10. Chapter Nine
Chapter Nine
I ’m married.
To Rafael.
And he looks like he’s a condemned man.
She tried not to let the disappointment show on her face. She fiddled with the plain gold band marking her as his wife and watched him talking intently with the judge who had performed the ceremony. She couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Rafael looked so somber and serious.
“I’m sorry it’s not very festive,” Lola said as she approached with two flutes of champagne. “Here. You’ll like this one. I had them bring it out specifically for you. It’s a vintage Louis Roederer. Honeysuckle. Apples. A little citrus.”
“Thank you, Lola.” Sky gratefully accepted the flute of bubbly gold and gave it a tentative sip. The flavor popped atop her tongue, and she was stunned by how crisp and clean it tasted. “Okay.” She took another sip, this one slightly bigger. “This is actually the best champagne I’ve ever had.”
“We have a few cases in the cellar. I’ll have Marcos put your name on them.” Lola smiled. “It can be the start of the Mrs. Rafael Farias collection.”
Mortified by the very thought, Sky quickly demurred. “I couldn’t possibly. It wouldn’t be proper.”
“What wouldn’t be proper?” Beto asked as he joined them with his own flute of champagne in one hand and Jasper in the other. Their nephew gnawed on the pocket square he’d stolen from Beto’s blazer.
“Really, Beto?” Lola reached over and gently snatched the soggy silk square away from Jasper. She plucked the pacifier dangling from the clip, fastened to his shirt, and popped it into his mouth. “He could choke!”
“I was watching him. He was fine.” Beto shook his head at his little sister. “When you were his age, you were eating dirt in the fields and trying to chew on raw agave. You survived.”
“And it’s a miracle,” she muttered.
“She was our father’s favorite,” Beto explained. “He took her everywhere. She was out in the fields before she could even walk. It’s no wonder she’s the family’s plant goddess.”
Lola’s irritation at her brother softened. “I’m not a goddess.”
“I peeked in your hoop house. I saw the zinnias. Only a goddess could get those colors from nature.”
“Beto! You didn’t touch anything? Right? I’m trying to keep them from cross-pollinating!”
“I might have borrowed one flower.” He had the decency to look apologetic. “Or a dozen. I wanted to impress Valentina.”
“Beto!” She whacked him on the arm. “If you messed up my trial because you wanted free flowers for your date last night—.”
“Who had a date last night?” Rafael asked as he joined them.
“Our brother did, and he stole my zinnias,” Lola tattled.
“You went into her greenhouse?” Rafael looked taken aback.
“I was in and out in two minutes!” Beto frowned at his siblings. “I didn’t even take the prettiest flowers.”
“Oh, well, thanks.”
“It’s not even like you use them! You just let them die.”
Lola glowered at him. “You know I need the flowers for the seeds, right? Like the whole point is to finish the season with viable seeds for next year. If you steal the flowers, I don’t have seeds. If you open the hoop house and pollinators get inside, they could mess up the colors I’ve been breeding. That’s four years of work down the drain.”
Beto seemed to suddenly grasp how serious his theft was. “I’m sorry. I’ll work off my debt to you. I’ll help at harvest time.”
“Oh, sure. Like I’ll be able to get you off that boat of yours anytime soon.”
“I haven’t been on La Sirenita in weeks.”
“Because she’s in dry dock having repairs done,” Rafael interjected.
“You’re not helping,” Beto grumbled. Turning toward Sky, he said, “You’re his wife. Make him behave.”
Sky chortled. “I’ve been his wife for less than two hours. I haven’t learned that skill yet.”
“Don’t,” Lola warned with a smack on her brother’s arm again.
“Don’t what?” Beto made a funny face at Jasper, who laughed around his pacifier. “Your Tia Lola thinks she’s George Foreman.”
“You know exactly what you were about to say,” Lola said. “And it was probably something our nephew shouldn’t hear.”
“You hear that?” Beto continued to mug for Jasper’s amusement. “Tia Lola thinks you’re too immature for my jokes.”
“He’s not even one!”
“He will be soon.” Beto glanced at Sky. “What are we doing for his birthday?”
Sky didn’t have an answer. She looked to Rafael, who seemed just as bewildered. “I think Maddie had started a Pinterest board with ideas, but I don’t...” She swallowed hard as the anguish of losing her sister became all too real again. “I’m not sure we should?”
No one else in the circle seemed to have the answer to that question either. They all exchanged uncertain glances. Eventually, Lola said, “Maybe we should wait? Do something after his actual birthday? When an appropriate amount of time has passed?”
“What’s an appropriate amount of time, Lola?” Beto asked a bit unkindly. “This isn’t the Victorian Era. We don’t have proscribed mourning rituals anymore.”
“You know what I mean,” Lola argued. “He just lost his parents. Throwing a party seems wrong.”
“He doesn’t know that.” Beto wiped away the drool gathering on Jasper’s little chin. “He doesn’t know they’re gone.”
“He does,” Rafael said solemnly. “I can tell at night.” His voice was suddenly husky, and he glanced away for a moment. After clearing his throat, he said, “He looks for them. He can’t tell us that he misses them, but I think he’s wondering where his mama and papa are.”
Sky blinked rapidly, but she couldn’t stop the tears that burned her eyes. They spilled onto her cheek, and she swallowed again, trying desperately to silence the sob that threatened to escape. Rafael had sensed what she had, that Jasper wanted his mother and father. The two voices he had known since birth—before birth even—were no longer near him. The faces he had seen first were gone from his little world. The love and comfort of Jaime and Maddie had been taken away from him.
“I’m sorry, Sky.” Beto hurriedly apologized. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have even asked about the birthday party.”
“It’s okay, Beto.” She wiped at her cheeks. “You’re right to ask. We can’t deny Jasper his milestones because we’re so sad. I don’t want him to look back on photos from this time and feel only sadness. I want him to know we loved him so much that we still celebrated his life, the life his parents wanted.”
“That’s a beautiful way of describing it,” Lola said, in tears herself. “I think we should celebrate his life and theirs.”
As the discussion turned toward the logistics of a party, Rafael placed his hand on the small of her back. The intimate touch soothed her raw nerves. She craved his strength and warmth, and slowly, she moved closer to him until she leaned into him for support, and his arm wound its way around her waist. His hand remained on her hip, a solid reminder of his protection and comfort.
When they moved into the formal dining room for the meal, Rafael kept his arm around her. What would have been so strange now felt so normal. He is my husband. He’s supposed to touch me.
What if he wants to touch me?
Like touch me?
Thoughts of their illicit assignation in the garden on that steamy night six years ago wouldn’t leave her alone as they sat down to eat. Being back here in Mexico had awakened all those buried memories. She could practically feel his lips on hers. She could still taste him. She could feel his skin under her lips and teeth.
Stop it.
You’re grieving.
You’re desperate for comfort.
That’s all this is. It’s infatuation gone wild.
“Are you okay?” Dina asked quietly after the parish priest had offered a long prayer. “You look a bit flushed.”
“This dress is warm,” she lied. It was actually very comfortable. Even with all the lace, the fabric breathed well, and the fit was just right. If it wasn’t white, she would wear it once a week.
“I can ask someone to turn down the air conditioning.”
“No, it’s fine. Thank you.”
Dina eyed her skeptically. “If you change your mind...”
“Yep.” Sky nodded and then reached for her water glass. Soila had taken Jasper from Beto and had him in a highchair beside her. The doting grandmother had given him a warm tortilla slathered in butter. He happily chewed on it and grinned at her.
“I’m sorry we didn’t have to time to get your guests here.” Dina helped herself to the first course. The salad dish was an interesting mix of beets, jicama, and candied pumpkin seeds. There were hints of mint and lemon, and Sky wondered what other Mexican delicacies Jovita had conjured up tonight.
“I didn’t have anyone else to invite,” Sky admitted. She scanned the table, taking in the small guest list. Immediate family, the household staff, the judge, the priest, and a handful of business people she barely knew. “Most of my friends are overseas.”
“Well, we’ll have more time to send out invitations when we plan the church wedding.” Dina carefully avoided making eye contact as she used her fork to delicately stab a piece of jicama. “Have you given some thought as to when you’d like to do that?”
“Not really,” Sky said, wondering whether Rafael was getting the same question from the priest who kept smiling at her from across the table where he sat next to her new husband.
“Fall is the most beautiful time here.” Dina sipped her white wine. “You’ll look so lovely in fall colors.”
“I—.”
“Not this fall, obviously,” Dina clarified. “It’s too soon for you two to get all of the requirements out of the way, and well, it’s too soon.” She didn’t mention the other reason, probably because she was afraid Sky would burst into tears. “Next fall then,” she decided. “We’ll have to get it on the church calendar as soon as you pick a date. We generally get special treatment at the cathedral, but it’s better to choose early.”
“Right. Of course,” Sky agreed, too overwhelmed to even consider arguing. It was easier to let her plan a wedding that wasn’t going to happen than to remind her that Rafael had stated from the outset this was a marriage of convenience for protecting Jasper.
This is all for him. All of it. It’s not about me or Rafael. It’s about keeping you safe, baby boy.
After a delicious dinner of Jovita’s signature pozole, seafood, rajas con crema , roasted pork marinated in guajillo chiles, braised lamb, and all sorts of interesting side dishes and ultra-rich desserts, Sky carried Jasper upstairs to start his nightly routine. She didn’t bother changing out of her wedding dress as she took him out of his stained outfit. He was already starting to fuss a bit as she put him into a warm bath, and she suspected the long day, and his shortened nap would make him a bit harder to put down to sleep than usual.
As she slathered him with lotion and slipped him into his pajamas, Rafael arrived with a warmed bottle. “I brought his milk.”
“Thank you.” She winced as Jasper grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled so hard her scalp burned. “Okay, little dude. That’s not nice.”
“Here. Let me.” Rafael came to her rescue and carefully unwrapped their nephew’s fingers. He picked up Jasper and offered the bottle while she coiled her loose hair into a bun. “I wish we could communicate with him.”
“Usually, I can tell what his cries mean or why he’s upset.” Sky watched as Rafael tried to settle Jasper into his arms and get the bottle into his mouth. “Maybe he’s teething?”
“I think he misses his parents.” Rafael looked stricken as the realization hit. “What I said earlier about him looking for them? He’s doing it again. See?”
She didn’t want to confirm her worst fear, but there it was. Jasper kept stretching his neck to see the door, almost as if he expected his mother or father to appear. It broke her already shattered heart into tinier pieces.
Suddenly, she thought of something that might soothe him. “Wait. Let’s try some music.”
“Music?”
She nodded and grabbed her iPhone. She tapped and scrolled until she found the song that Maddie often sang to Jasper in the evenings. Soon, Mitski’s dreamy, lush voice filled the room. As soon as Jasper heard the familiar tune, he stopped crying and went still. Rafael managed to get the bottle close enough for Jasper to greedily take, and he sank down into the nearest chair to hold their nephew.
The lyrics to My Love Mine All Mine brought fresh tears to her eyes.
It’s not fair. Maddie should be here singing to him. He needs his mother.
She looped the song, letting it play again and again until Jasper was deep asleep in Rafael’s arms. He set aside the empty bottle and carried Jasper to crib, stopping long enough for her to kiss her nephew’s head. She watched Rafael settle him into bed. He'd gotten better at it, no longer jostling Jasper or putting him down too quickly.
Once their nephew was safely deposited in his crib, Rafael wordlessly ate up the distance between them with steady strides. He shocked her by taking her hand and tugging her into his embrace. She stiffened at first, unsure what he wanted, but when his strong arms enveloped her, she surrendered to his protective heat.
With her arms wrapped around his waist, she clutched at his shirt and pressed her cheek to his hard chest. She listened to his heartbeat as he slowly swayed side to side with the music. Held tight by her husband, she let the tears fall.
Rafael must have known she needed a good cry. He said nothing as they danced to the gentle song Maddie had loved so much. She clung to Rafa, to her husband, and let herself feel all the grief and sadness she had denied herself today.
“I’m sorry,” she said when she could finally breathe normally again. “I’ve soaked your shirt.”
“Are you feeling any better?”
“A little.”
“Then my shirt’s sacrifice was worth it,” he teased. Tenderly, he swept the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. “We’re going to be all right, Sky. We’ll get through this together.”
Gazing up at him, she asked, “When do you cry?”
“In the shower,” he admitted. “The last few days, as soon as I step in and the water hits me, it’s like I wake up fully from my sleep—and I remember. I remember that my brother is dead. My sister-in-law is dead. My nephew is an orphan. It hits hard—and I let myself wallow in those feelings for a few minutes.”
“And then what? You just turn it off?”
He nodded stiffly. “If I don’t, I’ll never get out of that shower. I’ll just stand there under the water sobbing until the aquifer runs dry.” He offered a lopsided smile. “Lola would never forgive me if her plants wilted because I used all the water so selfishly.”
“Well, you’ll have to wait for her to finish throttling Beto first, I think.”
Rafael snorted. “Wouldn’t be the first time she’s beat him up.”
“What? Really?”
“When they were both teenagers, Beto dated one of her friends and broke her heart. She broke his fingers.”
Sky’s jaw dropped. “She what ?”
“She swears it was an accident. That his fingers just happened to be in the way when she slammed that car door but...”
Sky blanched. “Remind me never to make her angry.”
“You never could. She adores you. My whole family does.”
And you? Her heart leaped at the unspoken question. Did he think of that night as often as she did? Or was it a memory he had buried deep because he saw it as an embarrassing mistake?
“I wish I could have given you the wedding you deserve, Sky.”
She lifted her gaze to his and was taken aback by the depth of emotion reflected back at her.
“You deserved so much more than this.” He caressed her jaw, setting her skin alight. “I’m sure this isn’t the first dance you envisioned when you were a little girl.”
“That little girl envisioned all sorts of things that will never happen,” Sky sadly replied.
They shared a sorrowful glance, one that made her chest ache. There was no joy in their wedding day; there was only pain, anguish, and grief.
His stormy emotions mirrored hers, and she stared into his dark eyes, Sky felt herself leaning closer. She gulped as his head dipped toward hers. There was a heartbeat of hesitation, a brief moment where Rafa pulled back ever so slightly.
And then his lips were on hers.
It was a kiss so passionate it made her toes curl. She clutched onto him, grasping his arm and shoulder, and let him control the possessive kiss. For so long, she had craved this, craved him.
Now he’s mine.
My husband.
Kissing me.
On our wedding day.
Their nuptials might not have been romantic, but this kiss was. When his tongue flicked against hers, she saw stars. Her breath caught in her lungs, and she wondered if she was lightheaded from lack of oxygen or from excitement.
Rafa’s powerful arms pulled her in even closer, molding her body to his in the most delicious way. His big hand slid along the slope of her spine to cup her bottom. She shivered at the greedy way he pawed at her.
Wanting him to know that she yearned for him just as deeply, Sky touched his chest, spreading her greedy hands along the hard expanse. She took hold of his collar in one hand and slipped the other to the back of his neck, tugging him down so she could deepen the kiss. He groaned against her lips, and the sound sent a tremor of need and arousal right down to her core.
“Wait.” Rafael tore away from her mouth. He exhaled a shaky breath. “We can’t.”
Her heart stopped. “But—.”
“No.” He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead. “Good night, Sky.”
He practically ran from the room, leaving her in a state of confusion. It was the cruelest sense of déjà vu. Rejected. Embarrassed. Spurned.
Only this time? It was her wedding night.
Dejected, she stumbled to the bed and fell onto it. She rolled onto her side, facing the crib, and hugged a pillow. Yet again, she felt the sting of tears. She muffled her cries with the down feathers and silk.
What is wrong with me?
Why does everyone always leave me?
Well. Not everyone.
Through a haze of tears, she watched Jasper sleep. The last thing her nephew needed was for her to be lost in self-pity and depression.
Stop it.
Stop.
You can’t let Rafael jerk you around like this. Hot. Cold. It’s too much.
There was only one boy in the world who mattered to her—and he was sleeping peacefully in his giraffe onesie. There wasn’t room in her broken heart for anyone else.
Not even her husband.