Chapter Fifteen
At home, after getting the third degree from Allie and sending her on her way, I stand in Maisy’s doorway and watch her sleep. As always, her stuffed cat is tucked tightly against her chest as if it will somehow protect her.
I think of calling Dallas, and I swallow hard. Maisy has only been in my life for a few short weeks, and I already know I’d be devastated if she died. Before she came into my life, I was just Blake, Chris Montana’s son and heir to the winery. Now… now I’m Maisy’s father—a far better title if you ask me.
I’m a fucking dad. My eyes get misty just thinking about trying to go back to how life was before my daughter came into it. Yes, it was simpler. But far less rewarding. She’s my reason for… everything now.
Back out in the kitchen, I pop the top off a bottle of beer and sit at the bar. I go through the pictures in my phone and stop when I find one of Dallas, Phoebe, and DJ. DJ would be two-and-a-half now. He’d be walking and talking. He’d be coming over for playdates with Maisy. And I just know Phoebe and Ellie would have been fast friends.
It’s been two years since they died, but honestly, how much time is enough time to get over losing someone you love? Losing two someones. I can’t even imagine. And now I’m going to break his fucking heart by telling him I have a child. How could he ever be happy for me? Will he be able to be an uncle to her? Will he even want to meet her?
I drain my beer, open one more, and realize I’ve procrastinated long enough. I open my contacts and tap on his name.
He answers immediately. “So you haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.”
I get it. He’s the CFO and I’m the COO. Even though he works remotely from his cabin upstate, we usually hop on a business call several times a week. But I haven’t sent him any weekly stats recently. Haven’t returned his texts. Of course he’s wondering what’s going on.
“Sorry. Just got super busy with life, brother.”
“You decide the job’s not for you? How come the reports are coming from Dad again?”
“So, about that. I want the job. But I’ve had to cut back on my hours for a while because… well, because something’s happened, and well… I’m not sure, uh—”
“Spit it the fuck out, Blake. What’s going on? You’ve never been one to be at a loss for words.”
“Alright. Here it goes.” I blow out a breath, hoping I’m not going to drive a stake into his heart. “A few weeks ago I found out I have a kid.”
Silence. And breathing. I don’t say anything else. I let him absorb the news.
“No shit?” he finally says. “You have a baby?” I don’t miss the way his voice cracks at the last word.
“No. I have a four-and-a-half-year-old daughter. Her name is Maisy.”
“What the hell? And you’re saying you knew nothing about her until a few weeks ago?” He scoffs. “Wait, why the fuck did you wait so long to tell me? This is kind of huge news.” I don’t answer. “Right, you thought I’d freak out.”
“Are you?”
“I… I mean it’s a shock, and yeah, maybe it’s going to keep me up tonight, but what’s new. I barely sleep anyway. So how exactly did this happen?”
I hate to hear that he’s still not sleeping. He told me once that when he sleeps, he dreams of them. So he hates to sleep. I have no idea what he does all night instead. He never talks to me about anything but business anymore. In fact, we haven’t had such a personal conversation in a long time.
I tell him about the private investigator, the paternity test, the social worker, and Lucinda’s neglect. “Dallas, Maisy is profoundly deaf. Lucinda didn’t teach her any sign language. She basically hasn’t had any way to communicate.”
“Jesus, seriously? How are you dealing with it?”
“Luckily, the Deaf school is here, and they assigned a mentor to work with us. Maisy has already made so much progress. We’re both learning ASL, and at least she can communicate her basic needs. But it’s a challenge. Dallas, I’m not even sure she knows I’m her father.”
“Wow. That’s… messed up.”
“And the worst part is that after Lucinda does her stint in rehab, she could petition for custody.”
“The worst part. So you want full custody?”
“Hell yeah, I do. I don’t want her anywhere near that woman. Who doesn’t bother teaching their kid to communicate? We don’t even know yet, she could have permanently inhibited Maisy’s ability to learn.”
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean?”
“I suppose I’m surprised you’re being so responsible. I never pegged you for the parenting type.”
I laugh. “Me neither. Do you… want to meet her?”
He sighs. “Sure. Someday.”
“Maybe when you come for Lucas’s wedding?”
“You don’t seriously think he’ll go through with it this time, do you?”
“Hell if I know, but he’s going through the motions. You’re coming right? You know you’ll be pissed if he actually goes through with it and you missed it.”
“I guess I would. But, Blake?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m not sure I’ll make a very good uncle. I’m happy for you if this is what you want though. And I’m happy to go stag with you to the wedding.”
“Maybe. But, uh, I’m sort of hoping I’ll have a date.”
“A date? To Lucas’s wedding? That’s pretty significant. I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”
“Probably because you never ask. And I’m not really. But I want to be. It’s Maisy’s mentor. Dal, she’s fucking amazing. The way she is with her. And she’s beautiful, and new to Cal Creek, and when I’m with her, I don’t know, something just feels—”
I stop talking. Because, shit. His wife is dead. I shouldn’t be telling him about this.
“Feels what?”
“Forget it.”
He scoffs. “Blake, you don’t have to wear kid gloves around me.”
“Says the guy who hasn’t returned home in two years.”
“Listen, if you’ve got a lady and a kid, I’m happy for you. But, you should be careful. Honestly, you were probably better off before. Loving people can only lead to heartbreak.”
How do I even respond to that?
“But you’ll come to the wedding?”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever.”
“And you’ll meet Maisy?”
“Just don’t expect much, Blake. I’ll do what I can do.”
“I don’t expect anything. I just want her to know her family because I’m pretty sure before this she had no one.”
“Well, if you’ve got nothing, you have nothing to lose.”
“Is that how you plan to live the rest of your life? With nothing?”
“Get off my back, little brother. I get enough of that from Mom.”
He starts talking business. That’s how I know he’s done with this conversation. Business is all he’s done since they died. That and whatever the hell he does up there in his cabin to keep himself busy.
We spend the next half-hour talking about the profit/loss statements Dad sent out last week.
After we hang up, I stare at the picture of Dallas and his family and think about his words. If you’ve got nothing, you have nothing to lose.
And they hit me square in the gut. Because in such a short period of time I’ve acquired so much that I can lose.