Chapter 63 Lennox
LENNOX
“What’s wrong?” I jumped at the sound of Luka’s voice.
I felt like I was on edge all the fucking time, and I hated it. A twig cracked, and I jumped out of my skin.
He had left me to sleep this morning while he went and checked on the camp, insisting I get as much sleep as I could.
But once he woke, I couldn’t fall back asleep. I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about every possible thing that could go wrong before I couldn’t take it anymore.
I was about to go out and join Luka when I felt a warming sensation against my chest.
I found the looking mirror and called Luce immediately.
“I just got done talking with Nico and Luce.” More so, they bickered, giving me pieces of information between snips at one another.
Luka took a seat on the bed next to me and I filled him in on the updates. I’d be glad to be reunited with them soon. I was tired of communicating through a mirror.
“What do you think that means for Luce?”
My body tensed. “I don’t know, but I don’t like it.
Not one fucking bit.” I knew as much as anyone Luce wouldn’t stop practicing Ichor magic because we asked her to, but it didn’t stop me from worrying about what that mark on her arm meant—and how it was spreading.
Nico had forced her to show it to me. She had forbidden him from telling Caterina.
I knew she’d have words with Luce when she found out.
This magic was dangerous. And we might find out the effects of using it sooner rather than later.
“I told her to stop pursuing any of the spells that use Ichor Magic.” Whether she listens to me is another story.
“Does that affect any of the spells she’s working on for battle?”
I flopped onto my back on the bed. “She wouldn’t tell me.”
Luka hummed in response as he lay next to me. “Have you heard anything from Nol?”
“More of the same.” He had been checking in with me every few days, per my overprotective request. “He seems to be doing well. I just worry about him being lonely. He spent so much time alone and now—”
“But he chose that—he’d rather be there and be lonely, than here. He needs to heal.”
I worried my bottom lip between my teeth. “I feel like we switched rolls. He used to always be worrying about me and now I’m the one worrying about him.”
“Must be payback.” He pulled me to his side and kissed the top of my head.
I wrapped my arms around his waist. “I gave him the information of someone he could talk to. I don’t know if he’ll use it, but I hope he does. I know he’s not ready to talk to me or Kara, but I wish he’d talk to someone.”
“Did you talk to someone after your parents died?”
“No. But I should have. I might not have listened, but I wish someone would have tried to get me to talk about it.”
“And you’re doing that for Nol, you gave him the resources he needs, it’s up to him to decide if he wants to take advantage of it. He’s an Adair, after all. I can’t imagine he likes being told what to do.”
I huffed a laugh. “He’s the most agreeable of the three of us.”
“I noticed that.”
“I just—I feel so guilty. He was out there for three years. Three fucking years he was a captive and I didn’t know.
I went on with my life while my brother was out there being—who knows what was being done to him.
” I had to stop myself from going too deep down that hole.
My mind was already dark enough after what I endured during my short time there—when I started thinking about Nol being there, I had to shut it down before it got too far.
“You didn’t go on with your life. You thought he was dead. You had no reason to believe he wasn’t. You grieved him. You need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the fact your brother isn’t dead. You got him back. It’s a fucking miracle, Lennox. And you need to treat it as such.”
“You’re right.” I wiggled closer to his side, resting my head in the crook of his neck.
“I love it when you tell me I’m right.” I poked my finger into his side. “Have you talked with Kara about this?”
“A little, but not really. Preparing for war doesn’t allow for a lot of time for in-depth personal conversations about our trauma and our newly resurrected brother.”
“Promise me you’ll talk to her, when this is all over.”
“I promise.” I snuggled in closer. “Now no more talking.”
“Thank the fucking stars.”
I abandoned the group of soldiers I’d been training with and took off toward the convoy breaching the entrance to our camp.
I headed straight to the dark-skinned witch at the front, with her curls blowing behind her.
I threw my arms around my cousin and embraced her before she could protest. Luce hesitated for a beat before hugging me back.
“Did you miss me that much?”
“After spending so much time together, being separated took its toll. And you were attacked, so sorry if I feel a little extra relief at seeing you.”
“And she was worrying constantly about you all.”
“I was not,” I protested. It might have been a lie, but only a half lie. I knew they could all hold their own, but I’d always worry about them.
“Mostly about me, I assume.” Nico snuck up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, picking me up off the ground and swinging me around.
“Only you,” I told him as he let my feet rest back on the ground.
“Rude.” Luce crossed her arms over her chest.
“I missed you all, I’m glad to see you all back in one piece.”
We took the rest of the afternoon to debrief, with our group of friends and then with the rest of the generals.
Everyone was given their instructions for battle, and those who got the first batches of Luce’s potion were passed the small vile. It wouldn’t stay active for more than a few hours, so no one would ingest it until directed.
Every soldier had their orders thanks to Declan’s leadership.
We were ready.
As ready as we could be to go into war.
“Tomorrow,” Luce murmured as the last of the remaining generals exited the tent. “Tomorrow we actually go to war.”
“I met with Reggie again last night.” Declan’s voice rang through the crowded tent.
“There is a large chunk of Adreona’s men who want to side with us.
The plan is for them to sneak off during battle, where they won’t be suspected of anything.
They’ll come to our camp and be given a patch to cover their Blood Court seal so we don’t confuse them as the enemy. ”
“Thanks to the information from the guards Stellan knocked out, there might be even more we can sway, especially once they see their fellow soldiers switching sides,” Nico added. “Her stronghold isn’t so strong.”
“Putting it off as long as we have has played into our hands well. Better than I ever could have anticipated,” Declan added as he looked around the room. “We march at sunrise. Get some good rest. You’re all dismissed.”
I left Luka in our tent and headed out looking for my sister. After our conversation earlier, I couldn’t get it out of my head. I wanted to talk to Kara now. “Kar, you awake?”
I pushed open the flaps of my sisters tent tentatively. She was still awake, legs curled up underneath her in the chair as she closed her book and placed it in her lap.
“Yeah, is everything okay?”
I entered the tent and collapsed on the bed. “Is that what we’ve come to. Me only coming to see you when there’s something wrong?”
Kara pressed her lips into a firm line. “I guess I’ve grown to always fear the worst.”
“Which is exactly why I’m here.”
I sat up and met my sister’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”
A crease formed between her brows. “For what?”
“For everything.” There were so many thing I needed to apologize for. For believing she was okay after our parents died, for keeping things from her, for—
“I accept your apology, although I don’t think it’s needed.”
“Kara—"
“No, you listen for once, Len.” I pressed my lips together. “You’re my sister. You are my best friend in the entire world, and I know I’m yours no matter what Nico or Luka might say, I had you first.”
I nodded. “Agreed.”
“We’re always going to have our moments, believe me, I’ve spent a lot of time in the past few months being so fucking pissed at you.
But at the end of the day, you’re my sister.
I know everything you’ve done has been because you love me.
Because you were trying to protect me. Because you love me, and I understand that. ”
Kara moved from the chair to the bed at my side. “But I need you to understand you don’t always have to protect me. I’m pretty good at protecting myself.”
I sighed and wrapped my arms around my sister, pressing our heads together.
“I know. I just forget sometimes you’re all grown up.
After Nol disappeared, I just felt so much pressure.
Pressure that I needed to be the one to protect you now that he was gone, and our parents were dead.
But if you’ve showed me anything over the past three years, it’s that you don’t need me to protect you like I thought I did. ”
“I like knowing it though.” She shifted to look me in the eyes. “I like knowing if I ever need you, you’ll be there for me. No questions asked.”
“That’s what big sisters do.”
“Thank you for sacrificing yourself for me.” I swallowed the lump in my throat.
“I felt a lot of guilt at first, that you sacrificed yourself for me. I know you saw things differently, but everyone needed you. It felt like everyone was falling apart without you. Including me. I kept thinking it should have been me.”
“Kara—"
“Please, Len, let me get this out. I’ve been needing to say it for so long.” I pressed my lips together and let my sister continue.
“But when we got you back and you told us what had happened to you, I felt relief, relief Lennox.” A sob caught in her throat. “Because I know I would have never survived what you did.”
My chest constricted. “Kara, you’re stronger than you believe.
” I blinked back tears. “I see how strong you are, even if others can’t see it, I know you are.
You would have survived as I did.” Even though the thought of Kara enduring what I did at Adreona’s hands churned my stomach I knew she’d survive it, just as I did.
I might tend to wear my strengths on the outside, but Kara’s were internal.
Only those that really knew her saw them.
“When this war is all over, you and me, we’re going to have a sister weekend. Just the two of us.”
“I’d like that.”
“Me too, Kar.”
We were both silent for a minute before Kara spoke again. “You really think we’re going to make it out of here alive?”
“I honestly don’t know, Kara. But I’m trying to take a page out of Luka’s book, trying to borrow some optimism.”
Kara gave me a watery smile. “Optimism looks good on you, Len.”