Chapter 16 Nora
NORA
When I wake up the next morning, my whole body’s buzzing, and I’m not sure why.
I sit up fast, slightly dizzy. I know something happened yesterday, but it takes my mind a moment to catch up.
Jude. Me, in the tub.
My stomach twangs with nervous energy. My pussy even has the audacity to clench at the memory, sending a little shock wave through me.
That actually happened. My best friend watched me get myself off.
How am I supposed to face him this morning?
How am I supposed to function, period?
I do the first thing I think of. I text Sasha.
NORA: Something happened with Jude last night, sexy 911
My phone rings only a few seconds later.
“Nora, what? Oh my God. Tell me everything.”
I let out a nervous laugh, then I do. I tell her about the absolutely humiliating sex dream on the train, how I had to pretend none of that happened on the drive to the hotel with Farrah and Cap, and how Jude and I were kind of…
fighting over it. How I still, despite all that, couldn’t stop thinking about it, and decided it would be a brilliant time for a little self-care.
“Wait, and he asked to watch you?”
I bite my lip. “Yes.”
“Holy shit, Nora. That’s the single sexiest thing I’ve ever heard of in my entire life. So did you…you know…”
Sasha knows about my troubles. Telling her about how I can’t “arrive” with a partner, only with mechanical help and on my own was the only way I could get her off my back when she asked why I kept breaking it off with the couple of men she’d insisted on setting me up with when I first got here.
Somehow, that had been easier to me than telling her no one held a candle to Jude, my ex-best friend I’d left behind.
Of course, she’d gotten me to confess that eventually too. Sasha is nothing if not persuasive.
She’s also a steel trap though and would never share my secrets with anyone. Not that there’s anyone to tell.
“So did you?” she asks.
“What?”
“You know, fly off the cliff of ecstasy?”
I would roll my eyes, but I’m too buzzy about this truth. “Yes,” I say.
“Oh my God! His hotness was just too hot!”
“I thought I was defective, Sasha.”
“Of course you’re not. You just needed the right situation. You were super turned on, right?”
I lie back on the bed. “I felt like I might just arrive by him being there. Oh God, do you think I’m a…voyeur person?”
Sasha laughs. “Maybe. Is that so bad?”
“Yes!”
“Okay, well, I guess the only way to find out is to sleep with him, right?”
I bolt upright on the bed. “What? No.”
“What do you mean, no? This is exactly what we talked about. Friends with benefits, remember?”
“I know. It’s why I didn’t scream at him to get out. It’s why I…”
“Was brave.”
I smile, but it doesn’t last. “Yeah. But Sasha, he pretty much ran out the door when we were done. I don’t know if he can do it. Also…he didn’t touch me. He just watched.”
“Okay, I don’t know what’s up with that. But listen, it doesn’t mean he didn’t like it. If you want to do this, just talk to him. You guys are best friends, aren’t you?”
“Jude and I haven’t even talked about what happened yesterday on the train.”
I swallow, getting up and walking over to the long rectangle of window that overlooks the ski hill. The early morning sun is high enough over the mountain that the bottom half is lit up, and there are several skiers already cutting through the swath of white next to the chairlift.
The truth is, I’m not sure we can do it. We have so much history.
And I love him too much to pretend that’s all I want with him.
Sasha’s uncharacteristically quiet on the other end of the line. It’s like she heard my thoughts. “Are you there?”
“Yeah, Nor, I’m here.”
“Tell me what to do.”
“That’s the thing, Nora. I don’t know. I think this is one you need to figure out on your own.”
“But you always know what to do!”
Sasha laughs softly. “I’ll tell you this much. I know Jude cares about you. A lot. Like, I know he loves you. I can see it in the way he’s with you. None of that put-on charm he has with everyone else.”
“There’s a difference between love and in love, though.”
“Yeah. It’s true. And I don’t know him well enough to know about that second kind. But I’m pretty sure he’d never do you dirty.”
“No, he wouldn’t. But that doesn’t mean he won’t break my heart.”
“Isn’t it already broken, Nor?”
I swallow, tears pricking at my eyes. She’s not wrong.
“At least we know he’s game for fooling around, if that’s what you want.”
After I hang up with Sasha, I check the time. I still have an hour before we’re supposed to all meet downstairs for breakfast. We didn’t make a plan for the rest of the day yet, but we were going to bring our activity guides and decide together.
My stomach churns at the thought of seeing Jude after what happened last night, but I swing my legs out of bed and stand up. I can do this. Things might have changed between us, but it’s not like we can go back to where we were. I don’t want to go back to where we were.
I’m just padding out of bed to head to the bathtub—or should I say the scene of the crime—when I hear a commotion outside. Voices—specifically Cap’s and a knock on a door. First muffled—they’re knocking on Jude’s. Then loud and sharp. Mine too.
Did something happen? I rush to the door.
“Cap?” I exclaim as I open the door. “Are you okay?”
Cap and Farrah are standing there fully dressed in their winter gear—Cap in a full snowsuit, and Farrah in a big red parka and snow pants of her own.
Cap’s grinning widely. “We’re going snowshoeing!”
Cap explains excitedly that there’s an “ex…exc…”
“Excursion,” Farrah says, having a little trouble forming the word herself.
“A trip, to a neighboring village. Cap saw the notice in the book—” She gestures into my room, where there’s a binder I vaguely remember Gunther showing us last night.
“And that we need to be there early. Sorry we did not tell you sooner.”
“They had room for one kid and I’m the kid!” Cap says excitedly. “We already ate breakfast.”
“Wait, you want to go on your own?” comes Jude’s voice. My stomach flips at the sound. I can’t see him—he’s in his doorway. But I can picture him, sleepy, hair all mussed up. Is he wearing a shirt? I step out into the hallway, unable to stop myself.
Nope, no shirt. Jude’s got his arms folded over his bare chest, his hair as mussed and loose around his face just as I’d pictured.
When he sees me, his eyes meet mine for one long, liquid second.
“Yes, on our own. It is professional tour,” Farrah says. “We are home at three o’clock.”
Jude grills her, but after a minute, Farrah looks at her watch. “We will be fine, Jude. You think so, yes, Nora?” She’s looking to me for help.
Cap’s bouncing up and down. “We’ll be safe, Dad, promise!”
“It’s not up to me. But it looks perfectly safe. This is why your dad chose this resort—well-trained staff, guided excursions.”
Jude glares at me but his shoulders drop. “Fine. Okay. But you need to text me the minute you’re done.”
“We will text you,” Farrah says. I can see her frustration. But it’s gone in the next moment as Cap gives both of us big puffy hugs. I see the thanks in Farrah’s eyes and smile directed toward me. Then they’re off down the hall and Jude and I are standing awkwardly at our doors.
For a moment, we say nothing, then we both speak at once.
“I—”
“Do you—”
I grimace, and Jude runs his hand through his hair. “I was going to say I’m going to go down to breakfast anyway at nine.”
I nod, trying to think of my own thing to do. Maybe I’ll order room service—
“You’re coming, right?”
“Oh..”
“Maybe we can go to town after that? Start the Eleanor hunt?”
Relief spreads through me. He’s right; we suddenly have a day to ourselves, and going on the ghost hunt—while I film footage for my thesis—is exactly what I want to be doing.
We need to talk about last night, but now we have a whole day to do it.
“Yes. Perfect. See you soon,” I say, then mercifully retreat from topless, sexy, best-friend, single-dad Jude.