34. Lea
34
LEA
W ithin the week, Rowan and Akil had all my things moved into a small home in Theskin, the capital city. They ordered me to head there immediately, but I had to stop somewhere first.
I traveled down a smooth cobblestone road and realized I was close once the road turned to dirt. I was exhausted from my travels, and at a certain point, it was by sheer will alone that I stood awake. Finally, just as the sun was coming up, I had reached my destination.
The car door popped open effortlessly, and I stepped onto the dirt road with my shiny white pumps.
Dask… Returning home after all this time feels odd. I feel like I’d never left in some ways, but in others, I feel like a total stranger.
I wanted to run up to where my house was, but I knew it wouldn’t be there.
It burned down years ago.
Lunaira knows what’s there now. Maybe another family built over top of it.
Being seen meant a death sentence for me so walking through the village was out of the question, but the cemetery was likely empty.
That was where my entire family was, anyway.
I stared down the dirt road leading to the rest of the village, thinking that one day, I could return—if I survived.
My feet started moving before my heart was ready.
With every step, I could feel a heartstring snap. I stood before my car, but driving around didn’t feel right. I wanted to walk there just as I would have when I was younger. I removed my white heels and headed away from the car.
As I was walking, my old school came into view.
I reminisced about sitting in the courtyard with Mairy, waiting for Jax and Zane.
He occupied all my thoughts even back then. Although before, it was for a different reason, one I couldn’t bring myself to fathom now.
I wished I could go back and warn my past self. I would have made different choices and gotten better outcomes.
Hindsight is 20/20, as they say.
I shook my head at the thought and continued walking. Eventually, I reached the cemetery where they buried everyone in the surrounding regions—not just Dask but all the small villages and farms too.
Despite servicing such a large area, there were hardly ever any visitors.
I suppose people pass and the living relatives just move on with their lives.
I wasn’t sure if I was a special case or if it was because I had no choice but to sit and stew.
The grass and dirt around the cemetery were soft almost like a blanket. The land looked incredibly fertile compared to the area around it, which was largely barren.
I walked all the way to the back part of the cemetery where I knew my parents would be buried. I only wished I was present to make sure that Mema and my son got a headstone as well.
I looked ahead at our little family corner to see that there were five headstones lined up, not just two. “What?”
My heart pounded in my ears as I tried to figure out who could have been buried there.
I guess the more important question is “Who set up the headstone?”
As soon as the names were in view, my heart sank into my stomach.
My whole body calmed and I lowered myself to the ground.
They were my parents’ tombstones, tended to with flowers in front of them, and the three other tombstones had Mema’s, Jason’s, and my name on them. They appeared to be carved by an amateur.
The markings looked nothing like my parents’ tombstones but were also tended to.
No moss grew over the top, and no dirt covered their names. “I’m here, guys. I’m finally home. I’m sorry you’ve had to wait so long. I’m glad to see someone was being kind to you.”
Who could have done this? As I said, people usually don’t frequent these cemeteries for their own loved ones, let alone someone else’s.
I pressed my lips together.
The pressure built up in my eyes as I tried not to cry.
My throat burned like I had swallowed a hot poker.
My chest swelled with a melancholy feeling. “I hope that I made you proud. I know you wish for a different life for me, but I made do with what I was given. I helped everyone I could. Even now, I’m doing my best to save those I left behind. I hope you’re doing well wherever you are. Miss you guys so much it hurts…”
I grasped at my chest as if that would stop the aching. It hadn’t worked in all these years. I don’t know why it would start now. “I love you all with whatever is left of me!”
My eyes traced each headstone, recalling every detail until I reached mine.
I suppose I was in shock.
There was no other way to look at it.
It wasn’t very often someone got to sit in front of their own headstone and think back on their life.
Clearly whoever set up these headstones thought that I died in the prison. That meant someone was keeping tabs on me.
But the person they cared for was no longer here.
I wasn’t even the modicum of the person I used to be. In a way, Lea was dead. I am this person now… Uremma Mirth.
Am I supposed to mourn my own death as well?
My mind began to race with memories of everyone else I had lost.
Dineta, the very person who got me through all those years of torture—as hard as I tried to save her, she still ended up dying because of me, nonetheless. Miller, who took care of me and gave me strength when I didn’t have any. He even gave his life to protect me when I was pregnant. Eniko too… I’d only known him a short while, but he seemed to be a kind man. There was real good he was doing for the world. Now that burden has fallen into my lap.
I’ve lost so much… So much was taken.
My whole body shook with rage.
I know Akil told me to leave my anger and past behind me, but how can I?
My rage was what fueled me when I had nothing left.
I’m afraid that if I get rid of it, I’ll find I still have nothing. It takes up so much space that there might just be a big black hole when it’s gone.
I was so close to feeling like an empty abyss of a person.
My humanity was hanging on by a thread.
I was supposed to be focusing on taking down Diesel using Jax, but all I could think about was how badly I wanted to hurt him. I tried to take matters into my own hands… And why shouldn’t I? I was the one putting my life on the line.
Everyone else was sitting back, watching to see what I would accomplish.
I was tired of being a spectacle for everyone’s entertainment. I was no longer a tool for someone to use and discard at their leisure.
Right then and there, I decided that I wasn’t going to play everyone else’s game. I was going to flip the board and start my own. I was now in control of my own life.
No one was going to take that away from me.
I will fight tooth and nail for my freedom if I have to, and when it comes down to it, I will punish Jax and Diesel how I see fit. I will not be silenced anymore. I’m going to rise up and become their worst nightmare. After all, I am the monster they created.
I slowly brought myself to my feet.
The strength of my resolve fueled me.
The tears that ran down my face dried.
The warm wind had become chilly as it brushed through my hair.
I looked out at the horizon, taking in the spectacular view of Solare… Something I had been robbed of for a very long time. I was ready for whatever lay ahead.
My fear would remain here, in the cemetery where it belonged.
As for me? I was going to play my part for now. And when the time comes, they will see firsthand what it means to be afraid.
Vengeance will be mine.