11. Chapter 10
Ivy – Present day
My bottom lip quivers as I look at myself in the long mirror, not recognizing myself and I quickly bite it, hoping my tears stay at bay.
This is wrong, so very, very wrong.
This isn’t how I wanted to look on my wedding day. The hair, the dress, the shoes, heck, even the groom, are all wrong.
I always imagined wearing a skater dress and boots with my hair up in some fancy twist being held up by the flower clip Psycho gave me on my sixteenth birthday and he’d be the one waiting for me at the end of the aisle but not here.
Not in a church like Mama booked but at Rose Gardens in the summer with the flowers all blossoming and the sun setting behind us before he rode off with me on the back of his bike after making me his.
But this, right here, isn’t my dream wedding.
It’s my nightmare, and everything is completely wrong.
Not even Tate is here today as my flower girl.
Fury doesn’t agree with the wedding and refused my mama to bring her when she requested her.
The only time that I’ve seen her is when she’s with Skylar because I haven’t stepped foot in the clubhouse, mainly because I’m terrified that I’ll out Mama.
My tears blur my vision as I look at myself.
My hair is down and wavey, my makeup a little overdone, and the long princess wedding dress that Mama chose flares from underneath my breasts, perfectly hiding my small 20-week bump but showcasing my large chest because, in her words, ‘I need to keep Hayden satisfied’ , while Luna, Blade’s old lady and soon-to-be wife, arranges the bottom of it, trying not to stand on it in the process.
Maybe if she accidentally tears it, the wedding can get called off, or perhaps I can set it on fire with me inside, and I’ll have to go to the hospital instead…
Wishful thinking, though, right?
Dammit, why hasn’t he showed up?!
I blink several times, trying not to let my tears fall.
Mama has planned this down to a tee, right down to the flowers on the tables in the reception room.
She has not once offered me an out by bringing Dad into the issue with the Hyenas, knowing he could make her problems disappear, problems that she has made mine.
Raya was right, Mama is selfish for putting this on me.
She chose to get with a brother, and knowing their ways, she decided to stay all this time, yet what I wanted no longer appealed to her. As soon as I said I was fine with the marriage, hoping to give myself time to convince her to speak to Dad, was the day her true colors shone through.
For just over four months, I stood back and watched her live a normal life with a happy glow radiating from her while Dad tries his hardest to get her back. He lavishes her with gifts that she gloats over while forcing him to pay for this over-the-top, lavish wedding I didn’t even want.
For four months, I’ve watched her plan this wedding like it’s the happiest day of my life, instead of selling me to pay off her debts—debts she never would have gotten if she’d just spoken to Dad instead of trying to punish him.
For four months, I’ve had to hear her plead with me to rethink keeping the baby, her grandchild, before apparently Hayden was rethinking everything, and she was ‘concerned’ for her life – more like concerned for the money she keeps getting.
I side-eye her from her perch on the chair near the window. Her long off-white, off-the-shoulder satin dress perfectly hugs her figure.
She doesn’t look like someone whose life is threatened.
She looks like a cat who caught her canary.
She can’t even hide the sly smile on her over done face as she looks over my dress that my dad had to fork out for.
She believes she’s got him wrapped around her little finger, and right now, she might.
Who knew I’d come to resent my own mother, huh?
I shake my head and eye my dress again, wishing Raya were here.
She’s messaged several times pleading for me not to go through with this, to run away, but I can’t risk it.
If they were to get away with stupidly killing my mother, I’d never forgive myself, but I am secretly hoping Psycho will still show up before the I do’s and profess his love, well more like I am banking on him doing it.
But that could be a pipe dream, though.
Four months and it’s been radio silent from him.
I unblocked his number and attempted to call him several times, but each time I tried to press send, I chickened out because, as each day went by, I heard nothing from him.
Did he move on?
Is he back to sleeping with club girls?
Should I have just told him everything?
I never should have left his room that morning. Instead of testing him and his feelings, I should have told him everything. Then maybe we would be together now, and Mama couldn’t use me to pay off her debts.
I furrow my brows. Does that make me selfish?
“Okay, all done,” Luna announces, and I look in the mirror and lock eyes with hers.
She tilts her head at me with concern as she puts some of her caramel hair behind her ear, and I try to give her a smile, but it comes out more of a grimace, and she stands up straight and says, “Clara, could I have a moment with Ivy?” I side eye Mama to see her scowling at Luna, but she doesn’t relent and lies, “It’s about Blade, you know she’s close with him and could help me, I just don’t want to bore you with the details.
Why don’t you go check and make sure the groom hasn’t got cold feet. ”
She adds a little chuckle, and even I raise a brow at her because, damn, she sounds really convincing.
Mama nods and stands, stating, “I could do with a leg stretch anyhow,” and walks over to us. She looks over me with a smile and says, “You make a beautiful bride, my sweet girl,” and I give her a small smile in return though I’d bet my truck it doesn’t reach my eyes.
She looks over my dress again before patting my shoulder and leaving, shutting the door behind her, but I don’t miss the grin on her face.
“You don’t want this,” Luna snaps, getting my attention and I look her way but keep my mouth shut, not stupid to lie to a woman who has been through a hell of a lot worse things than I have.
Luna tilts her head and assesses me, her eyes looking over my stomach, and it takes everything in me not to cover it.
Surely she can’t see...
“Psycho got you pregnant, didn’t he?” she asks, cutting off my thoughts and I look down not knowing what to say because damn she’s perceptive. She continues, “But somehow, I don’t think that is why you don’t want to do this.”
I look at her and whisper, “Just leave it, Luna…”
She shakes her head and denies, “No, I have lived years being trapped and scared,” Her dark chocolate eyes soften, “I won’t see a woman I’m becoming to see as a friend live through the fate I did.”
I swallow hard, look in the mirror again, and notice how sad my eyes actually look.
Guess I’m not hiding it as much as I thought I was.
Again, where the hell is he?
“I miss him,” I admit in a whisper, “I was being immature, trying to test his love for me, and now I’ve lost him.”
“If you love him so much, then why are you marrying someone else, someone none of the club brothers agree with, I’d like to add?” she questions, and my eyes tear up.
I know they aren’t in agreement. None of them are here, which has pissed Mama off. Though, I can’t be too upset because it is a farse. Dad agreed to pay but refuses to watch me marry Hayden, and again, I don’t blame them.
It’s not like I’ve kept in touch with them since everything happened between Psycho and me and it is not like this is real.
“Because I have to,” I mutter.
Luna shakes her head, her eyes going to my stomach again and I instantly feel bad.
She may never be able to have kids because of her ordeal. She was abused, yet I won’t open my mouth and explain Mama’s situation especially when she’s being selfish.
Over the past four months, Blade has brought Luna to Gary’s Motors so we can get to know each other. He wanted her to know the woman he sees as a sister, and I welcomed her with open arms, but right now, I feel like I’m letting her down.
I can’t tell her about Mama without breaking her trust because, despite her basically selling me and walking around like she is living her best life, she’s still my mother, and I have some underlying need to keep her happy because I’ve grown up watching the men treat their women like shit and I feel like they need someone in their corner.
Pathetic right?
“I’ve come to love you, Ivy,” Luna says, and I look at her and furrow my brows seeing the determination in her eyes as the door to the room closes and she says, “Which is why I’ve had a little help on this.”
“Wait, what are you?” I begin but my words cut off when a cloth stinking of Chloroform is placed over my mouth and nose and I struggle, trying to break free until I hear, “Don’t fight me, cupcake,” and I freeze in shock before I relax because damn, he made it…
Psycho.
Everything around me fades, Luna becoming blurry just as the thought hits me, before darkness takes hold.
Wait, did his breath smell of…