Chapter 12 | I Never Meant To
"If you hear a song that makes you cry and you don't want to cry anymore, you don't listen to that song anymore.
But you can't get away from yourself.
You can't decide not to see yourself anymore.
You can't decide to turn off the noise in your head.
"
-Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
Frowning at her, "What? I don't understand what you're trying to say," I reply confusedly.
"You know, when mind linking people often tend to leave their links open.
Sometimes Jake and Chris tended to do that, so I had picked parts of their conversations.
They talked about rejections. And that was about two years ago.
But even yesterday, they discussing something.
All of their talks involved rejections, mates and Alpha.
I thought they were random but, now to think, about two years ago Rick was closed off and everything. .. That means..." She trails.
"Yeah... You're right, I had rejected him." Her head snaps up to my eyes as the words leave my lips.
Closing my eyes, I shrug myself nonchalantly as a shiver runs through me.
"Generally all receive their wolves at the age of sixteen, right?
Well, I didn't. I received it at the age of eighteen.
Much to my dismay, it was super powerful.
It got pissed off easily and couldn't contain itself.
I was an elemental. My emotions affected the nature too.
In addition to that I had inherited some of my mom's magic too. "
"That is, including dark magic. My body couldn't contain it. I heard voices inside myself overpowering my own decisions. I didn't know how to control myself. Nobody knew how to. My emotions got stronger, my actions odder, my thinking weaker, and my magic darker."
"I remember when I was five, my mom's eyes turn black when she did dark magic and that was not often.
But after about two months after turning eighteen, my eyes became permanent pitch black.
A small part of me knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't help it.
These malicious voices in my mind instructed me to do the worst and I found myself doing it. "
"Mr. and Mrs. Norwell were always second parents to me.
Theo was always a father figure to me. Aaron and I had always called him dad and his wife, Mrs. Emily Norwell, mom.
Theo couldn't bear seeing me in pain. He took me to one of his dad's friends, a seer named Anna.
The day I met her was the unforgettable day in my life. "
"She said something that put me into grief. As soon as she saw me she was caught up in a trance. Her eyes were clouded. She foresaw a prophecy. Her exact words were..."
"Ages past the fair one shall rise,
Thy passion and rage testify,
Put to misery by thou kin,
Live the life of honor and sin,
Wrath of thee, thy mate in despair,
He shall leave thee lone and fair.
Bloodshed of thy rival,
The dark shadow upon thee fatal.
Reunited with thy heart's desire,
Beneath Selene's gaze shall ye conquer. "
"Equally puzzled as I was, Theo asked her what the prophecy meant.
She said that she was just a mortal transmitter of the Moon Goddess' messages and that it was up to me to find out the meaning.
She offered to help me to control my powers within a couple of visits.
She gave me two vials filled with indigo coloured liquid that would numb down the voices in my mind.
But the liquid would wear off within four hours after consumption.
I gulped down one of it in urgency. My throat burned as it ran down.
I pocketed the other for future use. Both of us returned from her house.
"My mind kept pondering over the prophecy but one thing I need neither a seer nor a genius to figure out was the fact about my mate. "Wrath of thee, thy mate in despair," I shudder as I quote it again.
"The same day after returning from Anna's house, I needed a release.
I changed into my gym clothes and went out for workout in my human form.
I remember wandering away from the dirt path into the woods.
My jog turned into a sprint as I quickened my steps pushing myself further and further trampling down my frustrations and anger.
The voices in my mind awakened with soft whispers. "
"The liquid had worn off. Air around me swirled in a quick pace, creating a mild storm. The clouds darkened more. The voices began to control me. They were back..."
"I turned back home in the attempt of getting the other vial.
But despite my attempts, I got lost amidst the woods.
The full moon came into view as nighttime knocked the door.
I began wandering elsewhere. My feet automatically halted as the most wonderful scent hit my nostrils.
A mixture of pine, fig-tree and lemon all rolled in one.
My wolf at its weakened state mumbled an incoherent word which I caught on quickly. .."
"Mate..."
"The voices in my mind urged me to follow the scent. I gladly did."
"And there I saw him... Maverick.... Of course I knew him before. He was the King after all. I had seen him but not met him. He was staring at the waterfalls in oblivion."
"All I wanted was to run into his arms and never let go. All I wanted was to look into his eyes and offer myself in sweet surrender. I had met my soul mate, my imprint, my better half, my love and my life. But the voices in my head had to ruin it."
"'Go to him. Look at his eyes and reject him,' they hissed."
"He suddenly jolted up looking in my direction. I stumbled backwards. No, I couldn't stand there. I couldn't lose my last bit of control. I would reject him if he came here."
"And I being myself, ran away. And he being himself, came after me."
"I couldn't help it. The voices... They were pressuring me too much.
They kept reminding me of the prophecy. Wrath of thee, thy mate in despair.
They told me that I would hurt him anyway.
Even if I accepted him. He'd leave me, 'lone and fair.
' They said it was for the best. It was better than getting hurt. I never would've done it."
"All of a sudden a surge of power took over me. That shouldn't have happened. My dark side tried to come into power. And he stood in front of me expectantly. I didn't know whether he could see me. But I could."
"His stark blue eyes swirling into black signaling that his wolf was at bay, his full pale pink lips, his well chiseled jaw bathed in the full moon's light..."
"I didn't want to, I swear Adele. I never meant to.
Those words of mine have given me nightmares for these past two years.
It's been hell. At that moment those were perfect.
But the next second I knew I was wrong. I found myself uttering, "I, Blythe Archer, reject you, Maverick Devraux, as my mate, alpha, and king. "
I stand up from the couch. My voice breaks down and tears threaten to pour. Adele put her hand on my shoulder.
The tears, emotions, feelings and everything which I had pushed and hidden within the depths of me, threatened to come out. Things I never had to confide in with anyone apart from Tessa and Aaron came up to surface. My bottled up self threatens to crack itself. A soft whimper escapes me.
"I didn't want to. I thought it was for the best of us but later did I realize I was wrong. I never meant to. I was so wrong. I want to take them back. But I can't." Tears flow freely as I let go, falling to the ground in the process.
Adele puts her arms around me as I repeatedly utter the phrase, "I never meant to."
She rubs my back soothingly but freezes as the door is thrown open.
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