29. Valentina #2
“No, please.” Ruslan moves closer. “I won’t lie to you. We weren’t exactly close before this, and I half thought you wanted to be Ivy’s maid of honor so you could get a front-row seat to my fucking up. But I want to help you if I can.”
My lips twitch into a slight smile. “I’m a little glad Ivy came from outside. The more I’ve learned, the more I’ve been worrying that Diego wouldn’t be allowed to stay.”
“Zira is a civilian as well. I don’t know about allowed but we all sort of decided that the world we live in is as cold and as dangerous as it can be, so why deny ourselves something that makes us happy, y’know?”
“As much as I want that to be true… I don’t know how he feels about it.”
“Then ask him.” Ruslan shrugs one shoulder. “It’s the easiest way to understand how he feels and calm what you fear. Sure, your fears might be right, but knowing for sure lets you create a path through them.”
My eyes narrow. “And to be clear, you would not be telling me all this if I remembered everything?”
“Oh, no.” Ruslan laughs. “I’d be too scared of you stabbing me.”
“Interesting. Ivy said I was… guarded.”
“Mmhmm.” Ruslan glances down at his leg and brushes away invisible lint on his thigh.
“I believe the death of your father was harder on you than you ever admitted. And then, to me, it looked like you threw yourself so hard into work that you never got a chance to do or feel anything else. Losing your memory and meeting Diego might be the best things that’ve happened to you. ”
“That’s kind of sad,” I murmur. “How cold was I that it took something like this for me to connect with someone?”
“Not cold,” Ruslan remarks immediately. “Guarded. Protective. You had your impenetrable boundaries for a reason, but from how I’ve seen you since you came back, I can honestly say I think happiness exists in you now.”
“Agreed,” comes Raven’s muffled voice from under the table.
I laugh softly. “I was close with Bradley, wasn’t I?”
Ruslan nods and he briefly looks a little pained. “When you vanished, he went out for three days straight looking for you. You and he have been here the longest, and from what I understand, you’re his best friend.”
“Fuck,” I murmur. “I’m being haunted and at the same time, I’m doing the haunting.”
“But you’re remembering.” He leans forward and gently squeezes my shoulder. “That’s important.”
He’s right. And I’ve spent far too long sitting here talking instead of finding Diego. “Thanks, Ruslan. I don’t know why we weren’t close before, but I appreciate it a lot.”
“Me too.”
With a final smile, I duck out of the room and head back down the hallway to a little curl of disappointment in my gut that Diego isn’t there waiting. It’s obscene to expect him to wait exactly where I saw him last, but I was hopeful, anyway. Picking up the pace, I hurry to my bedroom.
Ruslan’s right. I need to talk to Diego. Only he can soothe these building worries and if they turn out to be true, then we can only solve them together.
Only, Diego isn’t in my room.
Or the kitchen, or the gym. He’s not in the lounge or on the roof, and by the time I even check Cassian’s meditation room, I’m worried.
“Bradley?!” I charge into the office where Bradley and Cassian are bent over the desk, deep in conversation, but Bradley looks up the moment I enter.
“Val?”
“I can’t find Diego! I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find him in any of the rooms. Is there somewhere I don’t know about? Did you get rid of him?!”
“Val!” Bradley approaches me and grasps both my shoulders. “Deep breath. He can’t have gone far.”
Behind him, Cassian’s already on the phone.
“Why can’t I find him anywhere, then?!” I gasp, staring up at him. It’s not struck me until now just how much I rely on seeing him at the end of every hard day, like his presence is the rock I need to remain sane.
“He might just be asleep somewhere, like the library or something,” Bradley assures me. “We’ll scour the CCTV and—”
“Brad.”
Cassian’s tone makes us both turn to him and he faces us with a grim expression. “He left the building.”
“What?!” I screech.
“How is that possible?” Bradley’s grip on me tightens.
“Frank saw him. He said he was feeling claustrophobic and was afraid of heights. Frank sent him to the lobby to be watched by George, but George claims he never saw him. CCTV shows him getting out of the elevator, though.”
“What the… where would he even go?” I spin back to Bradley. “That bounty is still active, right? You said you wouldn’t close it down because it could still lead somewhere, and now he’s out there in the city by himself!”
“We’ll find him,” Bradley says firmly.
“I can’t lose him.”
“You won’t.”
“No, you don’t understand!” I push his hands away, stepping back and gasping as if the air in here just isn’t good enough.
“I don’t remember enough. I don’t know who I am.
I feel like I’m constantly chasing a dream from three days ago and it’s just not clear enough, and Diego is the only clear thing.
He’s the only thing that makes any sense to me! ”
Pain flashes across Bradley’s face as he nods. “We’ll find him.”
“You have to,” I gasp. “He’s the only thing I know for sure, okay? I need him. I need him.”
I love him. I can’t bear the thought of losing him.