Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Luna
As soon as I get to my office on Monday, I look up Candy.
Sure enough, she’s a pretty successful model who goes by the name Dee Anne professionally.
She’s been on a lot of covers and there are outtakes from her shoot for Sports Illustrated that are stunning.
She has the body I always wished I could have but I’m not in my twenties anymore.
For the most part, I’m happy with who I am and how I look.
Especially now.
Rage pretty much worshipped every inch of my body over the weekend.
We never left the apartment on Sunday, which was kind of nice.
I made breakfast—that’s his favorite meal of the day—and then ordered takeout for dinner.
We watched two movies—a rom com I chose and a war film he picked—and the rest of the time was spent naked.
Hell, most of the time was spent naked, other than when we went out to lunch with Garth and Candy, and while I was cooking.
Apparently, Rage doesn’t love clothes when he’s at home. I mean, with a body like his, why would anyone want to cover it?
“Good morning.” Courtney peeks her head in and holds out Celeste.
“Is this my daily dose of cuddles?” I ask, laughing and taking the baby.
“You didn’t get any all weekend.”
“Oh, I got plenty all weekend,” I reply with as straight a face as I can manage.
“Yeah?” She perches on the edge of my desk with a grin. “Do tell.”
“Exactly what you might imagine—lots of hot, energetic and very pleasurable sex. He spent the weekend at my place.”
“No wonder you both took the weekend off.” She peers at the pictures on the monitor. “Who’s that?”
“Dee Anne, the model. She’s dating Rage’s old mentor from his fighting days.” I pause. “I think he’s going to do this charity fight for cervical cancer.”
Her brows inch up. “Yeah? He hasn’t shown interest in fighting since he left. Other than for workout purposes.”
“Well, Garth made him a tempting offer.”
“That must be what he and Daniil are talking about in his office.”
“He’s torn. I know he wants to but he’s cognizant of the possibility of injury and putting his face out there in public.”
“Anyone who’s a fan of the sport already knows what Rage the Cage looks like. This won’t be anything new.”
“I think he’s worried about our clientele.”
“If it wasn’t for charity, it might be an issue, but I think it’ll be fine.” She stands up. “Well, I’m off to work out. Dan keeps her so I can have a little time to focus.”
“I can keep her,” I say with a smile. “I don’t have anything pressing to do today.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. Besides, it’ll be good practice for me.”
“Okay, you don’t have to ask me twice. If anything does come up, just take her to Dan. He’ll be gone for twenty minutes while he takes Micah to preschool, but then he’ll be back.”
“I think I can handle a baby for twenty minutes.”
“She’s fed and changed but there’s a bottle and diapers in the bag.” She motions to the diaper bag at her feet.
“Okay. Have a good workout.” I settle Celeste in the crook of my left arm and then navigate the mouse with my right hand. The infant seems content to just sit and take in her surroundings, probably fascinated by all the lights and colors of my ten monitors.
She lets out a tiny whimper after about ten minutes and I gently bounce her. “What’s wrong?” I ask. “You getting bored? Want to go for a walk?”
“I can take her.”
I whirl, startled to find Rage standing there with a faint smile.
“You want to hold her?”
His eyes meet mine for a second and he nods. “Sure. I spent a lot of time rocking Micah when he was this little.”
I gently pass the baby to him and the sight of her tiny body pressed against his much larger one does things to me.
It’s like he’s been doing this all his life.
Despite all the things we discussed about making a baby together—I haven’t yet taken the time to imagine what that would actually look like.
Now it’s staring me in the face and its…beautiful. He’s huge but there’s nothing awkward or uncomfortable about the way he holds Celeste. And she seems as fascinated with him as she was with the lights of my monitors, one tiny fist waving beneath his chin.
“You already looking to learn how to fight?” he asks her playfully, bouncing her slightly. The baby gurgles and we sit there for a while, him talking in a low, gentle voice and me just…watching. Taking it all in. This could be my life. Our life.
And for the first time, I don’t just want it—I need it. It’s a physical yearning so strong, I feel it in my bones. Jesus. I can’t even describe what I’m feeling right now, and it’s intense enough to make me vulnerable.
So, I turn back to my computers.
Because that’s safer.
“You, uh, want to take her for a walk?” I ask, without looking at him.
“Sure.” He hesitates for a beat. “I’ll be back in a few.”
I don’t dare turn around, focusing instead on the monitors in front of me.
I’m completely disoriented and I don’t know why exactly. Well, I know I’ve had a crush on Rage almost since the first time I laid eyes on him. I also know how good he is in bed. How kind and gentle he is. That he likes me too.
But what I’m suddenly feeling is scary. No, it’s terrifying. This has the potential to become something real. Something permanent. Hell, I could already be pregnant. Probably not, but it’s possible. And that would change everything.
Except…it’s too soon.
We still barely know each other.
I still haven’t told him a lot about the past. He says he doesn’t care but they’re important details.
Who I used to be. The things I did. The potential danger I’m in.
Daniil protects me in the most general sense but nothing is guaranteed.
The people I threatened to expose are dangerous.
Powerful. In many ways, more powerful than Daniil.
If they ever find me… my mind goes back to the strange knocking on my door.
My hacked credit card and bank account—I’m still dealing with all that.
I found where the money went but the people responsible are buried so deep even I can’t find them yet.
That’s what I should be thinking about right now, not Rage.
Not babymaking.
Certainly not falling in love.
Impulsively, I get up and walk over to Daniil’s office. He’s just gotten back from his preschool run and he smiles at me. “Hey. What’s up?”
“Can we talk?”
“Sure.”
I close the door and sit down.
“What’s on your mind?”
“A bunch of shit,” I admit.
“Maybe pick one?” he suggests, sinking down in the chair next to mine instead of the one behind his desk.
“Rage and I are…” My voice trails because I’m not sure how to explain it.
“Dating. I know.”
“Yes, but we’re also…” Why is it so hard to say what’s on my mind?
Daniil just waits, though, his head slightly cocked.
“Trying to get pregnant!” I blurt. “Because I’m thirty-five and have PMOS.”
He doesn’t seem surprised. Probably because Courtney would have told him. Duh. I’m an idiot.
“You haven’t told him about your past,” he says, like it’s fact and not a question.
“Not everything. How much does he know just because of what we share as owners of the company?”
“He knows you filed bankruptcy. Got arrested because of your hacking past. That your deal with the FBI means you’re not supposed to be working in computers or cyber anything but that I handled that part of it.”
“He doesn’t know the specifics about the deal we have with WITSEC.”
“Not unless you told him.”
“No. Not yet. I just…fuck, this is hard. It’s still new! I wanted to wait a while.”
“Then wait.”
I give him a grim look. “So he can potentially find out on his own and then feel like our whole relationship has been a lie?”
“Then tell him.”
I glare at him in exasperation. “You’re not helping!”
“What do you want from me?” he asks gently. “That’s not sarcasm. How can I help? Would you like me to tell him?”
“What?” I gape at him. “No! God, that would be awful.”
“Then what? Permission?”
I sigh. “Maybe? Not permission so much as…advice. Am I doing the right thing?”
“Hon, only you can know the answer to that. You’re the only one who knows how you feel. How he feels.”
“That’s just it—I have no idea how he feels. It’s new. I mean, he likes me. Obviously, we wouldn’t be trying for a baby if he didn’t. But we’re still in the honeymoon phase.”
“Then why are you here second-guessing everything instead of just enjoying it?”
“Because I don’t want to enjoy it so much and then be devastated when it blows up in my face.”
“Rage isn’t stupid. He understands you have a complicated past. That’s not going to scare him away.”
“What about all the other stuff…like my bank account getting hacked. The weird knocking on the door in the middle of the night. What if someone…found me?”
“Your new security system is being installed as we speak, and your money should be back in your account any day now. It’s all handled.”
“I know. They’re sending me a new debit card, and I have a whole new account number but it just makes me nervous. The weird knocking, my bank account, and my Amex—all hit around the same time. What does that mean?”
He’s quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t know exactly. I’d like to think it’s bad luck, and the knocking may not be anything other than kids being kids. What does this supposed person get out of knocking on your door in the middle of the night?”
“They get to scare me.”
He nods. “You want me to handle it? I can surreptitiously put cameras all over your building. No one else will know. I can put a GPS tracker on your car. You can carry one in your purse, if it makes you feel better. What do you need, Luna?”
I’m suddenly beginning to feel ridiculous.
Once presented with the proof of hacking, and Daniil’s involvement since he banks there as well, the bank bent over backwards to help me.
My new American Express card came in the mail on Saturday.
There was no weird knocking all weekend.
I have my money back and even Daniil agreed the flowers were probably from Roger when I told him about it earlier.
I’m probably overthinking everything.
“I’m sorry,” I say finally. “Maybe it’s just a bit of PTSD related to everything that happened when I got arrested. I felt like the walls were closing in then, and I guess I felt a little of that again now.”
“You’re fine. Your concern is completely understandable, and I’m always here to listen.
It was a foreign entity of scammers—that’s why you couldn’t find them—who lucked onto your information.
Now you’ve changed everything. Your money is safe.
Stop looking for trouble where there isn’t any.
Try to enjoy life, would you? You have a lot to look forward to. ”
I smile.
Because I do.
I have to stop living in the past.
And the next time Rage and I have some quiet time together, I’m going to tell him everything.