13. Lea
13
LEA
M y stomach churned and rippled painfully as I reached up to the tall lavender door in front of me.
I distracted myself with how ostentatious the color of it looked compared to the other houses around. It was so like Akil, extravagant and without equal.
Why am I even here? I could have contacted Rowan when I got home. I didn’t need to bother Akil with this.
I nervously pressed my lips together. There was movement on the other side of the door. He was home.
The truth was, I didn’t want to go home. Or be alone right now. Not after what happened.
The door swung open, and Akil stood before me with elation in his eyes.
“Miss Mirth, what a lovely surprise! To what do I owe this ple—” He stopped after seeing the look on my face. His expression fell, and he motioned for me to enter, quickly closing the door behind me.
I imagined how pathetic I must’ve looked to him.
My makeup was all smeared up, and don’t even get me started on the disarray that was my hair.
“You look like you’ve been dragged for miles behind a horse cart! What happened?” He put his arm around me, and I was reminded of how sore I was.
The potion Jax had given me had at least healed my wounds, but the soreness underneath still lingered like a night of heavy drinking did the following morning.
“We need to call Rowan.” The tone in my voice was grave as I locked eyes with Akil.
Usually, he would make some joke to lighten the mood, or shimmy a flirtatious pass into the conversation, but after registering the seriousness of the situation, he likely decided against it. “I’ll get in contact with her right away.”
He helped me into one of his purple leather couches in his living room before rushing into his office.
I took this time to evaluate my quiet, unmoved surroundings. I tried to search for peace, but it seemed too far out of reach.
My heart felt like it was about to give out.
My thumbs danced nervously around each other.
Every part of my body throbbed with the residing pain the potion hadn’t been able to fix, but I couldn’t help but be grateful. Things could have gone a lot worse than it had.
If Diesel was the one who got his hands on me instead of Jax, he would have tortured me, discovered who I really am, and killed me and everyone associated with me…
Something hot dripped down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.
I couldn’t say for sure why I was crying. One overwhelming emotion after the other swept over me in swarms, making it impossible to pin it on a single one.
Was it because I’d failed? Or did fear and uncertainty of the future have a part in it? I lowered my head into my hands, massaging my scalp.
It's alright. I've had far worse things happen to me before, I told myself. I’ll get through this.
The mission wasn't over. I still had to make the Ransoms suffer for what they’d done to me.
Jax’s face flashed into my mind.
The rage still bubbled in my chest unchecked, but it was accompanied by another feeling now. Something I hadn't felt in a very long time.
He and his uncle took my entire life from me, and my family! I raged to myself. Just because he showed mercy this one time, doesn't mean he deserves to be seen as anything but a selfish monster!
My shoulder burned, and this time, my whole body was on fire along with it.
I wasn't the foolish girl he’d tricked seventeen years ago anymore. I was a woman who had survived the unimaginable. I was strong… I was righteous rage and revenge personified.
Akil came back into the room just in the nick of time. “Rowan is on her way. In the meantime, do you want to tell me what happened?”
My focus shifted, and relief came over me.
My mouth dropped open, but no words came out. I didn't even know where exactly to begin.
“How about I make us some tea instead?” Akil must have noticed the struggle in my eyes. “I'll give you some time to collect yourself.”
I nodded, relaxing into the chair.
I didn’t have a lot of time to “collect myself,” though, for the next thing I knew, the lavender door burst open, and there was Rowan, standing in the doorway with her leg raised.
Did she seriously just kick Akil’s very fancy door open?
I watched in silent shock as she ran over to me. Her brow was drenched in sweat, and she could barely catch her breath.
“Sweet Solara, Rowan! I do have neighbors, you know? And that door wasn’t cheap!” Akil reprimanded her as he rushed over, closing his now-crooked front door.
She couldn't care any less at that moment. “I was worried when you didn't get home at your usual time. What happened? Did he do something to you?”
“I'm fine, but I'm worried I might have compromised the mission.” I dropped my head as shame came over me. The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint Rowan.
“Don't worry about the mission right now. Your well-being is my number one priority. If something happened to you because I sent you out there, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. ” Rowan’s voice cracked at the end, her eyes slightly glistening over.
My heart ached for her. I felt compelled to reach out, placing my hand on her shoulder. “I’m alright, Rowan. They can't get rid of me that easily.”
I showed her a reassuring smile, but she didn’t even notice. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, as if she was in actual pain, as she said, “Despite us helping you get your freedom, and you agreeing to work with us to bring about the Ransoms’ downfall, I still knew the risks from the start. And now I'm wondering how the hell I could’ve been so comfortable with putting you in harm’s way like this…as if you haven’t been through enough alre?—”
“You didn't force me to do anything , Rowan,” I interjected, almost angrily, which got her to look at me again. “I decided this for myself. I knew the dangers of being near the Ransoms, probably better than most. I appreciate your concern, but if I get hurt, it's not your fault.”
My words seemed like they’d reached her at least, for her shaking ceased.
“It's just…all of this seems so wrong,” she pressed weakly, her entire frame sagging in defeat.
“What they're doing is wrong. We’re just trying to make things right. I need you to trust that I can do that. I have to… We might have had a slip-up today, but by grace—or some divine force working with us, wanting us to see this mission through to the end—I'm still here. We can still fight!”
She slowly raised her eyes to mine, and gave me a solemn nod. “Strangely enough, I believe you.” Rowan then sucked in a deep breath, holding it as she collected herself. “So, what exactly did you do that would warrant a face looking like it’d seen some punches to it?”
I gave her a knowing smirk before speaking, and her demeanor changed entirely.
“You found it ?” she practically whispered conspiratorily, her eyes wide.
“I found it,” I confirmed, and her whole face lit up like fireworks on a dark night. “It was exactly where we thought it would be: in the underbelly of the company. There's just one issue. It's heavily guarded by Diesel’s men, hence the beating.” I pointed to my one swollen blue eye almost proudly.
“How did you get away then?”
“I didn’t,” I said, shame rushing hotly to my face. “I had to be rescued…”
“Was it Jax Ransom?” she surmised correctly way too quickly, the knowing twinkle in her eyes annoying as hell.
“It was, though I don’t know why he would even bother to help me.” The wheels turned in my head, and still, an answer didn’t come to me.
I couldn't imagine why someone would sell me out one time, and then stick his neck out for me the next. Of course, the two incidents had taken place many years apart, but still…
Jax couldn’t have changed. Not even after nearly two decades. His blind ambition and hunger for wealth still knew no bounds.
“I see my suggestion to flirt with him has come in handy.” Her smile widened into an unsettling grin. “Sounds like the man's practically in love with you.”
“There’s no way. We haven't even done anything. Besides, he has a beautiful wife. He only lusts after other women, and even then, he fools around only if he can get something out of it.” I had already been fooled by his false sincerity once. I wasn't about to be fooled again.
“When it comes to men, that doesn't matter. The fact that you guys haven't done anything yet, actually bodes in your favor,” Rowan explained, but I wasn’t paying attention anymore.
Something about Jax’s behavior recently didn't add up. He’d suddenly started acting differently toward me than the weeks before. Seducing him aside, which might have been responsible for triggering it, I’d felt something deeper than lust or infatuation coming from him ever since.
“The point is, his feelings for you can now be used to your advantage. We need to figure out a way to sabotage his operation without compromising your position. If we play things right, we can have you coming out of this smelling like daisies while Jax rots behind bars. But how can we go about doing that?” Rowan's eyes danced away from me as she pressed her fingers to her chin, and thought so hard that a vein in her forehead popped out.
My mind reeled along with hers. “Perhaps we can intercept the illegal potions every time they're being transferred out of the facility? If they can’t keep up with demand, eventually the business would go under.”
Rowan squinted down at the carpet and pursed her lips. “You have the right idea, but that would just take too long. Besides, we run the risk of getting caught. We need to somehow attack this thing at the source with a big enough strike so another one won’t be needed.”
I perked up as an idea flashed into my head. “The source is the potions themselves, isn’t it? What if I created something to counteract the potions’ effectiveness? Perhaps I could even cause them to have very specific adverse effects.” Goosebumps ran down my arms from the excitement. “Not only will people stop buying them, but it might even allow us to track down some of the buyers.”
Rowan looked over at Akil. “That might just work. But, of course, that would involve you having to go back in. It’s more dangerous now than it already was before…”
“I'm not afraid. I'll do what has to be done. You can count on that.” A new wave of invigoration came over me. I felt ready to take on the world again.
The Ransom family’s day of reckoning will come quicker than they can run away.
A week had passed, and I had been working tirelessly on creating a sleeper agent ingredient to sabotage the Ransoms’ illegal potions.
Throughout that time, I had created fifteen different potions that could possibly work, but the symptoms each produced were too mild, to say the least.
My fingers curled around the page I had scribbled on since last night, and I crumpled it up with a huff.
With all the strength left in my entire body, I chucked it against the wall, where it piled on top of countless other crumbled papers.
Failures. All of them. Had I truly lost my edge?
I used to be able to will these potions into existence, and now I couldn't even write one decent one!
“I need some fresh air,” I grumbled to myself while dislodging my skin from my desk, which had begun fusing to the wood. I rubbed my sore thighs and groaned. “I can go to the ingredients market. I might be able to find something of use there.”
I grabbed my coat and left for the market. It was already pretty late in the day with Solare hanging low in the sky.
The streets were dark as the tall buildings blocked out the light. Though, that hardly mattered to the people in this city. Dusk and nighttime tended to be just as busy as any other time here.
It had to have been nice to grow up in a place where you didn't have to worry about being out at night. Growing up so close to Diesel’s headquarters, we had had to be cautious going outside at night. Hell, we couldn’t even walk to school without glancing over our shoulders.
Diesel’s lackeys had always been on the prowl, looking for someone to abuse.
It must be better there now that Diesel doesn't live there anymore. And once I get rid of him for good, it would benefit even more people.
That was what I told myself, but that wasn't the truth. I wasn't considering how it would affect other people. The only thing I cared about was bringing anguish and destruction down on his head.
The young girl who had cared about doing good things had long since died. There was no point trying to grasp for a woman no longer in reach.
The violence in my mind was drowned out by the time I came to a boisterous part of the street right where the market began, the crowd sweeping me along before I knew what was happening. I was practically sailing through a sea of people as if I were a tiny boat in the middle of the ocean during a storm.
My eyes flickered around to the different shop stalls, but I couldn't stop at any of them. “Hey, stop shoving. I’m trying to?—!”
My struggle against the moving crowd was in vain until I felt a strong grip grab my arm and yank me out of the current.
My eyes darted up to the person responsible, and my heart all but stopped. He was still holding on to my arm as we stared at each other.
I could hardly believe what I was seeing.
“Are you alright? I heard you yelling.” Zane frowned down at me. “The potions market is not for the faint of heart, as I’m sure you’ve realized by now.”
He was probably trying to crack a joke to cut the awkward tension between us, but I couldn’t bring myself to even crack a smile.
“I certainly didn’t expect it to be like this,” I said curtly, yanking my arm free and turning my face away from him. “I was completely fine on my own, though.”
He gave a light chuckle, not saying anything more about it, but his eyes were clearly making fun of my I-wasn’t-as-helpless-a-woman-as-I-looked act. With my disguise in place, it wasn’t as if he could recognize me, but the more skeptical part of me warned me to be careful, that I should turn around and leave, but I couldn’t help the okay-you-caught-me smile I flashed at him in return.
From what I remembered about Zane, he had always been unusually perceptive, and possessed a frightful tendency to get to the bottom of things disturbingly fast.
“I take it you're not from around here,” he said, folding his hands behind his back. It made him seem unassuming, as if he wasn’t up to anything but innocent curiosity.
Luckily, I’d gone over my cover story about a gazillion times, so even Zane, and his sneaky way of wringing information out of people, wouldn’t be able to catch me out. “Am I that obvious?” I laughed, looking out over the crowd still milling right by us. “I only moved here a few months ago. A lot of things in Theskin are still new to me.”
“How refreshing to hear. I don't know very many people who weren't born and raised in the city.” He gave me a genuine smile, and I was reminded of how his mere presence had always brought great comfort to me.
He’d been that kind of guy for as long as I could remember. The guy everyone trusted and relied on for anything.
It looks like the city hasn’t changed him at least. That’s good.
“It sounds like you need to get out more.”
This elicited a laugh from him. He looked like he hadn't done so, not truly, not in a long while. “I'm sure you're right.” Then a look of longing replaced it. “Life has a way of keeping you stuck, steering you away from your dreams and the people you wanted to share it with…”
What? This wasn’t entirely the same easygoing Zane from my childhood after all. Hadn’t I just seen him with a beautiful little family the other day? He had two children, who were still alive and well, and an adoring wife. What more could he ever want?
His eyes widened once he realized what he’d said. He stood straight as he nervously scratched the back of his head, giving me a sheepish smile. “I'm sorry, I don't know why I just divulged all of that to you.”
“Don't worry about it. I tend to have that effect on people. If an outlet is needed, I might as well lend an ear, right?” I knew better than to allow this conversation to continue, but the familiarity I felt with him was simply too comforting to let go of just yet. I wanted to stay with him for a little longer. “Perhaps you can help me find what I need while you tell me more?”
“Sounds like a deal.” He gave me a gentle smile and offered me his arm.
Even if Zane wasn’t aware of it, he was offering me a chance to be Lea again, if only for a few secret moments. With a bright smile spreading across my face, I wrapped my fingers around his arm and let him lead me into the crowd once more.
With every step, we were shoved closer together. At first, it was nice, like a warm embrace, but then I couldn't breathe anymore.
Zane pulled his arm away for a moment, only to wrap it around my back an instant later. “The crowd is in rare form today. How about we try this instead?”
I watched as Zane’s other hand pulled out a small golden hoop, almost like a child's bracelet, with a black stone in the middle. I looked on in confusion as the black stone began spinning.
Zane held it to his lips and blew on it.
Suddenly, a stiff wind swept through the crowd and churned around us like a tornado.
The dirt from the floor kicked into my eyes, and I hid my face in Zane's chest.
The wind only continued for a handful of seconds longer before everything went dead silent. It wasn't just the wind that had ceased. All movement had disappeared as well. It was so quiet that the only thing I could hear was my own heartbeat pounding in my ears.
I pulled my face away from Zane’s chest and looked around to see that we were still in the marketplace, but…there was no one around!
The stalls had remained, as well as the items stacked upon them, but the people were nowhere to be seen.
Even the sky had gone completely dark. It was as if Lunair’s light had been swallowed by a passing giant, never to return.
“What is this place?” I looked up at Zane, confusion and fear gripping my heart, but he quickly placed a finger over my lips. He then leaned in close, lowering his mouth to my ear. “You can look for what you want here, but you’ll have to be very quiet. We've entered a different plane of existence. If they hear you, they'll come.”
Who will come? A different plane of existence? What is he on about? Where the hell did he just bring me?
Zane guided me on down the street, indicating for me to keep an eye out for what I was looking for. We walked side by side in total silence for what felt like forever.
It was so quiet I was afraid he would be able to hear how loud my mind was.
I cradled my hands to my chest, looking around nervously for whoever “they” were. That was when I spotted it. A tall, lanky glass bottle sitting in the corner of one of the shops.
The flower inside was a bright purple with yellow pollen.
I remember that flower. Mama warned me not to pick it because, despite its sweet smell, it is highly poisonous and would destroy any magical reaction a potion had.
“That’s what I’m looking for.” I leaned over, my eyes meeting Zane again. Despite speaking in a low tone, my voice seemed to have attracted some unwanted attention.
My sights focused on the pale blue wisps of mist forming behind Zane. “What is that?”
A cold shiver ran down my spine, and I had a sudden urge to fight.
My claws descended out of my fingers instinctively.
Zane turned around, and his face went pale. He moved me closer to the ingredient I needed and further away from the strange mist. “Looks like we've overstayed our welcome.”
As Zane wrapped his arm around me and blew on the small gold mechanism again, I couldn't help but keep my focus on the indiscernible pale figure approaching us.
Long, gnarly claws protruded from the mist and reached out to us with desperation. Before it could reach us, the wind wrapped around us once more and we found ourselves in the crowded marketplace as if nothing had happened.
It was suddenly too loud to think. To go from complete silence to endless noise was torture.
I snapped my head around looking for the ghastly creature that had been reaching out for us. “Where did it go?”
“Relax, it can't reach us from where it is.” Zane tried to brush off the matter by focusing on the merchant and exchanging money for the purple flower.
“What do you mean it can't reach us? What was that mechanism you were holding? You have some explaining to do.” My panic had turned into irritation.
How dare he do that to me without even as much as a warning?!
He gave a heavy sigh as he turned to me, handing me the lanky bottle with the flower inside. “This is the thanks I get for helping you?”
He tried to play it off as a joke, but I could see the hurt behind his eyes.
Nevertheless, I stood silently staring at him, letting him know that I wouldn't move until I was given an explanation.
His eyes dropped to my empty hand. “A while back I lost someone very dear to me. I discovered a way to travel to the spirit plane in the hopes of finding her. It was infinitely more difficult and dangerous than I thought… Needless to say, I now have a powerful magical artifact I have no real use for.”
My heart was cracking at the seams. How many times has he gone into the spirit realm looking for me since finding out about my “death” I wonder? By the look of absolute hopelessness in his kind eyes, the count had to be quite high…
“I'm sure whoever you were looking for greatly appreciates the effort you put in, but you really should just let her go. Sometimes, the dead are better off left forgotten.” I hoped to console him.
“She isn't. She was the best of us and could have become something great if given the chance. It wasn't fair—what happened to her.” His brows furrowed deeply.
His eyes were like daggers, plunging into mine, but thankfully, he quickly relaxed.
“She may be gone from this plane, but I carry her with me wherever I go. And I will continue to do that until the day I die. That's what I get for never telling her how I truly felt.”
I was dumbstruck. I could hardly make a sound, much less offer any words that could help relieve some of the guilt weighing on him.
He cupped my hand in his and placed the glass bottle in it before turning and disappearing into the crowd.
The moment he walked away, I crumbled.
My eyes overflowed with hot tears.
My knees felt weak, and I stumbled back into the stone wall behind one of the shops.
I sank to the floor and sobbed silently into my hand.
My entire body ached with sorrow, but none worse than my heart.
Even after all this time, he’s never given up on me…
And to have found out about the depths of his affection for me now, now when it was much too late, was undeniably gut-wrenching.
“Zane… I’m so sorry.”