Chapter 17
CHELSEA
Fuck. Shit hell fuck damn… crap.
I knew sending that photo was a bad idea. The second one especially.
But this was Seamus, I’d rationalized, while debating all evening whether to hit send.
After my phone had died, I’d gone over to Cass’s, and we’d headed out for a walk down by the river. It had been good to keep my phone at home. To focus on spending time with Cass and just being.
But all day—through all of it—I couldn’t stop thinking of the text. How could I? When I got back home, all I could do was read the text over and over again, running my fingers over the screen.
I can’t not see you again, his text had said. It’s impossible.
Well, Eli would just have to deal with it, right? And so would I, now that I was here. With shaking hands, I cut my engine, my brother and the man I’d come to see fading into silhouettes in the glowing doorway.
I got out of my car. “Hey Eli,” I said, biting my tongue before something stupid could come out; some transparent lie.
Of all nights, I had to show up when my brother was here. When, apparently, a whole party was here.
Both men looked at me from the front step. Eli, with barely controlled anger, though whether it was directed at Seamus or me, I couldn’t tell. I leveled my gaze at him, not willing to be intimidated. What was I supposed to say about being here, though? Did I have to say anything?
But it was Seamus who spoke up. “Hey Chelsea.”
Yes, that was normal.
Before I could respond, another voice called out from behind them. “Chels! You came!”
A woman elbowed her way between the two guys.
It was Winona Chambers. I didn’t know her well, but I knew her a bit.
She was a plumber; she’d fixed the pipes at the staff apartments when Griffin said the leak we’d found last year was beyond him.
Now he hired her to take care of stuff at the hotel when it was too much for maintenance and he wasn’t in town, which was often.
“I’m so glad you made it!” Winona exclaimed, coming up to me and throwing her arms around me.
“Just play along,” she whispered in my ear. “If you don’t want your brother throwing a hissy fit.”
I didn’t. I very much didn’t. I’d tell Eli—I had to tell him. Just… not now. I smiled at her, and bless her, she didn’t even blink at the scar across my face, illuminated by the light from the hallway.
“You asked my sister to the poker game?” Eli said to her, sounding skeptical. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked Seamus.
But it was Winona who responded. “We organized this one to make it easier on Shay-shay, remember?”
Eli frowned.
“You have a problem having me here?” I asked Eli, hoping the shaking in my voice wasn’t obvious.
“No… I mean, maybe.”
“My dad plays with us,” Seamus said. “Why not your sister?”
“Yeah, okay, fine. I just… I can talk about boobs in front of your Dad.”
“Yeah, and it’s still kind of awkward,” Seamus said.
Winona winked at me while the two of them were engaged. She hooked her arm through mine. “Come on, let’s go inside and take these boys to the cleaners with me.”
For the first time, I had the thought that Winona might be someone I’d want to be friends with.
She was my age. She didn’t spend her nights partying—except for poker night with the boys, evidently.
She had her life together. Her own business.
I think she looked after some kids, too. Older kids. Her brothers, maybe?
The other men inside, who I recognized from town but didn’t really know, looked less un-shocked by my face. They recovered quickly enough though, and after Winona introduced us, the one with dark curls handed me a beer and pulled out an extra chair.
My chair was directly across the table from Seamus, between Ulrich and Winona. So even if I wanted to say something to Seamus, I couldn’t.
I felt his eyes on me though, burning through me, and my stomach flipped each time our eyes met.
We played poker, and though I sucked, I didn’t have terrible hands. Soon, I began to relax. I even started to have fun.
Half an hour later, after handing me another beer, Winona announced that she was only going to stay until eleven. They all booed, but when Seamus got up to use the bathroom, she leaned in and whispered that they’d all agreed they were going to keep this one short, anyway.
“Due to the—” she glanced at me.
“The accident we were in?” I supplied helpfully. I glanced toward the hall where Seamus had disappeared. Suddenly, all thoughts of poker slipped away. He was back there. I needed to see him, to talk to him. To tell him I was sorry for barging over and… I wasn’t sure what.
Winona cringed. “Yeah, that.”
But I could feel my brother’s eyes on me. There was no way I could stay without him freaking out. Then I registered the empty plates on the table, and the box on the counter. I wasn’t hungry at all, but I could use it as an excuse to get up.
Abruptly, I stood. “Would anyone like…” But I swayed on my feet, struck by sudden dizziness.
“Chelsea!” Eli exclaimed, getting up so fast his chair fell backward, slamming onto the kitchen floor.
“I’m fine,” I said, but my knees wouldn’t seem to hold me. “I haven’t had a drink in a while, that’s all,” I said, swallowing.
“The concussion,” Eli said, angrily. “You weren’t supposed to drink.”
“Shit.” Seamus’s voice now. He’d rushed back into the room, either at the bang of the chair or Eli calling my name.
“She needs to lie down,” Seamus said. He glanced to the couch.
“Too loud and bright here,” Winona said. “Come on, we’ll take her back there.”
“No, I’m going to take her home.” That was Eli. “Chelsea, you could have fallen. Hit your head again. Then what, huh?”
Irritation flickered up through the fog. “I’m fine!” I said. My knees seemed to be able to hold weight again, though the room was rocking slightly. Everyone was quiet.
I’d forgotten that point about drinking—or assumed they were being overly cautious. “I’m not drunk,” I said, unable to keep the defensiveness out of my voice.
Eli thought I was up to my old tricks, but I wasn’t. I was just light-headed.
“Did you eat anything before coming over here?” Seamus asked.
I opened my mouth, then closed it again. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. I’d been too busy worrying over Seamus’s text.
“Concussion, booze, and an empty stomach. Perfect combo,” Eli said.
Over at the table, the two other guys looked to be packing up, Ulrich collecting the empties and Ben loading dishes on the counter—I was blocking the sink.
“Oh don’t go,” Eli said. “Everything’s going so great.”
They didn’t say anything to that. Just slapped Seamus on the back. “We’ll see you next month, yeah?”
“Eli,” Winona said, pulling my brother aside and speaking to him in low tones.
I poured a glass of water and downed it fast, and Seamus, next to me, handed me a couple of crackers. Even now, in this tense and terrible situation, I felt his presence next to me like something safe; something calming.
My skin tingled as I recalled what was on our phones.
“So this is a thing, huh,” Eli said, when I’d turned around.
Winona held her hand to her forehead in a way that told me she’d tried and failed to talk some sense into him. “Eli, let’s go.”
“Fuck no. Tell me the truth, Seamus. Are you and my sister, you know…” he waved his hands around. “Fucking?”
“No!” Both Seamus and I said at once.
Eli laughed, a hard bark. There wasn’t a glimpse of his wide, easy grin. I hadn’t seen that in a while, I realized. “At least you have your stories straight.”
“Eli,” Seamus said. I could feel him tense beside me.
“You said you’d look out for her, man,” Eli said, just as tense.
He spoke like I wasn’t even there. Anger ripped through me. “I’m not a child, Eli,” I said, louder than I’d expected. “You—everyone—you always treat me like I don’t know how to handle myself.”
“Because you fucking don’t!” Eli shouted. “You’re going to burn through him like you do every other guy and—”
“That’s enough,” Seamus said. His voice was like steel.
But Eli wasn’t through. “It’s true. She eats them up and spits them out, don’t you, Chelsea? You going to do that to my best friend?”
I was so stunned, my stomach roiling, that I had no words. Because he was right—everything he was saying was true. “No,” I whispered.
“Eli, you need to go,” Seamus said. He strode over to my brother, leaving my side for the first time. I felt scared; alone, without him there.
“Get the fuck out, Eli.”
They were standing nose to nose now, and fear rocketed through me. I could see Eli’s face, etched with pain. Possibly close to tears, which for Eli meant he was about to lose it. Seamus could hold his own, I knew, but I’d never seen them fight like this. And I was the one responsible.
Winona, who I’d almost forgotten about, grabbed Eli’s arm. “Let’s go Eli, come on. I’ll drive.”
But Eli shrugged his arm from hers. When he lifted his fist, I screamed. “Eli!”
But he didn’t throw the punch at Seamus. He whirled around and threw it behind him, at the wall, driving his fist right through the plaster with a sickening thud.
Chunks of drywall crumbled to the floor. Winona had gone white, her hands over her ears. She looked like she was shaking. Then she took off down the hall.
“Fuck,” Seamus said, sprinting after her.
Eli and I were left standing in Seamus’s kitchen, Eli slumped now, his knuckles bleeding.
“Eli,” I whispered.
But he shook his head. “I don’t even blame you, Chelsea. You can’t change who you are. It’s Seamus.”
The hurt barely touched me—I could feel myself shutting down. “Nothing happened between us. Not really.”
“I’m not an idiot. I see the way he looks at you. The way he stood by your side as if you needed protection just now from...” Eli raised his arms up, curling his fists against his forehead.
He was distraught. I could see that, and I should have gone to him, but it was as if I was watching from outside my body. I used to do that as a kid, disappear out of myself when things got too scary or loud.