23. Lea
23
LEA
“ L ea, did you hear what I was saying?” Dineta tapped my arm, pulling me back into reality.
I shook my head and turned to her with a smile. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
“What are you thinking so long and hard about? And you haven’t even eaten your food yet. How were you supposed to heal if you don’t eat?” Her face scrunched with worry as she started doting on me.
Miller pointed his fork at me, flinging a piece of egg across the table. “I know that look. The wheels are turning in your head. You’re thinking of a potion, aren’t you?”
“How did you know?” I narrowed my eyes at him suspiciously.
“It’s the same face you made when you threw together that healing salve for your stab wound. Honestly, I didn’t think you could pull it off. You didn’t have the pick of the litter when it came to ingredients.” Miller analyzed me with just as much suspicion.
“Damn. And here I was, thinking of a potion to help heal your ears.” I watched with delight as his face softened.
“Why?” It was the only response he could manage at the time.
“Because it wasn’t right what they did to you. And you kind of saved my life, I owe you.” I scrunched my nose and rolled my eyes up to the ceiling playfully.
My fork stabbed into whatever congealed meat was sitting on my plate.
Just the mere smell of it churned my stomach.
Usually, I find myself hungry by now.
I better eat while I can. Who knows? The guards might decide they won’t feed me tonight.
I brought the meat to my mouth and slid it off with my teeth, causing a ringing sound of enamel against metal.
The taste of it wasn’t all-around offensive. It wasn’t until after I swallowed that I immediately regretted it.
All the contents of my empty stomach came rushing up through my throat. It sat in the back of my mouth like warm acid bubbling—just waiting to come out.
I covered my mouth, but there wasn’t a force on this planet that could keep it down. I threw up pure stomach acid all over the dining room table and somewhat on Miller.
He looked at me with abject horror on his face. “What the f?—”
“Guard, help her! She needs to go to the Infirmary!” Dineta stood from her chair without thinking, and a guard brought his baton against her back. She collapsed back into her seat with a painful wail.
“For Solare’s sake! Grab her!” One of the guards ordered the others to pull me out of my seat.
I was barely able to focus on what direction we were going.
What’s happening to me? Did I get sick? Is my body rejecting the healing salve? I won’t be able to ask the nurse without further prosecution from the guards.
The guards threw me into the closest infirmary bed and left me there. “Nadir. Bed one.”
“Heavens, Miss Nadir! What’s happened to you?” The nurse, who was younger than most of the people here, came bounding in in a floor-length white dress like an angel.
I got up slowly, holding my stomach. “Nothing. I’m fine, really. If they don’t want the inmates to throw up, they may need to serve something better.”
I tried to laugh it off, but I couldn’t hide the way my stomach was cramping.
“You don’t have to try and act tough here. My only job is to heal you.” She placed her hand on my shoulder and frowned at me. “I know this place is unkind. You won’t find that kind of punishment here. Not with me.”
Something in her brown eyes made me want to trust her. She didn’t look to be corrupted by the world yet. There was an air of kindness and innocence about her.
I sighed while closing my eyes, fearful of what would happen next.
The nurse slowly lifted my shirt to reveal the wound under my ribs. “This has some sort of healing properties already on it.”
I furrowed my eyebrows together.
That’s it. I’m done for. She will report back to her higher-ups, and they’ll string by my toes by tomorrow morning.
“That doesn’t appear to be the issue.” She gently pulled my shirt back down and placed her hand on the wound to let me know that she would never tell. “Allow me to run some tests on you. At least then you can spend the rest of the day in an actual bed.”
I would have cried if I wasn’t so deeply dehydrated. Instead, my head lowered as I laid down on the most wonderful cot I ever encountered.
It was in no way as comfortable as the bed I had at home, but it beat the hell out of sleeping on the floor.
As soon as I closed my eyes, I slipped into unconsciousness. I didn’t even dream because I was so tired.
It felt nice, like a moment of reprieve.
W hen I was woken up again, the sun had already gone down.
The nurse stood over me, clutching a file nervously in her hands. Whatever news she had for me, it wasn’t good.
I sat up slowly from the bed, licking my dry lips. “What did you find?”
Her big brown eyes nervously danced away from me as she reached for a chair next to my bed.
Her brows furrowed in confusion.
Her fingers were practically shaking.
“If something has happened to you—” she started to say, before pressing her lips together again. “While you were here?—”
Her eyes finally met mine, and she couldn’t go through with whatever she was trying to ask.
“Just tell me what it is. I can take it.” I reached across and placed my hand on hers.
“Miss Nadir, you appear to be pregnant.” She gulped down the lump in her throat after speaking.
My mind went blank.
As much as I tried, I couldn’t process what she said, or maybe I didn’t want to. “Preg…nant?”
She began speaking as if she couldn’t stop. “You appear to be at least three months along. You’re so malnourished that your belly isn’t even noticeable.”
Both of our minds still reeled from the information.
“I can’t… I can’t. What am I supposed to do? I’m supposed to have a baby here in this god-awful place?” The realization began to set in.
My heart pounded so violently against my ribs that I was afraid they would break.
My blood boiled red hot, but my skin was ice cold.
My lungs felt like someone was squeezing the life from them.
Every breath I drew was shorter than the last.
My eyesight began to wither and blur as I looked around at my mausoleum.
I can’t have a baby here. I can’t have his baby! That monster that trapped me here…
“I want to speak to my mema.” I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my face away.
“I don’t know that I can…” As much as the nurse knew it would be against the rules, she couldn’t bring herself to deny me. She dropped her head and nodded slightly. I can’t allow you to use the phone here. They listen to every conversation, and I don’t think you’d survive the punishment they’d give you when they found out. But I do have another idea.”
She shot up from her chair and walked over to the back of the Infirmary, gathering things into a bowl. “I can send you back to your cell with these. I’ll tell the guards they’re for healing purposes, but you should be able to use this to contact your family telepathically.”
“You could still get into a lot of trouble for giving me this stuff,” I warned her, but it didn’t stop me from taking the bowl of things she offered me.
“I don’t know that I’d be able to sleep at night if I didn’t do something. At least, with you being pregnant, I can offer you some protection. I’m just sorry I can’t do more.” The lack of help she could afford me clearly pained her.
Still, I was more grateful than she will ever know for what she has done. I clutched the bowl close to my chest, feeling a small stem of hope root itself in the pit of my stomach.
She guided me to the front of the Infirmary, but before opening the door, she stopped me. “You don’t deserve to be here. Most of the inmates don’t. What they’re doing is wrong. I just wanted you to know that it doesn’t go unseen. There are people on the outside trying to stop it. I pray they’re successful.” She had the comforting air of a mother, and I needed nothing more at that moment. She opened the door for me, and the safety I felt in the infirmary dissipated as I entered the hallways.
Two guards walked behind me, guiding me back to my cell.
One of them pulled the gate open, and the other put their hands on my back and pushed me in.
I tripped over one of my cellmates, but Dineta caught me.
“Thank Solare, you’re alright! I would start gnawing on these bars to get to you.” Dineta laughed but couldn’t hide the deep concern. Her laugh faded as soon as she saw my face. “You look as white as a ghost. What did the nurse say?”
The hopelessness building up inside me had finally surfaced, and with all my strength, I couldn’t push it back down.
I lowered my head into Dineta’s shoulder and crumbled.
She pulled me in tightly, and I could feel her heart pound with panic. It almost beat in tandem with mine. “Whatever it is, we’ll get through it. I’m here for you, always.”
She let me go, inspecting the things I clutched in my arms. “Now, what are these for?”
“Ingredients… To reach someone on the outside,” I whispered so that no one but us could hear.
“Lea, did you steal this stuff?” She poised herself to reprimand me.
“Of course not! Do you think I’m looking for my second beating of the week? The nurse gave them to me,” I explained, but it only confused her further.
“Why would the nurse—? Oh, no. Lea, are you dying?” Her eyes misted with tears as she grabbed a hold of my collar.
“I’m not dying!” Although there was a part of me that wished I was. “I’m just in a bit of a situation now.”
I placed my hand on my stomach, and her eyes followed down. “The nurse told me that I’m pregnant.”
Her face stretched into a wide smile before dropping into sheer horror. “I really don’t know how to feel about this.”
“Join the club. Now, would you mind keeping watch? I’m going to contact my mema.” I motioned my head over to the front of the cell.
“Shouldn’t you wait until everyone goes to bed?”
I knew she was only trying to protect me, but there wouldn’t be any perfect time to make a telepathic call. “It’ll be worse when everything is quiet. At least right now, the guards have something to distract themselves with.”
She didn’t seem comfortable with the plan, but she nodded and did as asked.
I took a deep breath and moved to the far back corner, where I was sure no guard would see me unless they were really looking for me. I removed all of the ingredients from the bowl and mapped out what to do next.
It took me a moment to get back into the mindset of making telepathic calls. We learned this lesson a year ago at the beginning of the school year.
Turmeric, dried dandelion, toes of a mollusk, and water from the Mirror River. Damn, it looks like I’m missing Juniper.
I was distracted by the feeling of a tall presence behind me. I snapped my head around to see Miller standing over me with his arms crossed, watching intently. “What do you want?”
“I just want to see you work your magic.” He amused himself, but I’d much rather him find amusement elsewhere.
I wasn’t in the mood to entertain him.
“It looks like you’re missing an ingredient there.” He pointed out and I gritted my teeth in annoyance.
“Thank you, you’re very unhelpful.” I hoped my rigid attitude would turn him away, but instead, he sat beside me, pressing his fist into his chin.
I began carefully mixing the ingredients together. Since I had no way of measuring them, I had to go entirely by instinct and memory alone.
“It’s not going to work. The Junipers are required to open up the telepathic wavelength,” he pointed out, but he didn’t seem to be mocking me this time.
“I have to try. I don’t have any other choice.” As soon as the dry ingredients were properly mixed together, I poured the remaining water into the bowl.
Please let this work. Lunaira, give this potion strength.
I grabbed the bowl on either side and lifted it to my lips so that I could breathe gently, excluding my magical essence from the potion.
The bowl hummed to life against my fingertips.
Ripples in the water glowed a light yellow before hitting the end of the bowl and disappearing completely.
“Impossible,” Miller barely breathed the word as he leaned over.
My lips parted slowly, and I drank as much as my stomach could handle.
When I opened my eyes again, I couldn’t see the stone wall of the cell. Instead, it was the view of my home in Dask.
“Mema?”
It was silent for a long moment, and I worried that the potion didn’t work despite seeing through Mema’s eyes.
That was until I heard her sobbing. “Lea! My dear Lea, is that you? Oh, thank Lunair!”
“Mema…” My logic went out the window as soon as I heard her voice.
I crumbled, feeling hot tears roll down my cheeks. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too, my love. Are you okay? Are you safe there?” She poked and prodded for information, but there was nothing I was going to tell her that would ease her mind.
“Listen, I don’t have a lot of time. I need to tell you something… Today, I went to the nurse, and she informed me that I’m pregnant.”
She silenced her mind once more.
“Aleandra Nadir, please tell me it belongs to that good boy from the Willow family and not that troublesome Ransom boy.” Her voice was stern, but the direction of her anger was not what I expected.
“It was Jax,” I whispered, ashamed to even tell her. “You can’t tell anyone about the pregnancy. It would only put me and the baby in danger.”
“That boy. I knew he was nothing but trouble, and now he’s fled Dask and his responsibilities to you. Typical,” Mema began ranting, and I could see her imagine running after Jax with her trusty broom in hand.
“What do you mean ‘fled?’”
“He left, dear. Signed a deal with a potion producer. Left his poor mother here to rely on his uncle.”
A cold feeling ran down my spine like a bucket of ice water.
My ears rang as I tried to connect how he managed to secure a producer without me.
He was begging me to join him, saying that they couldn’t do it without my?—
I gasped in the musty air around me as a horrible realization came over me. “Mema, the bag of my things that the BPR agents returned to you, was my potions book in there?”
“Now that you mention it, it wasn’t. I thought that was rather strange, but I figured they might have let you keep it.”
“They didn’t. I brought it with me that day when I went to the Kronos Key Portal with Zane and Jax. That could only mean one thing. Jax stole my book and used it for his own benefit!” I was through questioning if Jax was capable of something like that. I had front row seats to see just how diabolical he could be.
My veins were on the verge of exploding with the rage overflowing within me.
I hate that man… I hated him with every fiber of my being!
My view of my home started fading into the bleak gray wall.
“No, Mema!” I cried out loud, forgetting where I was for a moment.
“I love you, baby! I’m not giving up on you.”
“I love you too,” I whispered the words into oblivion, unsure if she heard me before the potion ran out. I’d held myself together pretty well up until that point, but that was my last straw.
The threads in my chest had been cut, and I collapsed over the bowl, sobbing.
No… I want to hear her voice again!
“What’s going on in here?” a gurgling voice tore through the cell, but I didn’t pay him any mind.
I didn’t care anymore.
Kill me if you must. At least then I would be rid of this awful place!
The metal of the cell door let out a rustic scream that echoed into my ears.
There was nothing I could do to hide what I was doing. The moment the guards noticed the bowl and smelled the ingredients, I would be done for.
“Answer me when I’m talking to you, Nadir! What are you doing?” One of the guards grabbed my arm and yanked me up from the floor.
He was surprisingly strong for his small stature.
This allowed the other guard, who was much taller and much more muscular, to see the bowl still sitting on the floor with a bit of water and herbs still in it.
“Magic is strictly forbidden here!” the short guard screamed into my ear before smacking me across the face with his metal glove.
It’s strange. No pain they inflict on me could nearly be as bad as the pain of losing what’s left of my family. That is their greatest form of torture, and they don’t even know it.
I let out a pathetic chuckle.
“What are you laughing at?” the other guards started yelling at me. “I’ll wipe that smirk right off your face!”
When the other guard reached for his baton, Dineta grabbed the end of it pleading with him to leave me alone. “Please, sir! She’s pregnant. You can’t hit her.”
“I can do whatever I want.” He gritted his teeth with delight as he pushed Dineta to the floor.
“That’s pretty pathetic of you,” Miller’s voice cut through the tension.
I slowly raised my head up, wondering what the hell he was doing.
“Beating up on a small pregnant woman? That must make you feel like real big men, huh? Embarrassing. You’re lucky I’m locked up in here because I would just love to tell the whole world how weak and sad you both are,” Miller chuckled. “Not to mention stupid. Why would she be the one casting potions when she’s not even a potionist? You just brought in a world-renowned potionist and can’t figure out that I was the one casting it.”
“You better shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” The guard holding me throttled my arm as he threatened Miller.
“I’d like to see you try, big boy. I bet you’ll get tired before I pass out.” He flashed him a debonair smile and the guard threw me to the ground. “I’m not sure what you are doing, but I hope it was worth it.”
Both the guards grabbed Miller and dragged him out of the cell.
“Miller!” I shouted, reaching my arm out but finding myself unable to stand up.
He turned around and gave me a somber smile before he disappeared into the hallway.
Dineta crawled beside me and held me in her arms.
My only hope was that I didn’t just get Miller killed.