42. She Kissed His Hand
She Kissed His Hand
Gwen
“Toby, is everything okay?”
Silence shrunk the inside of the car to a suffocating cube.
Toby hadn’t spoken two words since he pulled out from Cat’s place.
He drove on autopilot, eyes trained on the dark road, and none of the thoughts popping in his head popped out of his mouth like I was used to: Is NoBo still asleep in the back…
? Do we need milk…? Did you hear the joke about…
Nothing. Just silence.
“Toby?”
“Huh?” He glanced at me over his shoulder. “Oh. Yeah. Fine.”
“Are you sure? You’ve been quiet since lunch.”
“Yeah. Lunch. Sorry.”
I sighed. I was talking into a void. “Are you upset about Liam and Elias acting like jerks? I talked to them… Well, I talked to Elias.” I’d cornered him outside the bathroom.
A couple of home truths and his eyes had drooped like a puppy scolded for whizzing on the carpet.
“Who knows where the hell Liam ended up…”
“Yeah.” Toby’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel. “Who knows?” His jaw tensed, too.
That was a strong reaction. I frowned. Had something happened? Liam enjoyed winding people up, and even though Toby laughed everything off like it was no big deal, maybe my brother had upset him.
“Cat’s excited for us to drop by for dinner next week,” I said. “She’s planning to make paella.”
“Dinner. Cool.”
Warning bells roared like the fire trucks hurtling past us on the road. Solemn Toby made my skin itch. I needed to try something different and get him out of his head. How did he always do that for me? Jokes.
“Maybe after dinner, the three of us can strap on our spacesuits and go for a spin around the solar system to have dessert on Saturn,” I said.
“The weather’s probably nice.”
My eyebrows hit the roof. Toby was already on another planet. Totally out of orbit. I reached over and squeezed his thigh—perhaps a little too high. He sucked in a massive gulp of air, eyes sparking and blinking like I’d just flipped his “on” button.
“G-Gwen?”
“Hey, there.” I smiled. “Welcome back.”
Toby slowed to a stop at a red light. “Sorry.” He flashed me a sheepish smile. “Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Want to talk about it?”
His head jerked back against the seat, eyes squeezing shut. “I don’t want any secrets between us, but I don’t even know where to start.”
He opened his eyes just in time to see the traffic light flick back to green. He cruised down the road, fingers drumming the steering wheel, faster and faster, until suddenly, they stopped.
“Gwen, if I found out something, and I knew—one hundred percent knew —it would break your heart, would you want to know?”
Fear knotted in my stomach so tight I hunched over. Break my heart? “Did you…?” There were a ton of women at Cat’s house. Pretty women. Young. Rich. Oh, God, what if —
“No.” Toby grabbed my hand before I could snatch it away and laced our fingers together. “I know where your brain shot, and that’s not it. Never again. You’re the only one for me, okay?”
“Okay…” I didn’t convince myself with that one pitiful word. Him, either.
Toby let out a heavy sigh. “Liam told me something today,” he said. “About your past. Back when you were kids.”
“I don’t want to know,” I blurted out.
“Really?” Toby’s tone hinted at his disbelief.
I sagged in the seat. I understood his confusion. Usually, I wanted to know all the facts, right down to the grisly details, but I didn’t enjoy lurking on the twists and turns of my childhood when wandering down memory lane.
I watched the city lights blur outside the car window. “Do you think it’s something I need to know?” I asked Toby. “Will it change anything?”
“Not for the better.”
“Then I don’t want to know. I worked hard, and I proved to everyone—to myself —that I could be more than the poor kid from a broken home.
If Liam’s dredging up ancient history about when we were kids, unless it’s too much on your shoulders to keep it a secret… No, I don’t want to know what he said.”
Toby jerked a nod. “Hearing you loud and clear.”
“But if Liam’s telling stories about all the shit he stole,” I smirked. “Sure, let’s chat.”
“Liam?” Toby’s eyebrow went up. “Sydney’s sleazy investment legend stole stuff?”
“Anything not nailed down. Off the record, he also had a bit of a fascination with arson.” I grimaced.
“He might have stolen a couple of cars, too. Actually, more than a couple. He stole Mr. Angelopoulos’s orange Monaro from outside the all-night convenience store.
I saw him do it. He stuck a wire clothes hanger down the window, just like the crooks do in the movies.
I didn’t know you could actually break into a car like that until I watched him do it.
” I shot Toby a wry smile. “I had an early introduction to my future career.”
Toby stared at me in complete disbelief. “And Liam never got pinged by the cops?”
“Uh.” I buried my teeth in my bottom lip. “Sometimes.”
“What was that?” Toby’s eyes flicked between me and the road. “What was that look?”
“Uh… I may have had something to do with him not getting done over.” I cleared my throat. “Just once or twice.”
Toby’s jaw dropped somewhere near the brakes. “You lied to the cops for him? You?” His eyes widened. “Gwen!”
“Look, he got pulled up by the cops plenty of times. I spent half of my life picking him up from the police station. Other times, well… I didn’t lie … I just, um, kind of…” Conveniently left out all the crucial details. Yeah, I’d lied. I sighed. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try. Please. You’re rocking my whole straitlaced world off its wheels here.”
I shrugged. “He’s my brother.”
“The man is unhinged.”
“He went through a lot, Tobes. My mother blamed him for our father leaving—whoever that deadbeat was. She took her anger out on Liam. All of it. She only stopped when he got so much bigger than her. That’s when she really dove into the alcohol.
” My breath stalled in my chest, and I shook my head. “I should’ve done more to protect him.”
“Hey.” Toby’s hand landed on mine, squeezing to stop me from fidgeting with the hem of my dress. “You were a kid, too. Don’t put all that responsibility on your shoulders.”
“But maybe I could’ve helped him before he became so…
broken . After he left, when I saw online that he was living this amazing life, I fooled myself into believing what happened hadn’t affected him.
I thought he’d found a way to move past all the terrible things she did.
I thought he was okay.” I shook my head. “He’s not.”
“You worry about him?”
“Every day,” I admitted. “His birthday is the only night I ever let myself remember the worst of it, though. Every other day, I only give the thoughts a few minutes of airtime. It’s not healthy for me to dwell in those memories.
” I squeezed Toby’s thigh—high up again.
He squeaked with surprise, and it made me laugh.
“I left that life behind me after I met the handsome knight.”
“That’s me, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Obviously.”
“Hell, yeah.” Toby pumped his fist. “I like being the knight. That dude rides a cool horse and slays dragons with a big sword.” He glanced over the console at me, his face solemn. “You know I’d slay dragons for you, right?”
“I know.” I lifted his hand and pressed a quick kiss on his fingers. His eyes bulged. “And despite everything thrown your way, you acted like a true gentleman today, Tobes.”
“Are you proud of me?” he whispered.
The soft, hopeful look flooding his eyes almost broke my heart. My Toby. Nothing but a big ol’ teddy bear desperate for someone to love him. I gave his hand another kiss. “So damn proud.”
“That’s the stuff. Hear that, NoBo?” He glanced in the rearview mirror to grin at the sleeping baby strapped in the back. “Your mama’s proud of me for not punching her stupid brother in the face today.”
That comment earned him another eye roll. “You wouldn’t have punched him.”
He snorted. “I was totally ready to throw down with him or Elias. Not in front of Cat… or, er… the kids…” He grimaced. “Maybe outside on the street.”
“Tobes.” I shot him a stern look.
“Hey, sometimes guys just need to punch it out to sort their differences and clear the air, you know?”
“Or you could talk to each other.”
“More storytime with your brother?” His lip curled. “No thanks, doll.”
A permanent smile beamed on Toby’s face for the rest of the drive home. Familiar chatter lit up the dark car. Did you see how red Zach got when Josie screamed her head off because Morag wasn’t served a plate at lunch…? Cat’s potatoes are delicious… I’m thinking of buying a swing set…
There was only one moment where he turned back to me, looking anything but thrilled.
“Gwen, if you ever change your mind and want to know what Liam said, all you have to do is ask, okay?”
I said, “Okay,” but I knew I’d never ask.