Chapter 53 Lennox
LENNOX
My siblings followed at my side as I led them back to my tent.
When I explained to Luka my plan, he gladly found somewhere else to spend the evening so I could spend time with Nol and Kara.
I felt like I’d hardly spent time with my siblings since Nol and I had returned—we had a lot to catch up on.
In the morning, we started marching—the war began.
So I had decided I wanted to carve out some time for us, just the three of us.
Because who knew when we’d be able to steal a moment like this again?
I dragged the extra chair from Kara’s tent behind me, placing it by the roaring fire where two other chairs already sat.
Once we were settled with blankets across our laps, I pulled out the bottles of wine I had gathered, pulling the cork out with my teeth and spitting it in the hearth. I took a swig before passing the bottle to Nol.
“So I guess we’re finishing the whole bottle,” he said tentatively.
“We are three people, it’s not absurd, Nol.”
He brought the bottle to his lips but hesitated. I raised a brow. “Are you going to drink or…”
“The only drink I’ve had since I’ve been out was with Luka while you were still unconscious. It didn’t go well.”
Kara laughed. “What do you mean it didn’t go well?” I grabbed the bottle from his hand and took another swig before handing it to Kara.
“I—” He shook his head, his dark hair falling across his forehead. “I’m not telling you.”
“Oh c’mon, Nol. I won’t make fun of you,” Kara protested.
“Yeah, you won’t make fun of me, but she will.” He elbowed me in the side.
“Hey!”
“Lennox, I might have been in captivity for three years, but I don’t think you’ve changed that much.”
Kara laughed, the sound loud and deep. “You’ve got that right. If anything, she’s gotten worse!”
“You know what I didn’t miss? You two ganging up on me!” I pointed at them with the bottle.
“Ganging up on you? Did I misremember our childhood?” Nol reached for the bottle. “If I remember correctly, it was almost always you two against me. You were thick as thieves. Kara, you followed Lennox everywhere, even if it was into trouble.”
“Only because I always knew you’d bail us out,” she sing-songed.
“Please tell me that’s changed now.”
I hesitated, Kara took the opportunity to speak for me. “Not really, I have more self-preservation skills now. Lennox still runs head-first into danger. But now she does it with Luka at her side. There was a while there when she went out on her own in secret though.”
“I’ve enjoyed seeing the two of you together.
” Nol leaned back, bracing his hands behind his head.
“You and Luka. You complement one another so well. When you told me about him—I believed what you said, I could hear the emotions behind your words—the way you talked about him. But I don’t think I understood how much you loved him until I saw the two of you together.
Honestly, I think it’s because I never saw you getting married.
I never thought you’d find someone that would fit with you.
That you’d be willing to settle down with. ”
“Well, isn’t that nice?” I reached for the bottle and took another long swig. Just because I never had any serious relationships didn’t mean I didn’t want one. None of them fit me, not until Luka.
“No wait, let me finish. I mean—you’re unique Lennox, you’re independent.
You don’t need anyone, but you want Luka, I see that.
And parts of you need him. He brings out the best in you and helps calm your flames, but he doesn’t dull them.
Just helps you keep them under control when you need to. But he lets you flourish.”
“It’s been like that since the day they met,” Kara interrupted. “He pushed her and brought life back into her. I tried for two years to rekindle those flames, but I was never able to.”
“Our relationship isn’t all about me though.” Yes, Luka helped balance me, I didn’t disagree with them, but I gave things to him too. Our relationship was a partnership, it didn’t revolve around me.
“His struggles are quieter. They don’t happen in the heat of the moment in front of others like mine do. I help him too.”
“You don’t need to justify your relationship to us,” Nol interrupted. “I can see how much you love him. You don’t need to explain your relationship. I want you to know I’m happy you found him.”
“Thank you.” I let myself relax back into my chair, pulling the blanket around my shoulders.
“How are you, Nol? I feel like I haven’t been asking you enough.” I turned my head toward him. His well-being was a constant thought in the back of my mind. With everything else going on, I felt like I was abandoning him, again. Not giving him the support he needed.
“I’m surviving. Taking it day by day. It’s hard to reacclimate in war.” My stomach tightened.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, Len. We have to fight in this war. This fight is how you found me. It’s just—it’s going to take me a long time to get back to normal—or whatever my new normal is.”
We were all silent for a beat before Nol continued.
“I lost hope I’d make it out a long time ago.
After I was there for so long—hope seamed pointless.
Why try to imagine a life I would never have?
I knew our parents were gone, so things would be different.
And you two had each other, so I knew you’d be fine—if you were still alive.
” He shook his head. “You know how terrible that was? Never truly knowing if you were alive at first? And—and I only ever got confirmation Lennox was alive, there was never a word about Kara.” He looked up from his hands and looked at Kara.
“I didn’t know you were alive until Lennox told me. I didn’t believe it until I saw you.”
Emotions clogged my throat as we let him continue.
“So after a while I decided to pretend it was only me, that I was the only collateral that night. That mother and father were still alive. That father was still High King and you all grieved me, but you were fine. You had moved on. That was easier than imaging you living without them.”
“It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t like that at all,” Kara said quietly.
“I know but…”
“Nol…” Kara’s voice was a croak.
“You know what, that’s enough of this now. Let’s not get into this anymore now. Because this—sitting here with my sisters, who I never thought I’d get to see again—this is my normal. I need this. Not to talk about it anymore. I just—I want to be here with you two.”
“Nol, you fucking son of a bitch!” Kara covered her hands with her face as her body shook.
“What?” my brother and I said in unison.
“You made me cry!” she wailed.
“Kar…” She stood abruptly, throwing her body over Nol as he sat back in the chair.
“What the—”
“I’m so glad you’re back,” she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
“Me too,” he said quietly as he hugged her back.
“Hey! I want in!” I threw my body over Kara, wedging myself into a tiny sliver of the chair and wrapping my arms around them.
“This was a lot more comfortable when we were little.”
I laughed as tears trickled down my cheeks. “I love you, idiots.” I never thought I’d get this again. To hug my brother. To spend time with my sister and my brother again.
I would never take time with him—with anyone—for granted ever again.
“I love you both until the stars turn to dust,” Nol said.