Chapter 9
HOPE
“Mr. Hottie is out there again waiting for you,” Diamond announces, sauntering into the room with an extra sway of the hips. “Harvester wanted me to tell you that you’re done for the rest of the night.”
“What?” I tried not to think about her announcing Styxx being outside the dressing room and on the message she’s relaying from our boss. He rarely comes in here unless he needs to.
“You heard me.” Diamond grins and shoots a wink at me. “You’re one lucky bitch, you know that?”
“I’m not lucky,” I grumble and get to my feet. I was already prepared to go back out on stage. How could he wait until now to say something?
“You know that hottie out there only comes to watch you when you dance,” Sugar quips, looking at herself in the mirror while touching up her makeup. “He’s not once watched one of us.”
Again, I don’t want to think about Styxx.
I’ve done everything possible to avoid him since we shared the most amazing kiss of my life. Then, like the coward I am, I refused to see him or answer his texts, well, I kept those minimal. I couldn’t not speak to him.
“I think it’s sweet he only comes to see her dance.” Diamond giggles. “You better get out there to him before one of those twits in the other dressing room tries to paw at him or whisk him off to have their way with what I can only imagine to be a wickedly hot body.”
I didn’t want to think about Styxx being with someone else. The thought makes me sick to my stomach.
“Best get out there.” Sugar giggles and saunters to the door, pausing to look back at me. “And don’t think too much on it. I’m sure with him being a member of the Satan’s Keepers MC, he’s a good one.”
I want to tell her I know he’s a good one, but in truth, I really don’t know Styxx at all. Nothing more than the fact that he’s a good dad, great to my sister, and to me as well. Not to mention the best kisser in the entire universe.
Grabbing my stuff, I don’t bother to clean up. With him out there waiting, I figured I’d better get moving. Hopefully, nothing is wrong.
I sling my bag over my shoulder and make my way to the door, with the girls giving me words of encouragement as I go. I inhale a hefty amount of oxygen into my lungs, open the door, and release a breath.
My eyes immediately find Styxx as he straightens from the wall.
“You’re on my bike tonight,” he says, crossing the very short distance between us, his arm hooking around my waist. “Time to go home.”
“I can take my car.”
“Harvester will get it home for you.” Styxx lowers his head until our lips are nearly a breath apart. “You’re on my bike, and we’re gonna talk about why you thought it was a good idea to avoid me the last two days.”
Oh boy. Not good.
No way do I want to discuss my reasons for avoiding him the last few days.
“Um . . .”
I lose all thoughts of what I was going to say when Styxx kisses me. It’s not like the other days. It’s featherlight and yet still commanding with its touch.
“Time to go,” Styxx murmurs against my lips, takes my bag from me, and grabs my hand, tugging me toward the door.
So many things run through my mind, and I’m not sure where to start, but I hope by the time we get home, I have that figured out in my head.
I didn’t have anything figured out. I should’ve been thinking about what to say to him, but the whole ride I couldn’t do anything other than think about how good it feels being pressed up against his back.
Styxx parks in his driveway and shuts his bike off. “Hop off, Hope.”
I do, and he follows right behind, taking my hand and guiding me up to the front porch.
“The girls are spending the night at my brother’s. They’re gonna make sure Promise gets to school in the morning.”
Okay, so now I know where to start. “What gives you the right to make those decisions regarding my sister?” I demand, giving him my best glare as he unlocks the door and steps inside, still holding my hand.
“Told you the other day we were starting something. I always protect what’s mine. You were avoiding me, so I made the decision to nix that shit.”
“My avoiding you? I wasn’t avoiding anyone. I was busy.”
“Mo chathú, your sister even knows you’re avoiding me. If she can see it, you ain’t hiding it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I huff, hands going to my hips, eyes narrowed.
“It means you can’t hide the fact that you’re avoiding me. Means Promise isn’t stupid. She sees it just like I do. You’re scared when you don’t have to be.” Styxx moves in, wraps an arm around me, and grips me tight. “I’m not someone you ever have to fear, Hope. Never.
I open my mouth to tell him I’m not scared, only I don’t get the chance to say a word, not that I’d want to, considering I like the way he kisses me.
All thoughts fly out the window when his lips lock on mine.
Styxx lowers his hands down to my bottom, lifting me clear off my feet. I have no other choice but to wrap myself around him like a monkey or be left floundering around.
I don’t pay attention to where Styxx takes us as he carries me through the house and down the hall to his room.
There’s nothing to think about except the feel of his lips on mine and the way my body responds to him.
I’ve always prided myself on keeping control, but with Styxx, all my carefully constructed barriers crumble, falling away completely.
It had taken everything in me to keep them from falling apart the last time he kissed me.
It’s why I’ve avoided him the past two days.
I’m scared that he’ll break through, and then where will that leave me?
When we reach his bedroom, Styxx breaks his mouth away from mine and lowers me onto his bed. His body comes with him as he uses his elbows to balance himself over me. I meet his gaze only to shiver at the intensity I see.
“Now,” he says, his voice rough with desire, “we’re gonna talk about why you’ve been avoiding me.”
“I told you, I’m not avoiding you.”
“You are, Hope, and I want to know why. I want to know what’s got you scared of me.”
My heart rages in my chest, and the blood burns in my veins. Every part of me grows hot and needy for him.
“You think I’m scared of you?” I whisper and lick my suddenly dry lips, wanting nothing more than for him to kiss me once again.
Styxx’s eyes search mine as he balances himself on one arm, reaches up with his other, and uses his thumb to gently trace my bottom lip. “I think you’re scared of going after what you really want. You don’t want to allow yourself to have what you want most.”
I swallow hard. He’s right, of course. How is it he can read me so easily when I’ve spent years perfecting my walls? Years of keeping everyone at a safe distance except Promise. In my life, she’s the only one who has ever mattered to me. I wanted so much for her.
“I have responsibilities,” I finally say, the excuse sounding weak even to my own ears. “Promise needs stability. I can’t just—”
“Promise is thriving,” Styxx interrupts, his voice taking on a harsh bite to it. “And you’re using her as an excuse.”
His words sting because they’re true. I turn my face away, but he gently guides it back with his fingertips on my chin. “Your sister is fifteen, Hope. She’s old enough to see what you’re doing. She loves you for it, but she also wants you happy.”
Tears sting and burn, wanting to spill over, but I suck in a ragged breath, keeping them at bay. “I am happy.”
“She sees that. But she also knows you can be happier. Take something for yourself for a change. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman as selfless as you are. You’re about giving to others and not taking for yourself. It’s time you do that.”
“And what is it I should take for myself?”
Styx lowers his head, a grin playing on his lips. “You know exactly what you should do for yourself. And we’re gonna do that and more. We’ve got tonight without anyone in this house. We’re taking advantage of it. Tomorrow, we’re talking, and when we do, you’ll listen to everything I’ve got to say.”
I shiver at his words. Between my legs throbs with need, and I swear if he doesn’t touch me, I just might combust.
“You’re making a lot of assumptions,” I whisper, but my body betrays me as I arch slightly into him, needing the heat radiating off of him.
“Am I?” His eyes darken, and the weight of him becomes more as he presses me deeper into the mattress. His movements send volts of electricity through every nerve ending. “I don’t think I am. You want what this is, mo chathú, just as much as I do.”
His mouth finds mine again, and this time the kiss is deeper, hungrier.
My hands slide up his arms, feeling the hard muscle beneath his shirt.
I shouldn’t want this, shouldn’t want him, yet I do.
God help me, I crave what he could do to me.
More than I need my next breath. When it comes to this man, he’s quickly becoming something I can’t live without, and that’s what truly scares me more than anything else in this world.
The fact that Styxx could break me in a way no one else ever had the chance of doing.
Not even the death of my parents could do what he could potentially do to me.
When we break apart, I’m breathless and panting. “Styxx, I don’t . . .”
“Stop overthinking,” he murmurs against my neck, his lips trailing fire across my skin. “Just feel what’s between us. Feel me touching you.”
My fingers tangle in his hair as his mouth moves lower.
Every rational thought dissolves under his touch.
For years, I’ve lived for Promise, worked for my sister to see her thrive as Styxx said she was.
For the first time, with this man touching me, I’m allowing myself to do something I’ve not done in years.
Live in the moment and find pleasure in it.