Chapter 56 OFFICIAL DOCUMENT The Tablets of the Law （According to Aunt Tina）
OFFICIAL DOCUMENT: The Tablets of the Law (According to Aunt Tina)
WELCOME to Love Goals!
(The Reality Show Where Love Is War—and I’m the Sequin-Covered General)
Written by: Tina “Aunt Tina”
Approved by: Mayor Nino (under duress)
Supervised by: Pedro the Myna Bird (Honorary Judge)
Dear lovers, contestants, and sacrificial offerings to the audience,
If you’re reading this document, it means you survived the selection round, my ruthless critique of your outfit, and the first Bonfire Ceremony.
Congratulations. Or my condolences. Depends on the angle.
You have been confined to Elm Hollow Mountain.
Here, state laws do not apply.
The Laws of the Heart (and Ratings) reign supreme.
To prevent you from tearing each other apart for no reason—or worse, from being boring—here’s how your next three weeks will operate.
THE SACRED “HEART POINTS” SYSTEM
Forget eliminations. At Elm Hollow, no one gets kicked out (because then they gossip about us online).
Here, you win by accumulating.
Your mission:
Fill your Heart-O-Meter.
At the end of the show, the couple with the highest score wins:
· The Golden Cupid Trophy (it’s heavy; watch your toes)
· A generous check to donate to the charity of your choice
· A brand sponsorship for your athletics or your business
· Eternal bragging rights at the Elm Hollow Sports Bar
?? OFFICIAL CHALLENGE SCORING TABLE
Each challenge—physical, mental, or emotional—creates a ranking.
?? 1st Place: 100 Hearts (Ecstasy Tier)
?? 2nd Place: 90 Hearts (Almost Perfect)
?? 3rd Place: 75 Hearts (The Dignified Podium)
4th Place: 60 Hearts
5th Place: 50 Hearts (Mediocrity—my personal nightmare)
6th Place: 40 Hearts
7th Place: 30 Hearts
8th Place: 20 Hearts
9th Place: 10 Hearts (Shame. Do better.)
? DIVA POINTS (Tina’s X-Factor)
Forget math—this is art.
The Love Goals scoring system works just like Formula 1…
but with less asphalt and significantly more glitter.
Because love isn’t an exact science (and because chaos is fun), I, as Supreme Hostess, reserve the right to add or subtract special points at any time based solely on:
· my impeccable judgment
· my emotional reactions
· the goosebumps you give me
?? “INFLAMMABLE” BONUS (+10 Diva Points)
Awarded to the couple whose chemistry makes the cameramen blush.
Note: Anything counts.
Smoldering looks. Kisses. Arguments that turn into passion.
If you fog up my glasses, the bonus is yours.
?? “AWW” BONUS (+10 Diva Points)
Awarded to the sweetest, softest, most cavity-inducing moment of the week.
?? “ICE POP” PENALTY (-10 Diva Points)
If you look like two strangers stuck in an elevator—points gone.
If you bore each other—points gone.
If you bore me—points gone and you lose my eternal respect.
?? PEDRO’S WILD CARD (Random Points)
Pedro may award or remove points at any moment.
Tip: Bring him blueberries. He is 100% corruptible.
?? CHALET LIVING RULES
Neutral Zone: Bedrooms are off-limits to cameras.
What happens under the sheets stays under the sheets
(unless you scream loud enough for the neighbors—audio editors will pick it up).
War Zone: Living rooms, kitchens, and outdoor areas are fully mic’d and filmed 24/7.
If you say my dress looks like a chandelier, I’ll hear it.
And I’ll deduct points.
Curfew: None. Do what you want.
But at 8:00 AM, you must be fresh and ready to film.
Under-eye concealer is your responsibility.
?? FINAL CLAUSE: AUTHENTICITY
The citizens of Elm Hollow have lie-radar in their DNA.
If you fake it, they’ll know.
If you act badly, they’ll boo.
We want tears, laughter, kisses—real ones.
Either fall in love, or fake it so well you even fool yourselves.
May the couple who makes the hearts (and other body parts) beat the hardest… win.
Good luck,
Aunt Tina ??
(P.S. Sloane, sweetheart—if that lipstick goes missing again, I want details. For statistical purposes.)