DIEGO #2
“Honestly? I was scared. I felt out of my depth. Like I didn’t belong.
With these people, this world, or you. And Mindy was texting me, cryptic as always.
As much as I dislike her, I still feel responsible for her.
The night she came to me after I found you, I gave her money and because of that, she kept coming back.
Each time she shot up was because of me. ”
Valentina remains patient through every moment of my slow talking and doesn’t look away, even when I have to pause to breathe. As uncomfortable as it is to talk, I need to say it all.
“And she’s right. It’s my fault she’s like this. My fault her life took that turn. So when she needed help, all I could think was that I had done what I could for you and I needed to make it up to her in some way.”
“I disagree,” Valentina says softly. “Bradley pointed out that you were in a lot of pain back then. You needed people to love and support and help you. Mindy chose to join you. That was on her. Her choices are not your responsibility because anyone else would have gotten you help. What she does is on her.”
It’s a strange way of looking at it and a perspective I’ve never considered before. What would my life be like if Mindy had gotten me help the first time she found me high and passed out?
“Still,” I say carefully. “I gave her money to appease her. I fed her habit.”
“She manipulated you,” Valentina corrects. “And…” Her gaze falls to her mug. “I don’t quite know how to say this.”
My heart begins to pound as Valentina finally looks up and there’s nothing but pain in her eyes. I immediately brace for the inevitable. I was right, and there’s no place for me in her heart anymore.
“Mindy’s dead.”
“What?” My heart stalls in my chest.
“Her body washed up the morning after we found you. Overdose, according to the coroner. Our best guess is that she sold the groceries we got her and used that money to go and get high. But she overdosed. I know you might feel responsible, but before you do, consider that it was her choice. She knew full well what drugs could do. And she resisted all your attempts to get her clean. She even handed you over to bounty hunters. Bounty hunters who murdered Tech.”
Dead.
Tech is dead.
Mindy is dead.
I wait for the sadness to hit, but weirdly, it doesn’t.
Part of me mourned Mindy a long time ago when she fought all my attempts to get her clean, and Valentina’s right.
Half of our conversations were me telling her to get clean and the other half were her threatening her life if I didn’t give her what she wanted.
“Diego?” Valentina reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Do you need a minute?”
I look at her hand lying over the top of mine and shake my head. “It always had to end that way for her, I think. When she wasn’t toying with death to trick me, she was doing everything she could to get closer to it. Do you think…” I glance up. “Her last text to me… was that when…?”
“No. Her time of death was after you were taken. She was fine at that point. She was just fucking with you.”
“I feel sad for her.”
“That’s normal.” Valentina sucks in a deep breath, then her fingertips begin wandering over my hand. “And the other stuff? Feeling like you don’t fit here, like there’s no space for you in my life with all of this?” Her lips press together. “I have the same fear.”
My stomach sinks. “You do?”
She nods. “When you were gone, I was so scared. It was this deep, cold fear I’d never felt before. I couldn’t imagine you just not being around anymore, but I had feared it because I was so worried that if I got my memories back, you wouldn’t like who I really was.”
That dropping sensation in my gut fades, replaced by a tightness. “Val…”
She shakes her head quickly. “Because I love you. And I know I love you. Nothing about my memories changes the fact that you saved and cared for me when you knew nothing about me. You even risked your life for me. And I’ve never felt this kind of love before, but I like it.
Even if it’s a little scary. But…” Her eyes close briefly.
“I remember. I know who I am. And even though I love you, I still have the fear that you won’t care for me. The whole me.”
“The whole you?”
Her eyes meet mine. “I feel the same and different. I don’t want you to think that what happened between us wasn’t real because it was, but… what if you don’t like me?”
“I don’t like you,” I say as softly as I can with a swollen tongue.
Her brows twitch together briefly. “Huh?”
Using her hand for leverage, I pull myself up and bite back the wince at putting weight on my damaged thigh, then I cup her face with my bandaged hand and lean in.
“I love you, Valentina. Every part of you, even the parts I don’t know yet. Because you’re fucking amazing. I knew that the moment I met you. I knew it when I was taking care of you, when you saved me from that cop, and every moment after. All of that was still you.”
Tears sparkle in her eyes, and a wobbly smile creeps across her lips.
“Loving that version of you doesn’t change now that you remember everything. It’s just so much more for me to learn.” I lean in and kiss her, just as my thigh gives way and I flop down onto the table.
Our kissing melts into laughter and she scoots so much closer on her chair while easing me back into mine, then she loops one hand around my neck and strokes my cheek with the other.
“I love you too.”