21. Chapter 20
Ivy – Four Months Later
I chew my bottom lip as I look at my son, his little chest moving up and down but with the help of the machines, his little hands slowly moving, the medication he’s on limiting his movements so he doesn’t pull the tube out of his mouth and I wipe away the stray tears that don’t want to stay at bay.
I’m tired, emotionally and physically, and I can feel myself slowly giving up, my strength not able to hold me up anymore.
I’m breaking. I can feel it, my family sees it, and no one can help me unless they can create miracles.
I gently rub my finger over Hudson’s tiny hand as I take him in, my heart breaking bit by bit.
Hudson Grayson Garcia was named after his father, Jax Hudson, and his great-grandfather, Macky Grayson.
God, I wish Grandad were here right now. He’d give me the advice I needed, he’d hold me up. He would have ensured I didn’t make all the wrong decisions that led me to this point.
I wipe away another tear, while keeping hold of Hudson’s hand with my other, not wanting to let him go.
When Anna face-timed me all those months ago, when I was forced to stay in bed, he didn’t weigh much more than eleven ounces, his body no bigger than a soda can yet here he is weighing three and a half pounds, showing signs of brain activity yet the doctor still wants to remove the breathing tube, still determined he won’t live longer than sixty minutes without it.
I sigh, running my other hand through my hair.
He has been extremely pushy to get me to agree with him.
He said a micro-preemie won’t survive and that I’m just prolonging his life for myself not for my son.
That I’m being selfish while I believe he’s being a negative jackass who doesn’t want a baby’s death on his hands.
Twice he’s tried to get me alone to try and persuade me not to put my son through this but I just..
his body is growing, his lungs are developing, there is a chance.
Right?
“How are you doing, mama?” Nurse Canter asks as she walks over with Hudson’s new feed, and I shrug.
“Coping, I guess,” I whisper back as I gently rub my son’s small hand, looking over his small body, only wearing a diaper.
He’s now the size of a preemie born at around thirty weeks and still growing while his father is still in a coma.
I need Jax to wake up, I need him so much.
I haven’t gone home. Even when Dad mentioned emptying Mama’s place, where most of my belongings are, I stayed at the hospital, not caring where he’d put my stuff, not willing to leave my family. Heck, I haven’t even questioned where she is.
During the day, I’m with Hudson. At night, I’m sleeping next to Jax, begging him to wake up.
“Dr. Clark been back to see you?” she asks, and I swallow hard and nod.
“He mentioned he could have a hole in his heart and requires a scan or something then expressed his survival rate if he does have one,” I admit, and the nurse scoffs, making me look her way.
She raises her ginger eyebrow at me, her light blue eyes assessing me before she states, “He’s trying to scare you.
He does this a lot because when he had saved a few babies born prematurely like Hudson, the parents sued him for encouraging them to keep the babies alive when they ended up with learning disabilities or medical problems later on in life.
Something he did warn them about. He’s become jaded but won’t do the job himself to end the child, instead, he encourages the parents so the death isn’t on his hands.
The ECG is just a precaution with all Preemies at this stage, so don’t let it scare you.
If you believe that Hudson can overcome everything, which I shouldn’t say, but I believe he will, then listen to yourself, not the doctor,” She slightly smiles and admits, “I find that mothers know best compared to doctors most of the time.”
I swallow hard as a few tears fall, hearing her words giving me a little bit of hope before she changes the feed over while I focus on Hudson.
“I’ll stop by in a little while to check on you,” Nurse Canter says, and I nod as she squeezes my shoulder and walks away, leaving me alone with my son and my thoughts.
I blame myself.
I know I didn’t hand Misty the gun or make her go crazy, but still, I can’t help but blame myself and think about the what-ifs.
My eyes tear up yet again, but I wipe them away.
I need him to wake up.
“Hey, sweetie,” Sky says, and I turn slightly as she sits beside me, her eyes going to Hudson as she asks, “How’s he doing?”
I look back at him and sniffle before I admit, “He needs an ECG. The doctor says he could have a hole in his heart, and I’m prolonging his life out of selfish reasons, while the nurse mentioned it’s just routine.”
Sky growls, “I really hate that doctor,” and I nod in agreement, but I know I can’t do anything about it. He’s the only specialist with the training Hudson needs in the hospital, and their policies won’t allow an out-of-house doctor to fly in and we can’t move him, so we’re stuck.
“Here, these are from Anna,” she says as she hands over a few teddies, placing them on top of Hudson’s incubator. This makes me smile, but I soon frown and ask, “How did you even get them? She’s on house arrest.”
Skylar snorts, “Tate, of course,” and I nod because they can’t keep that sweet girl from her honorary grandmother, and they know it.
Turns out Anna killed Misty without blinking as she screamed for her life, claiming Jax would kill them for trying to touch her like the delusional bitch she was.
Dammit, it wasn’t like Jax was the only person she was sleeping with, he was just the one officer brother she thought she could latch onto for his patch.
I sigh. When Luna shot her, she hit her arm, disarming her while Cannon came out of nowhere and tackled her to the ground, or that is what Luna said.
They locked her up in their torture chamber, keeping her there, hoping Jax would wake to dish out the punishments but after two months, Blade and Viper decided to end her, painfully but when they began to question her when she started spewing shit, Anna snuck in the chamber without the men knowing and shot her in the head, killing her, shocking them.
Brick apparently didn’t know whether to kiss her or punish her.
She’s been on house arrest for two months, only being allowed to come to see me, Hudson, and Jax three days a week, which isn’t going down well.
Brick’s been begging his son to lift the arrest on her because she’s now threatening his balls and he’s concerned this will set him back with her.
I gently rub my son’s hand and ask, “Have you heard from Raya?”
Sky hums and admits, “She’ll be taking over later from me when she knows Venom isn’t here.”
I half smile but mutter, “I don’t need babysitters,” but she replies, “Yeah, you do.”
I sigh, “And Lake?”
She calls every day, but I haven’t seen her, and I know that is because she won’t be around the club.
Cherri, her mother is a clubwhore and even though the brothers haven’t met her or even laid eyes on the girl, they’ve put her in the same box as her mother – patch chaser and she’s worried her identity will be out in the open.
Though if Randy knew that is what the brothers call his daughter, he’d quit on the spot at the garage and would probably kill someone.
“She not called yet?” Sky confirms, and I shake my head, and she hums and admits, “She’s seeing someone.”
I look at her with a furrowed brow and ask, “How on earth did that happen? She never goes out?”
Sky smirks and shrugs, “I don’t know. She said they’ve been seeing each other for a few months, and she is smitten. Well, no, not smitten. The girl is in love. She said she’ll tell you everything when she calls.”
I nod, a small smile appearing, happy for her as the door opens, and we both look expecting doctor asshole but Skylar freezes seeing Blade and he swallows hard noticing her before he looks at me and his eyes soften seeing the tear marks on my cheek.
“Just checking in, little doll,” he says softly, and I give him a small smile.
“I’m okay,” I lie, and he chuckles, instantly calling me out, “Liar.”
I chew the inside of my cheek, then ask, “Any change?”
He sighs, “Sorry, Ives,” and I nod, more tears falling. He looks at my features and says, “His monitors still react when your name is mentioned. Don’t lose hope, alright?”
“Four months, Leo,” I whisper, and he shakes his head and comes into the room before kneeling and cups my cheek.
“I know it’s hard, I know you are barely hanging on, but please don’t give up,” he whispers, and I nod as some tears fall.
He wipes them away as he stands, then kisses my head and mutters, “I’ll come check on you again in a little while.” He looks at Hudson, placing his hand on the incubator, then turns and looks at Skylar and nods, “Little sis,” before walking away and out of the room.
Sky scrunches her nose and mutters, “It would be so much easier if he wasn’t so nice.”
I chuckle because, honestly, Blade is one of the best people I know. I have told her so every time, but she won't be swayed, especially with how he's treated Anna.
“Still dodging your brother, I see?” I ask Skylar, and she scoffs, “He is not my brother,” and I look at her with a raised brow.
She sighs, knowing she can’t deny it, especially when Anna keeps snapping at her every time she refuses to call him the title.
I understand why—I really do—but it’s not fair to keep turning Blade away, especially not for her…
“Okay, he is but he also had a much better life than me,” she says, and I chuckle making her stick her tongue out at me knowing I’ve seen right through her.
“Anna ensured your life wasn’t as bad as it would have been. Don’t go blaming Blade and mentioning excuses that only meant something for about a month after finding out you had a brother,” I say to her, and she sighs, “Sometimes, I hate how much you know…”
I snort, “You mean everything you told me?”
She sticks out her tongue out again, making me smile before she looks at Hudson and admits, “I don’t blame him, Ives.
I’m envious, yes. Brick wanted him but not me, and I get it.
Brick was a dirty dog, but still, the first memory I have is him screaming at my mother…
” She looks at me, “And you know what happened after that meeting when I said I wanted to get to know my family…”
I wince because yeah, I know, and if it wasn’t for Anna, things right now would be extremely different.
I sigh. “Just give him a chance and soon,” I say, and she nods.
I think it’s more out of fear of being rejected why she won’t get to know him now despite having people in her corner telling her otherwise and the crap with Fury doesn’t help, the way they began their relationship only for him to break her heart and don't get me started on the Anna situation.
I shake my head and focus on Hudson before a thought comes to me. I look at Sky and ask, “Why does Blade think Anna is the reason you two are not talking?”
Skylar smirks and replies, “Oh, you know the tales of jealous club girls and brothers wanting to believe the worst in someone after they try their hardest to get kicked out of the club but fail every time.” I raise a brow at her and she admits, “They believe Anna has treated me like crap my whole life out of jealousy. Like when Brock was shouting disgusting shit at me from across the street of the things he’d do to me and Anna hit him.
A prospect saw the incident but missed the leering he did and automatically made up that she must have said stuff to me and the only reason why she’s still at the club, willing to do counselling with Brick is because she knows he’ll tie her up and lock her in his house otherwise. ”
I roll my eyes, “And they wonder why you want nothing to do with the club.”
Sky hums and admits, “I spoke to Anna last night, but she’s still refusing to open up, and honestly, I can’t force her to, Ives. I wish she’d tell Blade everything, Brick even if he is an ass, but she won’t, and I won't budge until she does.”
I look back at Hudson, who moves his head, making me smile a little. I whisper, “She’ll open up, with us behind her. She’s basically a mother to all four of us, and when the brothers realize they screwed up, the groveling will be epic…”
Skylar hums again. She is also watching my son, who looks more and more like his father every day, making my heart race and a few tears fall again that Sky doesn’t miss, and she puts her head on my shoulder and whispers, “He’ll wake soon, he’ll meet his son.”
“But will that happen before Hudson dies?” I croak and she grips my hand that’s not holding Hudson’s and rasps, “Have faith.”
I’m trying, but the longer Jax is in a coma, the more my faith diminishes…