Chapter 12 #3
What the hell was I doing?
I backed away from her again, this time as if I’d burned her. “I’m… shit. I’m sorry Chelsea, I shouldn’t have…”
She was shaking her head. “No. I…” She hesitated.
I didn’t want to hear her making excuses for me. “Let me go check on the dog,” I said. Then I strode past her to the door, leaving her there. I fled, needing air that wasn’t ours. Needing a moment to collect my goddamn thoughts.
And for my fucking hard-on to go away.
Dad was in the hallway, his back to me, crouched down next to Lola.
But instead of heading toward him, I went to the sink in the break room, where I splashed cold water on my face and on the back of my neck; discreetly readjusting myself to hide the bulge at my crotch. The reality of what I’d just done slid through me like a knife.
I thought of Eli, his shoulders dropping when I promised him I’d look out for Chelsea.
We’re just so fuckin’ worried.
How was I any different from any of those other dudes trying to get inside her pants? I was exactly the kind of guy Eli was worried about.
Fuck.
As I was patting my face dry with a towel, Lola’s barking grew louder, and I looked up through the glass to see Dad coming down the hallway, pulling back on the leash to try to get the dog to heel.
“You all right?” he asked, an eyebrow up.
“Yeah,” I said, fumbling for some reason why I was at the sink splashing cold water on my face, instead of in my office with my best friend’s little sister.
I hesitated. But this was Dad—the least I could do was give him some version of the truth. “It was hard seeing her like that again,” I said. “After… you know.”
Dad’s jaw tightened, and he looked down. I knew the crash had been traumatic for him, too, the thought of something happening to me after… “I get it. But Seamus, you might have saved her life just now. Remember that.”
He knew I blamed myself.
I said nothing, just ran my hand over my hair, shame coursing through me. Maybe I did, but I almost took advantage of the situation right now, too. What a fuckin’ asshole.
“I’m proud of you,” Dad said.
My chest hurt. He wouldn’t be if he knew.
I scrambled for something to say—thanks was probably the appropriate word, but I didn’t deserve it. Right then, a click sounded and we both turned to see Chelsea emerging from my office. She’d smoothed her hair down; had her bag hooked over her shoulder.
“Hi,” she said, smiling. She wouldn’t meet my eyes. “I’m going to go. I have to get Lola back to her… to my friend.”
“Bit of a loose cannon you got here,” Dad said as he handed the leash over.
“Yeah. I’m told she needs a bit of training.” She smiled at Dad, and I could tell he saw it too, how sweet she was. How pretty, despite her scars.
My stomach swam. She was leaving—of course she was leaving.
“I’m really fortunate to have had this… mishap here. You’ve been so kind, both of you.”
When our eyes met, it was like a punch in the gut, nearly knocking the breath out of me. I’d crossed a line. I’d broken my promise to Eli. And if she told me right now she wanted me to kiss her, I still would. A thousand times over.
But I’d be taking advantage of her vulnerability. This was foolish.
Dad’s brow was cocked. Shit. If he’d seen at least a fraction of that in my face, he knew what was going on. But Chelsea was already pulling the dog along the hallway.
“Thank you so much again,” she said, over her shoulder.
“Let me walk you,” I began, but she gave a curt shake of her head. One I don’t think my dad saw.
“I’m fine, thank you.”
And just like that, the bell was chiming, and she was in the entryway.
I could see her framed in the door, the dog barking, as she said a brief goodbye to Joyce, her gratitude evident even from here.
God, she was so good. She thought she was bad, that she made mistakes, that she’d messed up her life, but I could see through all that. She was kind and good and sweet.
Then she pushed through the door and was gone.
When I looked back at Dad, he was staring at me. No, inspecting me, with an eagle eye. He folded his arms. “You gonna tell me what the hell that was?”
My feelings shrank into a hard knot. “Nope. It was nothing.”
“Seamus.” His voice was hard.
I made mine just as hard. “Dad.”
For a moment, neither of us said anything.
But I broke first. What was the point? I looked away. “She’s my best friend’s little sister, Dad. I promised Eli I’d look out for her.”
“That’s what you already did, out there.” His eyes went to my office. “But what about in there?”
I gritted my teeth. “I’m out here, aren’t I?”
Once more he was quiet—that’s what we did best—then he said, “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
As he strode from the room, I pressed my palms to my forehead. That was the thing. I had no fucking idea what I was doing. But I knew what Dad was thinking. Your word is your bond, Seamus.
I’d already broken my word. But it wasn’t irreparable yet, was it?
I hadn’t kissed her. We’d just gotten caught up in being close.
I could put a stop to anything else by deciding right now that that was the end of it.
And staying the hell away from Chelsea Kelly.
Because somehow I knew if I saw her again—I wouldn’t be able to control what happened if she said yes.