Chapter Thirty-Four
Thirty-Four
I sprint toward Adrian, arms pumping, legs windmilling. A dozen feet separate us, but I can’t possibly get to him fast enough. I land against his chest in the breath of a heartbeat, my body colliding like a compass finding her true north.
“Kath,” he says, laughing into my damp braid.
His hands wrap around my shoulders, dragging me toward him. I cinch myself into the pocket of his arms, letting our bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. Inhaling his citrus smell. Feeling our hearts beat together.
“How are you here?” I whisper into his chest. “Why are you here?”
Adrian pulls away so he can grab my hand. Our fingers braid together, tethering me in place. The world might be crumbling, but Adrian is here. Adrian is real.
“I wasn’t expecting you to be this happy to see me,” he says breathlessly. “I have a whole speech ready. I was hoping for happy after the speech.”
I squeeze his hand. “I want that. I want to hear it all. But I have a speech for you, too.”
“Should we arm wrestle to decide who goes first?”
I grin. “We already know I’ll win.”
He laughs. “Okay. Go ahead.”
Thoughts are tumbling through my mind like an avalanche gaining steam. I could have used a few hours to try to put everything into a semblance of order. I don’t have that, though, so I’ll just have to speak from the heart.
I take a step back, still gripping his hand, but far enough that I can look into his jade eyes. They hold me steady, fixing me to the ground with enough certainty that I know I can speak.
“You once told me,” I say, “you admired the fact that I have never quit rowing, even when it’s gotten tough, even when it’s felt impossible.
For a long time, I thought that was because I had no other choice but to row, that I am no one without this sport.
But, recently, I’ve realized that’s wrong.
I row because I love it, because it makes my life better.
I love the kind of life I get to live with rowing in it, despite the hardship and the pain. ”
I can feel the emotion rising in my throat, and my eyes are already wet, but I don’t care. I don’t bother to collect myself. I just need to get these words out, no matter how they sound.
“That’s how I feel about you, too,” I say between gulps of air.
“My life is better with you in it. Loving you has made me a better rower and a better person. I know you’re going to be in Florida and I’m going to be in California.
And I know that won’t always be easy. But I still want to be with you, regardless of the distance, or the stress.
I’m sorry I quit on us. I shouldn’t have done that.
But, if you’ll forgive me, if you’ll have me, I want to take it back. ”
Adrian’s mouth parts slightly, his warm fingers coiling ever tighter around mine. “Sorry, did you just say that you love me?”
My mouth explodes with an unbidden smile.
“Yes. Yes, I love you. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before.
I love how strong and steady you are. I love your enthusiasm and support.
I love the way you’ve pushed me to be better, reminded me of how strong I really am.
You’re the best coach I’ve ever worked with. You’re the best man I’ve ever met.”
Adrian reaches out to touch my face, thumb catching one of my tears. My cheek sinks into his palm.
“Too much?” I ask.
“Never. As usual, you are nothing but extraordinary.” He holds his hand on my cheek for another long moment. “But we need to sort out some logistics. We seem to have different impressions of just how much distance is going to be between us.”
“What do you mean?”
A smile lifts the edge of his mouth. “I didn’t take a job in Florida, Kath. I took a job at your training center in California.”
“What job?” I ask.
“The men’s national team coach retired earlier this summer. USRowing has asked me to replace him.”
“The…men’s national team,” I say, still in disbelief.
“There’s only the one,” he says with a laugh.
My mind works over snapshots of memories: Maxwell freaking out about his coach. Carla’s insistence that I keep my evaluation secret and her caginess about why. Her email, Rohan’s TikTok. They weren’t specific about what job he’d been offered.
Adrian. He’s not just taking on a challenge. He’s taking on the challenge.
“Wait, and you’re okay with that?” I ask.
Adrian’s eyes gleam with a smile that is both timid and heartbreakingly self-assured.
“I wouldn’t have been two months ago. Maybe even two weeks ago.
I didn’t admit this to myself until recently, but I’ve been—I’ve been comfortable with where I am.
I have a life that I love, but also a life that I can handle.
But that’s a double-edged sword, isn’t it?
Because I’ve also been afraid. You were right about that.
I was afraid because I was so sure I was going to fail. Again.”
“What changed?” I ask, barely daring to breathe over his next words.
“You,” he says with enough conviction that I pulse with joy.
“I was making you take all these risks, forcing you out of your comfort zone, but I wasn’t doing the same for myself.
Then I watched your races here and I was so impressed and so proud and—I guess that’s how I finally saw it.
What you said sank in. Maybe I can coach national team athletes because I’ve already done it.
This summer. I coached the strongest, fiercest, most obstinate national team athlete I’ve ever met.
I helped make her better. And if I can do that, I can do just about anything. ”
Tears leap to my eyes. I’m so desperately, viciously proud of him.
At the same time, I’m lost in a haze of recalibration.
Berkeley might be only five hundred miles away from the training center, but it’s still five hundred miles.
Adrian is smiling like the distance is inconsequential.
Of course, it’s worth it. He’s worth it.
It is easier this way. But it still won’t be easy.
“But, Adrian,” I say, “you need to know I lost my deal with Carla and USRowing. And then I got second in the final—it’s not enough to get reinstated outright. I needed to win.”
Adrian shakes his head. “That’s not what Carla told me when she offered me the job.”
“She didn’t?”
“No, she specifically mentioned that you’d be in the training center, too.”
I’m so confused. My mind is racing for a contingency or an explanation. Clearly, I’m missing something. “I don’t understand. How could I possibly have my spot back?”
The sharp falsetto of Carla’s voice stabs at us from around the corner of the tent. “You would understand if you had come to talk to me when you got off the water like I asked.”
She rounds the corner, eyes flaming, hair sprawling wild in the wind. She’s at least a few inches shorter than Adrian, but she still seems to take up as much space as he does.
Her eyes pin me like a nail to a board. “Katherine Parker, I’ve been looking all over tarnation for you.”
“I’m sorry?”
She folds her arms, but even so, her eyes skate over my fingers, still twined with Adrian’s, and a smile tweaks her lips. “We need to discuss your residency.”
“Okay?”
“I submitted my recommendation to the board this morning. I said they should reinstate your residency at the Olympic Training Center effective immediately. They voted to confirm you an hour ago.”
Am I hallucinating?
I’m certainly not attached to the ground anymore. I’m rocketing upward, above the tents, into the sky, into the stratosphere.
Desperately, I look to Adrian. He’s smiling at me, broad and expectant.
I’m still floating, my heart is still rattling around in my chest, hammering in my ears over the buzzing, over the wind, over the shouts of spectators as the next race descends the course.
But Adrian’s smile is a single star in a moonless sky.
“You…” I swallow. “You asked them to overrule before you even saw me race?”
“Yes,” Carla says. “Before your race.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Don’t you remember what I told you,” she asks, “when we discussed this in Italy?”
My mind leaps back, pulling me into the sinking moment in her tent when she broke the bad news. The memory has been reduced to no more than a blur at this point.
So, it takes me more than a moment to say, “You said the board was concerned about my lack of flexibility.”
“Right,” Carla says. “And we have it on good authority that’s changed.”
I look to Adrian, but he shakes his head. “Not me,” he says.
“Sofi has been giving me regular updates,” Carla tells us.
“She brags about you so much it’s frankly gotten irritating.
That said, I can always trust her to tell me the truth.
Plus, there’s everything I’ve seen directly, too—your willingness to work with Adrian, the way your views changed in that recommendation, the flexibility you’ve demonstrated this week. ”
My chest is expanding under the pressure, a balloon of hope and happiness. Even still, I’m worried that Carla will take this too far. Even though I’ve changed some, I’m still me.
“I still like routines, though,” I say. “I like making plans and sticking to them. I still do a long stretching session every night and eat the same stuff for breakfast every day before an endurance session. And I have specific supplements I like to take and—”
Carla taps a finger against her windbreaker. “I saw an uneaten lemon bar at the hotel last night. That was yours?”
I nod sheepishly. “Yes.”
“And you didn’t need it?”
“Not anymore.”
She smiles and nods. “Like I told you. Routines are good. Being so inflexible that you can’t live without them—that’s the problem.”
My chest lifts, spinning outward like I’m in orbit. I look at Adrian, daring, finally, to believe this is real. That this is happening. The sight of him pulls me in like gravity.
“We’re both going to live at the training center,” I whisper.
He bites back a smile. “Well, I get to live in a coach’s residence and you will be in the dorms, but otherwise, yes.”
“And you are only coaching men so this is”—I look to Carla—“fine with USRowing? No problem with an athlete dating a coach?”
She nods. “Adrian could never switch to coaching women. But otherwise, yes. USRowing is aware of the situation and has deemed it acceptable.”
I grope for Adrian’s hand and thread our fingers together. “This is really happening.”
“It really is,” Adrian says, his eyes on mine. I feel like I swallowed a sparkler and the lightning streaks are glittering through my insides. “And I would like to kiss you.”
I shove myself into his arms.