Chapter 47
Chapter Forty-Seven
Rhett
I could sense something was wrong before I even opened the door to the house. Olivia’s car is in the driveway, but the house is dark. It’s only nine thirty, so I know she hasn’t gone to bed already.
When I reach the front door, it’s unlocked. I swing it open, flicking a light on to find Olivia lying on the floor, clutching Maverick to her like both their lives depend on it. Her eyes are puffy and there’s black underneath them like she’s been crying. My stomach drops.
“Is everything okay?”
She looks up at me as if she just noticed I’m here. When her eyes latch on mine, her whole body sags and I see tears forming in her eyes. Horrified, I pull her close to me, pressing her face into my chest and holding the back of her head gently in my hands. “What’s wrong?”
“I have to go, Rhett.”
“Go where?”
“Back to San Francisco,” she mumbles. “To stay.”
Her words take the air out of my lungs. “What? Why? What’s going on?”
She pulls away from me, but I hold on tight, afraid that letting her go will be the end of us, whatever we were. I guess we never really had a chance to be anything yet, but Monday was supposed to change that.
“The dinner…”
“I know you texted and said it didn’t go well, but like I told you, I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you think. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”
“No, it reall y was horrible.”
She fills me in on every horrific detail of the dinner, and I can’t help it as my jaw falls to the floor.
“You’re kidding! Who is this woman? I swear I’ll kill her.”
I hate the thought of someone tearing down Olivia, my Olivia.
She grabs onto my biceps. “No, you won’t.” She pauses to wipe the tears from her soaked cheeks. “She was right. Roots, the idea that I could find another job outside of tax, us… they were all just a fantasy. I came here knowing this was only temporary. I was always supposed to go back. It’s time I get back to reality. We all know that it would just be a mistake if I stayed here. It’d be messy. I’d be in the way. I’m just ripping off the band-aid instead of delaying the inevitable.”
Her voice is firm, but I can see something soft in her amber eyes. She doesn’t want to believe a word of what she’s saying. I can tell from that look that maybe her mind is saying all this, but her heart is begging her to stay and prove all of her biggest fears wrong.
I draw back from her enough to make her look me in the eyes. “You’re not going anywhere. This is not just a fantasy. Roots, a new job that makes you happy, and you and I together, are all within reach. You can’t let that wicked woman win. You’re not a burden. We want you here. Your mom, your dad, Callie, Lauren, me… we all want nothing more than for you to be here for good. And you can’t try to give me some bullshit about not wanting to be here because you’ve told me you want to stay, and I can see it in your eyes even now. So stay. Please.”
Her eyes are wide, and I can feel her heart pounding against my chest. “It’s not that easy. Everyone is getting attached now, and I can’t give you all what you need. I screwed up. Just let me go home before I make things worse, please.”
“You are home. You are all that I need.” I drop my lips to the crown of her head. “I’ve already told you I’ll help you get settled. You’re not in this alone. What else do you need from us to finally let yourself be happy?”
Her breathing has slowly been getting quicker with each second that passes, but my question triggers something in her because in an instant, she’s wheezing uncontrollably. There’s panic and fear in her eyes. She clutches her chest as she turns away from me and crumples to the ground.
I feel a squeezing in my chest, and an ache in my heart. I need to make this better. I want to see her happy again. I want to hear her beautiful laugh. It breaks my heart to think that I may have done this to her.
“Olivia, can you hear me?”
She nods as she continues clenching at her chest, her breathing loud and shallow.
“Can I touch you?”
She nods again.
I gently stroke her back. “Can you try to slow down your breathing? I’ll breathe with you.”
Maverick whimpers and rushes over to us. He sets his head in her lap as if to say I’m here with you too. What a good freaking dog.
“I…. can… do… it…” she says before she takes a deep breath, holding it for an extended period of time before slowly exhaling.
My eyes don’t leave her for so much as a nanosecond as I inspect her to see if the breathing is helping release some of the tension in her shoulders or erase some of the panic in her eyes.
After several minutes, I finally start to think we might be in the clear. She calmed down much faster this time than the last time I was with her. When I say something about it, she nods. “The techniques I’ve learned in therapy have helped me feel a bit more in control.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
“What can I do for you?”
“Can you keep holding me like this please?” The look in her eyes is so sad. She looks defeated.
“If you think I’m going to let go of you anytime soon, you’re sorely mistaken.”
She laughs. It’s not her full laugh. It’s a bit breathless and half-hearted, but it’s something. It’s a step forward from where we were a few minutes ago.
I wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her between my legs. She lets me. Then I lean her gently back so that she is lying against my chest. She feels stiff. “You can let yourself sink into me. I don’t mind.”
“I know I’m supposed to accept help. I’ve been working with my counselor on that for the last month, but it’s also important for you to know that you don’t have to take care of me.” She sighs. “I think that’s why it hurt so badly to fail when I met with Chance. I was trying to accept your help and turn it into something, so you didn’t have to worry about me, but here I am, becoming a burden again.” Her shoulders shrug up as she draws away from me.
“Oh no you don’t, Wildflower. I’m not doing this because I have to. I want to hold you and comfort you. I want to see you at your weakest and your strongest moments. I want to be with you every second of every day. You’ve made it impossible not to fall in love with you, and whether you like it or not, when I love someone, I will do anything for her. I will do anything for you. I want to protect you. I want you to allow yourself to be vulnerable with me, and I hope that you’ll allow me to be vulnerable with you too. Because let me tell you, I’m a mess.”
She giggles. This time it sounds more like that musical joy I’ve heard escape her in the past when she’s not trapped by her own thoughts, so I keep going. “I want to make you dinner and dessert whenever you feel like it. I want to play guitar for you just to see that look of wonder in your eyes. I want you to believe that you’re strong, worthy, and loved. You’re not a burden. You will never be a burden to me, or anyone else in the world, for that matter. You are Olivia freaking Parker. You are incredible. You light up the world with your presence. You will bring the world to its knees because you are brave and determined and destined to be happy, however that looks for you.
“And I need you to know, I’m so in love with you. Today doesn’t make me think less of you. It makes me think more of you because every time you’re kicked down by your anxiety, you still manage to get back up. You still manage to put on a smile. You still manage to lift other people up, to love, to experience joy, to absolutely crush every single thing you do. You amaze me.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“How about It’s about damn time someone told me how amazing I am .”
There’s that beautiful laugh again. I want to keep her laughing forever.
“Or how about Thank you, Rhett. You’re right. I’m going to stay in Roots and put myself first for once.”
“You’re right. I need to get back up. I’m just so scared.”
“You don’t need to be afraid. I’m here with you, remember? We are going to figure this out together.”
“But today just proved no one wants me. I’m only good for doing taxes.”
“Today proved there are stupid people in the world, but it didn’t prove no one wants you. I know you’re afraid of hurting people but leaving isn’t going to keep us from getting hurt.”
She nods. “You’re right.”
“I know.” I plant a kiss on her cheek. “Can we move our date up? I don’t want to wait anymore.”
“Move it up?”
“Yes.”
“You’re sure you still want to go on a date with me after seeing all of this?”
“I’m sure. Just come on the date with me, Wildflower. Let yourself be happy for a moment. We will figure everything else out from there.”
She presses her lips together as she considers what to say. I try not to be hurt by the fact that her answer isn’t an immediate and enthusiastic yes. She is still coming back from a panic attack, and I know my speech isn’t going to automatically cancel out all the demons in her head.
“Let’s do it,” she says with a timid smile. “But there’s something I have to do first.”