Chapter 7
The headaches were back.
I hadn’t had one this bad since the press tour I’d been forced to attend after the rebellion.
And I knew why…or rather who had caused it.
Lark-fucking-Sterling.
Despite me overriding the schedule to make sure Lark and I were on opposite shifts so we wouldn’t have to see each other, and certainly wouldn’t need to cohabitate, the woman was calling me constantly to complain about overtaxing the engines.
Sully’d never had an issue, so I was sure she could figure it out on her own.
I’d known after seeing her sitting on my bed, big blue eyes staring up at me, that first day on the ship, that I needed to limit our interactions.
Because when I was around her, when her small, warm hand kept sneaking into my hold, things inside me began to stir, long-dormant emotions peeking out.
And they needed to stay hidden, right where they were.
Our situation was precarious enough without attraction being involved.
Still, I couldn’t deny that I found my wife as fierce as she was mysterious, and damn it if I didn’t want to uncover her mysteries as much as I wanted to do other things to her…
I couldn’t help but replay our interaction in my quarters that first day over and over again in the days since. I had so many questions, some of which she’d likely answer if I only asked, but I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of my curiosity.
Why had she left IA?
Why didn’t she want me to know?
Why on earth didn’t she want to split the bounty?
What exactly was she hiding? Because she didn’t seem like the kind of woman who hid much, when she wasn’t fleecing someone on a mission. Maybe that was the problem…had Darren sent her to investigate me?
I wanted to know about her family too, but that research could be done without having to talk to her; I just hadn’t had time to dig into any of it yet. There were other things brewing on board that I was concerned about.
My crew was off, and it was making me uneasy.
Jordan seemed more tightly wound than normal.
I glanced over at her on the bridge. Her focus was firmly on the screen in front of her, but it appeared as though her entire body was tense.
Sure we were on a tight schedule, Lark’s persistent calls were a constant reminder, but we’d dealt with worse before; this was actually a more standard run.
Jordan shouldn’t have anything to be anxious about, at least as far as I was aware.
She was a woman of few words, part of why we got along so well, but she knew she could confide in me. We weren’t exactly friends, but we were bonded. She’d had a similar upbringing to mine, and often we understood each other in a way that didn’t require words, sometimes only a sidelong glance.
Jordan was excellent under pressure and rarely showed weakness, which is why her physically appearing stressed felt out of character. Still, I wasn’t ready to broach the subject. If she wanted to discuss it, I’d wait for her to come to me…for now.
I made a note to have another discussion with Natalie about boundaries, after she’d thrown the exception party I had expressly forbidden her from organizing.
I wasn’t going to chastise her in front of the crew, and I’d survived relatively unscathed, but she’d gone against my orders, and while it was something small now, these things could snowball, so I had to nip it in the bud early, even if the offense was something more innocuous.
I knew I’d have to talk to her soon, as I’d dread the meeting until it happened.
Natalie was sweet and soft, and of course she was trying her best, but I also knew she’d cry at the thought of having disappointed me, and nothing was worse than making Natalie cry.
But I had to communicate with her, even if that meant her emotions would get the best of her.
Then there was her shadow, Rion. How had I not known about his little brewery operation on board. Worse than that—how had Ethan known about it and not immediately told me? Anything pressurized on the ship was a huge risk. Rion knew better than that.
Perhaps Ethan had told him it wouldn’t be an issue. He had a way of influencing people to do what he wanted, and Rion, always looking to be accepted, was easy prey for Ethan’s charms.
Ethan had been more distant as of late…or maybe I was the one who had been more distant, lost in lines of code, looking for trails and clues that might not exist, thinking that I could take down the Phoenix on my own, like an amateur.
And then there was Cassidy.
I’d seen the way he’d looked at Lark the moment we’d entered the mess hall together.
His eyes hadn’t left her the entire time, and I’d seen them on the security cameras multiple times since then, forging a connection that shouldn’t exist if she was indeed taken.
If it didn’t stop, I’d be forced to talk to Lark about it, and talking to her was the last thing I wanted to do.
Surely she could sense the way he looked at her; the small touches I’d seen them exchange were inappropriate, at best. I’d told her to stand down on the investigation, but if I found out that her getting close to him was some sort of ploy to learn more about the crew or the communication systems that Cassidy managed, nothing would save her from my wrath.
“What do you think of Lark?” I shattered the silence of the bridge.
Jordan’s gaze snapped to mine, seemingly surprised by the inquiry. I watched her throat bob as she swallowed nervously.
“I’ve barely talked to her; I’m sure I couldn’t say,” she replied, ever the diplomat.
I leaned back in my chair, my eyes on the horizon, dark, cold space, with pinpricks of starlight dotting the landscape. “Humor me,” I pressed.
It was just the two of us on the bridge, like most days. She knew she could speak freely.
“For someone who was granted an exception, you don’t seem to know your wife very well, or want to be around her very often,” Jordan observed.
“I’ve never seen you show interest in any woman, or man, or anyone else.
And I can’t quite figure out what it was about her that made you decide to turn your world upside down in an instant. ”
I huffed. Of course she’d turn this around on me.
And for a brief moment, I considered telling her everything and compromising the entirety of our mission and the work I’d put in over the last year to ferret out the mole on my ship.
Jordan and I spent the most time together, and I felt, of everyone on the ship, that I knew her best. The idea of her being involved felt impossible, but the truth was, no matter how much I felt I knew my crew, any one of them could be responsible for what my ship had become.
It would be foolish of me to rule any of them out, no matter how much I wanted to.
So instead, I took the coward’s way out. “Even I am not immune to loneliness. Years in space have worn me down.” I gave a beleaguered sigh, rubbing my hand over my chin, annoyed at the permanent stubble that refused to abate, no matter how closely I shaved.
“When did you even meet her?” Jordan asked. It was rare that she showed such curiosity; usually her mask of indifference was a permanent feature.
“Training. Last year.” I kept it short, using the story Lark had provided.
Jordan huffed. “I suppose you seemed a little different after you got back.”
Fuck, she was perceptive. That distance, however, was due to the fact that I had become a side show at the training program. I was treated like some kind of celebrity by the instructors and attendees alike, always watched, constantly being approached for photos and autographs.
I was exhausted and frankly horrified by the entire ordeal, thus my frosty attitude upon my return.
“I can’t believe you spent a year in a long-distance relationship and I didn’t know about it.
” Jordan’s expression was contemplative, if not a bit somber.
As far as I could remember, she usually preferred women, so I figured maybe she was upset she hadn’t figured me out, thinking she knew me better… and truthfully, she did.
“I was embarrassed.” I hated how easily the lies came. “It started as something very casual and just…” I ran my hand through my hair in both frustration and dismay. “...snowballed.”
“Are you actually happy she’s here? Because I’ve never met someone with an exception that was less enthusiastic about it than you.” She raised an eyebrow in challenge.
“Things in person are very different than through a screen.” Another truth wrapped in deception.
She nodded in agreement. “Well, Natalie loves her, so I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Reese loves everyone,” I grumbled.
The corner of Jordan’s mouth quirked in a rare smile. “Maybe this will be good for you, Cap. You could benefit from loosening up a little—let me be the hard-ass. After everything you’ve been through, you deserve to find a little bit of happiness.”
The sincerity in her tone gutted me. Jordan was seldom sentimental.
But her goodwill was wasted on me and this awful lie I would have to perpetuate for months.
I’d be lucky if I had any crew left after they discovered my deceit, and even then, would whoever was left ever trust me again after faking a goddamned exception?