, I kissed her.

And I didn’t stop.

I let myself feel it—enjoy it—because I convinced myself I needed it.

But the bitter taste of that desperate kiss burned my throat like acid. Nothing about kissing Kayleigh felt right. Her sloppy mouth all over mine was the last thing I needed.

I needed Gwen .

The walls of Kayleigh’s apartment crushed me. I needed space to breathe. The shove that forced her off me wasn’t gentle. “I shouldn’t—we shouldn’t—that was—” I forced air into my lungs.

Kayleigh yanked the front of my shirt to pull me back. “That was perfect.” Her lips were headed straight for me.

“No.” I struggled free from her claws, and she blinked up at me, confused, so I repeated the only word that made sense. “ No .” I still couldn’t breathe. I tried again and again to get air into my lungs, but I could only feel burning in my chest. “It was all wrong.”

“Toby… shh … You didn’t do anything wrong.” Kayleigh reached for me, but I dodged out of her way. “We can’t help how we feel about each other. This can be our secret. Just the two of us. Like the coffees. And lunches. And now more…”

“Christ—that’s not—” My chest heaved. “I’m not like my father.” The seams of my soul split open, and guilt surged through my body, hot and raw and ugly. “I’m not.”

I pushed past her and headed straight for the door.

“Toby! Wait!” Kayleigh’s heels clipped on the tiles after me, but I wasn’t slowing down. Nothing was stopping my escape. “What about charging your phone—”

I slammed the door behind me.