Chapter 25 Period
PERIOD
Reg dropped Rainbow off at Maude’s on Sunday night, then Mattie flew back to Auckland the following Friday. Without them the house felt empty. Ronnie reclaimed Mattie’s old room, then did her best to melt into the guest bed and rot.
Reg woke her up. She blinked up at him owlishly.
“Hey, baby,” he said.
She went back to sleep.
When she opened her eyes again Nev was leaning over her. Ronnie drew a deep breath. “How was your holiday?” Nev had gone somewhere. Why was Nev looking at her like that? Did they think she was milking it?
“Did you take something?” Nev asked.
Ronnie didn’t understand the question. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Drugs?”
Ronnie snorted. “No. Why?”
“Your dad was concerned. He hasn’t been able to shift you out and about.”
Ronnie frowned, confused. “I’m anemic. I lost four liters of blood.”
“He was wondering whether you needed to return to the hospital. Do you?”
“How would I know? I’m just rotting here like a good doobie. I didn’t take anything. The pills ran out on Sunday.”
“What have you been taking since then?”
“Nothing.”
“Not even over the counter stuff?”
“It wasn’t helping.”
“Right. Can you sit up?”
With help she was able to sit up in bed. A hot flash. She closed her eyes. Her mouth filled with saliva. Lightheaded. Nev helped her swing her legs over the side of the bed and put her balloon feet on the floor.
“You’re still retaining water.”
Ronnie shook her head. She knew her ankles and feet were twice their normal size. That was normal after the surgery. “They said it could take a while. What day is it?”
“Friday. You need to move around, get your blood flowing.” Nev was frowning. Nev smelled like sheep, lavender and smoke. “This is my fault.”
“How?”
“I should have come earlier to check on you. I thought they were taking care of you.”
“They have been. They’ve been bringing me meals and watching telly with me. They’ve been wonderful. It’s a long recovery. I’m not milking it. I think your expectations are too high.”
Nev shook her head. “The doctor told you to walk around.”
“Leave me alone. I’m doing the best with what I’ve got.” She exhaled impatiently. “You could have visited me after you got back. I know I’ve been boring. I’ve also been bored. I don’t want to be here any more than you do. I’m sure you have more important things to do.”
“You’re right. I should have visited earlier. I was being an idiot.” Nev’s eyes looked tired, like she hadn’t been sleeping. “I didn’t want to intrude.”
“Into what?”
“I don’t hang out with people in their twenties.”
“You’re my friend. I want you around. I like spending time with you.”
Nev chuckled. “I don’t have friends in their twenties.”
Ronnie swallowed a lump in her throat. “Well, now you do.” It was hard to imagine what would have happened if Nev hadn’t found her that night. Nev had saved her life twice, both times at night, both times at the farm.
Nev drew a deep breath.
April was always touch-and-go. Every day was the anniversary of another massacre. Ronnie had researched it, had learned enough to wish she had learned less.
Nev’s eyes were gentle.
April 25, Anzac Day. From her dad’s couch in the family room she could hear Nev hoovering the bedrooms in an awkward attempt to be useful. Nev couldn’t sit still and do nothing.
Being stuck on the couch with no abdominal muscles blew. Ronnie wanted to fast-forward eight to twelve weeks.
Mattie pontificated over speakerphone. “If you end up marrying a hot woman and wanting more kids, she can use my sperm. Up to you how it gets delivered.”
“You’re gross,” Ronnie said. “Are you dating anyone?”
“Nothing serious.”
“Are any of your teammates out? You can’t be the only secretly bi one.” Mattie wasn’t out at work. People assumed he was straight based on his profession, the way they assumed she was a lesbian.
On the other end of the line, he chuckled. “Thanks for outing me.”
Ronnie inhaled sharply, wincing at the twinge in her scar, pressing her belly below the waistband of her gym shorts. “You’re not at practice. It’s a holiday.”
“You got me. It’s not something we ruggers talk about. If they are, it hasn’t come up.”
“That’s what she said.”
“Mum?” A muffled voice from the bathroom.
“Yeah?”
“Can you come here for a minute?” Rainbow asked.
“Coming!” Ronnie turned off speaker phone and held the phone to her ear. Nev had reappeared from the bedrooms and returned the vacuum to the closet. “Gotta run. Talk later. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Stinky.”
Ronnie tossed the phone on the couch. “Help.” She stood up and hissed, gently pressing her scar to hold her abdominals together. The room spun. She leaned on Nev.
“Easy,” Nev warned. “You’re milking it. I’ve told you a thousand times not to stand up like toast popping out of a toaster!”
Ronnie shuffled to the bathroom, knocked.
A soft voice said, “Come in.”
Inside, Rainbow sat red-faced on the toilet, looking sick.
“What’s up?” Ronnie frowned. “Talk to me, babe.”
“There’s blood.”
It was too early for Rainbow’s first period. She wasn’t even ten yet. “That’s alright, babe. No worries. That happens. You have other pants.” She felt sick to her stomach. Don’t panic. Pretend everything is fine. Project calm.
Rainbow moped, knees pressed together, eyes downcast. Ronnie wondered if this was the first time it had happened. It must have come as a shock. “Has this happened before?”
Rainbow shook her head.
“Right. Well. Congratulations. Welcome to the club.”
“I don’t want to be in the club. The club sucks.”
“Right. Well.” Ronnie looked at her watch. Too late to call Maude. “I have pads. I can teach you how to use them. How do you feel?”
“Stomach hurts.”
“That’s normal. That’s called cramps.” She handed the girl some over-the counter painkillers and a glass of water. “When I got my first period I was fourteen. Nana Jane gave me a new shotgun. I’m not giving you a shotgun.”
“I don’t want one.”
She searched for something meaningful to say that wouldn’t sound trite. “Rite of passage.” Bloody hell. Rite of passage? What does that mean? Is that the best you could do? “Do you have questions, babe?”
Rainbow shook her head. “Give me the pads, I’ll figure it out.”
She did. “Instructions on the box.”
“You can go now.”
“Right.” She swallowed. “We can talk about it in the morning.”
“Or not.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s a little earlier than I was expecting, but that’s okay. Drink water.”
“Go away.”
Ronnie left.
Nev was waiting in the passage. Ronnie wobbled between the wall and Nev’s side. In the kitchen she gingerly lowered herself into a chair, knowing she wouldn’t be able to get up again.
“Is she alright?” Nev asked.
Ronnie nodded. Her back hurt.
They exchanged a look. Nothing needed to be said. Nev rubbed her face.
“Ice cream?” Ronnie asked. She didn’t have the energy to scoop it.
Nev ignored the hint. “Did you get her sorted? I bet she’s scared.”
Ronnie considered the possibility. Imagined ice cream sitting in a bowl in front of her. “Not visibly.”
“She’s your daughter.”
Ronnie wondered what Nev meant by that.
Nev scooped two bowls of mango ice cream. “Bring these to her. While she’s eating you can spend quality time. It doesn’t have to be deep. Five minutes of sitting together.”
Nev carried the bowls. Ronnie shuffled down the passage again, leaning on the wall with every other step. The pain in her lower back radiated down into her right leg and up into her shoulder and neck.
Outside the closed bedroom door she stopped to close her eyes for a moment, focusing on breathing slowly and evenly. When she opened her eyes she saw Nev twitch, holding bowls of ice cream and frowning. “Don’t faint, for the love of… I don’t have any hands.”
Ronnie laughed.
“Seriously, Dain’y. If you faint, no ice cream. Ice cream goes boom.”
Ronnie cackled. She forced herself to balance on her legs without the support of the wall. She could do this. Nev handed her the bowls and knocked on the door of the bedroom Rainbow had locked herself in.
“Go away,” Rainbow said.
On second thought, Ronnie couldn’t do this. “Ice cream?”
“Come in.”
She sat on the bed beside Rainbow. They ate the ice cream.
When the bowl was empty she set it on her lap. “What was your favorite part of last weekend?”
“Talking at night.”
It took her a minute to remember. “To me?”
Rainbow nodded. Ronnie was confused. “Why?” Their nighttime conversation had been the low point of the weekend for her.
“I like talking to you at night. It reminds me of when I was a kid.”
“You are a kid.”
“Not technically. I could be a mum now.”
What a terrifying thought. Ronnie snorted. “You won’t be for a long time. Do you know what sex is?”
“Ew, gross.”
“I’m serious.”
“Stop.”
“I take it you don’t have a boyfriend.”
Rainbow scowled and handed her the empty ice cream bowl. Ronnie set it inside her own.
“Good talk,” Rainbow said.
“Do you feel better?” Ronnie asked.
To her surprise, the girl nodded. Rainbow surprised her again by leaning over and hugging her. Ronnie carefully wrapped her arms around her daughter. Rainbow’s hair smelled nice, like conditioner and kid dandruff.
“How was school?” Ronnie asked.
“Good.”
“I’m sorry I can’t do fun stuff right now. I know you’re used to when we cook, go on adventures, run around, and do cool stuff at the farm like ride horses, but I’ll be better soon and then I’ll make up for it, I promise.”
Rainbow pulled back and gave her a look that melted her heart. It was the “I really like you” look from when Rainbow was little. It was generous and unexpected and Rainbow didn’t have to look at her like that if she didn’t want to.
Ronnie kissed her on both cheeks and both eyes like she used to.
Rainbow beamed, more patient that she had to be at her age.
“I like hanging out here with you. It’s cozy.
It’s not boring. I’m getting to do all the things I like that you normally never let me do, like watching telly.
This is like a holiday. And since you’re home all the time, I get you all to myself.
You have to listen to me talk about whatever I want to talk about.
It’s like a slumber party. You can’t run away. ”
Ronnie felt funny. “I guess I hadn’t thought of it like that,” she admitted.
“I love your positive attitude. You’re making lemons out of lemonade.
” Where had Rainbow learned that? “You’re such a cool kid.
I wish I had been friends with you when I was your age.
” Rainbow was smart, curious, bookish, skeptical, had strong critical thinking skills, knew right from wrong, liked following and enforcing rules, could do anything in life, be anything.
She made it to the kitchen by placing one foot in front of the other.
Nev was playing solitaire at the kitchen table.
The older woman glanced up as she set the bowls in the sink.
Ronnie turned on the water and washed the dishes.
She felt the approval, could hear it in the quiet snick of a card flipped over. The clock on the stove said midnight.
“How did it go?” Nev asked.
“You were right.”
“Sugar and fat make everything better. She’s always had a sweet tooth. Inherited that from her mother.”
Ronnie leaned on a chair, needed to lie down. “It’s late.”
“I should go.”
The chair protested as the older woman stood. Nev swept the cards into a pile, shoved them back into their box.
“Sleepover at dad’s house? Quintessential gay teenage experience?” Ronnie bit her lower lip suggestively. They both knew nothing could happen tonight. If Nev slept over, it would be extremely platonic and dorky.
Nev downed a glass of water, set it empty in the sink. “What would your dad say?”
“We have mates sleep over all the time. What do you think the guest bedroom is for?”
“It would be weird.” Nev was right, but Ronnie didn’t care. Weird was in her lane. She liked things that took her outside her comfort zone.
“Mikey crashed here one time, and they didn’t mind. She’s my mate from juvie, my mum friend. She’s also gay, but I’m not dating her.”
Nev raised an eyebrow. “I don’t want to make your dad uncomfortable. It’s his house. Ditto Blaise.”
“You’re overthinking.”
“Someone has to.”
Ronnie slowly straightened, shifting her balance to take her weight off the back of the chair. She would fall asleep the minute she lay down. “Suit yourself.”
Nev helped her shuffle to the bathroom, then the bedroom, then reheated the water-bottle for her while she took ibuprofen.
Ronnie was the little spoon.