Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
SAWYER: How’d it go? Did you fuck it up?
CRAIG: She ended it.
SAWYER: Not funny.
CRAIG: I agree.
SAWYER: Did you tell her how you feel?
CRAIG: Didn’t get a chance. She told me she can’t see me anymore because she wants a real relationship and she knows I don’t.
SAWYER: Did you tell her you do?
CRAIG: She didn’t even see me as an option.
SAWYER: I am so fucking sad right now.
CRAIG: It’s cool. She was super chill about it. I’m chill. We’re chill. It’s chill.
SAWYER: I literally don’t give a shit about you. This is about me. Whose relationship am I supposed to obsess about now?
CRAIG: Are we still not talking about the woman I happen to know you’re obsessed with?
SAWYER: So that’s it? You’re just gonna let her get away?
CRAIG: She was never really mine.
SAWYER: Right. So much easier to accept rejection when they were never really ours to begin with.
CRAIG: She didn’t reject me.
SAWYER: Exactly.
CRAIG: Well, I’m gonna go grab a coffee. Have fun not thinking about the woman I know you’re always thinking about.
SAWYER:
brIDGET: I’m in hell.
PENNY: You ended it?
brIDGET: Yes.
PENNY: How’d he take it?
brIDGET: Like a goalie.
PENNY: You had sex with him, didn’t you?
brIDGET: Yes, but only because I knew it would be the last time and it was amazing.
PENNY: Are you okay?
brIDGET: Well, I did just text you that I’m in hell, but yes. It’s fine here. Moving on.
PENNY: Atta girl. I love you. Text me if you need me.
brIDGET: Love you.
brIDGET: Hey, could you maybe refrain from intimidating guys who talk to me?
CRAIG: I didn’t like the way he was looking at you.
brIDGET: He was taking my coffee order!
CRAIG: Exactly. Why did he have to ask you what you’re doing this weekend if he’s just taking your coffee order?
brIDGET: You heard that?
CRAIG: I can read lips. And creepy horndog facial expressions.
brIDGET: If you’re going to keep coming to Peak Brew on my lunch break then I’ll start going to The Cosmic Cup.
CRAIG: I’m pretty sure the lesbian vegan witches who work there want to bone you too.
brIDGET: And if I want to bone a lesbian vegan witch then I’m going to do that. Because you and I don’t have a situationship anymore. Remember?
brIDGET: Hello?
CRAIG: Sorry, I was too busy visualizing you boning a witch. What was your point?
brIDGET: My point is you’re a celebrity NHL goalie. You’re single. Surely you have something better to do than watch a barista’s mouth move.
CRAIG: I need coffee if I’m going to do the better thing. It’s not my fault that guy was hitting on you.
brIDGET: Is this what you’re like with all your female friends?
CRAIG: Apparently.
brIDGET: Wait, do you not have any other female friends?
CRAIG: Why, are you jealous?
brIDGET:
CRAIG: Not my fault you’re so obsessed with me when you should be eating your lunch, Stitch.
brIDGET:
CRAIG: Do friends not call friends by their nicknames?
brIDGET: You can still call me Stitch.
brIDGET: But come on. You do know that you’re the Stitch in this scenario, right?
CRAIG: No idea what you’re talking about, Stitch.
TOMMY: Bowie! I hear you’re in town! You were robbed btw. You should have won the Vezina. Three years a finalist and still no win?! The judges are blind!
TOMMY: Still so proud of you, though, bruh.
TOMMY: You should come by the house for dinner this week. I got a new grill. It’s fire.
TOMMY: Fire meaning it’s cool. It’s a pellet grill. Which is cooler than it sounds.
TOMMY: Or more fire than it sounds?
TOMMY: Anyway, you should come over some night. We’d love to have you.
CRAIG: Love to, Uncle Tommy. Let me know when.
TOMMY: Invited your bf over for bbq
brIDGET: What?! Why?
brIDGET: He’s not my bf and we just broke up.
brIDGET: I mean we didn’t break up because we were never dating.
TOMMY: What are you talking about? He said he’d love to come over.
brIDGET: He did? When?
TOMMY: Just now.
brIDGET: Literally just now or before this morning?
TOMMY: Literally just now.
TOMMY: When are you coming back? Someone just came by needing alterations.
brIDGET: Dad. Please stop texting Craig. We’re still friends, but it’s awkward.
TOMMY: I can’t stop texting him. He’s my bruh. And you’re more than friends, we all know this.
brIDGET: I can’t with you right now. I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.
brIDGET: Oh my God. Why are you here?
CRAIG: I’m hanging out with my brew crew. Where else would we be on a Wednesday night?
brIDGET: You didn’t have to be so mean to that guy.
CRAIG: You should have seen how he was checking you out before he talked to you. It was not okay.
brIDGET: I get to decide if he’s okay or not.
CRAIG: Do you not let your friends weigh in on the guys you bone?
brIDGET: I was just talking to him.
CRAIG: He wanted to bone you.
brIDGET: And?
CRAIG: And he’s not good enough for you.
brIDGET: Who is good enough for me?
CRAIG: No one.
brIDGET: Well, I guess I’m fucked, then.
CRAIG: Not by that guy. Not on my watch.
COREY: Bowie, if you’re gonna blow us off for Bridget Cross again you could at least buy us a few pitchers of beer.
CRAIG: I’m sitting with you. What’s the problem?
ADAM: The problem, Bowie, is that your head isn’t in the game.
CRAIG: What?
ADAM: Pick a team. Are you drinking with us or are you cockblocking your girlfriend?
CRAIG: I’m sitting five feet away from you fuckers. Why are you texting me?
WINSLOW: Because you’ve been staring at Bridget and your phone ever since you got here.
CRAIG: Fair point. Next round of drinks is on me.
brIDGET: Should you be drinking that much?
CRAIG: Yes.
brIDGET: Did you drive here?
CRAIG: Dave cans drove me home.
CRAIG: Jealousy?
brIDGET: You look ridiculous right now.
CRAIG: You look my dance movies
brIDGET: You call those dance moves? You’re literally standing still and nodding your head occasionally. Who taught you how to dance? Your goalpost friends?
brIDGET: Oh come on. You can’t take a joke?
brIDGET: I was actually enjoying the way you nodded your head that one time.
brIDGET: Fine. I’m going home. I hope you don’t drink too much, but have a good rest of your night.
CRAIG:
brIDGET: That is the meanest thing you have ever said to me.