Chapter 45
~Riley~
In the warmth of their acceptance, I could almost forget the things my mother said.
Hudson and I get a few hoots and catcalls at lunch on our first day as an official couple at the club, but focus doesn’t stay fixed on us for long.
Each waking moment for every skater at Riverbend is spent preparing for the upcoming national championships.
Even Blake, who throws the occasional dirty look in my direction in the change room, whispering with her friends behind their hands, is all business when we’re on the ice.
Extra Christmas calories? Forget about it. Lazy mornings in bed? Not a chance. My whole life is at the rink, and though Hudson occasionally comes over to spend the night with me, we’re often so worn out that we barely kiss before falling asleep beside each other.
And yet, my mother’s words still linger in the back of my mind, drifting to the surface at the worst times.
I think about them during the take-off of my triple loop during my run-through, causing me to botch the jump and wind up on my ass.
I remember them when running on the treadmill, shooting furtive glances at my boyfriend on the machine next to me.
They’ve just crossed my mind again when Hudson’s lips brush against my temple as we lay beside each other in bed, a few days before he has to leave for the Canadian championships.
“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours,” he whispers. His arm curls around me, pulling me tighter into his embrace, his body solid and warm against mine. “I know you’re stressed, so tell me the worst-case scenario. If you say it out loud, it won’t seem so bad.”
He might regret asking that. My imagination might not be quite as wild as his, but it can hold its own.
“Well, I could end up skating in the same group as Evelyn, and I freeze when we come face-to-face. Or she runs into me like Trevor did to you except she manages to injure me and knock me out of the competition.”
“Pull a Tonya Harding?” Hudson suggests. Though I can’t see him, I know he’s grinning.
“Exactly. Or everyone in the crowd is gossiping about me so loud that it drowns out my music and I’m off the beat the whole time. Or my blades come flying off my skates in the middle of my performance.”
Hudson’s chest vibrates as he tries not to laugh out loud.
“Maybe I fall on every single jump and end up the first person in the history of the US Championships to get a negative score.”
“I don’t think that’s how the scoring system works…”
I’m on too much of a roll to let him interrupt. “I don’t make the World team. In fact, I’m banned from skating entirely and I have to move home to California and never see you again.”
Hudson stills beneath me at the same time that my mouth finally stops moving. Where the hell did that come from?
Silence stretches out in the darkness of my room until I find myself babbling again. “I mean, you said worst case, so…”
“Riley.” His hands cup my face as he tilts my head up.
His lips find mine, pressing against them in a gentle, reassuring way.
“You know that no matter what happens on the ice at nationals, for me or for you, good or bad, nothing changes between us, right? The way I feel about you has nothing to do with our results.”
“Right.” I whisper the word against his lips, trying to sound certain, but my mother’s warning sounds again in my head. This young man might be wonderful right now, but they all are at the start. They all have secrets and agendas of their own.
Does Hudson have secrets? It’s hard to imagine, but the doubt lingers anyway, doubt I didn’t have before talking with my mother. I could ask him, I suppose, but it would make me sound paranoid and insecure. I don’t want Hudson to think I don’t trust him when the issue is mine, not his.
“What’s your worst-case scenario?” I ask him instead.
He takes a long moment to think about it before answering. When he does, his response is concise and to the point, completely unlike mine. “Letting down the people I care about.”
Without asking, I know he doesn’t mean by skating badly or losing. Something deeper underpins his words, but before I can ask for clarification, he kisses me again.
“Get some sleep, Riley. You’ve got the early ice time tomorrow.”
I fall quiet, but sleep doesn’t come easily. My mind wanders in the darkness long after his breathing evens out, wondering how someone as sweet and wonderful as Hudson could ever let anyone down.