Chapter 23
As the days passed and Vesta drew ever nearer, my relationship with Lark continued to evolve. Our flirty comm exchanges continued, but at night, I felt her pulling away the more I tried to convince her to give in.
We were at a stalemate, and I was torn about what to do. My brain was screaming at me to let her go and protect what little would remain of my heart.
After joining the military, I’d learned quickly to hold back my emotions and not get attached to people.
Unlearning all of that after retiring from service was a slow and agonizing process.
Being around Lark, I found myself opening up to her more than I had to most before her.
It wasn’t until I started to let her in that I realized how starved I was for connection on a deeper level.
I saw the same patterns in her, but she wasn’t ready yet. And I knew I needed to stop pushing, but my heart wouldn’t let me. I wanted her. I’d made up my mind. Still, I feared I would end up heartbroken.
After I’d gotten her off, I sensed a shift that made me uneasy.
I could tell she wanted more, but it was almost as if she feared what she would do if she let go…
that she’d give in to me without meaning to, perhaps.
So things hadn’t gone much further past making out and cuddling, but she still tested me every now and again, working me up and then whispering sweet words of seduction to entice me to fuck her without the commitment I needed to move forward.
I couldn’t understand why she didn’t realize how impossible that was.
I was already attached, and frankly, she was too.
She was just too persnickety to admit it to herself.
It was too late for me, I knew that, but it would be so much worse if we started having sex and she just up and left.
I was already so broken, it would shatter me completely.
To make matters worse, as our journey brought us closer to Port Vesta, the crew became more restless.
Vesta was known for being a bit of a hotspot for lawlessness and black market operations.
My goal was to stay on schedule, which we somehow were miraculously on track with, thanks to Lark, drop our small payload, refuel for the second leg of the route, and get the hell out of there before something bad happened.
Lark had never been to Vesta, so despite my warnings, she was excited to see it nonetheless.
She admitted to having heard stories in her own travels, but she’d never been allowed access to the more dubious ports while she’d been on diplomatic missions with her family, and her covert operations had been mostly located around Earth and Mars.
I was nervous she wasn’t taking me seriously, and she sensed my anxiety like a shark sensed blood in the water. It was a weakness she exploited all too easily.
“What kind of black market stuff do they have there that we should pick up?” The mischievous excitement in her voice was palpable.
“None of it,” I grumbled before squawking in discomfort when she dug into a particularly tight knot at my shoulder.
Lark giggled behind me at the very unmanly noise that had come out of me as a result of her massaging.
Those had become part of our nightly ritual as well, and although she was tough on me, they were beginning to work.
The reduced tension in my neck and shoulders was unmistakable, and I hadn’t realized before how tight so many of my muscles felt, but now they were so much looser.
Of course, what came after the massages was also a nice perk, as long as things didn’t go too far while Lark was still in denial about her feelings.
“What’s got you so wound up today?” She purred, her lips brushing the shell of my ear.
This woman was going to be the death of me. Everything she did was intentional, and this sweet murmuring was all part of the game.
“I’ll be fine when we’ve departed from the port.” I willed my cock to soften, without much luck. It was going to be a long night.
Lark’s nails lightly scratched down my back. The pleasure caught me off guard, and I was unable to hold back a moan.
“Oh,” she hummed. “You like that, Captain?”
“Trouble…” I ground out through clenched teeth.
“You can just give in, you know.” She raked her fingers down my back again, her lips pressing a soft kiss at the base of my neck.
“And you could admit your feelings,” I challenged.
She gave a breathy laugh, her hands slinking around the front of my torso. Lark liked to run the tips of her fingers in the divots between my visible muscles. I had worked tirelessly to keep in shape, and I couldn’t deny that her pleasure with my body was flattering.
Her fingers found the hem of my sweatpants. “Don’t,” I warned her, but made no move to stop her.
The game we played each night with each other was also a game I played with myself. How long could I stand her touch before it was too much? How long could I let her have her way with me before I was on the verge of giving in to every demand she had?
The answer, truly, was not for very much longer.
“Lark…” I groaned, when her fingers brushed over the sensitive skin just above my dick.
“I think you need to relax.” Her tone was dripping with suggestion. “Come lie back.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but any words died on my lips as I allowed her to push me back into the bed, swinging one leg over me, aligning her center with mine, thankfully with our clothing still separating us.
“Give in,” she teased, leaning forward and nipping at my bottom lip.
“You first, Trouble.” I pulled her forward, allowing me to kiss her more thoroughly. Nothing was better than leaving her breathless and wound up, her eyes hazy with lust.
I could feel her peaked nipples beneath her thin top, the weight of her soft breasts, heavy against me, as her hips began to move in a rhythm of their own.
Instinctively, my hands went to her bare hips, my fingers toying with the bottom hem of her panties along the outside of her leg.
“Want ’em off?” she breathed against my lips.
“Nice try.” I smiled, squeezing her hips roughly, causing her to moan.
Without warning, she pulled away. I huffed in protest, but my disappointment quickly receded when she moved lower down the bed, keeping her sparkling blue eyes locked on mine as she went.
When her hands fell to the top edge of my pants, she gave me a sinful smirk before pulling them down, my cock springing free from the confines of the fabric.
I could only watch her, releasing a sharp exhale when her fingers wrapped around the sensitive member, giving me a firm pump with her small fist.
She leaned forward. I could feel her warm breath over my cock, before she licked the tip. “What about now?”
My eyes rolled back into my head at the glorious but ominous sensation shooting up my spine.
“You’re killing me,” I groaned, letting my head fall back to the headboard.
“I want you.” Lark looked up at me through her lashes as she took the head into her mouth and sucked.
My entire body was trembling. It had been so long since I’d been with anyone. But I had to remind myself this was so much more than a game. And I needed more than just sex. I needed Lark. “It’s all or nothing, Trouble, you know that,” I pleaded, my voice hoarse.
Her eyes narrowed and she took another strong pull. The girl was going to suck my soul out through my dick.
“Fuck,” I hissed.
Just the image of her lips wrapped around me was enough to have me on the edge of climaxing. I felt my cheeks heat with a blush of embarrassment at the thought of coming so quickly.
She released me. “Let’s just enjoy each other now, and we can figure out the rest later.” One of her palms rested on my thigh; she gave me a gentle squeeze, encouraging me to make my decision.
It wasn’t easy, but I knew what I wanted, and I was going to fight for it. I had to show her I was going to fight for her.
Groaning, I scooted back, tucking my cock into my pants, where it tented them obscenely.
Lark scowled at me, indignant that she hadn’t gotten her way.
I pushed forward onto my knees, wrapping my arms around Lark, fitting her into my embrace like a puzzle piece that had always been missing.
“No.” She tried to shove against me, and I relented, loosening my hold, but she didn’t move away.
I craned my face down, running my nose along hers. “I’m falling for you, Lark. I can’t go further until I know if you’re in or out because neither of us can afford to leave this ship with a broken heart.”
Her bottom lip trembled, but she remained silent.
Fuck.
Lark rarely went quiet. This was bad.
“I’ll give you all the time you need, but please don’t push me, Trouble. I need to protect myself. I won’t survive if I have to walk away after only getting just a small piece of you.” I kissed the tip of her nose.
“I’m kidding myself in thinking I’m not already fucked anyway.” My raw admission burned as it passed through my lips, but I needed to say it out loud, if for no other reason than to get used to it myself. It felt like Lark was slipping through my fingers, and I was helpless to intervene.
Her eyes fluttered open, meeting mine for a brief second, but long enough for me to know she wasn’t there yet. So when she pulled away and started getting dressed, I just watched her from the bed, giving her the space she needed to process.
“Will you be back?” I asked, my voice quiet and sad.
She shrugged, not knowing herself, then left.
It was too late for me. I was too far gone. Maybe giving in to her was the only way to make her see that she needed me as much as I needed her. But was it selfish to hope that she would come to the realization on her own?
I’d never been in love before, and it pained me to wonder if the tightness in my chest, the longing I felt for her as she walked away, and the desperation to seek her out was that elusive feeling that I’d been searching for, for my entire life.
What I did know was that when she wasn’t near me, my heart ached.