23. LYCA
Chapter 23
LYCA
“ O uch!” I cried out, holding my cellphone farther from my ear as my best friend Jessie squealed.
“O! M! G!” she screamed. “You’re in the same villa and nothing has happened yet? Not even one kiss?”
“Keep quiet, Jessie,” I hissed over the phone, looking around to see if any of the team members were around.
Thank goodness they’re all busy familiarizing themselves with the racetrack in the public streets of Monaco! I was currently waiting in the stands, amid the hustle and bustle of the event preparations. Several race teams were practicing today too.
“But you said your first night together was great, right?” Jessie asked, her voice dripping with curiosity. “You didn’t even let him sleep on the bed with you?”
“No. We’re just friends now.”
Jessie actually laughed. “Oh, don’t kid me, Lyca! I don’t believe that for one second!”
I shrugged. “He hasn’t been himself after that, so I just stayed away too. Besides, we’ve all been busy.”
“So, what are the others saying? Like Drake and John and the others?”
That question made me laugh. Actually, they’ve been doing a lot of teasing and dropping meaningful remarks here and there.
“Well, they’ve been teasing us, of course. John actually had the nerve to offer to exchange places with Xander!”
Jessie burst out laughing. “I can’t believe that guy!”
“Yes, the others aren’t reacting too much. You know, Xander is still the boss.”
We soon wrapped up our conversation just as I caught a glimpse of Xander’s bright red race car. “I’m sorry I have to go…” I said hastily. “Duty calls.”
“Duty as in work? Or duty as in romance?” Jessie teased.
“Oh, shut up,” I said, making us both laugh.
I watched Xander’s car intently from where I was standing. He veered too much to the right when he made a turn. My forehead creased. I felt a little jump in my heart. It wasn’t like him to make such an unsure move.
Yesterday, I noticed that he was unusually quiet and had made a blunder during the practice session.
When he finally pulled into the pit lane and got out of his car, his face was etched with a deep frown, and he looked visibly stressed. I made my way down to the pit lane, hoping to catch him and see if everything was okay. As I approached him, I could see the frustration in his eyes.
“Xander, are you okay?” I asked, concern lacing my voice. It was, of course, also part of my job to ensure that all the racers were mentally and emotionally prepared and in good condition.
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing heavily. “Yeah, I’m good.”
But I knew that was a fib. I positioned myself in front of him, touching his hand briefly. He finally looked up and met my eyes. “I don't know, Lyca,” he admitted. “I just can't seem to get into the right mindset for this race. Everything feels off.”
“I wanted to talk to you last night, but I think I fell asleep before you got home…” I trailed off.
He stopped, looking surprised.
“I mean, it’s none of my business where you went, but I was just worried about you after yesterday’s practice.”
“Of course, it’s your business,” he replied. “You were sent for that reason, right? For things like this. I’m sorry it had to be me. But don’t worry, I’ll figure this out on my own. You can focus on the others.”
“I’ve actually already talked to them individually. Everyone… except you. Funny ‘coz you’re the one staying with me in the villa.”
“Oh.”
“So do you think we can talk tonight?” I asked, trying to be nonchalant. The reality was that I was more concerned about him than others because it was Xander. It wasn’t just anyone. I cared about him, even though I didn’t want to admit it.
He hesitated and then nodded. “Okay.”
“Great. I want you to be in good shape for tomorrow’s qualifying race.”
The late afternoon sun cast a gentle, honeyed light over the villa, suffusing the balcony in a soft, amber hue. I sat there, savoring a cup of coffee, lost in thought as I gazed out at the breathtaking view of the Mediterranean Sea. The gentle breeze carried the salty scent of the sea, and the sound of waves lapping against the shore filled the air.
I couldn't help but feel a sense of peace wash over me as I watched the sun slowly dip below the horizon, painting the sky in a palette of oranges, pinks, and purples. It was moments like these that made me appreciate the beauty of life, despite its challenges and uncertainties.
As I sat there, lost in contemplation, I heard footsteps behind me. Turning around, I saw Xander approaching, his expression unreadable. He joined me on the balcony, his gaze fixed on the sea.
“It's beautiful, isn't it?” I said softly, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, it is,” he replied, his voice tinged with a hint of melancholy.
We sat there in silence for a while, both lost in our own thoughts. The serene beauty of the sea seemed to envelop us, offering a moment of respite from the chaos of the world.
“I'm sorry,” Xander suddenly spoke. “I know I haven't been myself lately. I'm just...struggling. I’m not usually like this before a race, you know.”
I turned to look at him, noting the lines of tension on his face. “Yes, I know. But you don't have to apologize… We all have our moments of weakness. It's okay to not be okay.”
Xander looked at me, gratitude shining in his eyes. “Thank you, Lyca,” he said softly. “I needed to hear that.”
“I know that… after everything that’s happened between us, I’m probably the last person you want to open up to,” I said quietly, gazing at him.
He turned to face me, leaning forward and touching my hand gently with his fingers. My heart raced. “No,” he said, “that’s exactly why you’re the only one I can talk to, not any other sports psychologist. Besides, you’re the best we have.”
I smiled. “That’s good to know. So, what’s been bothering you, Xander?”
“You…” he began to say, making my heart skip a beat. “Us.”
“What?” I was totally flabbergasted and speechless.
Then he gave me a lopsided grin. “Nah, just kidding.” But it felt like he was insinuating something. We hadn’t really talked about what had happened between us before.
“Actually, I’m feeling more pressured than ever,” he said.
I had the urge to talk about our personal matters, but I knew that his own issues had to come first. I nodded and smiled. “I’m all ears.”
“I just… first of all, I’ve always dreamed about this race, you know? Second, I feel like I have to prove my worth... to my dad, to the team, to the company, to my dad’s wife, to my stepsister, to my own mom… even to the media! The public’s expecting so much of me, and I guess it’s just getting to me.”
“It’s quite normal, Xander,” I told him gently. “Many athletes feel this way, especially before such a big event like the Monaco Grand Prix. It’s important to remember that while external validation is nice, the most important thing is to focus on your own goals and performance. You know you have the skills and talent; you just need to have trust in yourself and your abilities.”
“Yeah, I know. Thanks.”
“Remember the affirmations? The positive self-talk that we used to practice before each big race?”
He nodded.
“Tomorrow and on the actual race day, I’d like you to focus on the process, not just the outcome. Break down the race into smaller, manageable parts. Instead of worrying about winning, focus on executing each turn, each lap, to the best of your ability. By staying present, and focusing on the task at hand, it’s certain that you'll perform better overall. Don’t mind what people will say about you.”
“Got it,” he said, taking a deep breath.
“You never did strike me as someone who cared what others think about you.”
“Well, I do when it’s people that matter to me.”
“Does that include the media?”
He thought hard before answering. “I guess not so much. But you know, image is everything. That’s what I learned from my previous racing team.”
“Your image of yourself counts more,” I emphasized.
“Hhmmm… you have a point.” He smiled and squeezed my hands, his touch sending electric shocks all over my body. “Thank you, Ms. Taylor.”
I couldn’t help but make a face at him when he addressed me in a formal way. That made him laugh.
“So… you want to cook again tonight?” I asked jokingly.
Chuckling, he shook his head. “Maybe we can grab something at the restaurant?”
“Oh, yeah. I heard the others are thinking of eating there tonight. It would do you all some good to spend time together just relaxing.”
“Alright. Let’s go do this.”
He took my hand then and pulled me up from my chair. The sudden movement made me crash into his bulky chest. In an instant, we shared an intense gaze that seemed to reconnect our souls. It lasted only about three seconds, but I couldn’t shake it off for the rest of the evening.