17. LYCA
Chapter 17
LYCA
T he moment I awoke the next morning, a smile naturally graced my lips. I remembered every little detail of our wild sex the previous night, making me heat up all over.
“Xander,” I whispered his name, feeling like I was still floating on cloud nine.
Something had clicked. Something had changed after that evening.
From racing around the track to the repeated sexual encounters to the drinks we shared afterward, it was evident that we both felt a newfound sense of ease and liberation. Free. We surrendered to the moment, enjoying each other’s company and giving in to all our natural desires.
It had indeed been a wild night, and one of the neighbors had even shushed us through her door while we chuckled and chatted along the hallway. He’d wanted me to stay at his apartment for the night, but Jessie was babysitting Lucas, and I knew that she needed to go home.
As soon as I’d entered the door, she took one look at me and knew what had happened.
A goofy grin spread across my face as I recalled how she had persistently pestered me for every last detail. But I only gave her a vague picture of what had taken place.
“I’m super happy for you,” she’d said. “But still, watch out for red flags, alright? I wouldn’t want you to get hurt. Just… take it slow…”
“Yes, Mom,” I’d jokingly promised her.
Jumping off from the bed excitedly, I hurried to the kitchen to make some pancakes. I was thinking of surprising him this morning with breakfast.
After setting the table up and preparing the pancakes, eggs, and juice, I stepped out of my apartment with anticipation, and a big smile on my face. But then my smile froze when I saw a pretty brunette sauntering toward his door. When she noticed my presence, she even nodded at me politely.
The young woman who was clad in tight-fitting jeans and a simple white shirt, exuded an air of confidence. She wasn’t like the other women I’d seen before partying with Xander’s buddies. This was different, and it triggered a painful sense of jealousy and insecurity in me.
My steps faltered, a wave of disbelief washing over me as I watched her disappear behind his door without a second glance in my direction.
A bitter taste settled in my mouth as I withdrew into the sanctuary of my own solitude. The realization hit me like a punch to the gut – I was nothing more than an afterthought to Xander.
I’m so, so stupid. A big, stupid fool.
Anger simmered beneath the surface, fueling the ache of rejection that gnawed at my insides. How could he treat me so callously, as if I were insignificant?
Perhaps there's a plausible explanation, I thought, a flicker of hope momentarily lighting up within me. But then, a louder, more insistent voice in my head chastised me, warning me that this was undeniably one of those red flags.
He’d always been a playboy , I realized. I was just another one of his conquests.
The sting of betrayal mingled with the pain of dashed hopes, leaving me feeling raw and exposed.
Taking a deep breath, I clenched my fists, determined not to let his disregard crush me. If Xander didn't appreciate my worth, then there was no reason for me to invest much attention in him either.
He doesn’t deserve my anger or my tears , I thought bitterly.
“Good morning, Mommy.” It was Lucas, still wearing his pajamas and looking sleepy.
Quickly I straightened up and gave him a big smile and a tight embrace. “Good morning, my darling. Did you sleep well?”
He nodded with a faint smile. “But I’m hungry now. The smell of the pancakes woke me up!”
That made me chuckle, despite the deep ache in my heart and the chaotic thoughts in my head. “Well, then I guess you shouldn’t make the pancakes wait too long, huh?”
As we ate the hearty breakfast, my mind drifted back to Xander. Is the girl still in his apartment? What are they doing now?
I couldn’t help it. I could hardly eat as I pictured him doing to her what he’d done to me just the night before at the racetrack. Shit. Fucking asshole.
Suddenly, I heard his door and some muffled voices outside.
“Wait here, sweetheart. I just need to check something.”
I tiptoed to my door and opened it just a little bit.
“Bye, Xander! Call me!” the girl said before walking away and disappearing into the elevator.
Xander waved at her and was about to close his door when he noticed me at my doorway. A lazy grin spread across his face. “Hi, gorgeous neighbor. Good morning.”
My initial plan to pretend like it was nothing vanished at once. His greeting ignited the fury that I was trying to control. Immediately I placed my hands on my waist. “Who the hell was that? Another woman already, right on the next morning?!”
He looked shocked. Then all of a sudden, realization came into his features. He strode toward me. And because I didn’t want Lucas to hear us, I closed the door behind me and faced Xander bravely.
“Lyca, that was…”
“Oh, sorry. I’m really sorry,” I cut him off. “I have no right to know. You don’t need to explain.”
“Hey, no, I want to,” he protested, taking my hand in his. I shook it off and crossed my arms on my chest.
I raised my hand as if to stop him. “Just… It’s fine, I don’t need to hear it. This is who you are, and it’s who you’ll always be. I should have known, shouldn’t I?”
“No, Lyca. You've got it wrong. That girl is my cousin Zara. She just dropped by for a quick chat because she’s been asking me for a favor. She wants me to put in a good word for her at this modeling agency.”
“Yeah, she does look like a model,” I replied sarcastically. “Anyway, I have to go.”
I turned around but he grabbed my hand and made me look into his eyes. “Do you believe me, Lyca? I swear I’m telling the truth.”
“I don’t know why you even bother.”
“What do you mean?”
Sighing, I felt dejected and just exhausted. “Please just put an end to this nonsense. I don’t want to be part of it.”
And before he could protest, I slipped back into my apartment with a heavy feeling in my chest.
“What’s wrong, Mom?” asked Lucas, gazing at me with worry. He could tell that I wasn’t feeling well. In fact, I was on the verge of tears.
Several knocks came on the door. It got Lucas’s attention. “Who’s there?” he wondered.
“It’s nobody. Just ignore it. Some stubborn salesman, but I already told him we’re not going to buy what he’s offering.”
“Oh.” But he was still giving the door a curious stare.
“Go to the bathroom and brush your teeth, sweetie. Go on…”
He eventually nodded and went his way. I threw myself on the couch and stared into space, trying to convince myself that I should not be this affected. He’s nothing to me , I kept telling myself. But at the end of that day, I still wasn’t convinced.
For the entire week, I decided to stay at my mother’s house. Despite the longer commute to work, it offered a sanctuary away from the risk of encountering Xander. He’d been trying to call me and chat me up, but I’d already blocked him on my phone. In the office, he once burst into my office, demanding that we talk. But I simply made up an excuse to leave, and he couldn’t force me to stay. Eventually, he became too busy. Or maybe he got fed up and just gave up.
I tried to pretend that I was fine, that I was so over him. But honestly, it hurt. So much that I couldn’t focus on my work.
“Hey, are you alright?” Drake asked me one time while we were eating lunch in the main dining hall of the company premises. “You’ve been quiet lately. And you don’t seem like yourself.”
“I guess I’ve just been feeling tired,” I lied.
He reached over and gently rubbed my hand. It was a touching gesture, and Drake had always been a good and thoughtful friend. I found myself wishing I could muster enough affection for him to grant him a chance.
“You know…” I began with a bit of hesitation. “Maybe I need a change of scenery, or I need to go out and have some fun.”
Drake grinned at me. “Yeah, I’ve been telling you that before, right? Especially now that your job is more demanding. Why don’t you join me and the guys tonight?”
“Well… I was hoping it could be a smaller group… Or just you and me?”
Instantly, he grasped the implication of my words. "Is this some kind of joke, Lyca?" he exclaimed, his eyes widening in disbelief.
“No, I’m serious.” Yet, beneath the surface, my heart pounded with uncertainty, as I grappled with the realization that I might be on the verge of a significant mistake. But what the heck! I wanted to get back at Xander somehow or find a way to distract myself. “Let’s go on a date, Drake. How about tomorrow after work?”
“Wow,” Drake exclaimed, looking at me incredulously. “Sure, that would be awesome. “Movie and dinner?”
“Yeah, why not?”
We had a blast the following night. But it was more like the kind of fun that you’d have with a good old friend. There were no flying sparks. There were no fireworks, not even when he held my hand inside the movie house. At the end of the date, I had fun but knew that I couldn’t see him as more than a friend. I told him that because I owed it to him. He’d smiled and hugged me, saying that he felt the same way. I was so relieved.
The following day, I was astonished when I saw flowers on my desk. My heart skipped a beat, somehow hoping that it was from Xander.
“Do you like them?” I heard a low voice ask from behind me.
I turned around and saw John standing at the doorway of my office.
“Oh, John, it’s you. I mean, thank you for the flowers.”
“Just wanted to say thank you for putting up with me during our sessions.”
“Ahh, that’s no big deal. But thank you too. And I’m glad that you’re much better now. I heard you’ve also been performing well on the track.”
“Yes, thanks to you, Lyca.” This time, he’d moved closer, and I could tell from his face that he had something up his sleeve. “Hey, listen… I was wondering if you’d consider hanging out with me one of these days. Maybe over coffee or drinks at the bar?”
I narrowed my eyes, wondering why he was suddenly asking me out. There was something suspicious about it. And before I could say anything, John confirmed my fears. “It’s just that I heard you went out with Drake and I was hoping you’d give me a chance too.”
“What? How did you know?”
“Word gets around fast here. Someone saw the two of you.”
“John, that was just a friendly date. Drake and I have been friends for long.”
“I could be a good friend to you too,” he said suggestively.
“But I thought you were seeing Phoebe already?”
“It didn’t work out.”
I sighed, not knowing how to tell him no. The date with Drake was a mistake and now it seemed to have stirred up this trouble for me. “Maybe some other time, okay?” I simply said. “I’m sorry, but I’ll need you to go now. I need to prepare for a meeting now.”
He looked disappointed, but I was glad and relieved when he nodded and smiled before leaving my office.
It wasn’t long after that when another knock came. My heart raced as I anticipated a repeat of my encounter with John. Who could it be this time? I groaned inwardly.
I quickly grabbed some folders and the notebook I’d need for my meeting, hugging the items to my chest as I opened the door. I was prepared to tell this person that I was off to a meeting now when the sight that greeted me made me stop in my tracks.
Xander stood at the door, looking like some kind of Greek god in a racing uniform. His usually tousled hair was slicked back, and there was a grim expression on his face. “Can we talk, Lyca?”
“Not now. I’m off to a meeting.” There, I still managed to say it.
But despite my poker face, I could feel the connection between us, as if our souls were tied to each other. It felt like there was a magnetic force pulling us toward each other.
“So you’ve decided to go out with the entire race team?” he blurted out, his eyes flashing angrily. “While you refuse to talk to me? What the hell is this about, Lyca?”
My eyes widened in shock at his words. I stepped back and let him in. “Shut the door and don’t you dare shout at me.”
He didn’t look like he cared. His features were contorted with anger, a sight I had never witnessed before. “It’s just been a week, Lyca. Who have you gone out with?”
“How dare you!” I yelled, pushing him on the chest as my own anger rose to the surface. “There was never anything between us! And what I do now is none of your business! But for your information, I only went out with Drake and nothing happened. Okay? Are you happy now?”
My outburst blew him into silence. Or perhaps the truth in my words was sinking in. Then quietly, he said, “No, Lyca. I’m not happy. I’ll never be happy and complete without you.”